-1Have you ever heard of things that go bump in the night? Well, I have. In fact, I live with one of those things…his name is Riku.

Now this Riku that I mention is an interesting character. Not only does he go "bump" in the night, he watches animated "movies" on the internet…not to mention, he just feels so obliged to tell me every single minor detail of them! My name is Sora Masaki, and unfortunately, I'm in love with a lecherous, perverse, douche bag that has probably committed multiple counts of adultery and sodomy (aside from with me, of course)!

Now, Riku sounds like a bad guy, but trust me, he is the sweetest thing since candy. Well, with me at least. He likes to act like he is all tough and stuff, but really, he's a softy. Like last night, when we were…oops, too much information. I'm glad I dodged the bullet on that one. So, back to Riku.

As I mentioned before, he's an interesting character. Sure, he does the typical guy stuff like read porno in class, on the job, at the gym and in our bedroom, play videogames, watch HBO, watch his animated adult movies and, like every other mature college guy, make fart jokes. But he also does some pretty interesting things not typically seen in guys like drawing bluebirds sitting on sakura trees partially in bloom or, sometimes, dressing up in women's lingerie on a routine basis.

No, I'm just joking…except about the fart jokes. Riku isn't that crass…oh, I almost forgot…Riku also does those pictures too. In fact, he is an artist. He loves nothing more than to draw. He draws lots of pictures of nature and sometimes, he draws pictures of me too. I think his love of art is why he gets along with Demyx so well. And Axel. And Leon. And OMG is he cheating on me? Oh, man, I think I am going to hyperventilate. He can't be seeing all those other guys. If he is, I'm gonna kill him. And then, I'm gonna kill them too…

But anyway, I digress…I remember one year where Riku made Halloween very…different. Actually, it was about one month ago, but that's alright. He posted this message up on one of those xanga or myspace bloggy sites about how there was going to be a huge bash and everyone was going to get drunk and stupid…I remember reading that, thinking that it sounded like fun, but then I read on. It was going to be at my house. He gave out my address and everything! What if some sort of psychopathic rapist killer guy came to my house and tried to invade my gludius maximus? Anyway, back to the party. Conveniently enough, my parents had trusted me with the house that weekend. And the theme to the party was…

Playboy Playmates. And guess who was this month's Bunny? You guessed it, yours truly. I couldn't believe that Riku would pull a stunt like that, but then I heard that it really wasn't his idea at all. Axel had made him do it, and Riku could never say no to Axel. Then I heard from Demyx that Axel had set this up because he had this thing for me. Thing? Thing?! I was panicking. How was I supposed to deal with the party goers that were going to invade my house and Axel?! And why wasn't Riku keeping his perverted friend away from me? I sighed heavily before picking up my car keys and heading out the door. I had to go to the nearest porn shop to pick up my costume for the party. If I didn't do it, Riku was going to.

But it was too late. Riku was waiting for me at my car. He handed me a bag and told me that he wanted me to try it on to "see if he needed to take it back". And…"he'd be the judge on that one". I sighed in defeat and took the bag. I figured that I should get used to it, seeing as we'd be going off to college soon anyway (two weeks and six and three-quarters of a day, to be exact).

So, I turned on my heel and stalked somewhat angrily back into the house. I didn't really want to keep on following Riku blindly for the rest of my life, but it seemed like that was gonna be the case. And then a thought struck me…Would Axel treat me any better? Would he let me make my own decisions? And then I shook my head and berated myself for even thinking that at all. I am not very faithful to Riku in my mind you see. Ever since I heard that Axel liked me, I started having these fantasies, and they are all of a decidedly NC-17 content rating.

This one time…at band camp…Just kidding. But really, I can account for many, many times where, subconsciously of course, my hand goes creeping downward, undoing my button and fly while I was thinking about Axel undressing himself for me…there's another word for that…skirmish…no…strip! Strip tease! Oh…and then crawling in bed with me and doing the nasty. But of course…I could never, ever tell Riku these dirty thoughts about Axel that I still have…even when I'm laying next to him in bed.

But then, this one time, I was sitting on Riku's bed…this was about a week and a half ago…and Riku abruptly asked me what was the raunchiest thing that I had thought about in the last month, and automatically my mind went back to Axel's strip tease. Some naughty part of my mind desperately wanted to tell Riku and see what he thought, but then the slightly devious and more cunning part of me asked the question, "You first."

Riku was shocked that I had turned the question back on him, but he made to answer all the same. His face flushed and he looked like he was gonna choke, but then he finally got it out. "Hayner. Yeah. You sure you want to hear this?"

"What about Hayner?" I asked, almost irately.

"Well, you see, it started off with us meeting up at Olette's grave. There was a milky light cast over everything and man, did his eyes light up…in my fantasy of course. Anyway, it all started with a peck on the cheek and a confession, from him, of, 'I love you more than anything Riku'. I could almost really feel his warm breath down my neck as he said this. Then, he kissed my cheek. I kissed him back and we ended up totally making out on Olette's tombstone. I slipped my hand up his shirt and somehow, we ended up buck-ass naked. I could almost, but not really because it was just a fantasy, remember the way his hard-on felt against mine. I then randomly pulled out lubricant and lubed him up a bit and had my way with him…under the milky moonlight on top of Olette's grave. I can almost, but not really because it's just a fantasy, that's all, remember him screaming out for more."

That would explain why he wasn't home until three a few nights prior. …Maybe he was lying to me!? Or, no…wait. Heh, that was the night that he had that art gallery opening at school and Axel, Demyx and he had gone to it, then went out for a drink afterwards. Plus, didn't Hayner live in Osaka now? Plus…Olette isn't even dead… Anyways, back to my pleasant diatribe about the fantasies. Now, since Riku had told me his, I had to tell him mine…but I really didn't want to anymore. So, being coy for once, I got off his bed and said, "If you really want to hear what I fantasize about, you have to prove how much you care about me."

Riku looked puzzled and replied, "How the hell am I supposed to do that?"

I laughed and responded, "You have to meet my father."

Riku still looked puzzled, and it seemed he didn't realize where this reference came from. I sighed overdramatically and supplied, "Utada Hikaru…Simple and Clean?" Because Riku still had a blank look on his face, I once again sighed overdramatically. He was helpless. Just as I was about to call his a stupid douche bag, Axel strolled into the room and sat down eerily close to me. And then, the most eerie of all, was that Riku abruptly got up and said he had to go do something. Leaving me all alone with Axel.

Now of course, my body tensed up when Axel slid closer to me. He proceeded to snake his arm around my waist. Naturally, every muscle, and I mean every muscle in my body tightened. Yes. Even that one. I glanced over at him, finding that he appeared to be ogling the wall in a nonchalant manner. Yes. I said ogling the wall nonchalantly. I saw, however, the right side of his lip twitch. His darted toward me and man on man…I still remember that flamboyant look plastered on his face as his free hand made a move for…yes…that one tight muscle.

And I screamed. I screamed bloody murder and Riku ran in and picked up Axel by the front of his shirt. He didn't need to ask what the boy had done, he had seen everything. And, by the look in Riku's face, he was pissed. "I thought you said you were just going to talk to him about some stuff, not manhandle my goodies! Sora is my bitch, mine!! You have ten seconds to get your perverted ass out of here before I kick it so hard your great grandchildren will feel it. If I ever see you around Sora again, you won't be having those great grandchildren I was talking about."

I was shocked that Riku would stick up for me, but I was wondering what Axel had wanted to "talk" to me about anyways…Was there anything? Or, did he just make that up so that he could have some alone time with me? I didn't even see what was so great about me that Axel would turn from the small, yet cute, Roxas and focus his attention to me anyways. I mean, yeah I'm lean and sorta effeminate, but does that make me so much better than Roxas? I didn't think so, but perhaps Axel did.

"Wait. Axel. Don't leave," I murmured, grabbing onto his shirt. "Riku, your hormones get the better of you too sometimes," I remarked. "I just overreacted. That's all." Riku gave me the most obscure look and sighed, letting Axel down. And then, even though I had said I didn't want him to leave, and made it sound like I cared about Axel, I really didn't, so I pulled back my fist and punched Axel in the face.

With a smug look I exclaimed, "How dare a punk ass bitch like you try to grab on to my joy stick! I belong to Riku, and because he was sweet enough to defend my honor--like I'm a chick or something-- I am not gonna dump his butt like I had been planning to. Yes, Riku, I was planning on dumping you because you had been staying out late "with the guys" and then that thing with Hayner…yeah, I called you on it. I know you have been sneaking around behind my back, sleeping with Hayner, and Demyx, and even Red here…Well, I'm sick of it…or was…but whatever. I'm gonna give you another chance."

At my words, Riku's pissed look came back full force and he glared something evil at me. He was shocked that I would say such things, mostly because they were complete and utter lies. He really wondered how the hell I came up with those conclusions. Now, you might be wondering how I know what he was thinking, weelll, we talked about it right before I started writing this and so I know. But, you keep making me digress. I really want to talk about my Riku. No, not about the fantasies or the Halloween crap, or anything else, just about my Riku and how much I love him so.

Fin…or is it?