So hello, I'm back with a quick one shot.
The parts with Ellie might not be accurate because I've not watched NCIS since 11x05. Not because I don't think it's still a great show, but because I wanted to watch the UK premiere with my family. I really wanted to do more with her because she's an amazing character but I worked with what I had.
There will hopefully be a 'Dear Diary' update soon. *crosses fingers*
Do you think it would be alright if I posted a Tiva story kidfic type thing? Because I have this good idea that I don't want to let go of just because she's not in the show. What do you think?
Thanks: Amy.
Inspiration: Amy.
Note: Go check out Amy.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
~Rebecca
And finally I'm forced to face the truth,
No matter what I say I'm not over you.
Gavin DeGraw, 'Not Over You'
It's seven minutes to three when he receives the call.
He and Ellie are over at McGee's desk, talking about some computer issues when his desk phone starts to ring; its shrillness breaking through their calm words. Tony dashes over to pick it up, eager to get this phone call over with so he can return to the calm lull he was engaging in before.
"Hello? Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo speaking," he says into the receiver.
It's thirty-seven seconds into the phone call that Tony drops the receiver into his lap, his eyes focusing on Ellie's desk, but not really seeing it. Not really seeing anything that comes across his field of vision. McGee comes and picks up the receiver and speaks into it; his words not reaching Tony's ears clearly.
McGee hangs up and practically falls into Tony's desk. When he says, "I can't believe this," he sounds like a lost little boy.
"Neither can I."
"What's going on?" Ellie asks but neither has the heart to tell her. She would understand but she wouldn't know. She wouldn't feel what they are.
Because - for the third and final time in her life – Ziva David is dead.
Gibbs still isn't back from his meeting with the director so Tony and McGee have a little time to think of what they're going to say.
"Maybe she's not dead," Tony whispers. "Maybe it's a mistake."
"Tony, this isn't like last time! Last time we had no evidence, we had no real proof that she was dead. It was a logical conclusion to come to because we had no evidence. This time isn't the last. Luck doesn't hold out a second time," McGee snaps, but they both know he isn't angry at Tony.
Tony knows he's right. This should be completely different from last time but yet there are striking similarities. Both times Ziva decided to walk away and both times he got on a plane, leaving her standing on the tarmac. And both times he left her (or did she leave him?) in Israel.
He gets up and punches his desk. Hard. "Dammit!" He shouts. "Dammit! She walked away so this wouldn't happen. She walked away because she was tired of getting hurt. And look where it got her? Nowhere. Absolutely nowhere."
Nobody argues with him. He has a point. "Dammit," Tony says softly, his voice merely a whisper. He opens his desk drawer and brings out her Star of David, shimmering gold and hopeful in spite of all of this. He bows his head, trying not to let the other see his tears.
Nobody hears him when he whispers, "Why did it have to be her?"
Director Orli Elbaz offers to fly them out to Israel to see the body. Tony immediately refuses. He can't see her all broken and lifeless. Not again. Because it almost broke him the last time and he's not sure he can take it again. In fact, he knows he can't.
It's later on, however, when he's at his apartment, trying to drink away the pain, when he changes his mind. He has to go. He can't miss out on this last opportunity to see her. Even though he knows he might regret it, he calls Orli and tells her to book him on the first flight she can get him on the next day. There's no rush, Ziva isn't going anywhere.
When he's in bed that night, the thinks of all the things he thought in those first few days without her. How it would have been so much easier if she was dead because that way he could get over her. It was so much harder knowing that she was alive and that he couldn't be near her. But he was drunk. Stupidly, blindly and insanely drunk. And he wants to scream and cry at the universe for listening to him when he was that drunk. Drunken Tony never thinks good things.
He hadn't seen her in over a year, but he couldn't give a damn about that. The loneliness and the feeling of missing her is just intensified because he knows he will never, ever see her again and that thought alone makes him want to cry.
So he does, because there is nothing left to lose anymore.
On the flight to Israel, Tony feels slightly angry that nobody else decided to come with him. This will be their last chance to see her, but in a way, he can understand. The others want to remember her as she was. They don't want to remember her as the pale, lifeless corpse like the kind they see all too often on Ducky's table.
When he steps off the plane, he is greeted by two stony-faced Mossad officers who point to a car and motion for him to get in. It is so similar to the last time he got off a plane in Israel that it makes him want to cry. He had been hopeful then, confident that they would find her.
At the door of Mossad HQ, he is patted down then made to walk through a metal detector; just in case he was hiding a bomb or something where the freakishly long fingers of the security guard couldn't reach. Of course he comes up clean and is then greeted by a solemn Orli who motions with her normal-sized fingers for him to walk with her. As they walk through multiple rows of desks, he sees everyone watching him. One person even nods to him. They know who he is and they know why he is here. There's no such thing as ex-Mossad. And although that may not be as touching as Gibbs' 'there's no such thing as an ex-marine' and although it may have something to do with a contract that's probably written in blood, she was still one of them. And their silent looks tell him that they will find who did this.
It's her. It's definitely her.
The best prosthetic designer for the most gruesome crime show in the world could not have made up who he's seeing on the autopsy table. There's the small scar on Ziva's ear and the even smaller one on her chin. There is a necklace on her neck, a small, silver heart for a pendant. Her face is undamaged, whole. She was killed in a bomb blast, Orli tells him, and most of the shrapnel damage was on the torso. He's welcome to uncover the sheet a bit more and look but he doesn't want to.
Her voice in her head is all too real when she warns him that he better not.
Orli asks the M.E. to leave and Tony kneels down so he's at eye-level with the table. He runs his hand through her hair and notices only how cold it is. "Why, Ziva. Why?" He whispers, voice cracking a little. Then all of a sudden he can't take it anymore and he falls into Orli, bursting into tears.
Mossad has no idea what to do with a crying, grown-up man so they deposit him on a bench outside the Autopsy room where he sits for a while. He cries some more and half expects Gibbs to materialise out of nowhere to come and get him. People come and go and give him strange looks: of course, this is Mossad. None of them are allowed to have feelings or emotions and they certainly don't give a shit about the man sitting sobbing at the loss of someone who he hasn't seen in a year.
In the end, it's not Gibbs who comes to get him.
He's been sitting on the bench for a while when he hears footsteps approaching the Autopsy room. He hears a strongly accented voice ask, "Who is that, Officer Cohen?"
The voice that replies is stiff with formality and respect. "That is Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, ma'am. He is here by invitation of the Director."
"He is the man that was here last summer, looking for Ziva, yes?" The mysterious voice asks again.
"Yes, ma'am."
"Right, well, I suppose we should get this over with then. Stalling will not make this any easier." The person who matches this voice takes a deep breath and two sets of footsteps disappear into Autopsy.
He's still sitting there when they come out around fifteen minutes later. His eyes feel all sore and swollen and this time he looks at the elderly woman who approaches him. She looks a lot like Ziva, only her eyes are pebble grey instead of chocolate brown. "Anthony DiNozzo, yes?" She asks.
He nods.
"Natalie David. Although you may know me as Nettie, Ziva's aunt?" He now understands why the man was talking to her with such respect. He immediately straightens up and squares his shoulders.
He clears his throat. "Yes."
"Well then, you are to be staying with me. You did so much for my Ziva and you are in no condition to be driving to a hotel. This is the least I can do to repay you."
"No, ma'am. It's alright. Thank you for the offer but I don't think I would be good company."
Ziva's aunt does not look the slightest bit offended, nor does she look ready to give up. "Did I say that you would be?" She raises one eyebrow. "And please do not start with that 'ma'am' nonsense. I know so much about you, Anthony that I feel like we are practically family." Nettie smiles and it reminds him so much of Ziva's.
He smiles back. "Fine, but don't call me Anthony then. There's only one person who calls me that. Call me Tony."
"Alright then, Tony. Shall we go?"
And just like that, a friendship is born.
He stays with Ziva's Aunt Nettie for a week.
It's fairly enjoyable, considering the circumstances. Of course he breaks down and cries a few times but warm hands and a soft voice comfort him and stop him from doing something stupid. He learns a lot about the young Ziva, about who she could have been. Nettie brings out a whole load of photo albums to share with him. He spots a familiar picture, a shot with a young Ziva and her two siblings.
Nettie takes the photo and rubs her thumb over her nieces and nephew's face. "Such happy children. They could have been whatever they wanted to be. They should still be here. Their father's world destroyed them all."
"Not all. It broke her but it didn't destroy her. She was strong. She was strong and she walked away," Tony says, sniffing away the tears as he looks down at her young, round face.
The funeral takes place at the end of that week, in the graveyard where her family is buried. The team, including Vance and Ellie fly out to be there. The coffin is built by Gibbs, the name 'Ziva David' inscribed in Hebrew characters on the lid.
It's beautiful. It's warm but not overly and the Rabbi's words are soft and comforting. The coffin is gently lowered into the ground. Tony gently places the picture of Ziva with Ari and Tali on it and says, "At Lo Levad," quietly but everyone can hear him. They all know what it means, even Ellie who was filled in on the story on the flight over.
They silently walk back to the cars that await to take them back to Nettie's house for a small gathering. Tony takes the Star of David necklace out of his pocket and grasps it tight in his palm, the six little points cutting into his hand. And he swears that he can hear Ziva's voice in his ear saying, "You are not alone either, Tony."
He smiles and catches up with his family.