(Optimus216's AWESOME Pokeymans Adventure)
By: KevROB948
Original Story created by: Optimus216, Stungun44, Wildstar25 (Tsume), AZGamer, RougeFalcon122, KevROB948, and Hyper Beam
Rated: M for Metapod
(Chapter 0)
Enter Main Character!
Our hero was sitting in the back seat of his mother's car, doing what he does every day. He was playing Kirby SuperStar Ultra on his Nintendo DS instead of playing a real game like one about shoving furry creatures into balls. "Now Shane, remember to act important when we get to our new home in Marryrand."
said our hero's very Japanese mother. "Don't worry, I won't." Shane responded while dealing the final blow to Fatty Whale.
Marryrand
Engrish + Misspellings = The best state ever!
As our hero and his mom rode into town, Shane noticed his new house was a tad...small. He got out of the car only to get nearly run over by his mother, who just so happened to be a drunk driver. "Oh boy!" shouted Shane, "It's as hot as MOLTRES out here!" He proceeded to make an anime fist. "Now now, Shane." said his mother unpacking some bags. "I know you're anxious to see your new home." But before she knew it, Shane was already inside.
"What...the...fuck?" was Shane's reaction. He was surprised that the house was completely empty. No table, no fridge, not even a goddamn chair. All there was, was a cardboard box, a candle with no matches and a boom box that only plays one song. (Which was Malo Mart from Zelda Twilight Princess) "What's going on? Where's our stuff?" Shane said overreacting to the situation. Just then Shane's mother came in. "Mom! Mom!" Shane said tugging on his mother's shirt. "Where'd everything go? It's like a SNEASEL came and took everything!" "...Shane, they haven't started unroading our furniture yet." His mom said not wanting to sound rude...which was very hard in case you wanted to know. IN CASE of course. "OOOHHH!" Shane said finally getting it. "I see. The MACHOKES haven't unpacked our stuff yet!" "Yes, the evorutions of MACHOP haven't done that yet. Now go outside and play in the dangerous, tall grass filled with wild Pokemon that probably want to rip you apart rimb from rimb. Meanwhile I'm going to stay inside and drink." "Okay mom!" said Shane willingly. "Oh, but before you do that, why don't you go visit our neighbors?" He ran out the door holding his Pokeballs, almost got run over by another passing car, and went into the tall grass. "Thank fucking god!" said his mother as she took a swig. "That rittle pain in my ass is finarry gone!"
Shane walked to the house next door, and busted the door down. "Our door was unlocked you know." said a woman wearing a Gardevior costume. Shane ran upstairs, and glomped a guy on his computer. He was playing STARMIEcraft 2. "Get off of me you bastard." Shane proceeded to do so. "Hi! I'm new here, what's your name?" The guy turned off his computer, and turned towards Shane. "You're my rival now." "Wait, what?" But then he suddenly disappeared like an ABRA. Shane shrugged his shoulders, and went iinto the tall grass so no one could see him playing with his balls.
As Shane played with his Pokeballs, a wild Pokemon began sneaking up to him. It was a Pidgeotto! It was as angry as GYARADOS! "OH NOES!" said Shane, "It's a Pidgeotto! What will I do now?" The Pidgeotto began growling at him. What will our hero do now? Find out next time on the next episode of Optimus216's Pokeyman's Adventure, the best Pokemon fanfic ever! (he lied).
Anyway, before the Pidgeotto could suck out Shane's brains and feed it to it's babies, a Growlithe came out of nowhere. The bird saw the Growlithe and it proceeded to flee. But before it could get far, Growlithe used Flamethrower and roasted Pidgeotto. I guess you could say Pidgeotto's now fried chicken!
MmMmMmMMmMmMmMmMmmMmMmM!
"Hello there mah boi, I hope I didn't scare you." said a small man in a white coat. "I see you've met my trusty Pokemon, Arcanine." "ROWTH! (I'm a Growlithe you fucking idiot!)" "My name is Tree Hugger, but you can call me Professor SoulTrain. Since you're a kid, you are obviously into Pokemon." "Well..." But before Shane could finish, Professor SoulTrain grabbed his hand. "Here, let's go to my place. You can check out my Weedle and Voltorb collection." "...I need an-" "I AM AN ADULT!"
"Wow, your Voltorbs are SOOOOO big, Professor Soultrain." Shane said rubbing the undersides some more. "Indeedy deedy deedy deedy doo!" They were in a room similar to Shane's house, except this room had a bed, a computer, and a white video game console for piece of shit casual gamers. The Professor then layed 3 Voltorbs on his bed. "Now then, it's time to choose which Pokeymon will be your starter." "Wait, what?" Shane said picking up a Voltorb.
"Look, everyone 10+ is forced to become a Pokeymans trainer, even if they are crippled, dying, or retarded. It's the law." "But what if you don't li-" "EVERYONE MUST LOVE POKEMON!" shouted the professor. "But-" "EVERYONE!" Holding onto a Voltorb, Shane put it down next to the others, and then they began clawing at each other somehow.. "Fine, I'll choose one."
He looked over at the first Voltorb. Shane made an anime fist, and pointed at it dramatically. "I CHOOSE THIS ONE!" The Pokemon inside the Voltorb was (Name withheld). "Ah, goody goody good good choice there. Now, go out there, and collect Pokeymon for me, while I smoke a joint." "OKAY THEN!" Shane said giving Professor Soultrain a high-five. He ran outside, and ran in some arbitrary direction.
5 Minutes Later
"Professor Soultrain!" shouted Shane running back into the lab. "What do you want?" said the professor finishing a cigarette. "The Pokemon you gave me, it was stolen by some guy in black clothes. The guy had a big 'R' on his shirt." "Well, tough shit." "Wait, WHAT?" Shane said surprised. "Don't worry kid, just choose a new one." Shane looked over to Professor Soultrain's bed again. This time he chose the second Voltorb. His finger was as glorious as Nick's. The Pokemon inside was (Name withheld). "Anyway," the professor said looking at a sheet of paper. "Now, go out there, and collect Pokeymon for me, while I smoke a joint." "I'LL DO MY BEST!" Shane said making another anime fist. "COME ON, (Name withheld)!"
...5 Minutes Later
"PROFESSOR SOULTRAIN!" shouted Shane running back into the lab again. "What do you want this time?" said Professor Soultrain finishing another cigarette. "The Pokemon you gave me,. it was also stolen! By the same guy too!" There was an awkward silence. "...Fine, go ahead and take the last one." "OKAY!" The Pokemon inside was (Name withheld). This time hs finger was as glorious as Layton's. "Don't worry Professor Soultrain!" shouted Shane running out of the lab. "I won't let you down!" Then Shane was almost run over by a car again.
...
"PROFESSOR!" shouted Shane running like always. "What the hell do you want now?" said Professor Soultrain tossing another cigarette. "I'm sorry, but my Pokemon got stolen again!" The professor facepalmed. "Uh...is there any chance that you have a fourth one to give me?" Shane said trying to act all innocent.
"NO! FUCK YOU!" lashed the professor. "I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS BREEDING WITH DITTOS TO GET THOSE DAMN POKEMON AND WHAT HAPPENS? SOME SOME SNOT-NOSED LITTLE SHITHEAD COMES AND LOSES THEM. I MEAN WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? YOU'RE AS USELESS AS A FUCKING magikarp." He then handed Shane a Master Ball. "Go catch one yourself. And don't show your damn face to me again until you have one wth you." Then he kicked Shane out of his laboratory as hard as METAPOD.
Shane looked through the tall grass for 14 days and 14 nights...actually only for 4 minutes till giving up. "HAY THER GUY!" said some random NPC. "WAN T MEH 2 SHO U HOW 2 CATCH A POKEYMAN?" "Uh..." responded Shane backing up. "HER ILL SOW U!" He ran around in circles in the tall grass, until he encountered a Pokemon.
Wild Rattata appeared!
"Okay, now you're going to wanna get them when they're either weakened or sleeping."
The NPC threw a rock at the Rattata.
"And now that it's weakened, it's time to throw my Po-"
But before he could finish, the Rattata tackled the NPC. Then it began eating him, and soon it and all of it's little Ratatatat friends joined in on the feast. Shane however was still looking through the grass, when he finally spotted a Pokemon. "I think I found one!" Shane said talking to himself.
It was a monkey playing a bass. Shane threw his Master Ball, and the monkey playing the bass was sucked inside. "YES! I CAUGHT MY FIRST POKEMON!" Shane said spinning around like a PSYDUCK. But then the monkey with the bass broke free. "HUH?" Shane said. "Hey! Get back in your ball!" But the monkey with the bass just continued playing. "Fine then, but you're mine now anyway." Shane picked up the monkey with a bass, and put him on his shoulder. "I'm gonna call you, Pedro." said Shane. Then the monkey swung its bass at Shane's head.
"PROFESSOR SOULTRAIN!" shouted Shane running into the room. "Aw fucking hell." said the professor quietly to himself. "What do you want now?" said Professor Soultrain lighting a cigerette. "Look! I got my first Pokemon!" Shane said pointing to the monkey playing its bass. "...What kind of Pokemon is that?" responded Professor Soultrain. "Oh, it's a monkey with a bass." "...That's it?" "Yeah, it's a monkey with a bass." There was another awkward silence.
"Well, I guess this means you and me are gonna be partners." Shane said getting ready for his adventure. He ran blindly into the forest, but then decided to run home. "Wait, I should go tell my mom about this." he said.
(Jumpcut)
"MOM! I'M HOME!" yelled Shane. His mother didn't answer. He went upstairs and saw his mother on her bed, with tons of beer bottles scattered all around her. "She must be asleep!" said Shane. "Oh well, I guess I'll have to tell her later. Anyway, time to set off on my adventure!"
And so young Shane Ketchup set off on his adventure to become...a Pokeymans master? What obstacles await our hero? Who was the guy playing Starcraft all day? Who was the cosplayer? And who was the douchebag that kept stealing Pokemon?
Find out next time on: Optimus216's AWESOME Pokeymans Adventure!
Pokeymans Team of AWESOMENESS:
MexiricanBassMonkey: Level 5 Normal/Ground Moves: Tackle, Sing