Without Her
*********************
It's been five years. Five years since I lost her. The one that should have been here for the rest of my life.
She was on her way to my apartment, where I was going to finally admit my love for her, when her car was pulverized by a drunk driver in an SUV. Just like that, she was gone. The love of my life died on impact, killed by the kind of person that she had been struggling not to be for years.
So I never got to tell her how much I loved her. How much I needed her. Now she'll never know. I don't want to be without her anymore. I can't. It's just-it's just too hard. Last night, I had a dream about her. She was so beautiful.
Tears stream from my eyes as I remember her beautiful face. Her eyes, her nose, her lips. Her soft skin that I only really got to touch a few times. I would do anything to have her back with me. Anything.
Why did I have to be so damn scared of letting go? If I could have one wish, it would be that we were back on the ferry, because then I would have been able to have her, and she never would have been driving that night. She wouldn't have died. Oh, God.
Kneeling by my bed, I pray.
God, please forgive me for all of my sins.
I know that I commit them frequently.
I've been trying to be better about going to church since I lost Sarah.
I hope that pleases you.
God, could I ask you for a favor?
Will you please let me die soon?
I can't be without her anymore.
I'm miserable. Then again, I'm sure you know that.
Please help me, God.
I pray to you now, in your Son Jesus Christ's name,
Amen.
Maybe God will give me a hand here. I hope he does. Laying in my bed, I curl up and fall asleep, hopefully for the last time.
**************************
It's time to wake up. I open my eyes, expecting to see daylight. Instead, fluorescent lights flash in my eyes. When my vision clears, I realize that I'm not laying in bed, not wearing my boxers that I fell asleep in. And she's here. Oh my God, she's here. It's Sarah. She's looking at me strangely. Is that really her? My mouth drops open as I realize where I am. She's wearing that green strapless outfit that she wore on the-
I'm on the ferry. Is this real? I look around. I can feel the cool breeze on my skin, see her beautiful face, and smell her perfume. Tears come to my eyes.
"Harm?" She asks, tentatively. Without hesitating, I take her in my arms and kiss her like I've wanted to ever since I lost her. I've missed her so much. She's kissing me back. I can't believe this. When I finally feel that I can let her go, I do. But not completely. I'm still holding her in my arms, she's surrendered her body against me. Her breathing is heavy, she's leaning on me. Did I do that to her? When she gets her breathing back under control, she lifts her head.
Looking up at me with those shining brown eyes, she smiles. "What was that all about?" I take her face in my hands, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs.
"I don't want to wait for eternity." I whisper. She bites her lower lip a little, she looks like she's trying to hold back a sob.
"Then we won't." She chokes out before falling into my arms and crying quietly.
"I love you, Sarah. I love you so much." I whisper in her ear. She lifts her head to look at me.
"I love you too, Harm." She says softly. I can't help but smile. God, is this the best day of my life or what?
Looking up to the heavens, I silently thank god. He's the one that gave me my life back. Thank you.
*********************
It's been five years. Five years since I lost her. The one that should have been here for the rest of my life.
She was on her way to my apartment, where I was going to finally admit my love for her, when her car was pulverized by a drunk driver in an SUV. Just like that, she was gone. The love of my life died on impact, killed by the kind of person that she had been struggling not to be for years.
So I never got to tell her how much I loved her. How much I needed her. Now she'll never know. I don't want to be without her anymore. I can't. It's just-it's just too hard. Last night, I had a dream about her. She was so beautiful.
Tears stream from my eyes as I remember her beautiful face. Her eyes, her nose, her lips. Her soft skin that I only really got to touch a few times. I would do anything to have her back with me. Anything.
Why did I have to be so damn scared of letting go? If I could have one wish, it would be that we were back on the ferry, because then I would have been able to have her, and she never would have been driving that night. She wouldn't have died. Oh, God.
Kneeling by my bed, I pray.
God, please forgive me for all of my sins.
I know that I commit them frequently.
I've been trying to be better about going to church since I lost Sarah.
I hope that pleases you.
God, could I ask you for a favor?
Will you please let me die soon?
I can't be without her anymore.
I'm miserable. Then again, I'm sure you know that.
Please help me, God.
I pray to you now, in your Son Jesus Christ's name,
Amen.
Maybe God will give me a hand here. I hope he does. Laying in my bed, I curl up and fall asleep, hopefully for the last time.
**************************
It's time to wake up. I open my eyes, expecting to see daylight. Instead, fluorescent lights flash in my eyes. When my vision clears, I realize that I'm not laying in bed, not wearing my boxers that I fell asleep in. And she's here. Oh my God, she's here. It's Sarah. She's looking at me strangely. Is that really her? My mouth drops open as I realize where I am. She's wearing that green strapless outfit that she wore on the-
I'm on the ferry. Is this real? I look around. I can feel the cool breeze on my skin, see her beautiful face, and smell her perfume. Tears come to my eyes.
"Harm?" She asks, tentatively. Without hesitating, I take her in my arms and kiss her like I've wanted to ever since I lost her. I've missed her so much. She's kissing me back. I can't believe this. When I finally feel that I can let her go, I do. But not completely. I'm still holding her in my arms, she's surrendered her body against me. Her breathing is heavy, she's leaning on me. Did I do that to her? When she gets her breathing back under control, she lifts her head.
Looking up at me with those shining brown eyes, she smiles. "What was that all about?" I take her face in my hands, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs.
"I don't want to wait for eternity." I whisper. She bites her lower lip a little, she looks like she's trying to hold back a sob.
"Then we won't." She chokes out before falling into my arms and crying quietly.
"I love you, Sarah. I love you so much." I whisper in her ear. She lifts her head to look at me.
"I love you too, Harm." She says softly. I can't help but smile. God, is this the best day of my life or what?
Looking up to the heavens, I silently thank god. He's the one that gave me my life back. Thank you.