I know. Another new story, but I promise to work on my others! I own nothing. This is AU to the amazing episode Blinded. Poor El doesn't get his sight back for QUITE a while. Mwahaha. Anyway, I meant to post on Thanksgiving, but I didn't. And yesterday was Black Friday. That day scares the crap out of me.
Olivia Benson froze in horror as she watched her partner's head strike the window. An ear-splitting shatter filled the air. She screamed his name, crumbling inside when her cry was left unanswered.
She ran toward him, yelling for help. She fell to her knees by his side and cradled his head in her arms, hearing him murmur something she couldn't hear. Tears gathered in her eyes as she held him against her chest.
"Shh," she whispered. "It's okay. You're okay." But he wasn't. He was losing consciousness right in her arms, he was hurt, and she didn't stop it from happening.
It seemed like he was made to be in her arms, but it wasn't supposed to be this way. They fit together like matching puzzle pieces.
Her vision blurred from her tears as the sound of sirens reached her ears, and he was loaded into an ambulance. She clung to his hand like a lifeline, not wanting to let go.
"Don't leave me, El," she whispered. "You have to stay with me, baby. I need you." It seemed like a cold eternity until they reached the emergency room. She was told to wait, and she did so reluctantly. She let out a shaky sigh.
Kathy. Somebody had to call her. Olivia pulled out her cell phone, trembling in fear and guilt as she called her partner's wife.
His wife. She couldn't help but envy the woman. Kathy had Elliot, and she didn't. She was just his partner, his best friend. Not the woman he loved. Not the woman he had given four, soon to be five, beautiful children.
When she later stood by his bedside, longing to hold his hand as Kathy did, she felt like crying, unable to stop the guilt crashing upon her. She knew she hadn't done anything wrong, and that she couldn't have prevented the ordeal, but guilt tied itself around her heart, choking it.
She looked away and stared at the blank white wall in front of her. She quickly turned around when she heard Elliot stir.
"He's awake," Kathy announced. Olivia stepped closer to the bed, watching in silence as Elliot's eyelids flickered, and his cerulean blue irises appeared.
"Hey, El, welcome back," she greeted.
Elliot furrowed his brow. Welcome back? He couldn't see a thing. His vision was enclosed by a deep black field of darkness.
He felt Kathy's nails dig into his hand, and he could sense Olivia's presence. "Where are you?" he asked hoarsely. Kathy and Olivia exchanged a glance, worry stricken on their faces.
"What do you mean? I'm right next to you," Olivia said. Elliot clutched Kathy's hand tightly.
"I can't see," he whispered. "I can't see anything."
When she stood in the hallway, talking to the doctor, a little voice in her head kept whispering, "Your fault. You're supposed to have his back."
She lost all train of thought as the doctor gravely told her that Elliot's vision would possible never return. She now stood alone in the hallway, peering into the window, seeing her partner in that hospital bed. And she wasn't by his bedside. She saw her reflection in the window, and noticed her red eyes and tearstained cheeks.
Why did this have to happen? Why didn't she do something?
Inside the room, Elliot longed for Olivia to return. He felt so lonely without her. Her absence made everything seem ice cold, and he needed something to soothe him in the endless eclipse around him.
She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, shuddering. She jumped in surprise when the door opened, and Kathy stepped into the hallway.
"Shouldn't you stay with him?" Olivia asked softly. Kathy shook her head slightly and looked away before shifting her gaze to Olivia.
"You go in there," she said. She walked away, leaving Olivia standing there, confused. She hesitated, then slipped into the room, taking a seat next to the bed.
"Hey, El," she said softly. Elliot turned toward her, despite the fact that all he saw was the black emptiness around him.
"Liv," he said.
"Yeah, it's me," she whispered. "You okay?"
"Kathy wants a divorce." Olivia's eyes widened.
"Why?" she gasped. Elliot sighed softly.
"She said the baby isn't mine, and she doesn't want me..." his voice trailed off, and Olivia felt anger boil up inside her.
"She can't do that," she said.
"Liv, you aren't gonna go incapacitate my soon-to-be ex wife."
"Why?" Olivia asked. "El, she can't do that to you."
"Liv, we were planning on a divorce. Kathy and I just can't get along anymore. The only reason I came back to her is because she was pregnant," Elliot insisted.
"How long has it been going on?"
"Several weeks." Olivia felt slightly hurt that he hadn't spoken to her about the matter, but she took a deep breath.
"El, I want you to move in with me," she admitted. "You're gonna need someone to help you out." She bit her lip nervously, awaiting his reaction. He was silent for several seconds, and Olivia worried that she had upset him. It was the last thing she wanted to do to him.
"Are you sure?" he asked. Olivia nodded, then chided herself for forgetting that he couldn't see her.
"I'm sure," she said firmly. Elliot thought for a second.
"I guess," he gave in. Olivia edged her chair closer to the bed and rested her hand over his, a silent gesture designed to comfort him. But what she didn't know was if she was truly trying to comfort him or herself.
"Are you and Kathy going to share custody of the kids?" She knew how much Elliot's children meant to him. Elliot shook his head.
"She wants full custody." His voice cracked. Olivia felt another flash of anger toward Kathy. "But she said they could visit every other weekend."
"El, you can go to court and demand more time with them."
"I doubt I'll be much fun for them," Elliot scoffed. Olivia's heart broke even more.
"Hey," she said. "Don't talk like that. They're your kids. They love you." Elliot was silent, knowing that she was right. But a piece of him feared what his children would think of him now that he was blind.
"I know, Liv, but..."
"They're old enough to understand, El. You just need to talk to them." Olivia stroked her finger across his knuckles affectionately. Olivia took a deep breath. "El, I'm sorry," she breathed.
Elliot furrowed his brow. "What for?"
"I should have stopped this." Olivia closed her eyes, unable to stop feeling guilt wash over her, drowning everything but her love for him.
"Liv, you couldn't have-" he began, but Olivia cut him off.
"Yes, El, I could have. I could have stopped this from happening. I let you get hurt," she insisted, her voice shaky. Unable to keep her tears at bay any longer, she allowed one to trickle down her cheek. She shuddered.
Elliot didn't need his eyesight to know that his partner was crying. Her hand trembled on top of his, and he could hear her shaky breathing.
"Liv, don't cry." He wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed it tightly, hoping that he could comfort not only her, but himself as well.
Olivia let out a shaky breath. "I'm not crying." Elliot nodded slightly.
"I know you, Liv. I know that crying." His voice was soothing and calm. Olivia swallowed hard, trying to contain her tears as she closed her eyes.
"I should have done something," she whispered. "And don't say I couldn't have done anything, because I could have. I should have been right there beside you."
Elliot stroked his fingers down her arm, his touch ever so gentle. "Stop," he commanded softly. "I don't want you doing this to yourself."
Olivia opened her eyes. "Alright," she quavered. But no matter what he said, she couldn't stop blaming herself. Guilt was too hard to erase. She rested her other hand over his. "I'll try to stop."
"Good." Elliot continued to tenderly rub the back of her hand. He knew that she was going to blame herself, and he couldn't change her mind. But the least he could do was try to soothe her, as much as he needed it himself.
D'aww. Poor El and Liv! Review, my little bunnies!