Author's Note: I do not own the characters, and any descriptions of portrayed characters are written in good faith and in the best light. This story started out as an attempt to write something light for The Office but I found it tricky to get it to work well. It translated better within the Smallville universe.
YEAR OF THE HOUSE OF MOUSE.
The Concept.
His booming voice announced his presence long before his youthful-looking Armani-clad form strode into the bullpen. No matter what you were doing or how busy you were, the sound of his voice tended to make you stop whatever it was. Once you heard him, there was little chance of hearing anything else. It was a reflex action that meant phone conversations were suddenly filled with uncomfortable silences, and sentences remained half-typed on the computer. It's fair to say that when the new editor Grant Gabriel was around, everyone knew about it. He was brash, cocky, demanding and totally disinterested in fluff pieces, and he had a nice line in ignoring anything that went against what he stood for. His was a forceful personality that could grate and cajole at the same time because he could irritate you into bettering yourself.
Chloe had read the email circulated around the office requesting everybody in the bullpen to be present for a meeting this afternoon. There was no indication given as to the topic under discussion so she made a mental note and trudged back to the copy room to continue making her copies. She had kept her head down, believing she was on thin ice with the boss for turning down the story about the troubled Warrior Angel movie production starring current media darling and full-time diva Rachel Davenport. He had publicly aired Chloe's patchy résumé when the two had first met, and she was under the distinct impression that he would not overlook all the things his predecessor had let slide. She couldn't explain to him why she preferred to steer clear of the story because Clark and his secret were central to it. Protecting his secret regularly meant putting her professional concerns to one side and she worried that Grant would begin to view her as dispensable. Grant was hands-on and very much a micro-manager and maybe it was this approach that had seen him make huge career strides in a very short space of time. He was only a few years older than her.
It was shortly before Grant walked into the bullpen that Clark and Lana had arrived after lunch to chat briefly with Chloe before they headed back to the farm. They had decided to make another go of their relationship, which was why they were in town enjoying a nice leisurely lunch in the park. Chloe knew they were not trying to flaunt their rekindled status in front of her, but she still couldn't help the pang of jealousy and feeling the blues following the end of her own relationship with Jimmy. The fact that Jimmy also worked at the Planet and regularly popped down to the bullpen had created an awkward tension, with neither of them knowing what to say and both working hard to avoid proper eye contact barring the odd stolen glance.
Jimmy was just outside in the hall fiddling with his camera in order to avoid going into the bullpen while Chloe was in there. He has dismantled, cleaned and reattached his camera lens so many times now that it was in danger of getting scratched. Anything to pass the time and avoid the tension. As a junior photographer, Jimmy was tasked with mainly working with bullpen reporters hence why his presence was requested for this meeting too.
"All right, listen up!" boomed Grant as he entered the bullpen. A bored-looking assistant was following him and holding a small metal tombola containing scraps of coloured paper. Clearly the meeting wasn't about work so everybody stopped what they were doing and began paying attention, still none the wiser.
"As you know, the Daily Planet takes part in fundraising activities every year during the holiday season. Since I'm the editor, I am obliged to take part in all the activities. This year, it was decided that the guys in the basement would be the chosen few, so your sorry asses need to pay attention."
"What are we doing this year?" a voice called out from the back.
"I'm glad you asked," replied Grant. "My predecessor chose this so I don't want anyone coming to me with their complaints, and anyway it's all for charity, so like you guys I'm just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it."
A murmur began among the assembled staff but just before Grant could begin to explain, the unmistakable sound of an annoyed Lois and her heels could be heard echoing down the staircase leading to the bullpen. She was having a heated conversation - was there any other kind with her? - with a personal assistant at the Land Registry.
"...I don't care if he's busy, I want him to call me back ASAP. I'm in a meeting right now, so you can tell him that if I don't hear from him, he'll be reading some choice prose in the morning edition that will lead to him having to answer a lot of uncomfortable questions from some very unhappy people. People with a lot of money and influence. And it will be thanks to all your stonewalling..." She paused to take a breath, grinning at having possibly made a breakthrough in the deadlock. "Yeah, you do that, honey."
Lois let out a deep breath, popping her phone into her bag. "So, what'd I miss?"
She sidled up to stand beside Chloe who was impressed that Lois was only a few minutes late for the meeting. In Lois' world, that was punctual. No actually, that was early. Grant didn't miss an opportunity to point out her tardiness though.
"Good of you to join us, Lane," he said sarcastically.
"Hey, when you're spinning as many plates as I am, you tend to forget about the time."
Amid a few eye rolls from various reporters and an exchanged glance between Clark and Lana, neither of whose presence appeared to have been noticed by Grant, he cleared his throat in order to continue.
"The Daily Planet has signed a deal with Disney Pictures to run a promotion. They're releasing their entire back catalogue of animated features on Blu-ray, and readers will be able to collect coupons in the paper to get a 50% discount at Disney stores."
"Where do we come into it?" asked another voice in the room.
"The Daily Planet's annual calendar will be Disney themed this time, and each of us will be allocated a Disney character. The pictures from the calendar will be posted on our website, and readers can vote on which character they like most based on the photos. The more hits we get, the more money will be raised for Metropolis Children's Hospital."
The expected grumbles of protest were stirred up as everybody shook their heads and uttered with varying degrees of discontent as to why they thought it was a bad idea. Grant let the groans continue for a few seconds before speaking again to explain the choice.
"I know I know, it wouldn't have been my choice either but this was the lesser of two evils."
"And what was the other choice?" asked Chloe nervously.
"We would be singing numbers from Disney movies," said Grant.
Lois raised an eyebrow. "Karaoke? That's not so bad."
Clark looked over at her, surprised. "You like singing show tunes?"
"No Smallville, but it is karaoke so there's going to be alcohol involved. Nobody cares how embarrassing it is because nobody will remember. With a calendar, you'd be reminded of it every day. Besides, who wouldn't want to see our esteemed editor leading a chorus of 'Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo'?!" grinned Lois, turning her attention back to Grant. She was a bit curious to know why Clark and Lana were part of this meeting, but she pushed it to the back of her mind.
It wasn't an unreasonable argument, but Grant shot it down immediately with a shake of the head as a few chuckles went round the room. He would absolutely not be singing 'Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo' or any other Disney song for that matter.
"God no! I can't think of anything I'd like to do less. We would have been singing at the kids Christmas party at the hospital, so unfortunately there would be no alcohol. I'm willing to bet that no-one here wants to be singing in front of some sick kids anyway."
Silence.
Grant nodded an I-thought-so before proceeding to explain how the photo shoot would go down.
"They've hired a team of costume fitters, hair and make-up, the whole shebang. It's gonna be done at the Metropolis Grand. Apparently they're shooting a new movie in Metropolis so they're available for the next few weeks. We're running a few interviews with the cast too."
He looked at the assembled staff and realised that he'd need at least twelve people including himself. The bullpen was short by two but he then spotted Clark and Lana over by Chloe's desk. He quickly hatched a plan.
"You! Ms. Lang and, uh...Brawny Lumberjack Guy. You don't work for me but you're in here more often than some of my reporters. You're in too."
Clark and Lana looked at each other in shock. Was Grant seriously considering roping them in for a Disney themed photo shoot? They had no chance to utter a response before Grant's assistant was summoned to place the tombola on the nearest desk.
"Inside are pink and blue cards. Pink for the ladies and blue for the guys, and each one has a number written on it. We have to pick at random. No trades. Ladies first."
Chloe cut in nervously. "You said something about costumes. Do we get to choose our character?"
"No. My predecessor was kind enough to leave that to the Disney people. Apparently they've done this with a few other companies and once we go in, they can decide which character best suits us. I know it sounds ridiculous but this was all agreed before I took over, and I can't back out. It was my choice to pick you guys in the bullpen though. I'm told this would be the first time you guys have been involved in anything like this."
"Maybe we should say something," Lana pointed out to Clark, who looked more than a little unsure himself.
"Lana, I'm sure you'll look great whatever they pick. Farmboy on the other hand..." smiled Lois, eyeing Clark up and down like a piece of meat just to make him even more nervous. This would be nothing like the role of third shepherd in the class nativity play when he was a kid.
One of the interns was closest to the tombola and since there wasn't exactly a rush to step forward, she gingerly volunteered. As was the way with these things, conversations started up about how it was a bad idea, and which characters people would have preferred, and which characters they would prefer others to get.
The intern reached in and picked a pink card. Opening it slowly to read it, she called out the number, which the assistant jotted down in his notebook beside her name. The girls all knew they were unlikely to be lumbered with anything other than princesses and so forth, but the guys felt a bit of trepidation, knowing that they could end up with something really embarrassing like one of the seven dwarves or Quasimodo. The numbers corresponded to the order in which the participant would need to go in. The person in charge of the photo shoots, a woman named Jenny, would have been present at this meeting but had called earlier to say she couldn't make it, thus leaving it to Grant to explain how it would work. She once worked as an assistant casting director for various TV shows so she had a handle on choosing the ideal person for a role. It was Jenny who would decide which character to assign to which staffer.
"Can't we just sneak out?" Clark spoke in muted tones to Lana, becoming increasingly nervous about where this was heading. She shrugged her shoulders, unsure of how they would manage it given they were practically in the middle of the bullpen. Clark's height and red jacket were not conducive to a stealthy exit, and super-speeding away was not an option.
"Panda Boy, you're next!" bellowed Grant, turning over to look at Jimmy who was standing near the doorway.
"Uh, it was Polar Bears actually," mumbled Jimmy as he stepped up to pick.
"Panda Boy?" Lana whispered inquisitively to Chloe.
"Don't ask," Chloe whispered back with a shake of the head.
Lois was slowly warming to this. As fretful as she was about having no choice but to take part, there was still an opportunity to mock and wind people up. As long as she could do that, she was on familiar ground. That Clark was going to be included was a bonus.
"Oh I so hope it's Dumbo," she exclaimed, smiling.
Jimmy rolled his eyes at her while reaching into the tombola, retorting, "Somehow I don't think I can pull off the whole cute baby elephant thing. I'm hoping it's Simba. The Lion King is a great movie."
"It is a great movie," she replied back. "But I just don't see you as the Simba kind."
"Hey maybe you'll get to be Grumpy, Lane," said a male voice in the back. Obviously he was familiar with the grouchy morning mood of a caffeine-deprived former army brat. Lois scowled in his general direction, at which both Clark and Lois silently chuckled. She turned her scowl over to them, making Lana purse her lips and Clark pretend he was looking at something in the distance. Though too tall and too female to be a moody dwarf, he reckoned it would be amusing to see her in such a costume.
When he saw her turn away once more, Clark joked under his breath. "She wouldn't even have to leave home, just have the photographer there for when she wakes up."
Lana was working overtime to contain the chuckle rising up to her throat. She nudged Clark in the ribs to keep quiet as she choked out a cough.
Jimmy smirked as he grabbed a blue card. Whoever it was having a dig at Lois, he was most definitely a bro not a foe for having Jimmy's back. He opened his blue card and read it. The others were looking expectantly at him so he showed it to them.
"OK, let's see," Grant said, scanning the throng. "Chloster, come on down!"
Chloe nervously shuffled over to the tombola as Clark and Lana exchanged a glance yet again, both mouthing the name 'Chloster' in confusion.
"Chloster?" whispered Lois to Jimmy who was now standing beside her.
"Apparently he doesn't call anybody be their given name," Jimmy explained. "Who does that?"
Clark's super-hearing had overheard the conversation and couldn't help pipe up, coughing into his fist. "Gee, I wonder...!"
Lois caught that and rolled her eyes, smirking.
"You know it's been ages since I saw one of those movies," said Lana. "I used to love them when I was a kid, especially Beauty & the Beast."
Of course, thought Lois as she maintained a neutral face. "I haven't seen too many of them but if I had to pick a favourite, it would be The Jungle Book. I used to have a stuffed Baloo once, until Lucy tossed it into the lake."
Clark was a bit surprised since he didn't think Lois was the type to enjoy that sort of film. From their various movie nights, she usually alternated between action movies and chick flicks. She had a preference for more soppy fare and absolutely hated scary movies. More than that, The Jungle Book was his particular favourite too.
"The Jungle Book is my favourite too."
"Really?" asked Chloe a little too loudly, joining in the conversation. "I thought it was The Little Mermaid."
Clark suddenly felt like there were a hundred pairs of eyes on him. Not wanting to confirm it, he was pretty sure the bullpen had been hushed into silence by that comment. He had to quell the sudden reddening of his cheeks.
"No! What makes you say that?"
"Uh," Chloe began, "your mom once told me she took you to the movie theater to see it when you were little."
"I'm sure lots of parents took their kids to see that movie," Clark answered defensively.
"Yeah well, your mom might have mentioned you telling her that when you were older, you wanted to marry Ariel!" Chloe's eyes were dancing and she had the cheekiest grin on her face right now. Jimmy caught it and felt a pang of regret. He really missed that side of Chloe. Chloe's grin reminded Clark of the time she'd found out about his escapades in Oliver's Green Arrow outfit. She simply wanted to watch him squirm. He didn't miss that side of Chloe.
With that, everybody's attention was definitely on Clark. His face was slowly beginning to match the colour of his jacket.
"Apparently, a lot of guys find Ariel hot. The red lips, the big boobs, the fishtail. Although I gotta say Smallville, I think she's a little out of your league. Besides, I can't see her settling on the farm unless you build an ocean first," Lois pointed out.
"I was five years old, Lois!" Clark blurted out through gritted teeth, not amused. He also hadn't meant to share that little snippet of information which confirmed the story. He groaned inwardly at his own idiocy for falling into that trap.
"Oh so it's true!" beamed Lois, knowing what she'd made him do.
Fortunately for Clark, movie nights with Lois back at the farm had also provided a few interesting titbits for him. She would to get so engrossed in a movie sometimes that she didn't seem to realise the strange comments she would spout from time to time. Clark had never mentioned them to her but he recalled a few instances that she would definitely not wish to share. This was his opportunity to go on the offensive, telling the world just what a big softy Lois Lane really was.
"It's true. Kinda like the time when we were watching Jerry Maguire and you started blubbing at the 'Hello' scene."
Lois stared open-mouthed. "Everyone likes that scene!"
"I guess, but not everyone has told me how, quote, freakin' adorable, end quote, they think that kid is, and how they just want to go up and give him a great big hug."
They were so wrapped up in their exchange now that they barely noticed how everybody including Grant was now listening to them bicker. In the short time Grant had known Lois, she'd given him the impression that she could talk down any guy thanks to her acid tongue. However, here was a guy, a friend of hers and her cousin's, who was capable of going toe-to-toe with her. It was a curious sort of friendship, he observed. The guy already had a girlfriend in Lana Lang but he also knew a great deal about Lois Lane, perhaps on a level just below that of two people who were in a relationship. To an onlooker, they could easily be a married couple judging by the way they often bickered.
The draw went on for another minute or so, after which Grant explained how things would work. Since he did not want all the bullpen staff to be away from work at the same time, they would go to the hotel for either a morning or afternoon so only one employee would be absent on any given morning or afternoon. Grant had been told that each person needed to be able to set aside up to 3 hours, most of which would be taken up with getting into costume. He also told Clark and Lana that they could go together, understanding that they were doing him a big favour.
Now it was a waiting game.