Hey! This is really random and is inspired and complexly based off of SecretAgentBob's (Jason Steele) Charlie teh Unicron/ Charlie the Unicorn. They are soooo funny! Okay, well, bye! Or hello! Or salutations! Or greetings Earthlings! We come in peace! Maybe…
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or Charlie the Unicorn. Richelle Mead and Jason Steele do.

Dimitri the Guardian 1

Dimitri POV

I was just sitting in the quad at the Academy reading a Western novel when Rose and Aqua (weirdly) floated up to me chanting "Dimitri! Dimitri!" I sighed, figuring they were up to their usual weirdness.

"What?" I sighed, annoyed, though always happy to see them.

"We gotta go, we're burnin' this place down!" Aqua exclaimed as the Academy simultaneously combusted. My eyes widened.

"Oh. W-What about all the Moroi and dhampirs?" I stuttered.

"Well, clearly they're going to burn a lot," Rose scoffed.

"Well that's not very nice," Aqua said.

"Man, shut the heeeeeell up," Rose said, narrowing her eyes at Aqua.

"You shut the heeeeeell up," Aqua said, narrowing her eyes, too.

"No, you shut the heeeeeell up!"

"You can both go and shut the hell up," I interjected, annoyed by their bickering and wanting to go get all the students from the burning buildings.

"I'm not talking to you Dim-it-ri!" Rose yelled at me, enunciating my each syllable of name separately. Suddenly Aqua's eyes dilated and her eyes widened.

"Rainbow BLEH!" And then she did the weirdest thing. She threw up a rainbow of colors. Then we were somehow, impossibly on a rope bridge.

"Holy crap, we're on a bridge!" Rose exclaimed. Aqua somehow floated over the rope fell down into the canyon below yelling, "Oh God, I'm falling! I had so much to live foooor!"

"That is… tragic," I mumbled.

"Not as tragic as your face!" Rose snickered.

"Oh. Come on, that was uncalled for," I said, hurt.

"YOUR FACE IS UNCALLED FOR!" Rose laughed. Aqua suddenly walked up from behind me, even though I'm pretty sure she'd fallen into the canyon.

"Hey guys," she smiled.

"Where the hell you been?" Rose demanded.

"Oh, you know, saw a movie, grabbed some coffee."

"I want some coffee," Rose said.

"Yeah, I could go for some coffee, too," I agreed.

"Well you can't come, you son of a bitch," Rose said. And then we were suddenly in a meadow, Lissa laying on her stomach on a rock.

"Hey look, it's that Moroi punk," Rose said.

"She owes me 20 bucks!" Aqua exclaimed, glaring at Lissa.

"Hey, Lissa! Yo Lissa!" Rose called.

"Rah, rah, rah, rah," was Lissa's response.

"What the hell'd she say?" Rose asked.

"Man I have no idea," Aqua shrugged.

"Rah, rah, rah, rah," Lissa repeated.

"Where's my money Lissa?" Aqua demanded.

"Rah, rah, rah." And then the fire from the Academy caught up with us.

"Oh crap, the fire's back," Rose said.

"I want my twenty bucks, Lissa!" Aqua yelled at Lissa before she caught on fire. Then she laughed, "Oh no, Lissa's on fire."

"Rah, rah, rah, rah," Lissa said, once again.

"Stop, drop and roll, man," Rose called before we flashed to a nice stream with trees dotted here and there and some thick forests around it. I might consider bringing Rose here for a getaway sometime.

"Well, here we are, at the poconose," Rose said.

"This is lovely. This a lovely vacationing spot," I approved, looking down at her.

"Yeah, yeah, should be nice," she nodded, looking around. "Except for the STRIGOI!" She looked at the open field, obviously expecting a Strigoi to pop up out of nowhere. Aqua must have thought the same thing because she had a scared and shocked expression on her face. When nothing happened, Rose frowned and said, "There was supposed to be a Strigoi there."

"Oh." Why would they expect a Strigoi to be out here in the sunlight?

"And we put a depoit down and everything," Aqua moped, pouting. Why the hell would they put a deposit down for a Strigoi to be in a place as beautiful as this.

"Yeah, there's-there's no Strigoi there," I pointed out.

"Well, I can see that, obviously!" Rose exclaimed, getting in my face. A Strigoi suddenly fell out of a tree right next to us, but he was dead, shriveled up by the sun. They screeched and hugged me.

"Oh my God! Oh, that scared the crap outta me!" Rose exclaimed.

"Well, um," Aqua gulped and paused, like she was trying to remember her lines or something. "There's the Strigoi."

"Yup." I smoothing down her curls. She was on the verge of shaking.

"Behold the horror," Rose added.

"It is pretty scary," I agreed. Aqua had calmed down and was starting to walk away.

"I'm hungry, let's go find an iHop." And then she nearly fell to the ground, exhausted. "Alex! Baby, where are you?" she called.

"In here," he said from the tree the Strigoi'd come from. He dropped down, going to her side immediately. "Are you okay? I didn't expect there to be an actual Strigoi in there."

"Neither did we," Aqua and Rose said at the same time. Rose was slumped against my side, still going through shock. "I guess I only feel the undead ones."

"What is everyone talking about?" I asked while sitting crosslegged on the ground and bringing Rose into my lap.

"Well…" They explained how they'd found a video on YouTube called Charlie teh Unicron, a sequel to Charlie the Unicorn, whatever that was, and how they wanted to make it real life, and how they'd gotten part of the bridge obstacle or the bridge part and how Spirit users could teleport and levitate, explaining the sudden changes in scenery and the floating. "What's surprising is that you said all of the right lines," Aqua laughed.

"What about Lissa and the Academy?" I asked.

"Mirage power of Spirit and Fireboy," Rose shrugged. "He knows how to keep flames from touching you and Lissa and Aqua know how to make mirages of fire, so there we go." I shook my head and burries my nose in her hair.

"You two," I mumbled. "Always up to something."

Hey! So? How'd you like it? I was bored and had a computer, so… Yeah. Thanksgiving can be boring at times. So, if you want me to do one of the second Charlie teh Unicron, do tell. Until next time, adios!

Love,
Ashely