Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto and the various other parties that own the rights to it. I am, sadly, not one of those parties. This fanfic is written for entertainment purposes only, and the author does not intend to make any money from this.

Author's Notes: No, I haven't written much more of my other fics. This bunny bit me hard last night, and I'm writing it. It's the first time in a long time I've been able to write, and I can even see where this is going. I'm broody as hell, but my current financial status means it's impossible to have a child right now, so fanfiction is, at the moment, my only outlet for my frustration. That said, I hope you will enjoy this. I like to think my writing has greatly improved since my last foray into mpreg about five years ago.

Warnings: Yaoi (that is, boys loving boys), mpreg (that is, male pregnancy), unusual pairing (that is, Shikamaru/Naruto).

Chapter 1

No one meant for lives to be changed that night. A simple gathering of friends, weakened, tired after a long and unsuccessful mission. Even those who hadn't taken part had been feeling it. Someone had managed to procure several bottles of sake, and the under-aged shinobi sat among the rooftops of Konoha, getting steadily drunker, and daring each other to do steadily more stupid things. Not dangerous. Just stupid. Just friends having fun.

"Hey Chouji! Pretend you're a movie diva!"

"Ino, show us your tits!"

Much appreciative wolf whistling.

"Kiba, you and Akamaru should tap-dance over the roofs!"

"Hinata, show us your tits!"

A thud, followed by, "Hey, guys… she's not moving… is it possible for someone to die of embarrassment?"

"Shino! Make your bugs form moustaches on the statue of the Fifth!"

"Hey, Sakura! Show us your tits!"

A loud SMACK, followed by the nursing of a bleeding nose. "Okay, fine, be that way!"

Everyone felt relaxed, happy, liking the feeling of their minds befuddled by too much alcohol. For once they didn't have to be serious, for once they could forget that they were dangerous, deadly ninjas.

Then, "Hey Naruto! I dare you to kiss Shikamaru!"

"EH?! No way!! I don't swing that way!!" Naruto's ears had gone red under his spiky blonde hair

Shikamaru looked just as disturbed. "Yeah… sorry Naruto, but you're definitely not my type."

Loud protests. "Oh come on! We've all done our dares!" Kiba said angrily. "Well… except for Sakura 'cause she's scary when she's mad…"

"We could alter the dare," Ino said. "Naruto, why don't you use your sexy technique! Then it'd be easier for both of you."

If it had not been for the sake, neither of them would have agreed. But as it was, they were sloshed out of their skulls, and suddenly Ino's idea made sense. Somewhat grudgingly they both agreed, and once Naruto had become a buxom blonde woman hot enough to put all three girls to shame, Shikamaru sidled over to him.

Trying not to be aware of the fact that their friends were all staring avidly, they leaned in, and pecked each other on the lips, pulling away as though both had been stung. "There! You happy?" Naruto demanded of his friends.

"What, no way! That wasn't a kiss!" Ino scolded. "Give us our money's worth!"

"It's not like we're being paid for this…" Naruto muttered. Throwing caution to the wind, wanting to get this over with, he grabbed Shikamaru by the front of his vest and pulled him towards him, capturing his mouth in an ardent, heated kiss.

There was a stunned sort of silence from their friends by the time the two pulled apart, both blushing deep red. Shikamaru tried not to look gobsmacked, and Naruto refused to meet his eyes, or anyone else's. He reverted back to his own form, face burning.

Shortly after that, when all the sake was gone, and everyone was beginning to feel like passing out (and preferably in their own beds), they went their separate ways. First Chouji and Ino, then Kiba, and Shino, and Hinata. Sakura bid them goodnight and ambled drowsily off towards her home. Only Shikamaru and Naruto were left, still awkward, wanting to say something, but unsure what.

The silence stretched on, until Naruto gave a sheepish grin. "Well, I'm going to head home, I'm beat!" He turned to walk away. He felt a hand close on his wrist. "Naruto, wait…"

They were both drunk. After Shikamaru admitted that he had liked the kiss, Naruto had resumed his sexy jutsu and they stood on the rooftops exploring each other's mouths with their tongues. And then they were in Naruto's home, in Naruto's bed, indulging and sharing pleasures that made them feel at once guilty and elated…

When Naruto awoke late the next morning, he was still in his jutsu, and Shikamaru had gone. He changed back to his ordinary self, and went about his business like normal. Neither spoke to each other of that night again.

--

Though Naruto would be the last to admit it, this last mission had been pleasant. It had nothing to do with Sasuke, nothing to do with the Akatsuki. Just a simple escort mission, like they had done when they were all Genins. Of course, the mission had not been without its risks. But since it had involved an emissary from another country to the Sand Village, they had been able to see Gaara. Naruto took great pleasure in seeing his old friend who, since the loss of his Bijuu, had become a far more relaxed and caring person, doing wonders for Sand as a whole.

No, Naruto hadn't minded the sedateness of the mission – in fact, he had welcomed it. He'd been feeling tired in the last few weeks. A lethargy he couldn't shake no matter how hard he tried. He constantly felt like he wanted to be sick, even when he hadn't eaten anything. When once he would have been at the head of the pack, gung-ho, eager to get back to the village and onto the next mission or training exercise. Now though, he felt like he could barely keep up with his team-mates. Kakashi and Sai took it in their stride, though they were puzzled. Sakura, however, was worried.

The night before they were to arrive in Konoha, Sakura took Naruto aside. "Naruto… are you alright?"

Naruto grinned tiredly at her. "Of course I am, Sakura-chan! Healthy as a horse! Strong as an ox!" He did his best to hide his hands, which were trembling slightly, knowing that she could see the paleness in his skin and the dark shadows under his eyes. He knew he had lost weight as well, and that she could see it.

Sakura shook her head. "I don't think you are, Naruto." Her brow furrowed in irritation. "If you're feeling sick, you should come to me! You shouldn't hide it!"

Naruto sighed and scratched the back of his head with a stubborn expression. "I don't want anyone to think I'm being weak," he almost pouted. "I heal just fine by myself. I'll get over whatever this is."

Sakura eyed him. "Naruto, if you were going to get over this by yourself, you would have by now. Now lie down and let me examine you before you prove yourself to be a liability to this team."

It was as though she had slapped him, but he grudgingly admitted in the back of his mind that she was right. As weak as he currently felt, if anything were to happen to them between now and reaching Konoha, he doubted he'd be able to lift much more than a finger. He lay down in the soft grass near their camp and Sakura hovered over him, frowning in concentration, her hands glowing green with healing Chakra. She began at his head and moved down his body. He felt a pleasant tingling sensation, and even felt the nausea that had plagued him for nearly two weeks abated. Sakura's hands passed his chest and hovered over his abdomen. There she paused. She'd sensed something there. Her eyes closed as she deepened her gentle sensing, and then flew open again as she jerked her hands away as though burned.

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed, alarmed. "What's wrong?" Am I dying or something? He thought silently to himself.

Sakura stared at him, then forced a grin. "N-nothing's wrong, Naruto! I… I just… um, I'll need to confirm something with Tsunade-sama tomorrow. There's… there's nothing to worry about!"

Naruto felt that even if she tried her hardest, she couldn't sound any less convincing.

Team Kakashi stood in the office of the Hokage, having just delivered the report on the mission. The Fifth Hokage, Tsunade, was pleased with their actions, and she dismissed them all to their own devices. Kakashi and Sai left, but Sakura and Naruto remained behind.

Tsunade sat behind her desk, chin resting on her hands, eying them. "Is there a problem?"

"No, Tsunade-sama. Well… not… that is… Naruto's been feeling sick lately."

The Fifth raised an eyebrow. "Surely you can deal with that on your own, Sakura? You're an accomplished medic-nin."

Sakura blushed. "Yes, Tsunade-sama. But… I feel I made a mistake with my diagnosis… and I was hoping you could grant a second opinion."

Tsunade narrowed her eyes. She knew something had rattled the girl – her apprentice would not have come to her for help unless she truly felt stumped. She got to her feet. "Alright. Show me." She made Naruto lie down on the floor and knelt next to him.

"I noticed… something… around his lower abdomen." Sakura said quietly. "I believe it to be the main cause of his illness."

Tsunade told Naruto to unzip his jacket, and then placed her hand to his belly, looked thoughtful, before her eyes widened and she sat back, looking slightly stunned. Naruto sat up, looking worried. "What? What's wrong with me?"

"Naruto… I want you to answer me honestly." Tsunade began, her eyes penetrating sternly into his. "Within the last five weeks, have you had sex with someone?"

Naruto's face burned, and he tried not to think of the fact that Sakura was standing right there. He looked down, embarrassed, and nodded.

"Was it with a man, or a woman?" Tsunade pressed, and Naruto bit his lip, wishing the floor would swallow him. "A man." He said shortly, trying ignore Sakura's sharp intake of breath.

"I see." Tsunade said.

"What? You see what?" Naruto asked, almost desperately.

The Fifth looked at him, strangely pityingly. "Naruto… you're pregnant."

--

I'm trying for an actual serious teen-pregnancy-exacerbated-by-being-a-ninja-and-having-a-scary-group-of-psychopaths-on-one's-tails story here. Naruto is only about 17. This is obviously an AU setting. The mission they failed was another attempt to retrieve Sasuke. I don't think it's canon – I haven't read the manga. Please accept all errors as AU from now on (though I will try to limit those through research).

Hope you like. Please review – I can't improve if you don't! I need your input. Constructive criticism is welcomed – flames will be used to breed a virus that will turn everyone on the planet gay and make all men pregnant. This will result in overpopulation of extreme proportions and destroy the planet. Thus – if you flame me, you will be directly responsible for the destruction of earth.

Next chapter coming soon (no, really! It's already half-written!)