Hey people! So, this is not only my first one-shot, but also my first attempt at an all-humor story. You can thank the potter puppet pals for being my inspiration.

Harry Potter runs through the dungeons with a pissed-off Draco Malfoy chasing him and up to the first floor. Draco's hair is red with gold stripes, and his shirt reads, 'I Love Harry Potter' on the front. Harry stops at the top of the stairs in front of a frustrated Hermione Granger long enough to shout, "Dobby's sock!" before running off down the corridor.

Draco approaches Hermione and gives up on catching the Boy Who Lived. He asks her, "What the hell's up with Potter today? I mean, I know Gryffindors are freaks, but this is weird even for Potter."

Hermione answers, "There was an accident in the common room with a charm this morning. It was simply supposed to cause him to be incapable of having negative emotions, but something went wrong. Now he's running around like a maniac saying and doing who knows what all. I've been trying to catch him all day."

Harry suddenly jumped up beside them, his wand pointed at Hermione, and says in a sing-song voice, "Tarantellegra!"

Hermione begins tap dancing on the spot uncontrollably and says angrily, "Harry James Potter, you are making this very, very difficult!"

Draco doubles over laughing. "Granger-you should-see—your face!" he says between laughs.

She retorts, "Oh yeah? Get a mirror, Malfoy, because your hair just turned hot pink with purple stripes, and that looks much more interesting than my face."

Dumbledore appears next to the three and says, "Children! I have horrible news. The Dark Lord Voldemort appears to be attacking the school!"

Draco laughs. "Not my problem. Later, losers." He then proceeds to scamper back to the dungeons.

Hermione rolls her eyes at Draco and says, "That's terrible, Professor! What are we going to do?"

The old man shrugs. "How the hell should I know?" he says before disappearing into thin air.

Ron runs up to them and says to Hermione, "There you are! I see you found Harry." He undoes the dancing spell, and she thanks him.

Voldemort appears where Dumbledore had just been. "Hello, children!"

Ron screams "BOTHER!" and pushes the dark wizard and runs away squealing like a little girl.

He brushes off the strange response and brandishes his wand. "Harry Potter, it's time to die-for you! Avada Ked…"

Harry interrupts, "No time to chat, Voldy! I've got to teach a monkey to play the saxophone, then I've got to give a hinkey-puff a shower!" With that, he took off down the stairs.

Voldemort stands there, mouth agape. He then looks down and shakes his head, sighing. "Oh, every time I try to kill Harry…" he trails off.

Hermione pulls a strawberry banana muffin out of her pocket. "Muffin?"

The Dark Lord takes the muffin and observes, "Muffins are just ugly cupcakes," before eating it. Ron runs up to them screaming, having apparently run in a circle. He stops, sees Voldemort, then resumes what he was doing going the opposite direction. Voldemort asks, "Is it always like this?"

Hermione shakes her head. "No, just today."

Voldemort says, "Ok. I'll come back later then. How's Tuesday sound?"

She shook her head again. "No, Harry has a History of Magic exam that day. Wednesday?"

Voldemort says in reply, "All right, then I will see you all Wednesday. Voldemort out! Peace!" before disapparating. (A/N: I am aware that you can't apparate inside Hogwarts, but how else was I gonna get him out of there?)

Harry reappears with Ron and says, "Voldemort's nipple," as if he were discussing which flavor of soda he should get.

Ron says, "Hermione! I just found out from Madam Pomfrey that I have lice!"

Hagrid walks up carrying a large club, "Did somebody say lice?"

Ron gasps. "I said lice! How did you know?"

Hagrid asks, "Do you have lice?"

Ron says, "Yes, I do! How did you…"

Hagrid yells, "LICE!" and knocks Ron to the floor with the club, where he lay unconscious.

A light goes off in Harry's head. "Hagrid! Hermione has lice!" he says excitedly.

"LICE!" Hagrid repeats the process with Hermione.

Harry says, "That's brilliant Hagrid!"

Severus Snape walks toward them, but was accosted by Professor Dumbledore. "Severus!" Dumbledore says. "I need to borrow some wizard liquids!"

The potions master drawls, "I'm fresh out, sir."

"What about enchanted juice?"

"Nope," comes Snape's reply.

Dumbledore asks, "What about expired gorilla milk?"

Snape looks at the headmaster as if he were mad (not that he wasn't). "Um, sir, that has no magical assets."

Dumbledore laughs. "Oh, contraire, Snape-a-doodle, it's done a wonder on me bowels!" He then walks away with an odd spring in his step.

Snape approaches Harry and Hagrid and asks Harry, "Have you finished your potions essay, Potter? It was due over two months ago. And WHY have you not been in potions class for the last three weeks? If you continue this behavior I shall have no choice but to…"

Harry shouts, "Hagrid! Snape's got lice! Hit!"

Hagrid replies, "I don't see how Snape could have lice. His hair's too greasy for any lice to want to live in it."

Snape says, offended, "I BEG your pardon!"

Harry says, "Hit him anyway." Snape is standing next to the railing by the stairs, so when Hagrid whacks him he falls over the railing to the ground level, screaming in a monotone, bored manner. They go up another floor and find Dumbledore. Harry says, "Lice! Hit!"

Hagrid hits him, resulting in the sound of wood banging on metal. Dumbledore chuckles. "Trying to take a whack at the old headmaster, are we?"

Harry gasps. "Oh my god! He's a robot!"

Dumbledore nods. "Alas, I am indeed a robot. A gay robot."

Harry then leaves the other two and finds Draco on the third floor. He runs over to him, yelling, "The white ferret goes bounce bounce bounce all across the Entrance Hall!" then hugs Draco, whose hair and shirt had been returned to normal.

Draco pushes Harry off of him and says angrily, "Get off of me, you psycho freak!" He straightens his new robes.

Snape walks up and says, "50,000 house points from Gryffindor for not admiring Mr. Malfoy's new robes," then floats up and disappears at the ceiling.

Harry says, "Make a wish."

Both boys suddenly notice a ticking sound. Ron pops up just then. "I found the source of the ticking! It's a Muggle pipe bomb!" he says ecstatically, displaying the bomb in his hands.

The bomb explodes, and when the smoke clears, all that is left is three piles of ashes, each with eyes and a mouth (A/N: like on cartoons). The pile that is Draco Malfoy says, "I hate Gryffindors."

SO, what did you think? I hope it amused you the way it did me to write it. Please read and review! Pretty pretty please! looks at you with puppy dog eyes