Disclaimer: Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto and Masashi Kishiomoto alone. I don't own it... got it? good...
Soliloquy of a lover by: Steven Watemaker
(Hinata POV)
You have always been misunderstood: a victim of a social stigma that has befallen you because of some stupid demon. But I can't do anything about it. I'm immobile... Mute... Useless...
Enen if I manage to become stronger than anyone else, you will still be like that. Things will never change. Even the Third has failed to make the people understand. You will still be scorned by the people, and you will always strive to prove them wrong. But what have you done? You just give them chances to prove them right. You are always viewed as someone abnormal, and even the people who don't understand can't change the way people view you. It will always be the same for everything. It will always be the same for you... No one can change that: not the Third, not Iruka, not Kakashi, not the Fifth, not that Perverted Hermit, no one... But somehow I wish that I can change that. Somehow, I want to help. But who am I? a worthless shinobi not even able to escape my own weakness...
I have strived to become stronger. Stronger than I have ever been. Stronger for you... Stronger so I can protect you from everyone who tries to hurt you. I want to be stronger... I want to be stronger for you... To be there for you... But I can do nothing...
You have become the inspiration for all my struggles. Your yellow-haired orange-clad form became a bastion for everything I believe in... You inspire me to do everything to rise above and to prove people otherwise. I want to be like you... I want to understand you... I want to do everything for you... I want to be with you... Don't you understand? I want to be with you! I want to because of something in the back of my head that's telling me to... I can't understand it... But it pains me to see you in pain... It pains me to see you suffer. I want your suffering to be my suffering... Your happiness to be my happiness... But the only way that will happen is for our hearts to be one... But that is something that will never happen... Why? Because you love someone else...
Sakura... You love her, don't you? I understand that. But what I don't understand is the pain you go through for her. You risked your life to fulfill a promise to her. And yet, what do you get? nothing! Not even a single shred of recognition for trying to bring back her beloved Sasuke-kun... What do you get for all the things you have done for her? Nothing. All she wants is that Uchiha. And nothing but that Uchiha alone... Don't you get it? She loves that guy. And you should be able to see it now. You should let them be happy. You should let them to their own devices: devices that do not involve you. Why chase after someone whom you love but does not love you back when there's a person out there who loves you for who you am? But who am I? I'm weak...immobile...mute...useless... You are too good for me. And I can never be loved by someone like you.
But why? Why do I even bother to do everything for you? Why after everything, I still want you here with me, here in my arms? Why? I don't understand... Why do I want you? Why do I do everything for you? Why? It's because of that stupid voice inside my head telling me to do crazy stuff... That voice that however I try to banish still whispers me to do something for you... That voice that makes me thing of things that are not real... That voice that influences my mind, gives me hallucinations, and tells me that I need you... What is that thing? What is that cursed thing that makes me do all these things? Is it my inner me? Is it my heart? No... I don't belive it is. I know I have perfect control over those things.. So what is it? Is it this thing they call... love?
Love... What is it anyway? Why does it give doubt and happiness at the same time? How do you know when it has taken root in your heart and begins to control you? I want to know. Am I feeling it? Are you feeling it? No one can answer these questions... But neither can I? Does this mean that I love you?
Somehow that thought struck a chord in my heart. Yes. I do think I love you. I love you to the degree that it hurts me., I love you to the degree that I want you here with me and away from everybody who scorns and hates you... Don't you understand? I love you! Not that pink-haired girl, not that Uchiha, not anyone! I love you and you alone. And You are loved by me. You are loved by me and me alone... Don't you understand? Every night I cry because of you... Everyday I cry when I see lovers pass by... Every single moment I cry because I see you being hurt and I can't take it anymore... I love you! I love you! Can't you see that? I love you!
But Who am I? I'm weak... immobile... mute... useless...