FORGOTTEN
Title: Forgotten
Author: LeeMinKyo
Summary: "There is no comfort for those who are alone. There is no hope for those who had been forgotten. It doesn´t matter how long your life is, the darkness is deep and cold. But maybe you can find some peace in the one who always was a part of you. The forgotten mother of all the vampires... the lost child who will always remember her. Blood bonds and a new life..."
Pairing: Jasper x Bella
THANKS TO: My AMAZING beta Rosanna who is the best beta ever. You girls can´t imagine how amazing she really is. I love to talk, share opinions and work with her. She helps me with my writing, my mistakes and inspires me a lot. Thank you so much for this author-beta relationship! I will kidnap you soon ~ BUAHAHAHA
NOTE: You can see the cover/visual of this fanfic in my profile.
x.x.x.x.x
(JASPER PoV)
There was a time when I thought happiness was to be a soldier and fight against whatever Maria said. I was stupid and blind. My desperation was so deep that I thought I was in love with her. Maybe, if I think about it now, I just wanted to feel human about one aspect of my new life.
Love, for me, was the type of feeling that only humans can have. It doesn´t matter how much you desire to have it, if there´s no soul inside of you, love will not be found either.
Even if I didn´t really realize it back then, the brutal battles and the human blood didn´t make me happy. Everything was reduced to fight, kill and hunt. There was no humanity in my every day, and somewhere along the way I got tired of that.
I just wanted to feel alive. A part of me – the only one with morality – had been screaming at me, asking for some freedom. And after a big argument with Maria and her sisters I conquered that freedom.
They weren´t happy, and I knew the moment I went away they would never accept me if I returned. I was betting the little I had for the chance to rediscover the part of me that had been sleeping since I was changed. But I was ok with that. Thinking about the things that I could lose if I stayed with them, thinking about a life of loneliness,… nothing was that bad. Maybe it was better to have nothing than to have everything you dislike.
This is how my life became what it was today.
I will not lie and say I was happy right now, because I was not. Every day passed me by like a whisper caressing my skin. There was a little tingle of excitement at first, but nothing lasts forever. Well, except us.
I roamed around the north part of the country, enjoying for the first time in all my life – human or not – the snow and the cold. I must admit it was nice to be able to walk around a city in the morning. No sun to discover what I was, no sparkles showing how different I was. Little things like that began to make me feel a little human. There was no need to be hidden, no difference.
At first, it wasn´t easy. My heart was torn between the wish to be around humans and the fear of losing control. Even if I drank their blood, I only did it when I was sure no one would be suspicious of me. I couldn´t allow myself to lose control in the middle of a little town. I heard about the Volturi. Maria explained to me how we needed to be careful in our battles so we wouldn't draw their attention.
But it was so hard… I was tired of this life, always suffering because of the fire in my throat. Even if I had hunted not long ago, I was tempted by every person who passed me by in the road. I was fighting against that part of me all the time, and in the end it won.
I attacked a young woman who was near the church. She was beautiful in a simple way, with brown-reddish long hair that was braided in a cute hairstyle, freckles all around her face and big green eyes that looked at me even after she was dead. I would never forget those scared eyes looking at me.
No one discovered me while I was biting her, but I knew in that moment that the best thing I could do was leave. I wasn´t strong enough to live around humans. My destiny would be to roam and roam without staying in towns or cities.
The years passed like that, and with every one that passed I became more and more sad. Sometimes I would cross my way with others like me. It felt good to talk or even spend some days with them, but it never lasted. Nomads are strange and moody. It´s hard to constitute bonds when both parts are so predisposed to be alone.
There were times when I regretted my choice and thought if maybe it would be better for me to go back to Maria. I was sure she wouldn´t accept me at first, but maybe, if she didn´t have a new favorite newborn, she would let me be part of her coven.
Loneliness was harder than I expected it to be. It made me think all the time about my human life, my newborn life, my mistakes and everything I wanted and never would have. It was because of all that thinking that I began to remember little bits of my human life. They weren´t big or important things, but they added salt to my wound. I could remember now how happy I was back then. How proud my father was because I was becoming a soldier, and how my mother cried the last time she saw me.
What no one could know in that moment was that I was destined to be a soldier for a longer time than I was supposed to. My heart ached when I thought about how stupid and naïve I was. Wanting to fight in my country´s name, wishing for glory and honor when I should have been thinking about my future and enjoying my life.
The regret was a new feeling.
Since I left Maria and her coven I discovered a lot of new feelings. It was a bittersweet discovery. Sweet because all those feelings made me more human, less wild. Bitter because all my mistakes hurt me with greater force.
One day I crossed my path with a little coven. They were nice, but wild and dangerous. They talked about a coven smaller than theirs, only three, but the strange thing was how their life was. They didn´t kill humans; contrariwise they hunted animals to feed themselves.
Of course, there were times when I drank animal blood when humans were far away and I was thirsty, but I never thought about it like a way of going about life.
I tried and tried for a long time. Hunting like a hungry panther until there was no fire in my throat, but it didn´t work. I felt weaker than I did with human blood and I was tempted as always.
The sadness consumed me. I was sure now. I couldn´t act like a human. It was stupid of me to think I was one. It didn´t matter how much I hoped for a new life, I didn´t deserve it. My sins would always be there to be remembered and I couldn´t start from scratch. It seemed I was asking for too much.
After one of those days of hunting, I went to a little lake in the forest. Even if my hunting technique was really good, there was some dirt in my clothes. It´s nearly impossible to be perfectly clean after feeding. Besides, it was nice to forget about the world and enjoy some time swimming there.
Vampires aren´t bothered by the cold or heat. Our corporal temperature is always the same and isn´t influenced by the outside. But even so, it felt nice to enjoy some freedom. Throw away the clothes and feel the air on my skin. That skin I always hid from people´s eyes.
I didn´t like to see my own skin. It was another reminder of all my mistakes. Every bite, every scar had a story I would never forget. It was the bad side about vampires' memory. You never forget, it doesn´t matter how much you want to do so.
A little sigh escaped my lips. I didn´t want to remember all those things now. Only for some minutes I wished not to remember. The feeling of the water around me was nice, just like a soft caress. It would be stupid to wish, but I couldn´t stop myself. There were a lot of things I wanted, and hope was one of those feelings I discovered after leaving Maria.
"It doesn´t matter. No one will grant me my wishes," I whispered to myself.
"You never know."
The woman's voice surprised me. I hadn´t detected anyone around me. I was sure. I always checked that before relaxing. I had been a soldier for a long time and to be alert was an important rule.
She was near, I knew that much. But it didn´t matter how much I looked around, there was no one. Feeling distrustful because of the unexpected visitor, I went out of the lake. I needed to be prepared if she tried to attack me, even if – for some reason – I was sure she didn´t want to do that.
"Who are you? And what are you doing here?"
"I´m…" I could hear her sad sigh and that sound hurt me, "… the one who no one remembers." She finished with an ironic laugh in her words. "And I´m here because your loneliness attracted me. Such a painful feeling isn´t good for you."
"I would like if you came out from wherever you are so I can see who I am talking to."
I ignored her words about my loneliness. She didn´t know a thing about that, and if all this was a game, I didn´t want to play it. It wasn´t funny for me.
A frondage´s sound at my left made me turn my head to see her. To say that I hadn´t seen something like that woman was an understatement. Her skin was paler than anything I had seen before, so white and perfect it made my eyes hurt. Her body was slim but athletic. Her waist was so small that I was sure I could encircle it with my hands. A beautiful white chiffon dress undulated around her, moved by the air just like her hair. A long chestnut hair that fell all the way to her hips with soft waves.
But all that wasn´t what made me feel like a mere, simple human who was looking at a beautiful vampire. It was her face. Red fleshy lips, lightly colored cheeks and those big eyes. They were really big for her little face, but maybe that was what made them so beautiful. It wasn´t until I looked at them once more before I realized they weren´t golden, nor red.
Silver.
I was surprised by that. Silver eyes? How was that possible? I never knew about vampires with silver eyes but I was sure she was a vampire. She was so perfect, so beautiful…
The spell was broken, and I had to shake my head to gather my thoughts. It was then when I saw her looking at my body. I was only wearing my pants, so all my chest and arms were naked for her eyes to roam. I knew what she was looking at. Not me, but my scars.
The shame was strong. I didn´t know who she was, but I didn´t want her to think I was some type of wild monster. To be bitten by so many vampires wasn´t something normal. Everyone would know that much.
"Poor thing," she said and moved so fast that the last letter was pronounced while her hand was already on my chest.
"What are y…" I started, but she smiled, dazzling me.
The palm of her hand was flat against my left pectoral muscle. Someone would say it was as if she wanted to feel my dead heart. It really looked like that.
It was weird, really really weird. I didn´t know who she was, nor what she wanted from me, but the feeling of her skin touching mine gave me a new calm. Her feelings were warm and nice. Affection, concern and something similar to happiness.
Even with the people who knew me for a long time, there always was some fear or wariness. They tried to hide it, fight it, but it didn´t work. I could feel it coming to me like bitter waves of air.
But… this woman – whoever she was – wasn´t scared of me. Her feelings were like a balm that warmed my wounds.
"I can give you comfort," she said smiling sadly. "I have been looking at you for a long time, hoping for something I shouldn´t hope for. You´re supposed to be happy, to enjoy the freedom of this life, but just like me it only makes you suffer more. All those scars…" her fingers were caressing the scars´ form, "… they are nothing. I know where the bigger one is." She patted the place where my heart was. "Here."
"How do you know… so much about me? Who are you?" I asked once more.
"Would you believe me if I said that I´m your mother? I´m the beginning of our breed, but no one knows about me. I´m the forgotten mother who can´t forget her children. But you… you´re *so* different. Your heart makes me feel attracted to you. Such a dark life, such a pure heart… your pain is like a scream for me. I can hear it wherever I go. I can hear only you. You made me deaf to the world."
I couldn´t believe her words. Was she our origin? I never knew how everything began, but to think she was the one who made it start was hard to believe. Even so, there was something about her, about those silver eyes that looked at me with the weight of time on them, and the way she talked about me. She knew me.
"Do you see? You can´t believe me." Her smile became sadder and her hand moved away.
Before I could think if I was doing the right thing my own hand moved and encircled her wrist. I wanted her touch, it was so comforting… I never felt something like that and I wasn´t ready to lose it.
For the first time she looked at me in the eye and I could feel everything she said was true. I didn´t know how or why, but I knew it was true. It was impossible for her to lie while her eyes looked so sad and her soul so alone. She understood me because she was like me.
Alone.
Sad.
"I believe you," I affirmed and she looked down with a soft smile curving her lips.
"I knew…" her words had a sweet-dreamy tone, "… you were the only one who would understand. All of you have my blood running through your bodies. What you call venom, that is my blood. Thanks to that I knew everything about all of you, but… you… you´re special." She closed her eyes and I smiled at her innocent beauty and her words. "I could feel you as I never felt anyone. Your feelings, your fears, your wishes… everything you wanted, felt or thought was loud and warm for me."
Without opening her eyes, she put her free hand on my cheek and sighed happily. I was truly dazzled by everything she was. Never had I felt like this. So loved, so warm, so amazingly comforted.
"I wanted to erase all that sadness from your heart."
"I want you to do that," I replied.
This time she did open her eyes to look at me. I wanted to get lost in her and never find my path. My own feelings became softer and nicer with every second she was at my side. It was amazing, so amazing I was scared it wasn´t true.
"I have been waiting for you to say something like that, but I was scared. I want you to be mine so much that I don´t know if I can let you go away in the future. You´re everything I want."
"I don´t want to go away. I want to be with you. Something inside of me hurts in a very sweet way."
"Do you know what love is? Because I feel that for you. The most possessive love that never existed before." This time her nails were what caressed my skin.
"I discovered it right now. I think you´re what love is for me. You´re everything I want and everything I couldn´t wish for."
"I know I do love you," she said and laughed softy.
With a forceful movement I put my arm around her waist and pulled her to me. Our chests collided and my lips went to hers. I wanted to kiss that mouth and seal this unexpected love contract.
With my lips still on hers I whispered softly. There was something I needed to know, something important.
"What is your name?"
"Isabella. But I would love if you called me Bella," she replied with her eyes closed.
"Bella. My Bella."
For some reason her name sounded sweet in my lips. So normal, so mine.
You never know where love is, and of course you can´t guess when it will come to your life. Sometimes you´re lucky enough to find it and realize that all the sadness of your life was only the path that would make you go to the place where love is.
She was the mother of all the vampires. Her family was big and powerful, but her soul was alone for a very long time. Me, well I was only one of those who had her blood running through their bodies. One of those who never were there for her. I would never understand what made her fall in love with me, but every day I would smile and be grateful because our love was eternal.
She shows me how to smile and enjoy life. I show her how to be loved until there is no place for more love. Kisses, caresses and happiness were now an everyday thing.
It´s ok for us to forget about the sadness now, because our love will never be forgotten.
THE END
x.x.x.x.x
N/A: This is my first Jaspella. Pleaseee pleaseeeeeeeee… if you liked this fanfics leave a comment. I want to know if you girls would like more Jaspella in the future. I will be happy with a simple "good/bad/die!" lol. It makes me sad when I see how people favs or active alerts of me or my fanfics but don´t leave a little comment.
Puppy eyes -