'Bella.'

'Bella.'

'BELLA!'

'Go away Alice, my eyes are closed that means I'm sleeping.' I mumbled sinking deeper into my comfortable bed.

'You just spoke which means you're awake or you will be when I open the window in 5...4...3...'

'You wouldn't dare.' I shouted as I fumbled around in my bed aiming to sit the right way up before the chilly New York breeze hit me; I opened one sleepy eye and glanced over to Alice who was glancing at the newest edition of Vogue on my desk.

'I never get to two I think I should start counting quicker, don't you think?' she giggled as she carried the magazine to my bed and climbed in beside me.

'No, I don't you know what I think I should get a lock for my room that way you can't threaten me with that horrible wind.' I grumbled.

'Oh suck it up Forks, today is shopping with Alice day and you promised so up you get.' She stated whacking my leg with the magazine. 'Oh and the lock thing, you wouldn't be able to escape quickly enough when you needed the bathroom. So I win, again.'

I sat in my bed for a few moments debating whether to fall back into my squishy bed or get up and go shopping in the bitter cold, just as I was about to lay down I saw the magazine shining up at me. The most gorgeous Marc by Marc Jacobs bag graced the page, I was in love.

I raced in to the bathroom doing my daily routines at a top speed, before rushing to my room to dress for the day. I threw on my black skinny jeans, a basic American Apparel t-shirt, a beautiful cashmere jumper from Bloomingdales, and grabbing my worn out but still beautiful leather jacket. I was already to go as I slipped on my Ralph Lauren Bow pumps, when Alice kindly reminded me that she wouldn't let me go without make up, drawing a quick black line on my eyes, some blusher on the cheeks and the final touch of cherry bomb lip-gloss I was good to go.

'Wow Forks I'm impressed, practical, comfortable and stylish, I taught you well. I take it you saw the bag?'

'You know I did, Miss I'll just leave the magazine in Bella's eye line. I know it was a trick and it worked to let's move, move, move.' I explained pushing her out the apartment door and down the stairs straight into Emmett.

'Good morning my little ones, hmmm let me see rushing to get out of the apartment building, that either means avoiding someone beginning with E or shopping.' He smirked, I loved Emmett but sometimes I just wanted to kick him for being so cocky.

'Well nice chatting lets go, pizza at our place later. Bring Jasper.' I smirked as I walked past pulling Alice along.

'So it's shopping your rushing for, I'll make sure to tell E about the pizza later.' He shouted back as the door closed behind us, I very nicely flipped him off as Alice hailed a cab.

A cab ride later we were standing outside Bloomingdales our first destination, my phone chimed in my bag. I knew who it was and I chose to ignore it. As always, Alice noticed and the lecture began.

'Bella just reply. It's been months and he still messages you every day, the same message over and over. Honestly I don't think he'll ever get over you, you should see the state of him, he doesn't look anything like old Ed-'

'Alice! Enough. I know ok? Now can we just get into the store, get my gorgeous bag, and then after I've consumed a hot chocolate we can talk about it.' I was exhausted already and we hadn't even begun.

'Wow. Well I've been told. Ok Forks, let's get you your bag.'

And with that she was off into our dream world of shoes, bags and accessories. I loved Bloomingdales, it made me feel like a big kid in a candy store, except now the candy was bags, and boy was I a handbag addict. My addiction started the day I met Alice at NYU, we immediately bonded over each other's handbags. She owned the most gorgeous Mui Mui bag that I had ever seen, and for some reason she loved my 'vintage' over body leather bag. I found it in a charity shop just outside my hometown; I bought it mainly for college now it's a vital piece of my wardrobe, as Alice says that bag brought us together so I should use it all the time.

I knew the moment after I walked out of my first fashion buying lecture that Alice was here to stay, purely for the fact that she ran after me shouting. 'Hey I didn't catch your name? Where are you from again?' to which I replied. 'Forks and Bella.' Which is how I ended up with the nickname Forks; according to Alice it's highly amusing that I answered her with the questions the wrong way round. It wasn't my fault that I forget easily.

The sound of shoppers bought me back to reality, I breathed in combined smell of hundreds of perfumes, I turned to Alice who was being easily distracted by the Mac Cosmetic stand and made my way to the glorious bags. I could hear Alice trailing after me, I was on a mission I could stop until I had my hands on the bag. I approached the bags slowly doubtful that they would have the one I was after, and then I saw it. Sitting proud, stealing the show from the other fabulous bags, that bag was meant for me. I drifted over to the stand slowly picking up the bag, Alice beside me nodding like a crazy lady with a big fat Cheshire cat grin.

350 dollars later I had my gorgeous Plum coloured Marc Jacobs satchel bag. Ah so beautiful. During the process of emptying all the contents of my Forever 21 shopper bag, my phone once again decided to make itself known. I downed the rest of hot chocolate, knowing I was about to have a conversation I'd been avoiding for 4 months. I looked up to see Alice slowing sipping her drink.

'Go on Alice you can say it now.' I mumbled stroking my new bag.

'Oh Bella, I'm sorry about earlier, I just see you hurting and obviously when I go see Jazz I see him hurting. It's not nice and I have no idea how to fix it for the both of you.'

'You can't fix it Alice it's done, over. That's all there is.'

'I don't believe that for one second. If it was over, he wouldn't message you every day on what's app and you wouldn't still have him on there, I know you don't look but I think deep down you want to. I know exactly what those messages say but it's not my place to tell you what they say. I can't decide for you Forks, it's all you. Can I just ask you one thing?'

'Sure.'

'Are you happy?' she almost whispered.

'Of course, especially now I have the best bag in the world.' I grinned, but apparently that wasn't enough.

'No, I mean are you truly happy? Because I know that you smile and make an effort for the sake of us lot, but when no one's looking your happiness stops.'

Damn. They had noticed, I thought I was getting better at my masked smile. I stared down at my new purchase the glow I had when I first got it fading quickly and true feelings coming back into my mind. I didn't realise traitor tears had escaped till they landed all over my jeans. A tissue appeared in front of my face.

'Thank you.' I sighed looking up to Alice.

'Well after that little session what do you say to Forever 21, some pizza and part two of the Alice counselling session?'

'You really do know me inside out Alipops.' I smiled rising to my feet.

By the time we got to the pizza place, my feet felt like they could fall off at any second I collapsed into the booth with my ten bags, yes that's right ten, to be honest I'm a tad obsessed with Forever 21. Alice ordered iced teas and 2 small salads, we all loved coming here, it was like the group hang out. Alice had the owner, Billy wrapped around her little finger, which wasn't really surprising. I always remember the time when Billy had found us inscribing our initials into the tabletop, he went mad until Alice took him off for a chat, and they came back 10 minutes later with a massive plain table cloth and crayons. Black's was now well known for the tabletop drawings, all thanks to Alice. I stared at the back booth, wonder if they were still there?

'So, part 2. Spill.'

'What do you mean? There's nothing to spill you know everything.'

'I mean I want you to tell me exactly how you are feeling, what you want to say to E, everything. It's not healthy letting it build up Bella. So let it all out.'

'I. Alice I can't I don't know where to start.'

'The beginning.'

'Ok. So... I miss him. A lot.'

'Carry on.' Her face a mask.

'I feel like half of me is missing, I mean I love you all and you've helped me so much it's just not the same, I think about him all the time. It scares me Alice, how quickly it went from good to bad. I forgive him for everything, the Tanya thing, the fight, but how do I know that he can forgive me? I don't want to read the messages because they'll say I'm a horrible person and I don't deserve him.'

I sighed as the salads arrived.

' And he's right. I never did deserve someone like him.' I stood up grabbing my bag and heading to the toilet.

'Bella. You deserve him.' Alice called softly.

'I just need a few minutes alone to think.'

I entered the toilet and collapsed in a cubicle, crying into my bag that I refused to put on the floor because it was new. After a few minutes of pouring tears I lifted myself onto the closed toilet seat, searching through my bag for a mirror, my phone protested yet again. I realised I could read the messages in here and if it gets too much I could flush my iPhone. No too drastic, maybe it was time to see what he said after all it could only be as bad as I had imagined.

With a deep breath I loaded what's app, all the messages popping up that I had ignored for the last four months were protesting to be read. Here goes nothing.

August 12th

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Please Bella.

Fine you know what just carry on ignoring me.

August 13th

I didn't mean what I put yesterday, I can't handle you ignoring me.

I'm sorry.

All the messages in August consisted of 'I'm sorry.' September was a different story.

September 4th

I saw you in the lobby of the building today. You looked beautiful. As always. I miss you. X

September 13th

Happy Birthday my Bella. I do have something for you. Maybe one day I could see you again.

Wow, this really wasn't what I was expecting, he missed me all the time and even remembered my birthday, I carried on scroll through September, everyday a new message either saying I miss you, or saying he had seen me in the hall. As I got to October the messages had taken to a diary format, everyone was about his day, how many times he had thought of me. I could feel my heart swelling and immediately piecing itself back together. Slow down Bella. Baby steps. The entries continued until this very date.

November 2nd

Isabella, this is the last message I will write to you, I can see now that you want nothing to do with me. Although it may be hard, I will stop and let you move on without me annoying you every day. Just know that my world has stopped without you, you will always be my everything, and they say that if you love something you should let it go. I'll let you go now.

Forever yours.

Edward. Xx

I don't know how long I had been in that toilet but by the time my eyes had shed the final tear, Alice was standing in the doorway arms extended for a hug. I leapt into her arms, and gripped on to her for dear life. My bag was on the floor but at that moment all I could think of was him. What do I do?

'You reply.' Alice whispered.

I pulled back and looked to my phone, and back to Alice, with one simple nod I knew what I had to put.

'Don't let me go. B xxx'