Unwanted
Notes: Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on AO3 as Local_Asshole.
Listen to this while you're at it:
"youtube
.com
/watch?v=QB0ordd2nOI".
Summary: Lena opens her adoption file for the first time, asking her good friend Kara for support.
And she discovers that she is unwanted after all.
Is she?
Lena watched the thinly stacked files in a sepia folder sit comfortably in the middle of her white desk, dimly lit by the moon shining through her office balcony.
She just stared at it, with brows furrowed, whether in anticipation or fear she did not know.
Perhaps both.
Very likely both
She retrieved it, just three days ago - her adoption record that was.
She was enthusiastic at first, eager to rip the papers open and scan each line of text printed on them.
Now Lena was unsure.
And it sat there once she entered her office and flattened it onto her desk, unmoving ever since.
It remained even as she covered it with other thick stacks of papers, workbooks, her laptop, and a scourge of pens and pencils and markers that littered around the area.
At the end of the day, even as she tidied up her desk, the file sat there, neatly, in the exact same position as it was before, haunting her with its beige appearance.
That was the routine for the day she obtained her adoptive records and two days after that.
She spent three days, from morning when she would messy up her desk with business work until night when she noticed the evening and would clear everything off of her desk except that small folder.
Then Lena would leave it there to collect more dust, shutting the lights off at around two or three in the morning after all her e-mails and meetings and papers pertaining to L-Corp were successfully fulfilled.
Just looking at it for a significant amount of time would cause memories of her orphaned and stray self being fostered to encroach upon her mind, and she was unwilling to let it affect her emotions so poignantly.
But it did.
Slowly.
Lena's awareness of its presence next to her, under her, above her, behind her, everywhere around her, she could tell it was taking its toll on her psyche.
Eventually, it elicited the first memory of her - her birth mother, whom she remembered dearly and with such a surprising amount of fondness that it frightened her.
It was so long ago.
"Sweetheart?"
"Mama?"
The woman smiled, the rest of her face obscured in the fuzziness of Lena's aged recollections.
"I love you."
It was said with actual adoration, with care.
And Lena giggled at the phrase, "Love you too, Mama."
Her mother's smile never faltered as she nodded her head, beckoning her child over with the gesture.
And she followed it in a trance, easily lifted up into the woman's gentle arms and placed upon her lap.
Lena looked in front of her, the smooth ivory of the piano keys under her tiny hands.
"Want to play with me?" her mother asked.
She nodded with so much excitement it made her bounce.
They played and played until night fell, Lena's hands messily scattering about the keys as the woman in a divine light behind her danced across the instrument with her fingers, eliciting an immaculate melody from the piano with the occasional smashed discordant tune from her child.
Lena swallowed down the bile that collected in the back of her throat at the memory.
It was then she knew what would prompt her to actually read the files.
Kara.
A beloved friend that she cherished so closely, that she treasured every moment with her, even if it was not in a romantic capacity.
But she convinced herself it would never be, just having Kara by her side was enough - should be enough.
Lena was taken by surprise when she found out her dear friend was none other than National City's Supergirl.
But she was also disappointed, at herself, for not recognizing the resemblance, for being so desperate for more than one friend that she neglected the similarities.
Now the two people who actually believed in her, had such utter faith in her, were now the same exact person.
Though Lena found herself not quite minding that much.
Kara's acceptance was all she needed for now, and maybe eventually her friends would warm up to her, then maybe National City would no longer see her as the spawn of Luthor xenophobia.
Not that Lena was not upset about the situation, because she was, immensely. To the point she became a recluse for a week, declining all direct contact unless it was for business or it was absolutely necessary.
She did not expect, at the time, for Supergirl - Kara - to land with a light thud on her balcony, in clear pain and remorse and maybe a little bit of anger for what transpired, for the wedge that placed itself between them.
Her arrival opened another can of worms and Lena found herself more upset with her presence.
Her body tensed as she leaned against her desk, crossed arms and scowl coloring every inch of her face.
Kara stood frozen just outside the door, her honey tresses blowing to the side as the wind swept her hair magnificently.
"I'm sorry..."
She knew it was genuine, not that it changed much.
Lena's fingers clenched her upper arms tighter, nails digging into her flesh so rigidly that her hand cramped, and she was sure that it would break her skin. They would probably be bruised and irritatingly red for a week.
"I heard you the first time, Supergirl," the Luthor bit out, instantly regretting the turmoil that boiled inside of her when Kara flinched at the name.
But Lena refused to stop, this was the last time she would let anyone so close to her again.
"Please. Just leave," she sobbed, "I don't want to see you anymore, Kara. Ever."
Through her blurry tears she was able to see the exact moment when the girl of steel's heart shattered into a million pieces.
"No, please, don't do this Lena. Just..." she breathed a shaky exhale, "Just let me explain and if you still want me out of your life...I'll...I won't bother you anymore."
Lena could see the desperation and strife, enough to break her resolve.
"Fine."
And since the event, their bond had only grown stronger, laced with steel and unbreakable.
The Luthor smiled at the blue eyes and bright smile that flashed across her mind, clicking her cell awake and sending a quick text to the bubbly blonde.
[Me: Can you come over?]
[Me: To my office at L-Corp?]
[Me: As Kara?]
The response was immediate.
[Kara Danvers: Is something wrong? Are you okay?]
[Me: I'm fine. I just...need moral support I guess.]
Yet another instantaneous reply.
[Kara Danvers: I'm on my way. Give me ten. :)]
Lena released a sigh, clutching the file from her desk and plopping onto the couch, resting her elbow on the armrest and picking at the folder's corner as she waited.
It did not take long for the blonde to burst through the doors, a hint of worry etched in her expression as she took in the office, scanning around to record any discrepancies.
Then her gaze fell on her friend, recording the rapid and nervous heartbeat as well as her fidgeting with a rather thickish folder.
Lena patted the cushion next to her, her expression a cross between uncertainty and eagerness.
Kara sat, providing the Luthor some personal space, and for that the latter was grateful for.
"Is something wrong?" the reporter inquired, eyeing the file in her friend's hands.
The woman chuckled uneasily, "No. No, not quite," a pause as she tapped onto the papers, "This folder has my entire adoption record on it and-"
"I'm here, Lena," Kara reassured with a firm nod and a soft smile.
That was all the she needed to open the folder and read the contents, her expression solemn and brows furrowed with such a serious amount of concentration as she honed in on each word.
The blonde next to her averted her eyes, opting to watch her friend's features instead - it felt personal, a very private moment for the Luthor herself.
Lena's focus wavered when there was barely anything on her origins, stating she was found in the streets of Ireland before her adoption.
It did not add up.
She remembered that day like the back of her hand - the way her parents told her that everything would be all right with teary eyes as they took her into the cold building, as she was dragged away, as she fought with all her might to get back to them.
Then she spent every second of every day, hoping they would come back to bring her home.
Eventually, she lost hope and gave up, accepting her fate when she was adopted by the Luthors - abusive and cruel and so, so cold.
Not Lex though, but he was a different story altogether.
Lena frowned, no files on her adoptive parents, and then it hit her.
She was adopted not once, but twice.
The first time, when she was taken in by the people she thought were her birth parents, then later returned to the system, citing that they were finally able to get pregnant with a biological child.
Kara was alarmed at the wretched sob that Lena choked out through tears before that cold mask covered it.
The Luthor stood abruptly, ripping a section of a paper of and crinkling it in her palm. The blonde followed the movement, reaching out, but Lena only shoved the small parchment into her friend's hand.
"How long will it take? To fly me there?"
Kara startled at the amount of pain and misery filling those emerald eyes; she hated the sight so much she looked away, down onto the piece of paper the contained an address.
"Not to far from here," she answered quietly, "Maybe a ten minute flight," she looked out onto the setting sun, "We'll be there around seven."
Lena pursed her lips, "Take me."
"I - what? But, you hate fly-"
"I know what I said," she ground out, "Just take me there."
Kara nodded.
There were no questions asked throughout the flight, and the girl of steel touched down onto a secluded area with her civilian clothes, slipping out as Lena walked towards her destination, basking in the orange light of dusk, gradually moving into the night.
The Luthor paused, Kara nearly bumping into her.
She tilted her head, her eyes flicking to where her friend's stare was set upon - a quaint house, large enough for a family of four and clearly worn in.
The recognition was there.
Lena sighed, running trembling fingers through her hair. Then she turned, across the street was the same park her eyes connecting with a familiar man playing with a young child, clearly aged.
She let out a small gasp.
Dad?
He perked his head up and glanced around, his gaze resting on Lena's for a second before returning his attention to the boy.
He did not even recognize her.
It was not something she was prepared for.
"Again, Papa!" Lena cried out with joy, getting up from the grass as she held her arms out, "I love it so much!"
"I love you so much! And I always will. Forever," the man chuckled, her father, "Okay, sweetie, one more time, okay?"
Her mother rolled her eyes, amused as she sat on the picnic blanket, gazing over the park and then back at her husband and daughter, "You said that ten times ago, honey."
"I lied ten times ago I guess," he laughed heartily, lifting his daughter into the air and spinning her around.
Her thoughts were bitter and spiteful.
I guess that wasn't the only thing you lied about.
A loud gasp interrupted Lena's reverie, the false happy memory, and she snapped her head up.
Her eyes widened a fraction at the woman - her mother.
Kara seemed to understand what was going on and gave her friend a pat on the back to encourage her.
Lena stepped away, moving closer and closer to the woman until she stood firmly right before her.
The blonde tuned out her super hearing, providing privacy and instead analyzing their expressions.
Both were shocked, then the woman's morphed into something mournful.
Lena though, struggled to revert back into an emotionless mask, settling for something melancholic as she glanced at the boy, now held protectively against his father - her father - as the man moved protectively in front of him.
She was still a stranger.
A moment of anger passed over Lena and she flared her nostrils and bristled momentarily, then settled down, somber and heartbroken.
She turned towards her mother - former mother, silent tears spilling over and over and over again regardless of how many times she attempted to wipe them away.
"You..."
"Sweetheart," she whispered.
"Don't," Lena interrupted, voice stern and quiet, "Just don't."
The woman pressed her lips shut in guilt and shame.
It took another minute before the Luthor found her voice again, a hoarse croak, "Y-You left me...you abandoned me..."
"I-"
"Hey, Mom!"
They both shot their heads up at the voice.
Lena watched another woman, around her age, though younger, walk towards her family.
"Darling."
She watched as her former mother look at her with such pride and love, then give her a kiss on the cheek and a hug.
Lena swallowed another sob as she realized that this was the person.
The biological child that they replaced her with.
No matter how much she understood, it was still agonizing.
They were too poor to afford caring for two children, and the decision was not even a difficult one.
"Who's this?" she asked, scrutinizing the Luthor up and down with caution.
Her 'mother' frowned, "Oh, this is-"
"A friend," Lena choked out, forcing a smile, "An old friend. I stopped by for a visit and I was just leaving."
She took one last look at the woman who nurtured her, yet tossed her away, left her scarred. Along with her 'father', who was now unaware of her existence.
"Goodbye..."
She turned swiftly, walking back to her friend.
"Let's go," she whispered, moving past without waiting for a reply.
Kara frowned at the heartbreaking scene that unfolded before her very eyes, especially the lack of recognition in the man. She watched as Lena's figure distanced, feeling her friend get farther and farther in more ways than one.
Then she looked back at the park framed in the sunset, at the family now returning to their own livelihood without so much as a second glance.
Then the woman, Lena's mother, turned and gave Kara a look filled with an overwhelming amount of tragedy, then at the figure of her former daughter receding.
"You can go now."
It was said with finality, laced with utter defeat and hopelessness, not often found under the guise of Luthor confidence.
Lena was at her desk again, looking over her tear-stained adoption files, her perfect bun now messy with strands loosening out of the tie.
Kara kept her distance a few feet away from the pristine white desk, not knowing what to say.
"I'm sure they still love you. Very much. Especially your mom," she comforted, remembering the woman's eyes that exhibited an emotion so torn and conflicted.
"I was abandoned," Lena spat, still not moving her head up from the files, letting the tears drip and sog the paper.
Kara frowned, "But they're your birth parents, they-"
"They're not my parents!" she snapped.
The reporter took a dreadful step closer until her hips touched the desk, "What do you - of course they-"
She was interrupted when Lena shot up from her desk, in her fist a crumpled paper as she maneuvered around and slammed it into Supergirl's chest.
Kara was surprised, let the pathetic, human force move her back a centimeter and watched her friend storm out into the balcony, elbows rested on the rails as her shoulders sagged.
Her heart ached at the sight, but it broke when she unwrinkled the paper and read it over once, twice, until her brain registered everything.
Kara strode out onto the balcony, mimicking Lena's position, their arms brushing.
Her gaze was captured by the stars, then at her friend's shivering form as the silent tears wracked her body, both from the cold and the revelation.
"Why are you still here?"
The devastating question hit Kara like a ton of bricks.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Lena chuckled, mirthless and bitter, her tearful expression contorting into something sour, "Well, for starters...I'm a Luthor-"
"You know that means nothing to m-"
"Is that why you didn't tell me about Supergirl?"
Kara silenced herself.
Lena sighed, "It doesn't matter. I'm used to it now, the abandonment, the lies..."
The blonde winced.
"You know," she continued, "I spent most of my life with the Luthors thinking I wasn't entirely unwanted, but now...now I really know how unwanted I am. I guess I always had a hunch I was, and this just...this hurts more than I want to admit, than I thought it would."
Lena sobbed again, "That's fine I guess; if I was in their shoes, I'd do the same," another sob, "I'd abandon myself too...I wouldn't want me either..."
Kara was respectful, she would listen to her friend go on and on forever, but she just snapped.
"I would," she said with determination.
Lena's breath hitched, "What?"
The Kryptonian clenched her fingers onto the rails, denting them, "I want you."
Kara glanced over, their eyes finally meeting one another's, and she wrapped a hand around her friend's, gentle and caring, "I won't abandon you. Not now. Not ever."
A moment passed.
"Promise?"
Kara nodded, embracing Lena into a warm hug, pressing her lips against her hairline, feeling the wet eyes flutter shut and the content puff of air against her neck.
"I promise."
Notes: Constructive criticism appreciated.