Disclaimer: I wish that I owned more than copious amounts of boogers, but sadly I don't.

I hated Raven's uniform with a passion. It was entirely too form fitting, not to mention that it had no legs! Perhaps its only redeeming quality was the full body cloak that she always wore. But when there was a breeze or often when we were fighting her cloak would billow about her. Showing off how small her outfit was. You could claim that Starfire's outfit was equally small or in fact smaller due to the fact that unlike Raven, Starfire did not have a cloak to cover up with. But somehow Starfire's show of skin didn't bother me nearly as much as Raven's did.

What I hated even more than her uniform were the lecherous stares from those around us. The villains, the criminal masterminds, the innocent bystanders, no one it seemed could keep their eyes off of her. It seemed that every time we went out to fight crime, there would be more people just standing around staring at her. While this was an advantage when the criminals stared, when it was the bystanders, all it meant was that we would have to be extra careful to make sure none of them got hurt.

But seriously though if I see one more guy staring or worse actually touching her, I swear to whatever gods may be listening to me, I will lose my mind, and then, well then somebody's getting hurt.

'I judge by what she's wearing

Just how many heads I'm tearing

Off of assholes coming on to her

Each night seems like its getting worse

And I wish she'd take the night off

So I don't have to fight off

Every asshole coming on to her

It happens every night she works

They'll go and ask the DJ

Find out just what would she say

If they all tried coming on to her

Don't they know it's never going to work

They think they'll get inside her

With every drink they buy her

As they all try coming on to her

This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant'

If any guy puts a hand on Raven, they're going to be in a world of pain. Maybe if I'm feeling generous I'll give them one warning. If that doesn't stop them well then, they're just going to have to learn the hard way. They'll be lucky if all that's wrong with them is a little limping problem. I probably shouldn't look forward to that as much as I am.

'Is that your hand on my girlfriend?

It that your hand?

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

There goes the next contestant'

The men bothered me that much is true, but what bothered me even more than the men, were the women. They were much worse, because even the male civilians I could threaten, I would never go through with it, but they didn't know that. Women on the other hand, I couldn't even bring myself to do more than glare, through my mask, in what I hoped was an intimidating manner. Even female villains I had difficulty fighting, it was against my nature to attack women, even evil ones.

Raven didn't as far as I could tell, torture anyone but me. She had this natural understated beauty, which could be why I was so entranced by her. She wasn't overtly provocative, but it seemed that all she had to do was blink and people would be falling over themselves to be around her. I'm not ashamed to admit that I am one of those love sick swains. But even my unannounced claim over her didn't seem to deter anyone from tripping over their feet to be close to her.

'I even fear the ladies

They're cool but twice as crazy

Just as bad for coming on to her

Don't they know it's never going to work

Each time she bats and eyelash

Somebody's grabbing her ass

Everyone keeps coming on to her

This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant'

Is it wrong to be jealous of Cyborg, even if he already has girlfriend and only thinks of Raven as a little sister? I knew all this to be true, but still I hated it when she would help him with the T-Car. The innocent hand touches as she handed him tools, made me burn with jealously. I wanted to punch Cyborg in the face every time they touched. I would glower at my R-Cycle like it was to blame, mutter incoherent nothings, and plot how I would get my revenge on Cyborg. Maybe I'd give Beast Boy the cheat codes for all of their video games, so that he would always win. Yeah that's what I'd do, maybe.

'Is that your hand on my girlfriend?

Is that your hand?

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

There goes the next contestant'

Now we were out, responding to the call of a robbery taking place downtown. Glancing at Raven, I mentally cursed her ridiculously small outfit again. Was I the only one who thought that it showed off to much skin? Apparently not considering the sizable crowd of male admires we'd gathered. All of whom were staring at Raven. Okay maybe not all of them but it sure seemed like they were.

'I'm hating what she's wearing

Everybody here keeps staring

Can't wait 'til they get what they deserve

This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant'

We're battling Red X a particularly vulgar villain, whose hands tended to wander, while he whispered lewd comments, especially when he captured Raven, like he was now. I felt my blood heat up and begin to boil. A crimson tide washed over my eyes until all I could see red and all I could think was how I was going to slowly kill Red X.

'Is that your hand on my girlfriend?

Is that your hand?

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

There goes the next contestant'

I shouted at Red X to let her go. He just chuckled at me and asked, if I was jealous because I'd never had enough balls to do that myself. I just glared, I couldn't deny it; I'd wanted to ask her out so many times, but always lost my nerve at the last second. I scowled at Red X and once again demanded that he let her go. He sneered at me saying, and if I don't. I retorted, "Then you're going to get hurt."

Then in move I didn't even know I knew, with speed I didn't even know I possessed, I leaped over Red X and round-house kicked him in the side of the head. He crumpled to the ground in a heap. I smirked at him and spoke to his unconscious form, "Next time keep your hands to yourself."

'I wish you'd do it again

Each night seems like its getting worse

I wish you'd do it again

This time somebody's getting hurt

There goes the next contestant.'

I bent over to give Raven a hand up, I asked, "Are you okay?" She just nodded and smiled at me. Then as I was turning away from her she quickly kissed me on the mouth, and whispered in my ear, "You know Robin; all you had to do was ask."