Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any its characters or quotes, as well as the songs (Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler, Hello by Lionel Richie, and Hello twelve, Hello thirteen, Hello love) featured in this fanfic.
Goodbye hurt, Hello love
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
As he sang those words, Jesse gazed at the packed theatre before him. Lights surrounded him the way he had always loved, yet he couldn't help but search for a brunette diva. His show face disappeared for a second and reflected the pain that was stuck deep in his heart. For a second, he allowed himself to have a heart.
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me...
Memories of both of them together surfaced deep inside him as he exited the stage. He wondered if it really was worth it the suffering he had inflicted upon Rachel's heart and his own.
Suddenly, he clenched his fists tightly as his memories swam in the dangerous waters of Rachel and Finn's duet. He hated how much it still affected him the jock's presence in the brunette's life, even though he had no right after having smashed an egg in her head. He sighed, running a hand through his curly hair, his mind far away from the victory scene that was before him. He was supposed to be celebrating his victory at Regionals with his teammates, but he didn't have the heart to actually do so. His thoughts revolved only around a talented brunette he had tossed aside, even though deep inside he didn't want to do so. It was supposed to be another performance... not this.
Andrea Cohen stared at him from the centre of the room with wonder. He knew about her feelings towards him, but he really didn't care. He sat in the corner of the living room of one of his teammate's home, where their team had chosen for their celebration, his chin resting on his entwined fingers as he gazed for one more time at his teammates. Was victory really that important? He wondered as he continued gazing at their laughing faces and drunken comments from some of the guys. He no longer felt the feeling of camaraderie or belonging he used to have when being part of Vocal Adrenaline and their unstoppable power.
Jesse glanced at his cell phone and took it in his hand as he drank the whole content of his can of beer. He crushed the aluminum can and threw it away, his eyes focused on the object in his hands. He scanned through the phone's agenda and stopped every movement when he reached her name. She surely hates me now… Her glee club is being cut off. And it's my entire fault…
"Hey St. James!" – yelled one of his teammates whose name he couldn't remember. He waved lazily at him, yet he made no effort to approach the cheerful team. All he did was continue drinking, completely alone and with a numb empty feeling in his heart.
That night, Rachel Berry couldn't close her eyes and drift off to sleep. They had lost, even though their performance was great, New Directions had lost against Vocal Adrenaline and Oral Intensity. And we were so much better… - she thought to herself, trying to reassure herself that they had been better than Vocal Adrenaline, even though she knew deep inside her that wasn't true.
And even though she didn't want to admit it to herself, she couldn't get her really needed peaceful slumber because of one Jesse St. James. She didn't want to admit to herself that he had done wonderful during Regionals with their version of Bohemian Rhapsody. Even more, she couldn't help but feel as if Jesse had talked to her through the song. She could still hear his melodic voice in her ears, his show face always in its place, and his great talent overflowing until it reached the audience's hearts. Silently, tears fell down her face when memories of their Hello echoed in her mind.
Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love you…
As she thought more and more of their moments together, she couldn't help but miss the warmth he had given her, especially after her break-up with Finn. Though she was now dating her long time crush, her mind and heart couldn't stop thinking about Jesse. Yes, she had kissed Finn Hudson and agreed to date him, but she no longer felt those strong feelings for him the way she used to. Not after Jesse…
Snuggling to her pillow, she finally drifted off to sleep, bittersweet memories of Jesse St. James, star of Vocal Adrenaline, and Jesse, just Jesse, on her mind.
Once upon a time I was falling in love
And now I'm only falling apart
After a couple of weeks, her rollercoaster of school year had finally concluded. Her spirit had lifted when Mr. Schue had announced that they had another year for the glee club to reach Nationals. Even though they hadn't won, everything was back on track – just before he had appeared on her life.
Her thoughts about Jesse had diminished to practically none after being so focused on perfecting her voice and helping everyone in glee club for their upcoming year. Even though Mr. Schue had told them to take a break, they really wanted to win the next time when they would surely be able to beat Vocal Adrenaline, especially with their star leaving to college.
Rachel finished brushing her hair and sat on her bed, gazing at her hands that rested on her lap. Jesse St. James was graduating that same day from Carmel High. "I hope you come to my graduation, Rach. I would love it if you were there." His velvet voice resounded once more in her mind as memories of one of their nights together reappeared and opened the deep scar in her heart. Her hands grasped the hem of her skirt as tears fell down her face as her response of that night reminded her of their promise:
"I'll be there, Jesse, but I hope you accompany me on mine when the time comes!" – She said, smiling at him as she lifted her face to look right into his eyes.
They lay together on her bed, enjoying each other's warmth and presence that accompanied them in each and every one of their many nights together. He ran his hands through her long hair, his deep blue eyes always on her face. He closed the distance between them and kissed her softly on her forehead as she closed her eyes with a content smile on her face.
He pulled away after a few seconds and took her face in his right hand, looking straight into her bright, and unique brown eyes. He suddenly closed the distance between their faces and kissed her fully on the lips, both of them smiling as they happily engulfed themselves in their kiss. He pulled away for a few seconds, looking straight into her eyes and promising to be there for her on that special day, before closing once more the small gap between them.
She took her cell phone in her hands, her eyes widening as she realized how quickly time had passed by. She rushed out of her home and took a bus towards one destination she never expected to visit once more. She just expected to be there before the ceremony was over. After all, even though he had hurt her, she had promised him she would be there… and Rachel Berry, future Broadway star, always kept her promises.
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
"Jesse St. James, graduating with honorifics for his participation in Vocal Adrenaline during his stay at Carmel High." – said the voice of an older man, as Jesse prepared his show face and walked up the stage to receive his high school diploma.
Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth
He shook hands with a group of older men and women, before standing up in the middle of the stage and raising his diploma to the crowd who cheered for him. His show face dropped for a second, his blue eyes widening with surprise as he saw her rushing into the ceremony and standing in the back of the auditorium as she had done during his performance at Regionals.
He gulped nervously with his show face once more in place as he walked away from the stage and towards the brunette at the end of Carmel High's auditorium. As he approached her, her arms crossed against her chest and a small, sad smile adorned her face.
"Congratulations, Jesse." – She simply said in a surprisingly soft voice, when he finally stood before her. He smiled softly as he saw her now extended hand in front of him.
"Hi, I'm Jesse."
"I know who you are."
"Thank you, Rachel." – He said, trying to hide the fact that he didn't know what to say to her after all the pain he had inflicted on her.
"It will be the kind of heartbreak that girls like me hold for the rest of their lives. Like Barbara in 'The Way We Were.'"
His hold on her hand tightened as her muttered words during one day in the same auditorium surfaced in his mind.
"Jesse?" – She asked, her sadness being replaced with unwanted worry for the guy that stood before her. His face no longer retained the same cockiness she knew him for and his hand only tightened against hers.
Instead of answering, Jesse walked her out of the auditorium with his hand still on hers. The sky was already a dark shade of blue when they finally stopped walking away from the ceremony. He turned around to face her as she stood bewildered as she took in her surroundings. They stood in the parking lot, painful memories of weeks before tearing up her heart.
"Do it. Break it like you broke my heart."
"I loved you."
She snatched her hand away from Jesse's and looked around, glaring at the surrounding cars, expecting for a group of arrogant Vocal Adrenaline members to show up with eggs on their hands. He just stood there, his hands on his sides and his eyes filled with guilt and hurt as he watched Rachel scrutinizing the dark and empty parking lot where they stood.
"It's just you and me, Rachel." – He muttered, dropping his façade openly for the first time in front of her. She glanced at him and took in the mixture of emotions that adorned his features, especially the hurt and guilt that shined through his blue eyes. Her heart pounded strongly at the sight of the vulnerable Jesse before her, but her mind told her to stay where she was. You don't want to end up being hurt again…
"You know me as Jesse, the Star of Vocal Adrenaline and your competition at Regionals. I want to introduce you to Jesse, the guy who's nuts about you, the guy who would never hurt you."
She remained silent, her arms protecting herself as she wrapped them around her own body and her gaze on the floor. She didn't want to fall once more for Jesse's perfect acting skills. Without warning, he took her by the shoulders, his eyes fully resting on her hesitant, yet scared face.
"Please, listen to me just this time, Rachel. After this, you can forget about me." – He softly said, the last sentence finally captivating her attention with her big brown eyes glancing into his. She saw what she thought was sincerity through his eyes and nodded softly, silently wondering what he was about to say.
He dropped his grasp on her shoulders, his hands hiding inside his pockets and his face falling to the floor. There was a loud cheering that could be heard from inside the auditorium, which meant that his team was about to perform during the graduation ceremony. They had asked them to perform during the graduation after having won Nationals for the fourth time in a row the week before. But that wasn't important for him at the moment. He wanted to clear Rachel everything of what had happened between them before he left for college, even though he knew that she was now dating Finn Hudson, her long-time high school crush.
"I know I hurt you Rachel. And even though I did, you came…" – he said, a sincere smile adorning his features.
"I'm Rachel Berry, I always fulfill my promises." – She said confidently as if her visit at his graduation ceremony had nothing to do with her still unreasonable love towards the guy in front of her.
"… and I'm grateful for that." – He continued, partially ignoring Rachel's comment though it caused him to inwardly smile as Rachel's usual personality resurfaced. – "What I want to say is that I'm sorry for everything. I never wanted to play with you the way I did. I really did love you."
At this point, she opened her mouth to interrupt him, but she was cut off by Jesse taking her hand in his and squeezing it lightly.
"At first I just thought of Shelby's plan as a way to exercise my acting skills. But as I got to know you, I couldn't help but start to fall in love with you. I tried to avoid hurting you, but when you finally figured who your mom was my time at McKinley was over, even though I didn't want to, because it meant I had to break up with you. I'm sorry for egging you too. Vocal Adrenaline's members thought I had changed to be with you and challenged me to prove my loyalty to them in that way. They never knew the truth about you and Shelby…"
She stood there with his hand holding hers and tears wanting to break free from her inward promise of not to cry in front of him ever again. His remaining hand enclosed itself against their holding hands. He squeezed her small hand in both of his and continued with his last, familiar words for her:
"I wanted you to know the truth, since I'm leaving Ohio soon. I've got a full ride to a little school called the University of California in Los Angeles. Maybe you've heard of it. It's in Los Angeles."
Rachel laughed silently, a small tear finally escaping her eyes, while Jesse had a slight smirk on his face, yet not like the ones he used to wear before everyone. He dropped his hold on her hands and hid them in his pockets.
"Thank you for listening to me, Rachel. As I said, I don't think you'll ever forgive me, but all I wanted was for you to hear the truth." – He said with downcast eyes. He approached her and kissed her on the forehead as he had done multiple times before, yet this time it meant one thing he didn't want. She closed his eyes at the burning touch of his lips on her skin, her hidden tears quickly escaping her eyes. After a few seconds, he break off their bittersweet kiss before walking away, never turning back as a couple of tears also escaped his eyes.
Carry on, carry on
As if nothing really matters
Rachel silently stood there as Jesse disappeared from her life and the stillness of the night ended with the loud cheering from the graduating students of Carmel High, who had started to leave the auditorium to celebrate the end of their high school and the beginning of their lives.
Can I ever forgive you, Jesse?
The next day, people rushed to catch their airplanes, others waited anxiously for their planes to arrive and some even bid their goodbyes to their friends and family, as Jesse arrived at the airport to begin his own journey. Even though he left with regrets, particularly involving a certain brunette diva he had met during his senior year, he felt the need to leave Ohio and start his own, artistic life.
He sighed, dropping his heavy bags next to an attendant who took all of his information and handed him his one way ticket. He was about to walk towards the attendant who would take his ticket when he noticed a smiling Shelby Corcoran in front of him with a sleeping Beth on her arms. He walked towards her and nodded slightly, silently thanking her for being there to bid him goodbye.
"Good luck, Jesse, I know you'll do great things in Los Angeles." – She said, her eyes resting on his and one of her hands patting his right shoulder. He showed her a smirk full of confidence, one that was part of his characteristic show face.
"Thank you, Ms. Corcoran. For everything." – He said honestly, though there was one certain thing he couldn't thank her for.
"No, Jesse, thank you. Thank you for helping me with Rachel. Thanks to you I met her and now I have Beth. I owe you my life and I'll be forever grateful. You gave me a happiness that I couldn't return to you…" – she said, happily and apologetically at the same time.
He smiled sadly at her this time, before the voiceover announcing his plane was about to take off was heard throughout the airport.
"Well, that's my cue." – He announced to her, saying his goodbyes to both of them in a bittersweet hug before walking away from them, Vocal Adrenaline, Rachel, and Ohio.
After that, Jesse St. James never visited Ohio, concentrating only on his educating at UCLA and his multiple auditions in his free time, where he earned a couple of minor roles that would someday take him towards long awaited fame. There was only one time when he visited Ohio and that was two years later, where he was part of the audience at McKinley High's graduation ceremony. He had smiled sadly as he saw her receiving her diploma with a bright smile on her face, exactly the way he had done two years prior. He had heard that McKinley's New Directions had won Nationals two times in a row after he had left high school, which really didn't surprise him. After all, they had Rachel Berry as their star.
When she was leaving the stage after receiving her diploma, the brunette spotted him and gave him one private small, yet bright smile of hers.
There's a lot I am not certain of.
Hello twelve, hello thirteen, hello love!
A/N: Well, here it is. One piece of fanfiction I had in mind after watching "Journey to Regionals" and hating the fact that there was a lack of interaction between Rachel and Jesse. I'm so excited, though. This is my first Glee fanfiction!
Comments, constructive criticism and suggestions are appreciated!
~Melody of Perdition
