p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"Today, I got home from shopping with my Mum and I sat down on my couch and started crying. I don't know why I was crying. But I felt really sad. And for the past few weeks, I have had this overwhelming feeling of sadness following me around, even though I know deep down I have nothing to be sad about./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"I was walking around the shopping centre and I felt exhausted. My eyes felt heavy like I had either overslept or underslept. I guess you could call it groggy. I just didn't feel myself. And I don't feel like myself writing this. I am normally a pretty upbeat, funny, social kind of guy, but lately, I feel like it's been all an act - like I am keeping up a persona in front of other people in order not to show my true self./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"Like everyone, I have a long history - mostly things I don't want to write on an online forum, but needless to say, some of it was pretty heavy and hard to deal with too the point I feel like I haven't actually dealt with or processed some of it at all. Or maybe I am just making excuses for myself again. I am really good at that, apparently./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"I know there are far worse things happening to people across the planet, my problems pale in comparison. And to be honest, I don't even know if they are problems or not. I guess I am just really confused. Why would I just start crying? Why do I feel so tired all the time? Why do I feel so anxious when I go to a nightclub with my friends? Are they my friends? Do they even like me? Sometimes I feel like they do, and other times I feel like a third, fourth, fifth wheel. Like I am physically there, but I am not really present in their eyes./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"I guess I just needed to put how I am feeling into words and thought the best place to do that would be a website like this one. I don't really know what I am expecting to get out of this post, but it is about time I started vocalising how I've been feeling because I feel like I've been bottling some things up for a while now and I don't know what I am supposed to do about it./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"I was walking around the shopping centre and I felt exhausted. My eyes felt heavy like I had either overslept or underslept. I guess you could call it groggy. I just didn't feel myself. And I don't feel like myself writing this. I am normally a pretty upbeat, funny, social kind of guy, but lately, I feel like it's been all an act - like I am keeping up a persona in front of other people in order not to show my true self./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"Like everyone, I have a long history - mostly things I don't want to write on an online forum, but needless to say, some of it was pretty heavy and hard to deal with too the point I feel like I haven't actually dealt with or processed some of it at all. Or maybe I am just making excuses for myself again. I am really good at that, apparently./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"I know there are far worse things happening to people across the planet, my problems pale in comparison. And to be honest, I don't even know if they are problems or not. I guess I am just really confused. Why would I just start crying? Why do I feel so tired all the time? Why do I feel so anxious when I go to a nightclub with my friends? Are they my friends? Do they even like me? Sometimes I feel like they do, and other times I feel like a third, fourth, fifth wheel. Like I am physically there, but I am not really present in their eyes./p
p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px 0px 1em; border: 0px; font-variant-numeric: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-size: 18px; line-height: inherit; font-family: FFDINWeb, sans-serif; vertical-align: baseline; padding: 0px; color: #333333; background-color: #f2f2f2;"I guess I just needed to put how I am feeling into words and thought the best place to do that would be a website like this one. I don't really know what I am expecting to get out of this post, but it is about time I started vocalising how I've been feeling because I feel like I've been bottling some things up for a while now and I don't know what I am supposed to do about it./p