A Monster By Any Other Name
She'd been throwing that damn name around like it meant something. Like Ben Solo was an entity entirely seperate from Kylo Ren. He wasn't. He wasn't two persona's in one body and he's getting damned tired of her lying to herself.
Disclaimer : Not mine, just playing with them.
Notes: Just a little scene. No real timeline or anything. It's a small moment between these two dorks.
"Ben. Please, listen."
She'd been throwing that damn name around again. Like it meant something. Like Ben Solo was an entirely separate entity from Kylo Ren. Like he was good and evil inside one body, Ben Solo of the Light and Kylo Ren of the Dark. He wasn't. He wasn't two persona's in one body and he's getting damned tired of her lying to herself about it.
"That's not my name."
Rey was stubborn, he'd have to admit that. "It's the name your parents gave you, I refuse to call you by that monsters name."
"I am Kylo Ren. Ben Solo isn't someone who exists individually. I don't need rescued. You can't save my soul."
"Because you don't have one?" she sneers, her voice dripping with disdain.
He's tired. So tired. Tired of this fight, tired of her deliberately misunderstanding his words and tired of her pretending that she doesn't feel anything for the monster she claims Kylo Ren to be.
He's on her in seconds, pressing her body against the wall behind her, and he can see how startled she is by this, the lightsaber she'd been brandishing moments ago dropped and forgotten by the sudden movement. She's obviously uncomfortable by her own body's reaction to his proximity. His gloved fingers stroke down her cheek and she shivers. "You enjoy this." he told her and a denial was instant, but he didn't let her voice it. "You call me a soulless monster, a creature of nothing but darkness. And yet, you crave my touch." his fingers glided down her throat, and involuntarily, her head tilts back, her eyes drifting slightly.
"I crave Ben Solo's touch." she claimed.
"It's one and the same. Ben Solo never existed without the darkness. I'm not two different people, Rey. It's only ever been just me."
She wants to deny it, challenge him again, and he shakes his head, his fingers drifting down, hand closing over one clothed breast and she sucks in a harsh breath. "Wh-what are you doing?"
"Proving you wrong." he says, then his mouth descends on hers. He nearly groans at the softness of her lips, Rey pushes up, dragging her mouth more firmly against his and gasps as his other hand drops the lightsaber, and grips her hip. He takes advantage of her gasp, plunging his tongue between her lips and tasting her. She is hesitant and clearly inexperienced, but she kisses him back with so much enthusiasm and heat that he can't complain. He may be the more experienced of the two, but he was far from an expert himself. Snoke didn't discourage physical passions, but didn't particularly encourage it either.
His hand leaves her hip, and tangles in her hair, tilting her head to a better angle and Rey sighs into his kiss, her small hands gripping the front of his tunic and dragging him even closer. He smirks against her mouth, and she huffs at the action.
"Ben."
He shudders, pulling away. "Don't call me that."
Rey pulls away, reluctantly. Kylo allows it, because he needs her to see that there is no difference between the Ben Solo she thinks she wants and the man he is standing before her. Ben Solo was a name, nothing more, and it's a name he can no longer bear.
"I don't understand." she finally admits, barely looking at him.
He sighs. "You think Ben Solo is a man of Light. That I have this entire other side of me that is all good. That is not true. You know it." he's almost pleading, almost. "The darkness has always been my companion. Yes, there is a pull to the light, there always will be, just as you feel a pull to the dark in yourself. Does that mean you have an actual monster inside you Rey? Do you call that darkness by a different name?"
"Then why change your name at all?" she demands. "Why not continue to be Ben Solo, if that darkness is such an ingrained part of you?"
"Because Ben Solo is a name that gives hope. You see that, it gave you hope, did it not? You thought you could save poor pathetic Ben Solo from the monster within. There is no monster within. I am Kylo Ren. I am Ben Solo. Be realistic Rey, you're only fooling yourself by hoping Ben Solo can still be redeemed. There's no redemption for me. There never was."
"Why?" her voice is so plaintive that he's almost taken aback.
"Why? Why? How can you even ask that? You know my deeds, the crimes heaped upon my head. Do you think Ben Solo stepped outside the body while Kylo Ren committed those deeds?" he demands. "There's nothing to hope to save here, Rey. I am simply, me."
"There's nothing at all simple about you." she snorts.
He smiles at that. "Nor you."
"Why'd you kiss me?" she blurts out, cheeks reddening.
He tilts his head. Why, she asks. Why indeed. "Perhaps I've been wanting to for awhile now."
Her mouth drops at that. "You've wanted to? Since when? And again, why? We're supposed to be enemies!"
"You didn't consider us enemies in that throne room." he points out.
"But you didn't kiss me then!" she declared hotly.
He smirks. "Maybe I should have. It certainly would have made things more interesting."
Notes: Hope you enjoy!