In retrospect, someone should have known teaching a Vulcan to play poker was a bad idea.
It was Captain Kirk's idea and Dr. McCoy quickly jumped on board, "It's about time we showed him that we humans have some 'logic' of our own."
The rest of the bridge crew eagerly joined in on the fun, and even Mr. Spock acquiesced easily enough, "I am certain that it will be a fascinating exhibition of human culture."
The first round went as expected. Kirk dealt and when Spock's turn came around he immediately folded.
Dr. McCoy protested, "That's not how you play!"
"The aim is to possess a better combination of cards than any of one's opponents, is that not correct?" Spock quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Yes, Jim told you how to play, didn't he?" Dr. McCoy shot an accusatory glance at Captain Kirk, who shrugged it off.
"With these cards, I have a four in eight million five hundred and three thousand-"
"We get it!" Dr. McCoy cut him off.
"With the cards I was dealt, the optimal move was not to play," Spock insisted.
"You're not supposed to tell us that!" Dr. McCoy exclaimed. "You're supposed to bluff like Jim did against that strange little Balok, whatever he was. I'll show you how it's done!"
Dr. McCoy bet high and stayed in until he and Uhura were the only ones left. She won handily with a cheer.
The next hand, Spock bet high and won.
"With that hand, it was inevitable," Dr. McCoy grumbled.
"Precisely," Spock replied with a hint of a smug smile at the corners of his lips, "There was a one in-"
"Enough," Dr. McCoy cut him off.
The hand after that, Spock bet moderately and stayed in until he was the only one left, where he revealed a mediocre hand.
Dr. McCoy turned to Kirk, "Am I seeing things or did he actually bluff?" Then he faced Spock. "I thought Vulcans couldn't lie!"
"I did nothing of the sort," Spock answered, almost sounding offended. "I merely estimated the probability of each player having a better set of cards, taking into account your bets and the known cards."
"You did what?" Dr. McCoy demanded.
"That is how you play the game, is it not," Spock said as though it wasn't really a question.
Meanwhile Scotty had been puzzling through what Spock had said and finally exclaimed, "He's countin' cards!"
"If by that you mean estimating probabilities, yes," Spock answered. "I take it this is a means of educating children in approximation of unknowns."
"No, it's about bluffing and reading the other players!" Dr. McCoy said. "You're not supposed to count the cards!"
"How else do you suggest I make decisions? Emotion?" Mr. Spock asked, incredulous.
"Instinct, of course!" Scotty said.
Spock quirked a skeptical eyebrow at them both, but they kept playing.
In the end, the only one who could beat Mr. Spock was Captain Kirk who merely grinned and shrugged. By the time they all called it quits, Spock had acquired a large pile of chips.
The others made to leave, grumbling as they went.
Spock concluded, "Gambling is a most illogical activity."
Note: After the titlar line in season 1 episode 10: The Corbomite Maneuver, this was inevitable.
This was originally posted on my tumblr, vtsuion dot tumblr dot com, where I am posting shorts like this one, answering questions, and accepting writing prompts, so check it out!