I know it's been an extremely long time since I've written, it's been a rollarcoaster of a ride through life and eventually I want to get back into this, I'm more of a streamer/YouTuber now but lately I've felt like writing again. This is my story. About a woman I fell for who I shouldn't have fallen for and what events take place in the story they start off real, but turn into something hopeful as well as a wantingness. Maybe writing will help clear out my head. Enjoy. These characters are completely based on real people with names changed.
Hi! I'm Zeenz Sasn, lemme keep it brief as far as introductions go and get straight into the story! I'm a college graduate from the University of Montana in organ performance. I'm a hardcore gamer as well as musician. Sometimes I wonder if I should've gone into gaming as a career, like computer science or programmer and the like. But here I am, in this beautiful state of Washington. I moved here for my career in the church I now currently work at. I've been here almost two years and I love it here. I'm half an hours walk away from my job, ten minutes to the store and fifteen minutes to the bank. All I need is right here in this house that I've lived in. My landlady is a nice ole woman she's in her 80s now and she is the best housemate one could ask for. I had a job, I had a career, I had a place I could call home, but I was missing something. You may have already guessed it, but I was missing the love of my life. I was twenty-four now still single, no relationship, and not even a family to come home to and kiss goodnight and cuddle and snuggle with and be with forever. I had everything I ever wanted, I was streaming 4 days a week, playing video games all the time, I had over 1700 games and 20 consoles and still it wasn't enough. Love and me just never worked out. I fell in love, they found out, I got over it, I moved to another only to repeat the process over and over and over again. And that was another thing, I was gay. I didn't like dudes. Now you may know why Zeenz? Well you could ask my author, but yes I am a female with short hair, the PRIDE bracelet on her arm and dressed so like a boy that people think I was one. But more on that later, I'm going to jump right into the meat of the story right away, and as it progresses you'll know more about me, my character, and my author at the same time. This is a different kind of story. And this is MY story, least story that I wished and hoped and prayed for to come true.
I felt awkward, I was standing in the middle of a room full of bell choir tables and stands and I was here. My mom said I had needed to "get out more" meet more people and what not so I decided to join the communities bell choir. I didn't know anyone here but one person, and she wasn't even here yet, I was with the director and her family, father and daughter and other than that this was completely new to me. As they pulled bells out of their cases I just stood there, I didn't even know where they would put me. The director came over to me, "So Zeenz, would you prefer hi or low bells to play?"
"Well am a better reader at bass clef what with trombone all through middle, high, and college. I would prefer low bells if that's alright?"
"No worries, just wanted to know your preference." She walked over to some low bells that her daughter put out on the table for rehearsal, "How about I put you on low E & F, next to Jane. Yes yes, that'll do."
I nodded and walked over to the bells, they were slightly bigger than the biggest bells we had at my church. Since we only had two octaves and this choir used five octaves of handbells. It didn't matter, I loved playing low bells, made me feel like a very strong woman! I picked up the bells to feel the weight, at work I played very teeny high D, E, F, G and played those four in a hand. Nope couldn't do that here! I was messing around and I flipped through the music, jeeeez there was so much of it! Are we really going to do this all for the Christmas concert in a few months!? Can't be! Some of this music isn't even "Christmas-y"!
Soon more and more people started showing up, I wondered if there would be anybody young in this group, or if I would be the youngest yet again in a usual group of ringers. And that's when I saw her.
There walking in the doorway with her head down in black shoes, adidas, like mine, pants, and t-shirt that I don't remember now, but it was her face and body that stopped my breathing for a few seconds. It was a young woman. Not a 50 year old, not 70 but young. Was I dreaming? Someone this young can't be in this advanced group? Could they?! As she came over things were rushing in my head. Was joining this group, I'm going to meet someone? A forever someone? Was she single? Was she bi? Gay? Did she already have a relationship? She was so beautiful. And she looked like she was early twenties! Maybe even younger than I was! I hoped she wasn't in high school. Already been there done that. No not done, well had a crush. Nevermind. But I watched her as her head was down on her phone, keys in her hand as she came to the back row and next to me! So this must be Jane!? I was so in shock and loss of words I couldn't even scrounge up the courage to say even a hello. I was at a loss with this beauty next to me. I think I managed a, "H-he-hey." And my social awkwardness gave a big old smile. I probably looked like an idiot. She said hi back and that was pretty much it.
The rehearsal passed and it was fun, we determined we couldn't play in a few weeks on Sunday because not only could I not do it because I work then, but there were others. So luckily all the music in the binder was not all for Christmas. Jane was on her phone most of the night, which I felt was odd. I tried cracking light jokes of what I would say as either a director or just to appease teenagers. I really didn't know how old she was. And afterwords I got a ride back home and didn't think of her again for another week.
The week passed by slowly, not because it usually was slow, but I was anxious about my choir rehearsal still, I started it months ago at an earlier time, but it seems like only about four people show up every week and one member can't be at rehearsals until November. It was only Tuesday the 2nd of October so one more month really. And my bell choir met tomorrow. And there were only 4 of us. There were 5 for the first week, but then the lady who came said she couldn't do it anymore and now it was harder for me to put 4 people on two octaves of handbells and they were all beginners but myself. But oh well, we would do our very best. No the whole reason the week passed by so slowly was that this weekend was HOMECOMING! I was going back to the university where I graduated from for marching band and the game and marching band mind you was my life for nine years of it. I was super stoked! But this week was gonna be soooo slow! I could NOT wait!
I texted my mom Wednesday morning, "Do you know when yet?" to ask about when she will pick me up from Washington to go back to Idaho for a smaller trip before heading out to Missoula on Friday for the game. After about 45 min she replied back, "It is looking like Thurs about 2." And then after I finished my stream I told her it was okay. I was so excited and I had waited all year for this day to come and when it was over I would have to wait a whole another year for the next one. I loved marching band as if it were a part of my soul!
When Thursday came I was already late on my laundry and so I was trying to get my favorite pair of jeans washed so I could take it with me to the game and as I finished my last minute of packing mom came in the door. I said a brief good-bye and left the house. I was going back! And I was going to march again! As a 2nd year alumni, but still! I was SO excited! When we picked up McDs on the way back (like I always try and convince my mom to do) We caught up on life. I told her all about how Sunday went. My first week in the bell choir, I didn't tell her about Jane, if I did it was through a passing of, hey there's somebody else young in it! She said that was great and not to jump the gun and just be friends first. I told her of course!
We arrived back in the house and as I walked into the house, "Woah." I froze well tried to as my 9 year old black dog came bounding up to me trying to lick and jump at my face. "Sirius down! Stop! I know sissy is home stop!" He was a black lab mix and his name was Sirius Lee Black (seriously black) if you didn't get that. Our family thought it was cleaver! A/N: This is actually my dogs name I don't feel the need to change it. :P
"Oh yeah honey, we are trying to sell the house,"
"I thought that wasn't going to be until the summer, or even spring?" I listened for dad, but of course he was at school, he wasn't going to be home for a little bit. He was a choir director for the charter school in the community.
"Yeah well, your father." And enough was said about that. I set my stuff down and finally paid attention to my brother his tail was wagging furiously.
"Aww how's my boy? How's my brother?!" I petted him and then I got up and did a stance and shuffled forward a little bit trying to scare him, he took that as playing so he rushed off. I chased after him. He flew down the stairs faster than I ever thought I would ever go and he grabbed his rope and came rushing back up. I started playing tug-of-war with my brother laughing, that is until he decided to cheat and lay down. That's when I let go of the rope and went to help mom get dinner.
"So is dad coming to the game?"
"As far as I know yes, he really doesn't want to, but I of course already paid for the ticket."
"Yes of course." Dad just wanted to stay home and pack more of the house as well as get school work done. Even though he'd be watching football anyways, his favorite sport to watch alll the time. It drove my mother nuts. Soon dad came home and we had dinner and slept. We would be leaving early in the morning so we could get there in time for the alumni rehearsal in the music suite before meeting the current students on the field at their rehearsal time from 4:10-5:30.
The next morning however we didn't have as early of a start as mom would've liked and we barely made it in time for the afternoon rehearsal, as we played through the music I noticed they gave me 1st Trombone part, I was a 3rd Trombone, but even after not being a part of this band for 2 years they mostly had the same music and so my really good memory managed to still have most everything memorized in my head and so I barely glanced at the music at all! Amazing how music has an effect on the brain! After words we walked to the field and watched the current students do their show for us and I started tearing up letting a few tears fall. I missed marching band so much. And this didn't make it any easier. I wanted to be out there, with all the other kids marching with them. But alas I couldn't. I was a graduate now, and I had responsibilities back home of my work and life after college.
We did our rehearsal for what we would do at halftime and afterwords mom and I left the field that's when I did start crying and she just hugged me close saying, "Hey you have Scottish country dancing now!"
"I know mom, it's not quite the same, I still miss this."
Game day came and the homecoming parade was first. We marched behind the Grizzly Marching Band and then after we finished with the parade we at lunch at a persons house, it was pretty much our tailgate and then we headed for the stadium. We watched the band do pregame (one thing I really didn't miss) Then it was kickoff! We marched/played at halftime and that was basically the day. I was jumping up and down and screaming and yelling almost the whole time! We ended up losing the game, but in my heart I won because I was a part of the band again. Even if I just stood next to them the whole time. Coming back home sore and tired, I was glad to be back home. My mom said that I would just stay the night and in the morning take me back to the church. For she was even more exhausted then I was, I didn't mind. I got to see Sirius again. So I was a happy girl, well bittersweet. I missed marching band, but there would be something else I would miss more in the future months to come.
This is the first "week" of the book. I hope you enjoyed! All the events that took place are purely true! There will be more to come. For I need to write this out. I hope you enjoyed the first Chapter! I might even do this on a weekly basis myself. Not sure yet, but stay tuned for Chapter 2 because the faster I write about the past events the more I could get to current and future that I would like to happen. Thank you for reading! :D Oh and you can probably guess who Jane will be ;P