A/N: Okay. I haven't written in quite a while. I know my writing quality is a little under par right now, but so be it. I need to get back in the swing of things, start writing on a more regular basis. I forgot just how soothing and cathartic it is. Hope it's decent :)

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Also, check out the band Laith. Figured I'd add in a plug for a friend of mine that is in it. Show 'em some love!

Disclaimer: Post Blind Betrayal—Spoilers!

Would You Love Me Then?

Iris POV

Black by Pearl Jam

Apologize by Laith

"What if I was human, Arthur?" Danse asked. "What if I were—the real Danse was—replaced by me? Would you take me back then? I mean. Would you take him back then?"

The look in the Elder's eyes told me he was seriously contemplating it.

"Possibly. He would have to give me good reason—he could not have been brainwashed by the Institute. He would have to be put down then, too. This is all if he is even alive—if he was real at all to begin with."

After Maxson left, I said my goodbyes to the ex-Paladin. I never knew I would end up going back. But all the time I wandered around the Commonwealth trying to find my son, my thoughts never left him. My mentor was just sitting there in the old listening post, alone. And probably still sitting in his self-loathing while he was at it.

I kept thinking of all the ops we'd ran together, all the times he had my back. All the first watches, and the let me go firsts. All the times I couldn't help but notice how strong he was, both mentally and physically.

How could I have not stood up for him? Synth or not, Danse has always deserved the best—and has always given one-hundred and ten percent of himself in the Brotherhood's name.

After a while of guilt laying on my chest, I went back to Listening Post Bravo to find that he'd made it halfway livable down there. I told him that I wanted to keep traveling with him, despite my holding Paladin rank within the faction that now hated his guts. Traitor, they called him. Like he knew, like he could help it. For a while there, I was just about sure he was going to kill himself due to his true identity.

He said he wouldn't want to risk getting caught out there—that my rank was too important, and that I shouldn't want to travel with such an abomination. This was when it slipped out.

"Abomination? Danse, you're anything but. I enjoy being with you, and… I've grown quite fond of you actually." His thick brows knitted together in confusion. "I've never said anything before in fear of fraternalization, but, well… That's not a problem anymore, now is it?"

His brows came out of their stupor and rose to the top of his forehead. "Are you saying you're… in love with me? But. This doesn't make any sense. How you can be in love with… well, a machine?"

"You're more human than anyone I've ever known, Danse. And Arthur is a damn fool to send you away." I smiled at him. "You'll always be human to me."

He continued to seem confused about my confession, but ultimately, he let me know he'd been feeling similar feelings—he just didn't know what they were until I'd pointed out my own.

With this new mindset between the two of us, and after traveling together for a couple more weeks, we soon became inseparable. I'd never felt so secure and loved, and he said he'd never known what it was like to have somebody be this kind of close—he wouldn't give it up for anything in the world.

We'd made our home at an old coastal cottage up north near Salem. We'd also moved Dogmeat and Codsworth there from Sanctuary Hills. And when we found Shaun, he'd make a fantastic addition. Danse said he was nervous to have a kid around, and my son from before the War nonetheless. But also said he was excited to be able to have a family with me, since he knew he couldn't father any himself.

"Iris?"

I turn from my bowl of Sugar Bombs to Danse. "Hm?"

He sets down his own spoon and faces me head-on. "I haven't been all that honest with you." He glances downward toward the table we sit at, seeming hesitant to continue.

"About…?"

"Who I am. I know I just learned about my being a synth, but you don't know who the rest of me is. Or who the real Danse was anyway."

"I know you came from Rivet City, made a life for yourself by opening your own stand in the marketplace before joining the Brotherhood."

"Yes. All that's true. But. I know who you are. You're Iris. I'm just… Danse. I've gotten used to just being called that for years now, and never put much thought into using my first or middle names. I've never needed to until now."

I gasp mockingly. "You mean to tell me that your name isn't Danse? Who am I actual with right now, then?" I laugh as he grins and his cheeks grow a slight hint of red.

"Yeah, it is. My full name is Saul Johnfield Danse. You can call me Saul if you want to. I understand if it's weird, or you're just used to Danse, but—"

I cut him off. "I love it." I smile warmly at him. "It fits you."

"Really?" His brows scrunch together as he grins, embarrassed. "I never thought it did."

"Nope, it does. Trust me, Saul."

He grins again. "Okay. Maybe I can get used to it now with you saying it."

Over the course of a few weeks, Saul's name settled quite nicely with both of us. I even took to calling him Sully for some reason. I didn't understand it when it slipped out the first time, and I still don't understand it to this day. It's like calling a man named James Jim. Only the first letter makes sense. But he told me he likes it, and it comes naturally to me, so Sully he shall be.

We made the mistake of wandering around the Salem ruins one day, and ended up near the Longneck Lukowsky's Cannery. And we didn't realize that a full patrol of Brotherhood soldiers had just unloaded from a Vertibird in the area.

Not even including those in power armour, the Field Scribes and Knights' faces were stunned when they saw him, to say the least. We thought you were dead. The Elder ordered it, they'd said in shock. Thankfully, I was able to come up with something on the fly to stop them from shooting him themselves.

I found the human Danse in the Institute—the one they modeled the synth after. This is him—the Elder allowed him to step into M7-97's Paladin shoes.

They seemed to believe it for now. Although I was sure they were going to confront Maxson about it as soon as they boarded the Prydwen again. I knew we had to act. And fast.

I step onto the observation deck and see Maxson standing there, all stoic-like, hands clasped behind his back. He's facing away from me, looking out toward the Commonwealth. Yet, he hears my entry, and somehow knows it's me know is standing here.

"Paladin Iris."

"Sir."

"I have had word that you and your chosen… company… have been out and about. Is this true?"

"Yes, sir. It is."

He finally turns to look at me. His face—as usual—shows no amusement. He looks a bit angry in all honesty. "Care to clarify?" he asks.

"We were just near our abode up near Salem. We had no idea a patrol was scheduled for that area, or we would've steered clear."

He nods. "It is not only that that I am referring to." After a semi-confused look from my face, he continues, "That squadron also reported of your… explanation as to why he was alive. Enlighten me as well, please." Although his words are polite, his expression is not.

I look down at the floor, avoiding his eyes. "It seemed the best way for them to leave him alone. He's not hurting anybody up there with me." I pause. "But," I meet his gaze, "what if there really was a Danse, a human Danse? There could still be a chance that the Institute is still holding him." I don't bother to use his first name, as he wouldn't be recognized by it, more than likely.

"I doubt that, Paladin."

"You don't know. Shoot, I don't even. Just… after saying that to them, it got me wondering. I'm already in the works of planning a trip down there to see for myself. What if I find him? Can he join back?"

He gives me an odd look, as if I've lost my marbles. I already know I have.

"On the slim chance that there is a human Danse, and that he is still alive, he would have to pass multiple inspections in order to join us again. I am afraid he would have to start out at the Initiate rank. We cannot risk him holding such a high position within the Brotherhood after being with them for so long." He throws his hands in the deep pockets of his battlecoat. "So, maybe."

"Thanks, Elder." I smile at him. "I'll report in as soon as I can." I spin and leave the airport.

Once I meet back up with Sully where we split, we start to head home. He didn't want me to travel all the way to the airport by myself, but I also didn't want to risk him getting caught by any more soldiers.

"What did Maxson say?" he asks me.

I decided during the trip to the airport that I didn't want him to know my real reason to travel back to the Institute. I take the evasive route.

"Just that he wants me to check in on some business for him. In the Institute. I should head out shortly after we get home."

He looks at me confusedly, but doesn't ask any more about it.

"Alright." I sigh, standing up from the bed. "It's about that time. Business awaits." I've stalled long enough.

Sully sighs after me. "I guess it is." He goes to the shelf in our room where I've kept his holotags ever since he gave them to me back at the listening post. After placing them around my neck, he tucks them into my shirt, out of sight. But I'll know they're there. "Come back to me."

"Always." I place my hand on his cheek. He leans into it, smiling—but it doesn't touch his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I don't really know. I feel scared for some reason—worried."

"There's no need to be. I've been there before. I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? Hopefully no more than a few hours."

He smiles again, trying to convince me. But it doesn't work. It never does when it's fake.

"I'll be fine," I reword it. I reach up to him, as he's almost got a good foot height difference on me, and press my lips to his.

As much as I try to make it loving, reassuring, it feels like neither of these. Why does this feel like a goodbye?

"Ah, Mother. I'm glad to see you arrive once more."

I turn and am greeted by my 60-year-old son. "Hello… Shaun."

I've been struggling to refer to him as anything remotely similar to my son. This is not how his father and I would have raised him. Is he even my son, other than by blood?

"Our Watchers have been successful in finding you getting on rather well with our synth, M7-97. I'm happy to see you have found a… suitable lover now with my father gone."

My eyes go wide. I've heard that the birds of the Commonwealth were actually synthetic spies created by the Institute, but never put much thought into it. …Especially the times I noticed them outside the window when I was with Sully.

"Um." I try to form a coherent thought outside of My son has seen me intimate with something he helped create. "Um, yeah. It's a good thing, I suppose."

"Now," he continues, seeming unfazed by my awkwardness on the topic, "unfortunately, no video could be captured. However, we have been able to get some decent audio files of the conversations held within that airship you travel to work in. The airship belonging to the Brotherhood of Steel."

I try to keep my face from seeming shocked. What all have they heard? What plans?

"We know why you're here," he concludes. "You wish to see for yourself if the human Danse is still available. I'm sorry to say that I have some things to attend to, but I will have faculty from all divisions on standby for your assistance. Those from Robotics and the SRB would be my best bet for help. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Shaun?" He turns back to me. "…You actually have him?"

"Yes. He is one of the few cases of subjects we've kept. Or, should I say, one of the few cases that survived their stasis. I'll have somebody from Robotics come and escort you. Excuse me now." He turns and walks off to who-knows-where.

"Miss?" I shift my gaze to the woman coming my way. "I'm here to show you to our stasis pods." She heads toward Robotics, expecting me to follow. I do.

Once we get inside the division, she leads me to yet another door, and we slip inside the room on the other side. It's filled with pods similar to the one I was stuck in for two centuries.

"It's really quite exciting, ma'am, having you in here with me. I rarely have any company, and showing off what I do is thrilling. Not too many know about this room, or its occupants, other than myself and a few others." Well, she's a bit eccentric.

I'm listening to her say all this, but her words hardly register, as I'm too busy looking at all the technology.

She cuts into my thoughts when she says, "Here he is. One of our only surviving stasis members. You see, most people's biology do not agree with being held over ice for long. Luckily, he could."

I peek inside the glass on the door of the pod and see who appears to be my Sully in no more than his skivvies. He has the scar over his right eye, the small mole on his left shoulder. All the details I've come to recognize—details I know better than my own. They did a good job with the finer things… Have to give 'em that.

The woman continues her talking, "I was told you were to take him with you. But I need to do some testing—just to make sure he can continue living outside of this pod. I need to—"

"How long have you had him?" I cut her off. "Like, when did the Institute take him to make M7-97?"

"I'm afraid I cannot tell you that. Protocol and all that. You understand."

"Yeah, I guess." Doesn't mean I have to like it, though… I peer into the pod again as I wonder if he has been in this since before I met him… or after. I shake my head to clear it. "Anyway. As you were saying."

"As I was saying, we need to run some tests—both cognitive and physical. I also understand that you have created shared memories between M7-97 and yourself—not with the human Danse. That can also be arranged. We can transfer the memories from M7-97 to this man, and wipe all memories of being a synth, as well as his stay here with us."

His stay with you? I think. It's not like it was a cozy hotel accommodation. He was held prisoner after being experimented on! I don't say any of this, though.

I turn my gaze from the pod to see the woman at an intercom panel. "Hi, this is Roz from Robotics. Can I get a Courser from SRB for retention of M7-97, please? Thanks."

"What do you mean 'retention?'"

"We're getting our synth back so we can make the data transfer. After human Danse is up and functioning, we can reclaim M7-97 in the back of the Synth Retention Bureau division. You can pick up exactly where you left off with M7, and have a human lover again!" Her smile fades after seeing my wide-eyed expression.

"Are you crazy?!" I look and point over to the pod where 'human Danse' remains. "He's not my Sully—M7 is! I don't even care that he's a synth, cause he's all I know. I love him for who he is, not what he is! He will not be the same as my Saul."

"I guarantee you, Miss. He will be identical. You won't even be able to tell. That's what we here at the Institute strive for: human perfection in synthetics."

"You can't do this. Call the Courser off. Now!"

"I can't do that. He's already on his way, and probably already has M7 in his possession, if his training has had any effect. M7 will be beside you in no time." She smiles and moves to a table with her work atop it.

After no longer than ten minutes, I have Sully standing next to me. Shut off like I've seen so many synths before.

"Turn him on!" I demand.

"He's been recalled, ma'am," the Courser which brought him in says. "I'm afraid I cannot do that."

"You can, too!" I yell. "And you will!" I turn toward the woman who has been frustrating yet interesting company. "Roz, tell him!"

She seems surprised at my use of her name, but ultimately tells the Courser to do an anti-recall code, or whatever she calls it. After the Courser speaks this simple phrase, he leaves. Not a moment later, Sully straightens up, alert.

He looks around, and even though this place is not in his memory, he instantly knows where he is. He sees me. "Iris, what's going on?" he whispers. "Why are we here? We have to find a way out of here!"

"I'll leave you two alone," the woman says, and leaves the room of pods.

Sully seems surprised to not have noticed her presence before her announcing it. "Why am I here?" he asks once she's completely gone. "I know you were here, but why me? How'd I even…" He looks so confused, as if it's hurting his brain to try and process it.

"…Because of him." I point toward the pod all conversation has revolved around for the past hour.

Sully walks over to it, looking inside. His eyes grow round. "Is that…? Is that me?" He looks back to me and I nod, feeling a stinging start to form behind my eyes.

"They said they'd take your memories, minus the synth identity part, and implant them into him. They'd remove all memories of the Institute interfering with his life, and it would all appear as a bad dream. He'd be released, and even allowed back into the Brotherhood—they wouldn't try to brainwash him into becoming a traitor."

He comes back over to me. "That sounds ideal."

"What? No. They'd be taking you back." I can't see how this could be ideal in his mind.

"Yes, it would be. It'd be perfect. All this would go away. The BOS could get back one of their best officers, and he wouldn't be an abomination in their eyes. He'd just step in my place and everything will continue on, but as it should."

"Sully, you don't understand. He's not you. You're you. I don't want him—cause you are all that matters. You. You understand?"

"Iris." He plants his calloused hands on both of my biceps. "He is me. Or rather… I'm him. It's how it's supposed to be. I shouldn't be here, and with you being in the Brotherhood, you know that. And you should agree to it, Paladin."

I'm shaking my head furiously. "I won't have it. I'd kill him before he took over your life." I get an idea. "Unless… Unless he could go back to his old life." I look up at him, my eyes taking on a crazy edge to them—I know they are.

"He could go back to the Brotherhood, continue his life where it left off. If the Institute can erase some of his memories, they can take me out of his memories altogether. They wouldn't have to take you back, we could just leave. We could move out of the Commonwealth, go back to Rivet City where you came from. We could open up another junk stand, become junk vendors. We could keep going."

I'm grasping at his shirt now, trying—pleading—for him to agree to this insane scheme. But he just looks down at me, a sad smile on his lips. I know that look…

"Iris… You know that's not how this should go."

"Maybe not, but that's how I want it. Please, Sully, please. Just do this for me." I lay my forehead on his chest as my eyes finally produce the tears they've been threatening to for a while now.

"Iris…" He hugs me to him. "I'm going to make the decision you can't. I just hope you can learn to forgive and thank me later." I lean back and look at his face, but he refuses to meet my eyes.

"Sully, what are you gonna do?"

"They try to get us to forget things like this. But I remember it."

"Sully?"

"M7-97, initialize factory reset, authorization code—"

"Saul, no!" I lurch to cover his mouth, but he finishes before I can reach him.

"Lambda, nine, seven, two, Vega." With this, he falls still, resuming the position he arrived the Institute in—hunched over, seemingly dead. A reset synth.

The arms once used to embrace, the lips once used to smile and kiss. The whole of which is Sully is slumped over.

"Saul!" Tears are running down my face at such a rate, it's hard to see him clearly. "You idiot, you can't do this to me!" I turn toward the door the woman disappears from. "Roz! Help me!"

She slums in, not as fast as I feel she should. "With what, Miss?"

"Wake him up! He just used his recall code!"

"Hm." She looks perplexed. "He shouldn't have memory of it strong enough to use it on himself. Interesting. That's something I'll have to report to the Bureau…"

"Roz, focus! I need him awake. Help me! Please!" I repeat.

"I can't help you. I'm sorry. Although a recall code is usually needed only once, the limit is twice. I'm sorry to say that he's shut down permanently."

"What?!" I fall straight onto my butt, gripping my head in my hands. "This can't be happening…" Right here and now, I curl myself up into a ball on the floor, distraught at how he just took himself away from me for good. How could he be so selfish?!

"Well, since he's already shut down, and I've been running those tests on human Danse since earlier, I'll go ahead and get the data transfer started."

I'm aware of when she and another Robotics scientist move Sully. They take him to the other side of the room, out of my line of sight, as they prepare to combine him and the "real" Danse.

I'm also aware when seemingly a few minutes later, she comes back to me. "The transfer is done. Took longer than expected, but it's done. He should be waking up soon—anywhere from one to several hours. We went ahead and took the liberty to move him back to your home. So, you can go on home now—he'll be waiting in your shared bed."

Without my permission, shortly after she says this, somebody—I don't even notice who—sends me home through the relay.

"Good to see you home safe, mum," Codsworth says as I walk in the door of my house. He has no idea of everything that had just happened—he just thinks I'm back from the Institute as I'd planned.

I walk past him without saying a word or looking toward him, and start to head upstairs.

He can't be that much different, I try to convince myself. But no matter how hard I've tried to do this very feat, the back of my mind keeps thinking how Sully betrayed me, using his recall code to ensure his human counterpart had a shot.

Normally, I'd think it was a brave and very noble thing to do. A synth understanding that it is a breach of human technology, and surrendering its life to allow humans to remain in control.

But not this go around. How dare he take himself away from me forever. I don't care if I have a human version of him. It's still not him.

Somehow, I feel as if I'm in the shoes of all the people in the Commonwealth who has had their friends and family members taken and replaced by synths. It's stupid to say it like that, but that's what it feels like. Like my Sully was taken from me and replaced by an identical copy. It just so happens it's a reversed role situation.

As I near the door to the bedroom, I listen in to see if I can hear the semi-familiar snores I hear from Sully occasionally. Or that I heard from Sully occasionally. But I don't. Continuing on, I step through the doorframe to see a form lying in our bed. It's him.

He's tuned on his left side, facing away from me. He's breathing deeply, sleeping soundly.

I want to go closer, see his face up close for myself. But I can't for some reason. I turn and go back downstairs to the red sectional in the living room.

Codsworth floats by. "Mum? Aren't you going to sleep upstairs with Sir?" He'd taken to giving Sully my late husband's name after they got comfortable with each other.

"Um. No, Codsworth. Not tonight. I… don't want to bother him right now—he's sleeping well."

"Alright. At least allow me to bring you a pillow and blanket. It's a bit nippy down here—according to my internal thermometer." I nod, saying this would be fine.

Once my robotic butler from two centuries ago brings me his promised accommodations, I lay down and try to fall asleep, however difficult.

"Iris." I try to open my sealed eyelids, but it's proven hard to do. "Iris?" I try again and successfully open my eyes, and am met with two more eyes in front of my own.

I jump back slightly. "What are you doing on the couch? Come in late?" I'm perplexed. Or disturbed, to say the least. Unsure how to respond, I shrug. "Nightmare?" he guesses again. After all of what happened yesterday in the Institute, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say I did go through a nightmare. So I nod.

"Yeah," he continues. "Me, too." I lean up on the couch as he sits down next to me. I feel myself wanting to retreat, to find a place of solace away from this reminder. But I can't move.

"Had a dream last night that I was a synth—got exiled from the Brotherhood for it and everything. Arthur almost killed me cause you refused to do it. I even used my own recall code to make sure the human version of me had a chance to live. You were so mad with me, for some reason."

During all of this, he doesn't realize that I've started to cry. Him explaining everything like that did me no favours—all it did was remind me of what I know I need to forget.

He looks over at me. "Are you crying, Iris?" His brows pull together, highlighting the scar over his right eye—just like it used to when it was M7. I nod again, sniffling. "Is it the dream you had?" I shake my head, not really knowing how to answer anymore. "…Is it mine?"

I let loose a sob, and in the process, letting him know that's exactly what it is.

He scoots closer, laying his hand on my shoulder, but when I put out from under it—to get away from his touch—his brows pinch together even tighter. And after a moment of deliberation, he asks, "Was it real? Please tell me it wasn't…"

I look down at my lap, where my hands lay folded. I shake my head, undecided if he should know or not. He heaves a sigh of relief.

Standing, I move into the laundry room, needing to get my hands—my mind—occupied before I go crazy. A few minutes later, he follows, wrapping his arms around my waist. It's something he'd always enjoyed doing: feeling my small frame in comparison to his, like he could protect me from everything in the world. But I can't stand him being in contact with me, so I throw the shirt from my hand and take a step to the side, alleviating myself from the uncomfortable feeling he's giving me.

"Iris?" He seems confused again as he takes a few steps back. "This is the second time you won't let me touch you this morning." His gaze shifts to the side slightly, as if trying to recall something. "Did I do something in my sleep last night? Or did I get drunk, do something I'd regret, and don't remember it? Seems out of character for me, but this is odd for you." He moves in a bit closer. "What did I do?"

I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing a single tear from them. I shake my head—again. I know he's gotta be getting tired of it, but I can't say anything to him, or do anything worth while in this state of mind.

I quickly make up my mind. I need to get out of here. Pulling all my energy together, I whistle through my teeth, guaranteed to gain Dogmeat's attention. Once he shows, I go to walk out the door with my dog by my side.

"Iris!" His tone takes on the edge from the days of his being my superior officer. It stops me in my tracks. Slowly, I turn to face him. "I need to know what's going on. …Where are you going?"

I take a deep breath. "Diamond City."

"And you're not taking a weapon." His question sounds more like a statement—it's obvious I'm unarmed.

"…I have Dogmeat." I go to leave again.

He barges his way in front of me, completely blocking my exit. He knows this is the only way to stop me now. "Let me go with you."

"I need… time. Away from here. Away from—" You, I was about to say. "Away from everything."

He can tell he's lost this fight, that he won't be traveling with me. "You'll die out there. Diamond City isn't close."

"Well. We'll find out then, won't we?"

I step around him and enter the vast Commonwealth.