Category: Scully/other, MSR, Angst
Spoiler: Somewhere after Millennium
Summary: Scully is invited to a class reunion. Mulder finds the inviting letter. She didn't want to go to it, now she has to
Disclaimer: unfortunately Scully and Mulder don't belong to me – they belong to CC. If they would be mine ..
THANKS TO SHARON FOR THE GREAT BETA SHE DID – BIG HUGS
*****
RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU*****
Part 1/? Mulder POVShe was sitting in her chair at the bureau. I could feel Scully was frustrated but I didn't know what to do about it. Should I tell her that I had found the letter? Would I intrude into to intimate area of hers
During the last few weeks she had pulled away from me not allowing me to rest my hand on the small of her back. It was a torture for me, to be forbidden to touch her. I needed her near me to stay alive. She was like a drug I was addicted to.
Today she had a particularly bad day. I always told myself that it's because of the female cycle but today it was different. She wasn't in the mood to speak to me, not calling me bad names or telling me how stupid I was. Instead, she ignored me.
She was such a beautiful woman! Oh yes! Her incredible eyes, those lips just made for kissing and sucking, and that little tongue she let glide out to lick her lips when she was nervous. But today, today it was different.
She was wearing a black suit – a very short skirt and jacket, double buttoned and a white blouse. But the thing that was most noticeable was the black bra under her white blouse. This was the sign. Normally nothing like this happened to my Scully. Normally she was perfect. It seems that the letter has really distracted her., Totally occupied the little head I loved so much.
The sound of her cellphone ringing brought me back to reality. I noticed then that I was staring at her she didn't seen to mind. She was just sitting there, hair pulled back behind her ears and glasses on the tip of her nose. Oh this woman was incredibly beautiful. If I could only tell her that.
"Hello … no there is no problem … I will be there at nine." She said to the other partner at the other end of the line. "Red or white? … okay I think I have a Chardonnay left in my wine box. Will that be alright? … okay … casual … well … see you Max."
Max? What was going on here! Was she dating a man? Max? Never heard this name before. I look up and saw her face. She looked happier now. Was this the only thing she had waited for the whole day? My Scully is dating. I couldn't believe it. She never told me of anybody else.
Did the kiss on New Years mean nothing to her? I wanted to touch her, to tell her that it wasn't okay that she was dating someone else. Was Scully going to Max's flat? She was going to bring a bottle of wine. She'll eat with him, flirt with him, wear one of her short skirts and wonderful sleeveless blouses. She'll wear my necklace but she won't be my Scully. Someone else will be allowed to hold her. This can't be true!.
" Mulder?" I heard a voice next to me.
"Yeah"
"I called you three times. What's wrong? "
"Nothing .. nothing Scully, everything is fine." I was allowed to say fine. If she said it I would know that something was wrong.
Should I bring up the topic of her high school reunion? College would have been easy because I know a friend of hers she'd attended with and I could call her. But, high school was a long time ago and if I'd read it correctly, we would have to travel to Grand Rapids. She never told me anything about Grand Rapids at all.
"Okay. Well. I'm calling it a day, Mulder. It's nearly 5 and I have a lot to do at home."
A lot to do at home! Of course but not in the apartment. He gave himself a mental slap. Get your mind cleaned up Mulder, you can't go on like this. She's making you crazy.
She turned around on her heels, went to the door and grabbed her coat and purse.
"Have a good night Scully." I told her. She turned around with one of her 'shut-up-Mulder' looks and went out.
How could my Scully, my partner and best friend date without telling me? She has to tell me, she's my best friend. I would tell her if I had a date. But she's not interested in me. At least that is what it looks like to me. Shit!.
*****
Mulder's Apartment
8.00 pm
*****
I sat on my couch, one of the movies which weren't mine in the VCR. A nice looking blond was dancing around. But it didn't do anything for me. I didn't get aroused, not even a little bit. I felt nothing seeing this naked woman putting two fingers into her wet pussy. Pussy, I hadn't thought about this word for a long time. Normally I would say vagina or use the more vulgar cunt. Scully often told me during the last few years that vagina is the correct name for it, if you have to talk about it.
I stood up. I was still wearing my Armani trousers, which fit me perfectly and were able to hide my erection. Hiding an erection was a normal state for me. When Dana is looking something up in one of the file cabinets and is standing next to the drawers or trying to get something from the very top drawer, she has to stand on a chair to be able to reach it. Her skirt riding up to give me a better view of her beautiful legs. I just can't help becoming aroused at the very sight of her. She is the first woman I ever fell in love with because of her intelligence. It just doesn't hurt that she is beautiful too.
I stood up and went to my bedroom to pull the box of videos that aren't mine out from under my bed. Don't ask me why I but these things. Maybe because of Scully. She often teases me because of them.
I opened the box and looked for a video I bought a couple of weeks ago named "Red Fire of Ischia". It was an Italian movie, the only one I could get in DC with a red head in it. Red heads were rare at pornos. I just had seen one of Frohike's red head pornos. It was a bad one, I think Czech. The red wasn't natural so I was really depressed and bored the entire time. Frohike sure got into it though.
I went back to the living room, put it into the VCR, sat back on the couch and unbuttoned and unzipped my trousers. I pushed the play button and a red head was now in front of me.
The woman in the video had hair like Scully and lips like her. She was incredibly beautiful. Without me even touching it my cock started to harden. The video was good. Surprisingly so. I decided to stop the video went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Eristoff and a towel and went back to settle on my couch and get back into the video. I purred a full glass and let it glide down my throat in one throw. Birr. was the only thing that came out of my mouth.
I put the towel over my knees so that I wouldn't have to clean up the mess afterwards And in anticipation, pressed the play button again.
My hand started to glide along my shaft when the woman, I think she was named Angela, let her fingers glide along the waistband of her panties. I closed my eyes imagining Scully in her place. My hand became hers slowly fingering my cock. Slowly the stroking increased.
My hand was getting faster, up and down. I felt the climax coming soon. Oh god Scully … so good … perfect … faster… give it to me … let me be your bad boy. I came hard, harder than normal when I was thinking of Scully rubbing my cock, licking my cock, sucking my cock. My semen not only covered the towel but some was also on the floor and the coffee table. So much for avoiding a mess. Shit!
At the same moment my cellphone started to ring. Shit. Who would call me at 11pm. This couldn't be right.
One hand was holding my trousers and the other one grabbed the phone out of my suit jacket.
"Mulder."
"Hi Mulder it's me." She said.
"Hello Scully." She's at home that early? "Why are you calling?"
"I just wanted to tell you that I will not be in tomorrow. I'm not feeling very well."
She's not at home, shit. She'll sleep with him! I just know it! She'll let him bring her over the edge.
He will be fucking her hard, letting her come, let her scream his name. That's not fair. She's mine. I hadn't been allowed to touch her for weeks, not even the small of her back.
Was she in love with him? No, she couldn't be. I would have recognized it. But he will be the one who will hold her, kiss her and touch her. It's not fair!
"I will bring you some soup at midday so that we can talk."
"Don't Mulder. I'm staying at my mum's."
"Hey no problem. Do you want me to bring you something?"
"No I am fine. I just wanted to let you know that I will not be in tomorrow. Okay?"
"I'll miss you." I blurted out of my mouth.
"Mulder?"
"Yes?"
"Is everything alright?"
Nothing was alright but what can I do? "Yes. Go to bed Scully and enjoy yourself."
"Thanks Mulder. You are a good friend."
"Have fun." Did I just say that?
"Night." She said in a monotone way. She had ignored my last statement, like she often does. She's a friend but I wanted her to be so much more. I wanted to be allowed to touch her neck, to message her back and feel each of her ribs. I will miss her tomorrow.
******
Federal Office
1.22 pm
I was bored. It was so boring without Scully. There was nobody I could stare at, nobody I could talk to and nobody I could fantasize about. I miss her. Can I call her now? I will.
"Scully? It's me." I heard a male voice on the other end.
"Hello?" he said. "I'll get her."
I couldn't stand it and put my finger to the red button before Scully had the chance to say something disconnecting the call. She's not with me. I just couldn't talk to her when she was laying in bed with another guy. She not with me. I can't do this anymore. She's not with me. This is all wrong. She's really wrong. She can't do this to me.
"Hello Sarah … can I speak to Skinner?" I asked the secretary.
"Hey Mulder. He'll be in, in a minute. How are you doing?"
"I am okay. What about you?"
"Okay I would say. The baby makes a lot of work."
"How old is he now?"
"Jarod is nearly 30 weeks old."
"The time goes so fast. I can remember the day you brought him in with you the first time and Scully's face when you asked her to hold him." I couldn't help but smile at the memory
"How is she? I Haven't seen her for days."
"Me either."
"Hey what's up Mulder?"
"Nothing."
"Tell me. Do you Wanna have coffee later? I am finished at 3. We could call it a day and go to the new Starbucks."
"That would be great. Thanks a lot Sarah."
"You are welcome. Wanna talk to A.D. Skinner now?"
"No. We'll meet there at 3 okay?"
"Yeah. Would you mind if I take Jarod with me?"
"No I would mind if you didn't. He's growing so fast."
"Well see you later Mulder."
I put the phone down on my desk and grabbed an old file. It was an old case in Nebraska I had investigated with Diana. It was the first case we had done together. Diana. She was so different from Scully. She was bigger and had dark hair. Scully was so intelligent and most of the time so honest.
I put the file into a drawer, took my cell and my jacket and left.
*****
Starbucks
3.15 pm
I was a bit late. Sarah was sitting outdoors in the sun. It was a wonderful day.
"Sorry Sarah. You know the traffic."
"No problem Mulder."
"What would you like?"
"Get me a big Café Late without Sugar please."
I went in and get us two coffees. She was a good looking woman, married for as long as I'd known her to Daniel. Jarod was their first child, a risk pregnancy.
"So Mulder, tell me what's up. It's about Dana isn't it?"
"Can you read my mind?"
"If you are sad it's always because of her." "You are right."
She set Jarod on her lap. "Do you want to hold him?" she asked. She knew that I loved kids., I always wanted to have some on my own but there never had been the right woman for the job. Job?
"Thanks. I'd like that." I said and set him in my lap. He was cute with long dark curls and blue eyes, big blue eyes.
"She's sleeping with a new guy." I blurted out.
"What are you saying?" Sarah responded in a shocked voice.
"She went to somebody named Max yesterday and fucked him, that's what I am saying."
"How do you know that Mulder?"
Tears began to gather in my eyes.
"Yesterday she called to tell me that she was sick."
"Yes, Go on." Sarah nodded.
"Well the day before she had a call at the office and talked to a Max. She asked him what wine she should take with her."
"Oh …"
"Well I called her today before I called you. A man picked up the phone. I ended it before I talked to her."
Sarah was looking at me, seeing how much pain this has caused me, real pain.
"Look Mulder … that's a hard thing indeed but you have to tell her what you feel. You can't judge her for dating somebody when she doesn't know how you feel about her."
"But …"
"Forget all those rules. Go to her apartment with a dozen roses and tell her how you feel."
"But if she … ?"
"Mulder look at me …" I was smoothing the curls out of Jarod's little face. "She'll listen to you and that's important."
"But how could I work with her if she told me that she's not interested. I mean she would never ask me to go with her to the class …"
"What are you talking about?" She asked me.
"A few days ago I was searching for a file on her table. Well under a plied of files I found an invitation to her High school class reunion in Grand Rapids."
"When is it?"
"I think next weekend. But she …"
"Mulder … what's her favorite color?"
"Dark green and pale pink."
"Well Mulder it's just an idea. Buy her something in one of this colors that will remind her of High school. From there You could bring up this topic easily."
"But what shall I buy her?" I am really hopeless at gifts.
"Mulder think a bit. What about a scarf, or a t-shirt that will remind her of high school or something like that."
" Well I guess It's an idea." Hmmmm what shall I buy? It's not that easy. She's such a beautiful woman, my Dana, but she could be so picky.
"A scarf." I said.
"Mulder?" She said suddenly.
"Mhm … ?"
"Get up and go buy it. You shouldn't just sit here with a mother, talking about your private life. Go get yourself a private life and tell me later how it was."
"A gentle…"
"No details Mulder, no details." She grinned and I grinned. I handed over the sleeping baby and got on my way.
On my way home I bought an expensive pale pink scarf by Joop. She will like it I told myself, I just know she will.
I parked the car not far away from my apartment. My mailbox was full. A lot of bills, I am sure. But there were a couple of ordinary letters too. Who had written me? Maybe an answer to my ad in one of those magazine which aren't mine.
I went upstairs and stopped in front of my door. My key was in the bottom of my jacket pocket. After a couple of tries I got it out and fitted it into the lock. But my door was unlocked. Had I forgotten to lock it? No impossible. I put the mail on the floor and grabbed my gun out of my shoulder holster. Slowly I opened the door and went in, without making a sound. I was searching for something unfamiliar. It wasn't cleaned up, like always but the towel was not on the coffee table where I had left it yesterday. Who moved it?
As I was looking around I noticed that there was light in my bedroom. Nobody ever went in there not even Scully. Nobody knew that I even had a bed until a couple of weeks ago. Slowly I opened the door, just a couple of inches to have a look into it. Seeing nothing, I slowly it further.
"Mulder?" I heard a familiar voice callout from my bathroom.
"D… Scully ?" I asked "What are you doing here?"
She came out of the bathroom in blue jeans and a very, very tight white t-shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. I could see her hard nipples, hard because it was cold in this room. They poked out like little rocks, beautiful.
"We have to talk Mulder." She said without looking into my eyes – not good sign.
"What are you doing in my bed room?" I asked her, the gun still pointed at her.
"Do you want to shoot me Mulder? Put the gun down." I did.
"And?"
"I started to clean up the mess in the living room."
"But why are you here?"
"Mulder, we have to talk."
"You could have phoned me or talked to me tomorrow in the Office."
I looked at her. She felt uncomfortable and I felt she deserved to be. I handed her the small package without a word. She took it in her small hands and I went around to the window side of the bed.
I didn't look at her but I heard her as she unwrapped the the box and opened it. The scarf was in it.
"Why?" She asked softly.
I didn't give her an answer. She was barefoot and climbed up onto the bed and crawled over to my side, the scarf in her fingers.
"Mulder?" she asked again. "Why have you bought me this beautiful scarf?"
I looked down in my lap.
"I am handing in my resignation to Skinner tomorrow"
"What? Mulder What are you talking about?"
It just came out of my mouth. My life had no meaning now She was in love. It would only be torture to work with her nothing more. It would cause pain every day when I see her. And if she would marry him, my life would end officially. My reaction would possibly hurt her a bit but I no longer cared.
"I am resigning from the FBI."
"But why?"
Should I tell her the truth?
"Because of you." I said, not looking at her. She sat next to me, her back against the pillows.
"What?" She didn't get it. "Me?" She repeated.
I just nodded.
"Why?" From the corner of my eyes I could see tears running down her cheek like rivers and she didn't try to hide it, this time.
"Because that's the way it is. Okay?" I said harshly. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted her to feel the same pain she caused me.
"No it's not okay Mulder. You can't just leave me that easily."
"I'm going to move too." I said. If I am going to start a new life without the X-Files, it should be absolutely new. I didn't want to see her ever again.
"Mulder … what's going on here?" she said and set up, putting her hand on my shoulder. The scarf was now around her neck fitting her perfectly. The color of the scarf, this pale pink, and the red of her hair was wonderful.
"Nothing is going on. I just made a decision I should have made a couple of months ago. But now is the right time and its time for me to go."
I grabbed her hand and lifted it off my shoulder.
"You can't Mulder. You can't go like this."
"See" I said and stood up. "I can."
She cried bitterly and it hurt me to see her cry. It wasn't right to want her hold tight. I needed to be strong.
"But why? What finally made you reach this decision?" She asked me, trying to wipe away the tears. She was so small without shoes. Her eyes red. She came behind me and grabbed my t-shirt to make me stop.
"Why?" She asked again, hitting her fists against my belly.
"I told you."
"But what have I done Mulder?"
You really wanna know honey? Jumping into bed with other guys doesn't fit our relationship darling. It's just that I can't see you anymore.
"I am sure you know why." I answered.
"I don't!."
I went into the kitchen just like yesterday and got a glass of Vodka and then a second one. I purred them down fast on after the other. She just watched me, stunned.
"What's going on here Mulder?" She said, nervously her voice was shaking.
"I told you that it's because of you. You can read the rest tomorrow on my resignation which will be on Skinner's table at 8am."
"You can't leave me after all we'd been through."
"Yes I can, Scully, I can."
"No you can't. I trusted you for years and you trusted me. You told me that I am your best friend and you know that you are mine but why aren't you telling me what exactly is blowing up in your mind at the moment. What is the matter!"
"Fuck you Scully! Just take it! Believe it! End!" I said and purred another full glass.
"Stop drinking this stuff and don't speak to me like that."
"I am nobody to you anymore Scully. Just go and let me close this chapter of my life."
"I don't understand Mulder." She said sitting down on a kitchen chair." One minute you buy me this expensive scarf which reminds me being 12 again and in the next you scare me to death and want to leave me."
"I didn't want you to find it out today and not in this way."
"How then?"
"The scarf would have been on your table, an explanation next to it."
"Poor Mulder is the only thing I can say."
"What?" I got hot and angry
"Not able to tell me the truth that's poor."
"It's not. I just didn't want to see you anymore."
This one was hard. I heard her taking a deep short breath and a loud sobbing afterwards. She was crying again. I had seen her like this only once – at Missy's funeral.
She stood up, the scarf pulled up in her fist against her heart. She went into the living room, got into her shoes and her jacket. She left me, just like I wanted her to go. I really hurt her and she didn't understand me. I didn't myself.
I was closing the most important chapter of my lifetime now – the X-Files and Dana. I would leave both behind me, never seeing them again. But that's what I told her and that's what I will do. I couldn't break a word I had given her.
******
End Part 1
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( mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com )
& thanks to Sharon again for doing a wonderful beta job *highly-recommended*