Chances Taken

It had started with six little words. When they had arrived in Holland their contact had taken them to the safe house and when inside had said, "I want you to meet Christina." The memories he had managed to suppress came flooding back. With her blonde hair and blue eyes she looked nothing like the dark haired girl he had fallen in love with. Just the name alone was enough. He had hurt his Christine, he could not let it happen to her too. He had tried to reason with her husband, suggesting she wait elsewhere where she would be safe but she had refused.

"I will not listen. I will not argue," had been her firm reply. When Chief asked her to join them later when it was safe she had asked him how he could be sure there would be a later.

"Grab each day while you can?" he had asked.

"Yes, each day. For many of us there will be no tomorrow."

Back in England he continued to think of Christine. How they had been so happy together. Then he had ended up in trouble with the law and had run.

When he found out they were going to NY the others were ecstatic. He was torn. He wanted to go back, to see her again. He had a chance to be with her again. They could be together like it was but that would mean being on the run again. Not only the cops would be after him but the army as well. He knew Garrison trusted him and he would be betraying that trust. He had not had anyone trust and count on before. In prison it was easier if there was no trust because then you could not be betrayed. Now he was finding he liked being trusted. Could he throw all that away. Could he do that for Christine?

Once in NY he had to act fast and as soon as he had a chance he slipped out the door and was gone. There was no turning back. At the first pay phone he called her parents. Claiming he was a former class mate on leave before shipping over seas, he asked to see her. Her mother was only too glad to help one of the fighting boys and gave him her address. He thanked her and practically raced to see her. The neighbour hood was not the best but it was better than he would be able to afford.

His heart was pounding as he knocked at her door and waited. She opened it part way and the look on her face drained the smile from his face. She was shocked and obviously not glad to see him.

"Can I come in?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Fear clutched at his heart.

She turned to someone in the apartment and said she would be right back. "Come, lets walk." This was not going the way he had hoped. They walked to the nearby park in silence. He longed to take her hand in his and hold her in his arms but he could feel the barrier between them. They sat on a bench and though there was inches between them it might as well have been miles.

"When I hadn't heard from you…" She hesitated. "Well…Johnny was there. He's a really good husband. We're very happy."

"Well I don't reckon I coulda … expected you to wait for me."

Her reply was blunt. "How long, Rainy? I'm sorry but I didn't even know if you were alive." He could hear the pain in her voice.

"But I can understand, that all right."

After a pause she continued, "What will you do now?"

He shook his head. Trying to keep the pain out of his voice he continued,"I don't know. I'd a…. just like to get out of the whole mess, if I could somehow." He paused. "Christine, I…. I really wanted you…

She broke in with "You left me, remember?"

"I had to. I ….I was in trouble."

"Rainy, don't keep running. It will only make it worse."

"If you had just waited, maybe." He was grabbing at straws and he knew it.

"I needed someone. Today, not tomorrow or next year." She couldn't tell him the real reason. "Rainy, don't you understand? That's what you have to do. Start living each day as it should be. Don't keep running. Go back, please."

He knew he had lost and what she was saying was right. "You….sure you're happy and everything?"

With a small smile she said, "Yeah."

The last piece of his heart crumbled. "Well, then it's all right." He reached up and found the clasp to the chain he wore. "I mean ah…. That's what it's all about and everything." He undid the clasp and pulled it free. "Id'n it?" He paused and then placed the chain in her hands.

"Rainy?" That was all she trusted her voice to say.

"I uh….I got to go." He grabbed his jacket and stood. "See ya, huh." Tossing his jacket over his shoulder he walked away, away from the girl he loved and the heart that would never be the same again. He felt dead, disconnected as if nothing was real. He walked with out direction until he saw a police man and the survival instinct took over. He would go back. Either Garrison took him back and life went on or he would be sent to back to prison. It did not really matter anymore. He was dead now. If he went to prison then the rest of him would soon be as dead as his heart.

Christine sat for a moment looking at the chain and medallion. Then she closed her fist holding it tight. Why did he have to come back? All it did was stir up old memories and pain. She had tried to put him in the past. She certainly could not ever forget him. He had been her first love and part of her heart would always belong to him.

She stood and made her way back to the apartment. Her neighbour who had stopped by for coffee would be wondering where she had gotten to. It would soon be time to make lunch for her son. The child that Johnny had known about but had married her any way. To every one else the baby was born premature but she and Johnny knew who the real father was. He had his father's eyes and gentle nature. Johnny had made sure that John Rainy Hamilton would not be a bastard.