Some Platonic LeviMika feels
Reflecting on the loss of other characters in the series, as well as comparing them to current ones
Feels and fluff
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Levi paced slowly down a grassy path, gripping bunches of white flowers tightly to his chest. He had walked down this path before, his body instinctively knowing where to go. His gaze low and filled with emotion, fighting back the storm of sadness, guilt and rage building inside of him. Reflecting back on the experiences he had been through in his younger years.
He was headed to a place he had not been to in a very long time, years having passed since those painful days. The graves of people dearest to him that he had lost long ago. Childhood friends as well as a parent, one of which had raised him while two others who gave his life meaning. The graves of his lost friends Isabel and Furlan, as well as his late mother.
Each had affected him in some way, impacting his life greatly leading to his personality. Losing them had brought him a lot of psychological shock, as well as guilt at not being able to protect them or prevent what happened. Leading him to become the person he was and causing his outlook on life. The pain that he had suffered all these years.
There was so much he wanted to say to them, but would never be able to. Wanting to thank them for what they did and bringing him a brief happiness in his life. Allowing him to forget about how ugly the world was, before he was dragged back to reality. Remembering how ugly the world truly was when you pulled back the curtain.
Levi stood before each headstone silently. Now wound with moss and weeds, their stones worn from weather and plant life. But still readable and well cared for, out of reach of destruction. He slowly placed his hand out to touch the top of one of the headstones, almost as if they were with him in that moment.
His heart swelling with many emotions, for the first time in years he felt his emotions getting the better of him. Feeling as though he may choke on his words should he open his mouth. It had been so long now, yet he still missed them terribly. His heart aching with sadness and longing to see them again. Yet they would forever be out of his reach no matter what he did.
His head then bowed slightly "I'm sorry. You all did so much for me, but I could do nothing for you. My own pride and lack of maturity was the cause of your demise" he muttered shamefully. Though he was grown and knew better now, he could never undo what he had done to them. He could never bring any of them back, nor could he show his gratitude to any of their faces.
His mother had died in the underground when he had been but a boy. Succumbing to starvation and most likely an STD from a customer. Sacrificing everything for him, but never truly being able to see him grow up. She had slowly become weaker and weaker, her body becoming a corpse in front of his eyes. Until she was nothing but a dead body laying in a bed which he had to wake to every day.
Then his friends Furlan and Isabel, one of which he had known since childhood. Having grown up with Furlan after he was abandoned by his uncle Kenny when he became too much for him to handle anymore. Quickly developing a strong bond with the two. They had died because of his foolish pride, having left them alone to fend for themselves.
If he could, he would do whatever he could to bring them back. Anything to see their smiling faces and hear their voices again. Just to share a moment with them and relive the happiness he had felt with them. All these years later, the loss of them still hurt him deeply. The impact of how great a loss he had experienced and now had to live with for the rest of his life.
He then sighed heavily. Memories swirling through his mind like a storm, fighting back the tears that wanted to come out. Taking all of his strength in order to stifle his emotions deep inside of him once more. He was so lost inside his own mind, he failed to hear the footsteps approaching him. Watching him silently as he stood there, heavy shoulders and a bowed head. Showing his vulnerable side openly.
Mikasa approached behind him, her scarf wrapped tightly around her neck. A bunch of white flowers in her hands tightly, wanting to show respect to the fallen soldiers and distant members of her family. Having come to support Levi through this difficult time, respecting that despite being a leader, he was a human too. One who had loved and lost the same as her.
She had just arrived from her parent's graves, having come to see Levi. They were out in an unprotected area where the dead were held. Meaning they would need to look out for any possible danger. However, for now the horses had not reacted to any sound nor did she feel any form of danger. Allowing them for a short time to relax.
Upon her coming into his line of sight, Levi nodded quietly showing he noticed her approach. Glad she had come all this way, I mean they were family after all. It was only right she knew about them. To learn about the family members she had never met and the people who had inspired him to fight for humanity and protect those closest to him.
She then quietly knelt down and placed the white flowers on the graves. But remained silent the entire time, her black eyes heavy and filled with emotions. Complex feelings flowing through her body. This was the first time she was meeting another member of her family, despite them being deceased for some time. A person she had connections to but never met.
They were both similar in so many ways, they had both lost loved ones in deeply traumatic ways. These events deeply impacting their lives and causing them to become damaged and traumatized individuals. Carrying wounds, they would never truly forget. Ones that carried blood, pain, heartbreak and confusion. Memories that would forever haunt them, faces of people they had loved and lost.
Levi then slowly turned to look at Mikasa, to which she looked back at him silently. Her dark eyes silent and yet curious, waiting patiently for him to speak. To share what was on his mind. "Mikasa, you and I, we are family. Albeit we are far from perfect, given the scars we both carry within our hearts. But we are all the other has in the world now, the last of our kind. We need to learn to get along" he replied calmly.
She was young, meaning she was bound to make mistakes. She had a protective nature born of the feeling of helplessness she had felt as a child. Which caused her to want to protect her friends. Her actions were natural and expected of her age, however she needed to learn to control them. Panic and irrationality made you stupid and blocked your judgement.
Mikasa softened and nodded quietly. She may not always like Levi or get along with him, but he was her uncle. To an extent she did respect him and cared about him, he had done a lot for them. "What were they like?" she asked curiously. She wanted to know what they were like, what kind of people they had been. She was not only curious about her grandmother Kuchel, but his friends Isabel and Furlan.
Levi softened, but his expression was one of conflict. A bittersweet look, a sad smile spreading across his face. In all his life, he never thought he would be telling anyone about this. He hadn't even told his old team about them, the only people aside from himself who remembered they existed were Erwin and Hanji. But they would never tell a soul.
"Isabel, she was so much like Eren. They both had such bright green eyes, so full of life. She was just as moody, just as loud, and just as driven by her emotions. Truly a free spirit. She loved animals, sharing a natural connection with them. Rebelling against any and all authority". It was what had allowed her to survive for so long in the underground.
She had stood up to anyone who got in her way, never going down without a fight. She always shared her opinion even when not wise to. Openly a lover of animals and able to communicate with them naturally. Hanji had seen her as a daughter or little sister, seeing how much she looked up to Levi. Of course, he would have been heartbroken to lose such an innocent and yet rebellious soul.
"Furlan was the voice of reason. Street smart by nature and always knowing what to do. He was truly kind and a good leader, much like your teammate Jean Kirstein. He certainly kept me and Isabel in line, so we wouldn't get into trouble" he chuckled. They were both the voice of reason, keeping a level head and able to think on their feet, making the most of a situation.
Mikasa stared in awe, these friends she had now were like his? Making him remember ones he had lost. No wonder he was so gentle towards her, as well as the ones that loved her. They reminded him of people he lost, those who had made mistakes and yet hadn't lived to learn from them. Trying to show his new recruits how important such things were.
"My mother, Kuchel. She was a kind but strong soul, enduring even the worst moments. It was probably where you got your sass from" he replied almost laughing at the last part. Sometimes he saw so much of his mother in Mikasa it hurt. She had worked a miserable and demeaning life as a prostitute in the underground. However, she had always been a loving mother, living up to this until her untimely death.
Mikasa softened, he spoke so fondly of them meaning he cared deeply about them. Having been deeply precious to him, acting as his anchor after a lonely and very traumatic childhood. She wished she could have met them, they sounded like good people and been like family to him. His mother had been a good woman, much like her own. His friends had been there for him when he lost everything.
She then approached Levi, wrapping her arms around him. Pulling him into a hug, showing that she cared. As she did so, Levi showed brief surprise but eventually softened into her embrace. She knew he would never tell anyone about this, she would have nothing to gain from it. They were at their weakest and to take advantage of one another would be nothing but cruel.
Levi felt his heart shatter within his chest, all of his emotions coming to light. Tears welling up in his eyes, spilling down his cheeks like a waterfall. Some spilling onto her arms soaking her jacket. He wondered if his family was doomed to nothing but heartbreak, loss as well as emotional and psychological burdens. But at least they could survive, even if it meant carrying all this pain.