A/N: I have slight regrets writing this but I want to test out how I write Nagito while submitting a oneshot for New Year/Hajime's birthday. I'll write Hinanami another day, I promise. I'm just reserving it for a very *special* day.
What a beautiful night...
Nagito looked up at the night sky and saw multiple streaks, flashes and dots of light scattered across the dark blanket. His cotton candy white hair fluttered by the cool night breeze, which carried a few dead leaves and pinned them on his hair. However, he didn't mind when his hair was getting decorated with trash. He sees beauty and hope in everything. Be it on a crashing plane, hostage situation or on a hospital bed, the white-haired boy never lost sight of the Ultimate Hope that would come from such a despairing tragedy. He sees the fear of death not only as a tragedy, but as a stepping stone for the truly worthy Ultimates.
Right now, he's sitting on a bench under a dilapidated tree, observing the exuberance that the other symbols of hope spread on the fields that stretch before him. They all look elated and hopeful. Should he join? Should he ruin everything again with his luck? They were all happy celebrating a new year and him being there would taint that beauty he admires with his worthless, hopeless and disgusting existence.
The white-haired boy shifts his gaze down to his palm and tries to see if there is beauty or hope in it. He sees none but he tries again. He squints his eyes to focus on the lines of his palm. He concentrates. After examining his palm for what seems to be a full minute, Nagito concludes that his hand is ugly and devoid of hope so he returns to admiring the other beautiful symbols of hope.
If something as insignificant as his hand is hopeless, what more of his existence? The gospel truth of his existence is that Nagito Komaeda is a creature destined to bring ruin and despair to anything beautiful. After all, his supposed talent is evidence to this truth. A creature such as him is fated to live a lonely and worthless life. He has no right to mingle with other symbols of hope. Even when the others say different, he could see the looks of repugnance and pity in their eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and in their eyes, he sees their true feelings towards him. They are averse with his entire being and he doesn't deny it one bit.
As Nagito was still looking at the celebrating Ultimates, he hears the sound of footsteps crunching on the grassy bed of the fields growing louder. Along with those footsteps, he hears quiet sobs and choked out words of self-deprecation. He knows that they were self-deprecating because he always says those same words to himself but that was strange; those words were for him yet it was apparent that that wasn't the case. Who could be as revolting as he is?
With his curiosity piqued, he turned his head towards the general direction of the sounds. Nagito's eyes widened in shock. He didn't expect those sounds to belong to Hajime and yet here he was, approaching the bench with his head held down, fists tightly clenched and tears staining his cheeks. In fact, he was the last person Nagito expected to see in that state. Hajime didn't seem to notice his companion as he sat down on the bench with his back turned away from the white-haired boy. What could cause a strong and handsome man, so full of beauty and hope, to break down in tears of despair? This wasn't like him at all. Nagito knew that even without talent, Hajime defied all expectations. He was a symbol of hope. Preposterous. Someone talentless becoming an object of beauty and hope? It was impossible. It was fictional. Despite all this, the white-haired boy saw a strong and unique sense of hope inside him. He saw something truly beautiful. His eyes didn't lie. The talentless Hajime is a symbol of hope.
So why does he look so broken and pitiful? Were his eyes wrong?
Nagito denies that thought with immediate fervent. When Hajime looks at his garbage existence, his eyes evoked a different kind of pity. Was it sympathy? Empathy? He doesn't understand what that pity was but it was different from the others. Hajime's encouraging words were like the others but somehow, Nagito senses no hidden lies nor implications within them. With him, he could hope that maybe his assumptions on himself were wrong but that was a far cry. Hajime had yet to prove him wrong. Nagito's luck cycle was consistent. It never failed to destroy everything around him. It never failed to cause immense despair to anything beautiful and hopeful. Defying his luck would be like defying the very fabric of the universe. No matter how improbable Hajime's existence was, even Nagito knew that he couldn't defy his luck. No one could.
The sounds of sobbing died down and Hajime turned to look at the other Ultimates enjoying themselves for New Year. Much to Nagito's dismay, he still wasn't noticed by the handsome man. Did he really deserve his attention? Maybe he should just leave Hajime and-
"Komaeda, why aren't you with them? You're their classmate and you should be celebrating with them."
Nagito's assumptions were confirmed. His putrid presence irritated Hajime and now he wants him to leave. Looks like it was too much for him to hope for a chance to sit together with his love interest. The white-haired boy lets out a sigh and leaves-
"I didn't tell you to leave, did I?"
He was confused by what he just said. Didn't he want to be left alone? Why else would anyone ask why he should be with the other Ultimates? Nagito mustered up the courage within him to engage in a conversation with Hajime. He probably doesn't deserve to breathe the same airspace as the other but if he can get him to say "Leave", then he'll gladly do so for him. He's too special. Too precious. "Ah, my apologies, Hinata-kun. But I could ask you the same question. Why aren't you, a symbol of hope, celebrating with your fellow symbols of hope?"
"No. It's just... Forget it. I'm heading back. I'd rather celebrate New Year where no one bothers me. Forever."
But before the other could stand up from the bench, Nagito grabbed Hajime's arm out of pure compulsion.
"Wait, Hinata-kun!"
"What is it this time, Komaeda?! Can't you tell I just want to be left alone where no one can make me feel bad about my worthlessness?!"
"No, you're not worthless! You're someone who embodies-"
"SHUT UP! I'M SICK OF ALL YOU PEOPLE LYING TO ME ALREADY!"
In the blink of an eye, Hajime sucker-punched Nagito in the face to escape from his clutches. The latter fell to the ground from the sudden impact and tasted iron on his tongue. Nagito reached out to his mouth with his hand which became covered in blood. His eyes searched the grassy area in front of him and saw a tooth that was probably dislodged from the force of the punch. He should have expected this. He already stepped out of line by instinctively grabbing his arm. He must have been sickened at the filthy hand that grabbed his toned and perfect arm.
"O-Oh God... Komaeda, are you alright?!"
"I'm alright, Hinata-kun. I deserved that for touching you. You must have been disgusted by my touch..."
"Oh for... You didn't deserve that! I'm sorry if I hurt you or anything." He could hear Hajime sobbing again. "I'm... I'm such a piece of shit, am I? If anyone's disgusting, it's me..."
After wiping his bloody mouth with the sleeve of his hoodie, Nagito picked himself up from the ground and sat down beside Hajime. He still made sure to keep a distance from him to not sully the space he occupies. He wishes he could touch him, but he can't. He doesn't deserve to touch someone more important and valuable than him after his most recent sin against Hajime. "I beg to differ, Hinata-kun. I think you and your hope are beautiful while I'm the one who's disgusting."
"Are... Are you just saying that to make me feel better about myself? Did Nanami tell you too?"
"She didn't tell me anything about you actually. I expected you to go cry to her but you came here instead. Why didn't you settle for the better alternatives, Hinata-kun?"
Hajime mumbled something that Nagito couldn't hear.
"I'm sorry. What was that?"
"I said, they're not even that better... Th-they just keep telling me that my lack of talent doesn't matter. What the hell do they know anyway?! It's annoying me every time they say that when I join the conversation and I know it's all because Nanami told them about my problem."
"Have you spoke to her about this?"
"I didn't."
"Then you should, Hinata-kun. If you believe that her sense of hope is flawed, then you must show it to her."
"You think it's that easy, Komaeda? She'll just say the same answer every time! "Your lack of talent doesn't matter, Hinata-kun." She doesn't know anything about my life and I doubt that she'll even understand why she's wrong!"
"While I agree that talent is incredibly important, I must ask you this, why does being talentless matter to you?"
"Komaeda, you sound just like her right now and it's ticking me off..."
"Haha, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but I assure you that Nanami-san and I believe in very different ideologies. Because of that, we can't give the same solution to your problem. Besides, you and I can both relate to that sense of worthlessness so it would be fine to tell me, right?"
"...Fine, I'll tell you why. The reason why it matters in the first place is because it's my drive. Because of my lack of talent, I can strive to search for one. If I can find that talent with my own two hands, then I can become recognized. I can truly consider myself as a person worthy of being with other Ultimates. For once, I would get the payoff for my hard work. With that talent, I can truly become confident in myself. Hearing them say that having talent or not doesn't matter is just like saying I've been working hard for a lost cause. I don't want to remain as a boring normal high school student, damn it! I want to be special! I... I... want to feel... special. I... I... want..."
Hajime's words were becoming unclear from his loud sobs and sniffles. He cried all his pent up anger and frustration out. Nagito knew that only the chosen ones at birth would become the talented Ultimates destined to bring hope to the world. Hajime wasn't chosen. He was born talentless and he was destined to live a boring and average life, with no despair nor hope. He, along with the others, would only serve as a stepping stone or a sacrifice for the worthy ones. The weak stay weak and the strong grow stronger. All his life, Nagito considered that as the gospel truth of life. There were tons of cases that only proved this point further but there were some who tried to defy this truth, and they failed horribly. Hajime was one of those of the minority who tried to defy their fate but he was different. As stated before, he succeeded in defying Nagito's expectations. Even though he was just supposed to be a stepping stone for hope, he has a very strong and beautiful hope sleeping inside him.
For once, Nagito understood. He understood how Hajime was able to do a lot of things that were impossible for the talentless majority. His hope to escape his fate outshines the others. He overcame many hurdles and climbed many mountains just to obtain that hope. It was suffice to say, Hajime's hope was Ultimate.
Nagito now knew for sure that his eyes weren't lying. He already heard what the other had said with his own two ears. Hajime's lack of talent became his driving force. His relentless search for talent became his hope. That hope was nurtured and it became a bright and beautiful flame. Nagito, like a moth, was enticed to it. He fell in love with it.
And right now, he wanted to kiss Hajime just to taste that hope.
Nagito gave in to his selfish desires and pulled Hajime into a deep and passionate kiss, which made the latter gasp in a surprised manner. He didn't care if Hajime tasted his blood in his mouth. He just wanted to kiss him right now. Nagito's cold and lean hand cupped the burning red face of the other. They were practically tasting each other now as Hajime succumbed deeper into the kiss. The session was long and passionate. Both parties were greedy and needy at the same time. Amongst the roaring fireworks, the moaning of their names fused with the loud explosions in the night sky but no one except for the two people on the bench heard those amorous sounds.
It was inevitable that one of them would tire out from the kiss. Both of them did at the same time, so they decided to lie down on the ground and look up at the brightly colored night sky above them. They could still hear the loud shouting of the other Ultimates but they didn't pay any attention to them. With misty breaths and labored breathing, they talked again.
"Holy shit... I never knew you were a great kisser, Komaeda..."
"Ah... did I surprise you... Hinata-kun?"
"Yeah... thanks. I needed that."
"...Your hope... is beautiful... You are beautiful."
"You too, Komaeda. You're beautiful... and I think I'm in love."
"How lucky of me..."
"...So... does this count... as my birthday present?"
"Ha... ha... Why not?"
"Hmm. Good point... Thanks."
From this, they both knew that a kiss is a nice way to start a beautiful and hopeful New Year.
A/N: I swear I didn't write this because Komahina is popular. I wanted to explore the ship a little further and see if I can write a good Komahina fic. The chemistry between the two is there so at least I have something I can work with. Please tell me your opinions on this fic! I'll try to respond to them as soon as I get some sleep.