Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or the characters. This is written purely for fun.
A/N: This is set shortly after Tracker in Season 5. Thanks to Hifield for the nudging to write a new story for this fandom.
"Colonel, Teyla, Ronon, McKay? Do you have a mission?" Woolsey asked confused as he entered the gate room and noticed his premier team waiting in full tactical gear.
"We don't know yet." John replied.
"Have you introduced a new protocol about being on standby?" Woolsey asked.
"Him? When does he ever introduce rules?" McKay asked earning a scowl from John. Before Woolsey could question further his tablet buzzed at him. Looking down at his calendar he said.
"Oh, I see. Major Lorne's team is due to return in ten minutes." Woolsey said. "If the mission has been a complete success and Dr Keller sees you all waiting here ready to wage war on whoever you think may have kidnapped her this week don't you think that will dent her confidence?"
"Better that than leaving her missing." Ronon said.
"But we don't know if she is missing. As I said this could have been a completely successful mission. You have no reason to believe it went wrong." Woolsey said.
"Well, apart from the fact that Jennifer was on it." Rodney pointed out just as the gate flashed to life, immediately causing Ronon to tense.
Moments later two of Lorne's team stepped through the gate, shortly followed by a relaxed looking Jennifer, then Lorne and the last member of his team. In contrast to Jennifer all of Lorne's team looked stressed.
"What's going on?" Jennifer asked seeing John's team ready for a mission.
"We were testing the new protocol of always having a team on duty when any away team is due for check in." John lied.
"How was the mission?" Woolsey asked.
"All good." Jennifer smiled as Lorne's team continued to look stressed.
"Excellent, well how about a quick debrief?" Woolsey asked.
"Sure." Jennifer said practically bouncing up the steps to the briefing room.
"Lorne?" John asked not understanding why Jennifer was so happy whilst Lorne was so stressed.
"Sir?"
"Everything okay?"
"Yes Sir." Lorne said.
"You guys go ahead, I think I might sit in on this debrief." John said to the rest of his team.
-00-
"If you don't mind me saying you are looking unusually relaxed and happy." Woolsey pointed out to Jennifer having heard her report, that had reiterated the fact that the mission had been a success.
"Of course I do. I mean everything went to plan and nothing bad happened. Not even a slip or a trip." Jennifer smiled.
"Good. Perhaps your luck has changed." Woolsey said. "Well unless anyone has anything to add you are all dismissed."
"Actually, I need Lorne's team to hang back. We need to brief them on the new security protocols."
"You don't need me?" Jennifer asked.
"No." John said.
"Okay, catch you guys later." Jennifer smiled before leaving.
Once the door had shut John looked at Lorne's team and asked. "What the hell is going on?"
"Sir?" Lorne asked.
"The doc is happy and yet you all look like you are about to train with Ronon after he has been locked in a Puddle Jumper with McKay for a week. What went wrong?"
"Nothing." Lorne said.
"Lorne." John replied.
"I'm serious. It is just like the doc said, nothing happened. It was the most uneventful mission I have been on in years."
"So why are you all so stressed?" Woolsey asked.
"Because it was the most uneventful mission for years." Lorne said.
"I'm not following." Woolsey said growing concerned about Lorne's mental state.
"It was a mission with the doc. Something always goes wrong. She has her own rule. Rule seventy six of gate travel, when traveling with the doc something will go wrong." Lorne explained.
"Yet you all just said nothing went wrong." Woolsey said.
"Precisely, for forty-eight hours we were waiting for something to go wrong. With every passing second the feeling of dread increased." Lorne went on.
"So you prefer things to go wrong right at the start of the mission?" Woolsey asked.
"Exactly. Get it over with early, then we can all relax." Lorne said. "Especially as Ronon's mood is proportional to how quickly things go wrong. I mean if it goes wrong at the start he is well more Ronon than normal, but if it goes wrong at the end it is like he magnifies his Ronon-ness and we all pay for it in training. And now McKay is in on it as well it just makes it so much worse."
"Wait, what does this have to do with Ronon and McKay?" John asked confused.
"Well ever since they started fighting over the doc whenever something goes wrong they take it out on the team who were with her. Ronon through training and McKay through malfunctions in the team's rooms."
"Ronon and McKay fighting over the doc?" John asked before Woolsey could ask for further details about McKay's behaviours.
"Yeah, you don't have to cover for them. The whole city knows." Lorne said earning a cough from one of his team. "Well everyone apart from the doc knows." But as he said it he saw John's confused look and said. "Wait, you didn't know?"
"No." John said confused.
"Really? Even I knew." Woolsey said.
"Ronon and McKay are fighting over the doc? As in Keller?" John asked still trying to get his head round it.
"Yes." Lorne said.
"Ronon and McKay?" John asked again.
"Yes." Lorne repeated.
"How did I not know that?" John asked.
-The End
A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing.