The Rocky Road to Rihad

The West Weald Inn was thankfully not crowded when I walked in, but I kept my hood up nonetheless. I seated myself at the bar, and the proprietor found time to come over and greet me.

"Welcome, traveler. Would you like something to drink?" she said.

"Hello." I smiled. "I'll have some grape juice."

She gave a snicker. "Did you come all the way to Skingrad for a bloody grape juice? Why don't you try our wine?"

"I'm afraid I can't have any of it. But I'd at least like to find out what Skingrad grapes taste like."

She turned around to prepare the drink. "I'm certain I've never seen your face before. Did you just arrive in town?"

"Just passing through, unfortunately. I'm headed to Anvil, and getting a boat to Rihad."

"Going to Hammerfell, huh?"

"Yeah. I'm going to see my family."

She slid the drink across the counter with a practiced motion.

It was while I was enjoying this drink that a group of five Khajiit, all of them large males, walked up and stood around me in silence. After a few moments I said, "Can I help you?"

"It talks like a Redguard," said one of them.

"It is far from home," said another. "Talks like Redguard, smells like lizard, dresses like elf mage. Ma'Khajiit, is it lost?"

Stay calm, Katia. They might just want to make conversation.

"Actually, I'm not from around here," I said. "I'm from Hammerfell. But I've been in Cyrodiil for, um …"

"It is lost," said the first one again. "Ma'Khajiit, far from home and all alone. Why doesn't it go home?"

"It is like a little mouse. Little mouse, wandered too far, found itself in cats' den."

"Ma'Khajiit, you stay with us. Have good time."

I looked across their faces. All of them were grinning ear to ear.

This isn't good, Katia. Get out of there, now.

I stood up from my stool as forcefully as I could. "It's been very nice talking, but …"

Two of them moved in front of me and blocked the exit.

"In a hurry, eh?"

They were surrounding me.

I felt one of them grab me from behind.

In an instant, I grabbed his face in my claw and cast a fire spell. He screamed. I ducked a blow from one of his friends, drew my blackthorn club and delivered a blow to the skull of another.

The tavern erupted into chaos. Tables overturned and bottles flew, and the Khajiit swung whatever weapons they had at hand. Other patrons turned and fled, or watched the show from a distance. I dispensed blows from my club and fireballs from my hand, but the Khajiit ate my attacks and refused to fall.

A group of Argonians, large males like the Khajiit, stood up and joined the fray. One of them slugged a Khajiit, his fist making sickening crack against the other's skull, while others locked arms and wrestled them to the ground. One of them turned to me with a smile and said, "You'd best get out of here, young one."

I wasted no time getting out of there. I was back on the road before the day ended.

I set up camp a little ways out of Skingrad and took stock. My stay in the city had been shorter than I expected, and I hadn't had a chance to pick up supplies. I ate half my remaining food and went to sleep. The next morning, I ate the other half.

Before I set out, I went into the fields and hunted hares. Once I had three of them, carcasses hooked to my sash, I returned to camp, skinned them and gutted them, then roasted one on a fire to eat and cut the rest into strips to dry and take with me.

I walked until sunset, then made camp again. The next day I caught two more hares, made them into jerky, and continued. It was late afternoon when I arrived in Anvil.

The smartest thing would have been to go straight to the docks to secure a boat. But there was someone I wanted to see first.

I knocked on the door, and my red Argonian friend came out to greet me.

"Good evening," I said charmingly. Then I smiled, and wrapped her in a hug.

"You smell like you haven't bathed in days!" said Quill-Weave joyfully.

"Is that how you greet me after all this time?" I laughed. "How've you been? How's Anvil been without me?"

"You know how life is here. I've been trying to finish my last book, but it's giving me trouble. When was the last time you had a proper meal? Come in and I'll get some tea going."

Quill-Weave hastily cleared a space on her kitchen table and put up a chair for me. She filled up a kettle and put it on the hob, then minded the food that was cooking in a pot on the stove. She ladled something that looked like meat stew into bowls and gave one to me.

"It's a type of rat meat from Black Marsh. Apparently it's quite popular there," she said.

It was like no rat I ever tasted.

"So tell me all about it," she said. "I haven't seen you in so long. Where've you been? What've you been up to?"

"I've been all over Cyrodiil. Doing jobs, making money where I could."

"What brings you back to Anvil?"

"I'm catching a boat to Rihad. I'm heading home to see my parents."

"In Hammerfell?" said Quill-Weave.

"Yeah," I said. "I guess it's kind of funny, that I would go home after all this time …"

"Katia … You have to know what's been going on in Hammerfell …"

"I do," I said.

She said nothing more, but put a steaming mug in front of me.

"Thanks." I took one sip and burned my tongue. Quill-Weave chuckled.

I eyed the docks through the window as I drank. When I saw the sun setting, I put down my half-empty cup and said, "I think it's time I get going."

"Hey." She stood up and held her arms out. I accepted her invitation for a parting hug.

"Take care of yourself."

"You too."

I left.

From a distance, I could see only one ship in the port, and the crew looked busy getting ready to set sail. I hurried.

On the dock stood a bearded Redguard at least a head taller than me. I called: "Excuse me!" He turned around with a look that betrayed a slight annoyance.

"Are you the captain of this ship?"

"That I am, miss."

"You wouldn't happen to be sailing toward Hammerfell, would you?"

"Yes, we're stoppin' in Rihad and goin' up to—"

"Perfect! I'd very much appreciate if you could provide me passage to Rihad. I'll pay you well."

"Now wait a moment, miss! This ain't a passenger ship, and we ain't got room for stowaways. If you're lookin' for passage, try somewhere else." He turned his back to me.

"When does the next ship come in?" I said.

"Should be dockin' in about three weeks."

He started to walk off.

"Wait!" I said. "Is there anywhere I could stay? A storeroom, anything?"

"Afraid not, miss."

I watched as the crew finished their work, and the captain walked on board.

I couldn't wait three weeks. But what else could I do?

The ship was pulling away from the dock.

Sometimes you have to go a little crazy …

Without thinking, I sprinted to the edge of the dock and jumped. I just managed to catch on to the side of the ship, and dug my claws into the wood for a grip.

Halfway there …

Summoning all my strength, I climbed up the side of the ship, slowly but surely until I reached the top and pulled myself onto the deck. I fell into a kneeling position. My arms were shaking.

I looked up and saw every sailor on board staring at me.

"Um, hello …" I said timidly.

The captain walked up to me.

"I thought I told you we had no room," he said.

"You did," I said. "I'm sorry, I just …"

"You just jumped aboard anyway, not knowin' if we'd have room to keep you or supplies to feed you. You got some nerve. Tell me, why shouldn't I just throw you overboard now and let you swim back to shore?"

"Listen, listen," I said. "I know you're right about all that, and yeah, I do have some nerve … But I'm going to see my parents in Hammerfell, and I really can't wait three more weeks. I'll do what I can to pay for my stay on the ship, and it's only to Rihad …"

"Parents, you say? They live in Hammerfell?"

"That's right. I haven't seen them in … well, almost ten years now."

The captain looked thoughtful for a moment, then turned around and left without another word.

By degrees, the crew began to move again. A younger, muscular Redguard shouted, "Get back to work all of ye'!" He walked up to me and offered his hand.

"That was pretty impressive," he said.

"Um, thanks," I said. "I hope I didn't upset your captain too much …"

"Don't worry about Captain Coyle. He acts tough, but underneath it all he's a big softie, and he's happy to carry passengers once in a while. Lemme introduce you to the crew here, and then I'll show you where you'll be staying. By the way, what's your name?"

"Katia," I said. "Katia Managan."

"Mine's Jaganvir. Nice to meet you."

He started walking down the length of the ship, and I followed him. The crew was roughly half Imperial and half Redguard, with a few elves mixed in.

"These guys are all capable sailors. They'll treat you nice once you get to know 'em. That there's K'avar, he joined us about a month ago. That's Trithik, he's been with us for a while. Over there you'll see Cassius, Caius and Cornelius. The young one is Sextus, he's our cabin boy. We've got a navigator, his name's Jeleen, Dudley over there's the boatswain, I wouldn't get on his bad side, and then there's Agrippa, the quartermaster."

We went below deck.

"Captain's quarters are up top," he said. "This is mid deck, where most of the crew sleeps, and also where the dining room is. We'll probably be dining in a few hours."

We went lower, all the way to the bottom.

"This will be your room." He opened the door to reveal the cargo hold packed wall to wall with pigs. Spaces on the sides were packed with crates and barrels. "The Captain wasn't kidding about us having no room. I've got work to do up on deck, so I'll leave you to get comfortable."

After he left, I stood there, staring into the cargo hold. Then I laughed. I pushed some crates together and made an elevated spot to sleep on.

This voyage won't be so bad, I thought.

A couple hours later, I was dining with the crew. The twenty or so men were lined up and down the table, reveling as they passed around food and drink. A stout, bearded Imperial was talking over everyone else, laughing and spilling his drink all over the place.

"… So I says to him, Boy, these Summerset shows is pretty good, but you ain't never seen a show 'til you seen what our Imperial ladies can put on back home. That's a jaw-droppin' show, says I! Until you seen that, you ain't even know what a show is!"

"Watch your tongue, Cornelius!" said another Imperial, who laughing as hard as everyone else. "We've got a lady in our presence right now, and I don't think she appreciates you talkin' about that kind of stuff!"

"Nonsense! I'm sure a girl like her appreciates a good show just as anyone! Hey miss, what kinds of shows do Khajiit put on back where you're from?"

"I've never really seen a Khajiit show before," I said.

"She ain't from Elsweyr," said Jaganvir. "She's a Hammerfell girl. And I gotta say, any slut can put on a show like your Imperial ladies, but only in Hammerfell can you see a performance that draws the tears from your eyes and drains the blood from your heart until the Daedra themselves have to look inside and ask what it's all about."

"This man's been drinkin' too much o' the mead!" said Cornelius. "He's talkin' about nonsense!"

"I'm talking about music. Nowhere else in Tamriel can you hear music like they put on in a Hammerfell theater. That stuff is sacred, I tell you that."

"No foolin'! Hey Khajiit, you seen these shows like he's goin' on about? Are they as grand as he says, or is he pullin' all our legs?"

I'd only once seen a show like that, and that was when my parents took me to Hegathe when I was ten or eleven years old. A band of five played to a crowd of about a hundred, all standing on a big, wooden dance floor. I never did see or hear anything like it after I left.

"I'd say he's right," I said.

This sent a wave of uproar through the men.

"That settles it! You two gotta show us what a Hammerfell show is like!"

"Wait …"

"Jaganvir, you still got that banjo lyin' around, don't ye'? And what about you, Khajiit, what can you do?"

"I can't …"

"Hey." Jaganvir put a hand on my shoulder. He had found his banjo, and he was giving me a reassuring smile. "Let's have some fun. For Hammerfell, right?"

Everyone fell quiet. Jaganvir stood on the steps at the head of the table, and I went up and stood next to him. My heart was racing.

"Just play along with me."

He started to pluck out a melody. The men snickered at the clearly Hammerfell tune, but Jaganvir paused only a moment before he went on.

"In the merry month Midyear, from my home I started …"

I recognized this song. My dad and some of his friends liked to play it and dance. I still occasionally remembered the lyrics and sang them to myself. I wasn't sure why, but the song stuck with me.

"Took a drop of the pure, to keep my heart from sinking, that's the Hammerfell cure, whenever you're on for drinking …"

My feet started to tap. Jaganvir saw it, and encouraged me with movements of his own.

"Something crossed my mind, when I looked behind, no bundle could I find, belongings I was cheated …"

I let go. I remembered the music, and my dad's dances, and I lost myself. Jaganvir joined me with his own exuberant dancing, and even the rest of the crew started to stand up and move along to the song.

My excitement carried me off, and I brought my dance to a nearby post. The men yelled and cheered at the sight of it. I almost didn't realize what I was doing until the song was over, and I found myself hanging on the poll, my tail wrapped around, looking at upside-down faces. I smiled meekly and dropped down to the floor.

Overall, I think I made a good impression on that crew.

By the end of the week, I was throwing up daily in a bucket I found in the cargo hold. Boat travel hasn't gotten any easier.

When we landed in Rihad, on my way off the ship I passed Captain Coyle and handed him a fistful of coins.

"Thank you," I said.

He said nothing, just took the coins and walked away.

I thought about finding an inn, but as I took in the sights of the city, I decided it would be a shame to waste the last of the daylight hours. I felt a tinge of nostalgia seeing the familiar Redguard architecture. It reminded me that I was almost home.

Soon enough, I learned that things at home were the same as always.

A young Redguard boy bumped me from behind, then kept walking without looking at me. Just as I was wondering what his problem was, I felt my satchel and realized my coin purse was gone.

I ran after him.

The boy broke into a sprint. He dodged through the oncoming crowds and ducked into alleyways to try and throw me off, but I managed to keep up until he jumped up a stack of crates and climbed onto the rooftops. I followed him and chased him from roof to roof, but my robes made it difficult to keep up with him. When he jumped a wide gap, his feet landed on the opposite rooftop while mine came short. I hit the corner with my stomach, couldn't grab hold of anything, and slid off into a heap in the street below.

A circle of people formed around my splayed body. I picked myself up, dusted off my clothes, and walked away as coolly as I could manage.

That was all the money I had. My parents' house was at least two days' journey inland, and I had planned to pick up supplies in town. It looked like I would have to get creative again.

I went a little ways out of town and made camp. The next morning, I hunted hares again, roasted one for breakfast, turned the rest into jerky, and hit the road.

The Hammerfell countryside was a checkerboard of meadows and farms. I traveled most of the day, and that evening, I came to a small village. I went to the tavern and had a seat.

"Hey," I said to the proprietor. "Is there a place I can stay tonight?"

"We've got a few rooms upstairs," he said, "but they're not made up. I could get one ready for you for about fifteen septims a night, or some of the villagers might put you up for less than that."

"I suppose it doesn't matter if I don't have any money."

"You wouldn't be the first. A few of the villagers will let you stay in exchange for a few hours of work. Silas down the road definitely will."

"Will he?"

"Yeah. I'll draw you a map."

He handed me the scribbled-on piece of paper, then went off to attend other duties. Around then, I was spotted by a group of young women. Apparently I was an interesting sight, because they stopped what they were doing and came over.

"That's some fancy outfit you've got," said one, while the others snickered. "What are you, a magic user from High Rock? Or perhaps you've come all the way from the Summerset Isles."

"I've never seen a Khajiit study magic," said another.

"I heard her say she didn't have any money. How'd you afford those nice clothes, Khajiit?"

"I had money," I said. "But I lost it."

"How'd you lose your money?"

"It was stolen in Rihad."

This sent a wave of snickering through the group.

"Outsiders like you make easy marks for thieves," said the first one again.

"Who got you in Rihad?" said another.

"A little poor boy."

More snickering.

"You got picked by one of those homeless boys?"

"I guess when you spend five years in Cyrodiil, you forget what life's like back home," I said.

Eventually they got bored and left. I sat in my seat a little longer, resting my legs, then followed the map to the house. I knocked on the door, and was answered by a large, bearded Redguard.

"Mr. Silas?" I said.

"Hello," he said.

"I'm Katia. Katia Managan. I'm interested in a room for the night, and the man at the tavern said you could offer one."

"You want a room?"

"Yes. I'm afraid I don't have any money, but I was told you would accept work."

"I would," he said. "You done farm work before?"

"I have. I was actually raised on a Hammerfell farm."

He opened the door. "Come in."

I followed him inside. An older woman and a young boy looked like they were winding down for the night, the boy playing in the middle of the floor.

"We got us a guest interested in a room," said Silas. "Katia Managan. Miss Managan, this is my wife, Gwen, and my son, Orin."

"It's nice to meet you," I said. I knelt down and smiled at Orin. He burst out crying the moment he saw me.

"The room's upstairs, Miss Managan. I'll show you the way," said Silas.

I took a long bath and washed all my clothes. Then I enjoyed my first sleep in a real bed in too long.

The next morning, I shoveled out pigpens while Silas distributed feed.

"Pens have to be cleaned about once a week," he said.

I put my back into it.

"The farm I was raised on didn't keep many animals," I said as I worked. "We were mostly a corn farm."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. How long have you had them?"

"Farm's been here since about my granddaddy's day. Animals've been here as long as the farm."

"You like it?"

"We make a living."

I paused for a moment to catch my breath.

"Have you had many travelers recently?" I said.

"No, ma'am. We used to get folks going north or south, but we haven't been seeing them since the plague hit." He paused to wipe his brow. "Where'd you say you were from again?"

"A little village up north," I said.

Silas said nothing more.

In a little village up north, early one summer morning, a Khajiit man entered a tavern and walked up to a table where a young Khajiit girl lay passed out. He hesitated only a moment before he violently slammed the table with his fist.

The girl woke.

"I could have been a councilman, or even adviser to the Count of Sentinel," said the old one. "But for my daughter … For my daughter, I gave up everything, and she repays me with drunken stints on tavern tables and the beds of men! How much more shame do you wish to heap upon our family?! Ours was once a respectable name, but you seem intent on sullying us completely!"

"Rage, Father," said the young one. "You and Mother always blamed me for all your misfortune. Me and my silly nightmares. Remember the nightmares, Father? They're gone now. The drink keeps them away. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Do you know what you've put your poor mother through for all this time? She is beside herself with worry."

"Worry? Worry for me, or worry for our precious family name? You never cared about me before. You or Mother."

"We gave you everything … No more. I'm washing my hands of you. I want you out of my house immediately."

"Father, wait! I didn't mean it!"

He left the tavern without another word.

As Silas and I headed back to the house, Silas said, "I met a Khajiit couple from up north."

"You did?"

"Yeah. They had a young daughter, had to be about … eight or nine years old then. Her name was … I can't quite remember it … Sha … Shi … Shazadi. That was it. Shazadi. Do you know her?"

"Shazadi? Yeah, I know her."

"If you meet her up north, wish her well for me."

"I will."

I washed up and bid farewell to Silas' family. Then I was off.

I checked my supplies and decided I had enough meat to make it home. As I traveled north, the neat villages and checkerboard meadows broke up into rocky bogs and mires. I used my club like a walking stick across the awkward terrain, until it slipped into a crack in the rocks and snapped in half. I continued without it, and as the sun started to set, I finally began to see farmland and houses again.

Not a sound came from the village. I was used to a cacophony of dogs around that place; when I left home all those years ago, they barked at me madly through the windows as if to give me their own kind of sendoff. But now, there was nothing.

I arrived on my parents' home. My home.

I found their bodies lying together in bed, as if they had simply gone to sleep one night and failed to wake up.

"I guess it's kind of funny, that I would come home after all this time," I said. "I don't know if you can hear me, in fact, it feels a little silly saying this out loud. But I guess I might as well say it, just in case you do hear.

"I know I wasn't an easy child to raise. I did things that I regret, and I disappointed you. I was only hoping that … you could forgive me, and … we could be a family again …"

It was no good. I broke down and cried.

I kissed my mother on the forehead, then gave my father the traditional Khajiit sign of respect. I buried them in the field, and lacking anything better, I left a scythe standing to serve as a makeshift grave.

Then I left that little village forever.