I know that people are staring at me. They think I'm crazy. I've been walking in the rain for what seems like hours. My clothes are drenched but I'm so numb that I can't feel a thing. The only thing I can feel is hurt and betrayal. My heart aches with sadness. I've never had my heart broken by a man before. I never thought it would feel like this, it just hurts so much. I let my guard down and let him in and this is what I'm left with – this pain. I catch sight of myself in a car window. I look awful. Maybe walking in the rain wasn't the greatest idea but I didn't know what else to do after seeing Nick with her, in his arms like she belonged there. Something came over me and instead of confronting him there and then I just turned and ran and ran and I've been walking around in a daze since then. I run my hands through my soaking hair and try to collect myself. I look at my watch. 4 hours. Jesus. I've been outside in the pouring rain for 4 hours. I look around and see a cab across the street. It's time I went home.
I finally get to my apartment and before I even open the door I know he's in there. I can smell his cologne lingering in the hallway. I close my eyes and breathe it in. God he smells so good. I open my eyes and breathe out and put my key in the lock but before I can even turn it the door flies open and Nick reaches out and drags me into my apartment.
"Jesus Sara! Where the hell have you been?! Do you know how worried I've been about you?!"
He looks at me and for a minute I forget what happened and stand there sheepishly like a little girl and then I remember. I yank my arm out of Nick's tight grip and push past him into the living room.
"Sara?"
I turn to look at him. He looks terrible, his hair is a mess and his eyes are all red like he's been crying. If I had seen him like this yesterday I would've thrown my arms around him and held him, I would've tried to make it all better. And then something happens to me. All my sadness and hurt turns into anger. How dare he let himself into my apartment after what he's done, how dare he just stand there and not even try to offer up any kind of explanation for what he's done. How dare he make me fall in love with him and then just throw it all back in my face? The more and more he stands there just looking at me the angrier I become until I can't take it anymore. I launch myself at him but before I can lay one finger on him, he grabs me and holds me so tightly that I can barely breathe. I try to struggle away but I can't he's holding on too tight. I can feel the tears that I've been trying to hold back unleash themselves and even though I feel like I hate him, I can feel myself giving into the delicious warmth of his body. He's intoxicating me and I can't do anything about it. I moan as he leans in and starts to gently kiss my neck. My whole body is shivering as his hands begin to wander all over my body. He places his hands on either side of my face and stares into my eyes and I can see how much he loves me and everything that I saw earlier disappears from my mind as his lips crash down against mine and we kiss feverishly as if we were forbidden lovers.
The light streaming through my bedroom window hits my eyes and wakes me up and for a moment my life is perfect. I look over at Nick sleeping peacefully next to me and then it all comes crashing down. He betrayed me with another woman and thinks that by seducing me that everything will magically be better? I carefully manoeuvre myself out from under his arms and make my way into the shower. The warm water runs down my body and I feel my anger disappear. I let my guard down with Nick and that was my big mistake. As I run my hands through hair I can feel the ice queen veneer that took Nick so long to break down begin to rise up and I feel calm, he won't hurt me anymore, I won't let him. When I re-enter the bedroom after my shower he's still asleep. I manage to get dressed without him waking him and when I'm ready I go over to the bed and nudge him.
"Nick, Nick wake up." His face scrunches up, lets out a yawn and opens his eyes. He reaches out for me.
"Hey baby, what are you all dressed for? Come back to bed." I shrug his arms away.
"I want you out of my apartment," His eyes widen as he registers the cold tone of my voice.
"But..but what about last night?" He looks bewildered which we makes me let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Last night meant nothing. It was a mistake, it should never have happened and I want you to leave. Now." He stands up out of bed and looks at me like he can't figure out what's going on.
"Nick you can't expect to cheat on me and have me fall back into your arms like nothing happened. Now either leave or by yourself or I can make a phone call and you can be escorted out of here. Which one is it going to be Nick?"
His shoulders slump and he starts to put on the clothes that I tore from his body the night before. I go into my living room and wait for him to finish. I close my eyes and think back to a happier time.
"I love you Sara, I always have. I've loved you from the moment I first set eyes on you. I've tried to hide it for so long but I can't anymore, I need to be with you. I know you feel the same way. Tell me. For once stop hiding all your feelings and tell me. Tell me you love me."
I snap back to reality as he comes into the room. "Sara. Don't do this. Let me explain. Yesterday, what you saw it was….." I cut him off.
"What I saw spoke for itself and I don't need you to explain it to me. What we had is over. Finished." He shakes his head but before he can open his mouth to speak I cut him off again.
"Don't even bother saying anything Nick because I don't want to hear it. We're through."
"But Sara…."
"How many different ways do you want me to say the same thing Nick? We're over. I don't want explanations or apologies the only thing I want is for you to leave. I don't want you anymore." I go my front door, open it and stand there waiting him to leave. He runs his hands through his hair and makes his way out of my apartment. When he reaches the door he stops, reaches out and strokes my cheek.
"Nothing happened yesterday Sara. I did not cheat on you and that's the truth. I'm not giving up on us. I'm going to fight for you Sara and I won't stop until you're back in my arms."
And then he left.