Alrighty then, basically this story is about how Bella going to try to become good enough for Edward. I hope it'll be angsty/dramatic, but this is my first shot at Twilight fanfiction and angst/drama. So errrr...wish me luck? Oh, and review. You would be luffed so much. I really enjoy reading feedback. I do intend to continue this story, but I won't update until I know someone's reading it.
Music really did help me write this. Normally, I can't sit down and just write a whole chapter. I have to get up and do something and come back or I get frustrated. I have to thank Staind, Evanescence, Rascall Flatts, and Linkin Park for helping me write this.
Just in case any of you were curious here were the songs that helped me write this:
Staind - Right Here (I luffs this song. It helped so much.)
Evanescence - Good Enough (Ahh...the amazing voice of Amy Lee strikes again. This song was practically perfect.)
Linkin Park - In the End (I'm not quite sure why this helped. I guess I was a tad moody while writing this. xD)
Rascall Flatts - My Wish (I'm not quite sure why this inspired me, but I must've listened to it a thousand times while writing this, which is quite odd because I don't like country music. xP)
Anywho...on with the story:
"But how could you believe me? After all the times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"
I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.
"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!
I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible, because they were impossible.
He shook my shoulder again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little.
"Bella," he sighed. "Really what were you thinking!"
I sat there still dumbfounded. Was he really saying what I thought he was saying? It was completely and utterly unfathomable, yet there he sat still as a marble statue, waiting for my response. Even as I tried to form a sentence, I found I couldn't. I could only sit there with my mouth hanging wide open. I must've looked like an idiot…
He sighed once more. "Oh, Bella how can I say this so you will believe me? I love you. I've always loved you. I will always love you."
I didn't believe him. I didn't believe him for one second. How could he have always loved me? Was he not the one who stood in front of me months ago saying he didn't want me?
My lack of response caused a long, penetrating silence. His eyes still searched mine for an answer and I found I could no longer look into them. I quickly averted his gaze, turning my head downward.
He ran his hand through his hair. "You don't believe me do you?" He groaned. Even in his frustration, his voice was angelic.
I still found I had nothing to say. My mind screamed out "No! I don't believe you!" But no words came to my lips. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to this. Even worse, I couldn't even find the courage to look at him. My eyes remained fixated and plastered downward.
I suddenly felt an icy, cold hand caress my cheek. The breath I had taken was lodged in the back of my throat and once again I forgot how to breathe. His hand made its way down to my chin and he lifted it upward so I could face him.
As soon as I looked into his eyes I was lost in a sea of darkness. I still hadn't breathed. He was so close…oh so very close. I could feel his breath on my lips. "Oh…" I murmured unintelligently.
"Bella, please tell me what you are thinking." His voice was soft. He was dazzling me again. His eyes were as gorgeous as ever.
My response was weak; the softest of whispers. "I – I don't believe you." I wasn't sure of what his reaction would be. I managed to break out of his light grip and turn my head away once more.
I could feel his stare even if I wasn't looking at him. "What can I do to make you believe me?" His voice was tortured, anguished.
I was surprised. He generally seemed saddened by the fact that I didn't believe him. I turned my head to face him, finally rounding up enough courage to look into those beautiful eyes. My voice came out hoarse and I just realized that my eyes were watering up. "I – I don't know…Edward." It had been so long since I said his name I even found it hard to say now.
"Bella, please just – just give me another chance. I swear I'll do anything to keep you safe and happy. If I'd known that my absence was going to put you in danger and cause you pain I never would have left."
He seemed sincere enough, yet I still wasn't sure what to do. I did love him. I loved him so much. But what if he decided to just up and leave again? What if he really, truly decided he didn't want me? It wasn't like I was something special. I was ordinary, klutzy, and a magnet for danger.
"Bella?"
His voice was once again full of anguish. I had to respond, but first I needed to think. "Just give me a human moment, okay?" The words came out icier than I intended them to. I saw him wince, just slightly and then he became completely still.
I mulled over the situation for I don't know how long, yet he never complained. After sitting there brooding for however long I had come to the conclusion that I did want him to stay…I wanted to just be with him. I realized there was a good chance he might leave again, but if it was another day I got to spend with him then I could face whatever pain came after it.
Another thought crossed my mind crossed my mind though. What if he was only staying with me out of guilt? What if he was lying to me? What if he truly didn't love me? I knew I was plain, ordinary there was nothing special about me. What would tempt him to stay? I really hoped that wasn't the situation. Coldness suddenly swept over me and I shuddered. Well, if that was the case I would do anything and everything in my power to make him love me. I'd be perfect, I'd try harder. I'd do anything I could to make him stay.
"Edward?" I questioned.
"Yes?" He wasn't a statue anymore. He was fully alert; ready for whatever I had to say.
I took a long, shaky breath. "I…I want you to stay. I love you. I love you so much." Tears started to cloud my vision and I moved my hand to rub them away, but Edward was faster. He wiped my tears away and pulled me into a tight hug. Although his entire body was cold, I felt warm and tingly all over. I clung to him, burying my head in his chest.
He laid a light kiss on my hair. "Are you sure it will make you happy if I stay?" He murmured.
"Of course I'm sure… I love you, Edward." My proclamation was muffled in his shirt, but he seemed to hear it clearly.
He pulled me back and looked into my eyes. My breath caught once more and it took a second before I remembered how to breathe. Of course, I had no time to breathe once the realization hit me for his lips came down lightly on mine. My head spun and I felt dizzy. I foolishly and eagerly crossed that line that he had set, yet he didn't seem to care. His lips came crashing down on mine full force. I dug my fingers into hair and kissed him with as much passion as I could. He groaned and pushed me back. I flushed a bright red and mumbled a quick, sheepish sorry.
"It's…alright." Edward breathed unevenly. "I think you need to get some sleep now."
I nodded. "Will you stay with me?"
He seemed to contemplate his answer. I winced. He was contemplating…that wasn't good.
His answer was slightly hesitant, but he quickly covered it up with a perfect smile. "Of course."
I put on a fake smile and I got under the covers. I felt his arms wrap around me and I almost felt whole again. As I lay there trying to sleep, I made a vow to him:
Edward, I swear I'll do whatever I can to get you to love…I promise I'll be worth your time. I'll be good enough. I'll be worth sticking around for this time.
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