Title: Don't Let me go
Summary: "Please brother...please don't leave me. You're all I have..."
Pairings: Implied RoyAl and if you want Elricest. w ; But I mean...I suppose you can read it as brotherly love too w
AN: owo; Rawr...my first story. And Al never gets enough stories...and this is sad...and this honestly just came out; wasn't even planned w ;
Setting: Well, technically supposed to be an AU after the movie where Ed and Al get back home owo;
Disclaimer: FMA's not owned by me ;w;
"NO!" I rip from his grip, eyes bright and voice cracked. No…he was lying. He was LYING! I stare, disbelief dawned on me; and something dark…cold spread over everything. Every thought, every feeling, everything I ever knew…
He had to be lying…he didn't know; he COULDN'T SAY THAT!
"Alphonse…" A voice, familiar and gentle; but at the same time so foreign, so distant, speaks beside me. But I don't care; eyes fixed in shock instead on this other man; a white coat and a grim face…And the darkness just grew.
Once in a time I might've...cared; might've felt something at Roy's voice…but now, now it didn't matter. It would never matter, not again…
"No….NO! NO! H-He can't be gone!" I step foreword, denying it, refusing…it couldn't be right. He was…he was wrong! But the man's eyes didn't lie and with a sigh he softly shook his head.
"I'm sorry." And my eyes freeze on him. A different hand rests on my shoulder; but I jerk away, tears hot and thick as I fall back to stare at the other man…who so long ago I'd barely said almost anything to...but…still mattered...so much.
"Alphonse…" He says it again, and in a way I can see his own weakness, brokenness reflected back at me through dark eyes. For the first time I'd seen a sliver behind that mask and…It might've meant once…another day, a past that seemed so far away…but not now. Now, it wouldn't…not ever…because nothing mattered; nothing at all.
I turn and throw my fist into the wall, desperate and furious; voice shaking as my fist brings down again and again. Blood burns down my knuckled; but somehow I don't care. "HE'S NOT GONE! H-He's not! He CAN'T B-BE!" A desperate sob and my fingers dig into solid wall; thick with scratches and blood. The doctor looks shocked and anxious, and somehow…that just…brakes me even more.
I turn, shoving past him; desperate and furious despite his cries of "Wait!"
Down the hall; I ignore the calls from them, not even hearing Roy speak at all. I just needed to get there. I need to see him, be with him! I need…I need…
"I need my brother…" I whisper, softly, so soft.
And I run; faster and faster, legs pounding the ground, breath so desperate and mind repeating the mantra over and over and over…
He wasn't dead. H…he wasn't…Ed couldn't…c-couldn't...die. It wasn't true. That doctor was LYING. He had to be. He had to! Nothing…nothing killed Ed! N-not like this! And they'd promised…Ed…he'd promised…no…
Somehow some part of me managed to even believe Ed was really alive; that I'd pull back that curtain; push open that door and there he'd be, sitting and moping; desperate to be out. Joking and glaring and…and…smiling. Just…smiling. I wanted to see his eyes, hear his voice…I wanted to just...just feel him…j-just see him...
The door was up ahead and without a second's glance I shoved it open; hot tears spilling with the blood to the floor. And my heart caught in itself, eyes wide; hands shaking, breath gasping to a stop…
A figure lay still at the bed at the other side of the room; a white sheet over him…Machines that had once beeped and whirred, giving life and hope…lay dead beside him. I don't move. For a long moment I can't; so painfully still...but slowly, so slowly…I start to. Eyes, I just can't rip them away. My gaze is caught; my throat can't even let out air as softly, slowly…I take a few steps. Tears spill and I hadn't even realized I was talking.
"Brother…?" So weak and small…and it seemed so lonely; my words in the dark room. So unbearably alone. Only light from the gray sky outside seemed to get in. I move closer and suddenly I'm right over the blue bed sheet, eyes fixed; voice caught…and nothing moves. My heart, my body; everything's frozen. 'No…he can't be dead.' That voice, that chorus of repeat moves again through my brain in denial. He's sleeping…he just…can't…die.
But it's so still. So terrifyingly…still. So wrong. The room, the bed…Edward, everything was…still. And..,Ed was never still. It wasn't right. Even while sleeping…Ed always moved…
Some invisible force was pressing hard against my chest and without meaning to my hand reached out on its own…I didn't want to see what was under that sheet. I didn't want to stare into cold dead eyes…those same ones I'd seen from mom…dark and cold and…and…gone. Like she wasn't there anymore. From Izumi, late at night…and…and…those desperate, panicked, lost…fading eyes of my brother that night so long ago. As if he was reaching back to me, reaching back and whispering… "I'm sorry…"
The sheet pulls back; my throat constricts as Ed's head is revealed. Hair; untied from his braid spills across a pale face…A part of me, so desperate wants to step back, wants to scream, grab his shoulders and shakes him until he wakes up. I want to run, I want to kill…I want to…die.
My hand…moves on its own again; as though it just needs to feel him. As if I…need…to feel him again. Reach him…somehow. And even though there's no cold gaze; no desperate broken…empty eyes my own eyes go wide…his face…it's cold. And I'm shaking. I'm shaking so badly…No…no, no, no, NO! NO! This can't be happening. This…this can't be real…
"E-Ed…" And everything brakes. I go hot, like a damn bursting through and everything shatters. My legs collapse, hands gripping tight onto blue useless sheets that couldn't even keep him warm. My chest feels ready to explode and I just…I scream. Like nothing matters, like nothing will matter ever again, I scream like I never had before; tears spilling hard and thick against the bed, wet and hot; head buried in the side of Ed's neck and bangs spilling over onto my brother's lifeless face.
I couldn't take it. I sob, hard; clutching tighter, begging in distorted words.
"Don't-don't leave me E-Ed…P-Please, please, please…please Ed…Y-you can't die! YOU CAN'T! N-No…no, brother…brother…" I sob harder; my whole body's sore and shaking so hard. With every word, every breath and every shattering sob everything seems to convulse. And I grip tighter. "Don't…you can't…y-you can't…you're all I have E-Ed…You're all I HAVE…You're…I can't…live…without you…" And I stop, voice braking off; eyes opening suddenly through thick tears. My throats goes tighter, hands shaking as the words come back to me; eyes clouded, breath erratic, gasps short and painful as I turn a soft brown gaze to my brother's…to Edward's…lifeless face. So…still…
And nothing matters anymore. I reach a desperate hand, a soft sob escaping as blood smudges down across his cheek. I stare, eyes fixed, body shaking…ready to explode.
Someone moves behind me. But everything inside of me is broken open; everything in chaos and it's like not even the world matters. I'm not even there anymore, not anywhere ever again…
My hand moves down, soft sobs escaping me as I grab hold of this little comfort, little sense in everything that's so wrong. I needed him…I needed Ed. I needed him…And my hand had wrapped around his cold metal one; shaking hard as brown eyes stared down to Edward's face…
"I need you…" I whispered again, letting my head rest gently against his own. So cold…so still…I grip tighter with my other, tears slipping to his bed.
"Al?" The door shifted open behind me. But somehow it was like it didn't even matter. As if I was the only person in the world…My right hand had already come together with the left and yet I never lifted my head from his touch as I set one gently across Edward's automail. With a burst of alchemic light, it exploded to life and a long, sharp blade slid out from the surface.
Someone stopped…and I'd already held tightly onto his arm; eyes gentle as I brought a soft hand against Ed's face. "I…love you…" It was all I needed to hear…alone with just him, just Ed…alone and gone and faded…just like him.
His automail was so cold.
"…Al?" The voice was nervous; familiar and strict but distant…so distant…It didn't matter anymore. I was only with…with Edward. I smiled, so gently, tears spilling softer as I finally brought my head away. Gentle brown gaze locked down at Ed's face. One hand held my brother's metal arm; the other against his cheek…so soft…so cold…
And then, with all I had, every emotion, every feeling…everything I ever knew I pulled him up, jerking him foreword in desperation; Ed's arm foreword and embraced him, hard. Like I hadn't since I'd first lost him…so long ago. A splash; a sharp, burning pain and everything felt wet. A cry of shock and panic barked from behind; my arms holding tighter to my brother…head buried in his shoulder; golden hair down my own. I smiled, so weakly in the darkness…shaking and gasping…breath scratched and uneven as the pain spread; the burning became hotter and hotter…I reached a gently hand again and pulled him closer…lost in his smell.
"AL!" I hadn't even realized someone was screaming my name. But a hand was on my shoulder; tight and desperate. And the door behind me burst open. I was too lost to even care. It was all fading so fast…I wasn't there, wasn't alive like I'd been and even as someone guided me down to the bed, I still held close…breathing gently against Ed's neck, eyes shut softly as I felt my brother. Someone was touching the blade and there were other voices. Everything was fading. Everything…It was like I was leaving all over again and I smiled softly in the darkness. Someone tried to bring out the blade stuck deep in my chest and I looked out, distant…to meet Ed's face once again.
My hand reached out…somehow even though it was like I was being sucked from my body…I manage to touch him again. Just once…
Someone was yelling again…once upon a time, in a life that had mattered…that had existed before this…his voice would've meant something. Meant…everything. But I wasn't there anymore…I was with Ed...and nothing else mattered. It wouldn't…not again.
"Brother…" I whispered; letting out the words in a single breath…the last one I could even manage. My hand goes limp against his cheek, eyes softening with relief as the voices begin to fade. At first, I don't even realize that they're still moving; still trying to reach me. The last thing I see as it all fades is his face…my brother's face.
I stand…staring down at the room. A boy, no older than thirteen lays close against another. Blood; across the sheets…splashed far on the cold floor…and a man, desperate and yelling; panicked…stands over the two of them. His words seem distant to me…but I can hear his pain. His dark eyes…fixed on the two as my body fades from life. I turn, almost distantly. A gate looms shut behind me…bright lights explode and the hospital's gone. Just whiteness…like it'll never end. And gently; softly, I turn again to look at the golden gate as it creaks open, swinging large doors with a soft bang.
A bright golden light spills out; brighter than even the ones in the white world I'm in. And through it, a figure stands; silhouetted in the gold; bright eyes staring back at mine. I stare, eyes wide, body trembling as soft eyes reflect guilt, but somehow…relief. Tears of my own are spilling now…fading and dissolving into the world as, almost like a ghost I start foreword, gasping softly; not able…to believe it.
And Edward smiles gently…almost haunted, but there are tears there as well. And without stopping I'm reaching out, reaching out and bringing him close. So close, so tight…My eyes shut tight; arms wrapped hard against his body…and it's warm. So warm and the tears fall harder, smile wider. And he holds me too…and doesn't let go.