"How can I be strong?"
Disclaimer: This story was inspired by "Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining" by Littleredreba. This is a one-shot and it is probably my favorite out of my stories. I have been working on it for a long time trying to get it right. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Warning: The feels are pretty intense… prepare yourself.
It was a funeral, there were people dressed in black, crying and blowing their noses, comforting others and providing shoulders to cry on. The kids were in shock and heartbroken, Barbara Jean was torn apart because her husband was dead, the family was an emotional mess. Not Reba, she didn't say a word, and she did not let a single tear fall. She had to be strong for them, for herself, and for Brock.
But that night in her house, within the comfort of her bedroom walls she sat alone with only his memory for her to remember him by. Within those walls Reba cried. She not only cried but those tears turned into sobs, and those sobs soon turned into weak yells. She sat on her bed feeling sorry about her life for what seemed like hours, everything was falling apart. The father of her children, her best friend, her best friend's husband, and the love of her life was dead. How could she be strong at a time like this? Her heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces. How could he leaver her, how does he expect her to live without him, how will she be able to make it through the day? Gosh she missed him. She missed the way he smiled, how he would tease her just to make her mad, how the color in his eyes would pop out when he looked at her, and yes... She even missed the fake tan and the smell of cocoa butter and feet. She sat there in happy thoughts for a minute before she remembered something. She got up from the bed and went to get a box from the closet. The box contained things from their past: pictures, movie stubs, some other keepsakes, and one of his old shirts. Just looking at the things from their past made Reba happy. Brock was a really sweet guy, he did a lot of little things to show his love for Reba. Flower crowns, IOU kiss coupons, button pins, she kept them all in that box. She pulled the shirt out of the box and brought it up to her nose. It smelt like he had just taken it off. She knew she shouldn't have it, but she was glad she did. After the divorce she just couldn't throw the box away. So she just tucked it away in her closet never to see the light of day. Until now. It's kinda ironic actually... The box is finally out of the closet, but the sun is tucked behind rain clouds like it knew something was wrong. Something was wrong, Brock was dead. Rain clouds always meant a storm was coming, Reba hated storms. She didn't mind the rain, it was peaceful to watch, but as soon as the thunder and lightning clap Reba starts to grow nervous and uncomfortable. When she and Brock were married, Brock would comfort Reba and make sure she had something else to do besides think about the storm. It was so sweet the way he took care of her. Now Reba had even more reason to hate storms, but this time she had no one to comfort her, a storm took him away.
By now Reba was soaked in tears and her bed was none the less a puddle, it had grown dark outside, Reba had finally stopped crying and she wondered what time it was. When they got home from the funeral she made sure the kids would be alright and then made a B-line for her room. Holding in that many tears for so long was not an easy thing to do. Reba was strong, but there's only so much a person can take. Seeing your ex-lover there dead was too much. Reba stood up and managed to make her way into the bathroom and took one look in the mirror, she looked like a train had run over her... Multiple times. There was no way she would let anyone see her like that. She was the strong one, if her kids saw her in a moment of weakness, how could they be strong? Looking in the mirror she caught a glimpse of Brock standing right beside her. She knew her mind was playing tricks on her, but it was still nice to see his face. The face she loved. She had almost forgot that he was dead... Almost. Tears came streaming back into her eyes and down her cheeks. She had never even told him she still loved him. Why did she always act with her brain, just once couldn't she have acted with her heart. She remembered one of the last conversations she had with Brock, they were in Reba's living room a few days back. BJ had just stomped out the door, she and Brock had another fight and of course they dragged Reba into the middle of it. And like always Brock was going to sleep on Reba's couch. She was helping him lay out the blankets and put a pillow case on his pillow when Brock looked up at Reba and said, "Would you have taken me back if I had asked? Reba I really think I screwed up." Reba looked at him, she wasn't sure how she was going to answer him this time. He always said he thought he made mistakes, Reba never knew what he was trying to say. Either he meant one stupid decision ruined his life, or he still loved her, she hoped for the latter. After taking a moment to think about her answer she finally said, "I don't know Brock because you never asked. But if you had apologized and asked to come home, I might have said yes. But I do believe that sometimes what's best isn't always right." Brock looked at her, Reba realized she might have admitted that she still loves him. He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her into a hug. He lowered his lips to her ear and softly whispered, "And sometimes what's right isn't always best." Reba shivered, they haven't been this close since before their divorce. All she wanted to do was kiss him, but she knew that wasn't right. Drifting away from the happy thoughts Reba became mad at herself. She should have kissed him, she missed the way his soft lips felt when they pressed up against hers. Now she has missed her opportunity. She will never feel his lips interlocked with hers again. Why? Because he's dead. A bright flash lit up her dim room and a loud boom soon followed. Reba's weak knees gave in and she fell to the floor startled. The storm was here and Brock was gone, how could she be strong?
It's been hours since the funeral and Reba hasn't even left her bedroom. It was dark, she was cold, and she was alone. She has spent every night since her separation from Brock alone so she was used to it, but this night was different. She really was alone. She tried to fall asleep, she needed to sleep, but instead she just laid there and let her mind wander. 'Sometimes when we are struggling in life we don't tell anyone. I guess that's because we think it makes us appear to be stronger. I guess I thought that if I pretended it doesn't hurt it wouldn't.
Life can be hard. That's why you gotta keep your chin up you know? You can't let it get you down, you gotta be stronger than the nonsense life throws at you.' His words kept ringing in her head. That was something Brock told Kyra who later told Reba, she used his words a lot, somehow they gave her strength. She was tired of being strong.
When Brock first moved out she still had hope, even until Henry was born she had hope. Then reality settled in seeing the newborn in his father's arms, she knew that he was gone. She had to be strong. Reba had finally moved on and had accepted her new life, things were going great, until Brock had told her that he had made a mistake. She was so mad at that Mo-ron for stirring up old feelings. She finally thought she was over him and he was happy. But knowing how he really felt, or at least how he thought he felt, she wanted him back, but she was strong then too. He ran to her with so many problems she had to fix for him, so many times he slept on her couch instead of his, she wondered why she hadn't seen it before, she could have had him back. But she was always strong and did the right thing. No matter how many times she did the right thing and denied her heart of what it truly wanted, or how she tried to tell herself to become angry at him for ruining her life, she loved him. She loved him and that will never change, and now he's gone and he won't know how she really felt. That is what hurts the most, being so close, and wondering about all the 'what ifs' in life. Life is too short, she will learn to move on because she is the strong one. But for now she wasn't going to be strong. Brock was dead and Reba was left with a broken heart.
Why do I do this to myself? Don't say I didn't warn you, because I did.