Hey everyone! This is my first fanfic and it takes place just after Libba Brays The Sweet Far Thing. It has been on my mind for a while and I just had to write it. I will be merged with Twilight but later on, be patient! And as a reminder; I do not own the characters!! Not any of them yet at least!!
Love ya all!
OrChick
Gemma POV
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March 1897
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Dearest Fee,
It has only been a year since I set foot in America. Fortunately I have not had any visions since that unfortunate day we fought the Winterland's creatures, nor have I brought myself to visit the realms since I left Spence.
I am terribly afraid of entering the realms; the pain of losing Kartik is great and has not vanished no matter how hard I wish otherwise. My emotions might overcome me and I am not ready to visit the places where I spent my last blissful moments. It is so hard Fee, to lose the one you love the most and will ever truly love. I know you have felt the same way and therefore understand me. Contrary to myself, I hope you have found someone to love and that you are not living with the ghosts of the past as I am. I do not know why I do it or how, but I have not been able to see anyone as a man, much less a husband or lover.
I have met many men, but none are really fond or deserving of my love. They dislike my love of learning, my only passion and reason for living. American men have turned out to be just as shallow as the English, with a different accent. Men ridicule me for my English birth, my unruly red hair or because I am here alone. I have not made friends for they think me very different from them with my English accent. I shall try to lose it but it might take time.
So as you can tell, I have been leading a life of emptiness and solitude. I am attending Elmira Female College in Elmira, New York, which is a school where a group of kind men are fighting for the equality of females. Can you believe that Fee? There are men fighting to give women equal education as men have. It is a very binding place I should say, much worse than Spence. Our day begins at five in the morning and ends exactly at nive-fortyfive. We must always have a chaperone accompany us out of to town. The school is made up of three buildings, the main house an observatory where we can see beyond the skies and a chapel.
I send you my love and affection Felicity and hope you are doing better than I am.
Love Always
Gemma
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April 1897
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Dear Fee,
I have to admit that sometimes that sometimes I feel like giving up. Like going back to Grandmama and telling her she was right, like telling Papa I failed him and Tom he should have married me off to Simon. But then I remember him and I remember why much he believed in me. I remember he gave his life so I could make the future mine. How he accepted me as I am, volatile temperament and stubbornness, and that is all it takes to make my doubts disappear. That is the time I study harder, I pay more attention to my duties and none to the snickers that follow wherever I go.
I hope you are enjoying your freedom. And remember sweet Fee, tell me when I will be able to purchase a portrait of my dearest friend.
Love Always,
Gemma
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June 1897
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Fee, I do not know what is happening to me. My visions are different from before. It is as if the magic is changing once again. I do not know what is occurring to me but it is horrid and painful. I thought I had left England with all of its magic and visions; I had come to believe it was her and not me who held the magic. I was so terribly wrong. I shall endure the torment of my visions even in this new land. So it is me after all the one who holds the magic, not the earth.
In every single one of my visions I feel an immense pain on my neck that floods my body. This pain is like no other as it burns my insides. I hear a beautiful voice that is as smooth as velvet and sweeter than honey beckoning me to come forward; to give myself to him. I smell his sweet intoxicating breath that falls on my face as he holds me tight and tells me this will end too soon. Then, the pain stops and I feel sharper, my senses heightened; I feel more in control. The most frightening part of all is when I open my eyes and stare at my reflection in a mirror. Every time I do so, I see myself even more beautiful than before, more so than Pip, pale as a sheet with eyes that shine like rubies and perfect red curls. Yes Fee, my eyes are red, bright crimson like blood.
But this beauty is unearthly; there is no imperfection in that face, absolutely nothing amiss. It does not even seem human.
I have no idea what this all implies if it does at all. Even though sometimes I find myself in the depths of a forest, or in the dark alleys of a city or some other desolate place, the pain is the same and my reflection on the mirror only looks even more perfect; pale, without a freckle in sight, beautiful perfect curls and eyes of blood.
This frightens me ever so much. Especially since I do not know what to make of it. Also the vivacity of the experience; like I was actually there while it happened is frightful. I so wish I would all go away or have you close by to ease my pain.
I hope I have not frightened you. This may just as well be another of my musings.
Take care,
Gemma
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November 1897
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Sweetest Fee,
You will not believe who has come to keep me company. No I suppose you will never tell. It is none other than Mr. Fowlson, Miss McCleethy's lover. He has come to be my guardian and my consort, but to society he is my "brother".
After Miss McCleethy's death, he abandoned the Rakshana and joined me. He is under not under my service but he believes rather strongly that his Sahira would have wanted him to protect me and I shall not refuse his aid.
We had a queer relation in the beginning for he was supposed to be my brother and I held no affection for him; I only felt for his loss. But everything changed as I taught him how to speak and act like a proper gentleman. During that period I have realized that he was much like Kartik was at the beginning of our relationship. His hardened tone and harsh demeanor was due to the Rakshana and not his person. Underneath it all, I have found the man that is capable of loving and whom Miss McCleethy so dearly loved. We have bonder over our loses and have become like siblings if not more.
Gemma
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September 1912
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My Dear Fee,
I am afraid something is terribly wrong with me. It has been almost fifteen years since I left Spence and my body has not changed in the least. I look exactly as I did the day I left Spence, I am still a girl of seventeen and not the woman I should be. Fee, I am terribly scared, what if the realms have done this to me? What if I stay this bloody age forever! I have disguised myself to make myself seem older but people are seeing thorough.
I shall write to you in a month's time at the least. People are getting suspicious of my unaging form.
Love
Gemma
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January 1916
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My Dearest Felicity,
I cannot end my life. You probably believe that not being able to age is a miracle but it is a terrible curse. I cannot stay long in one place. I have no idea as to how this has come to be. I do not age, I cannot die. You would be surprised if I told you how many times I have tried to commit suicide and have failed. The magic heals my body almost instantaneously. Not even a dagger through my veins could spill enough blood to rid me of my life. Fowlson became extremely worried and keeps watch over me like my mother would watch my fevers in India.
Someday I will be alone Fee, yes Fee, I will soon have no one. Papa died years ago and Grandmama a few years before. How long has it been? I am supposed to be a grown woman or thirty-six or so. But I am this girl on the outside still. I should be getting older, closer to death every bloody day! Getting ready to join Kartik on the other side of the river, to meet Papa and Mother. But no. I am still conserving the youth and beauty that should be withering by now.
Now I shall never be with my love, my Kartik. You have no idea of how much luckier you are Fee. At least you will be able to see dear Pip someday. All of my hopes have just been vanished. I still see my love in my dreams, I do not know if he has learned of my immortality. If he knows that I will not be able to join him in the afterlife that I am cursed to live a life of emptiness and solitude.
I should not live, but I do and somehow it is unbearable.
Gemma
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This is my first chapter and I hope a lot of you liked it. Constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated. Just as a not I would like to point out that none of the Twilight characters will appear untill the next chapter.
thanx all!!
OrChick,3