Metanoia

(Greek)

(n.) The journey to change one's mind, heart, self, or way of life

I am on a journey.

It is said that a journey begins with just a single step, but has anyone thought about the steps that come after that initial leap of faith?

Many say that the first step is the hardest. In a way, that is true. It takes much courage to begin any journey. To leave your home, your friends, your family, the ones that you so dearly love behind. To go where everyone fears to go. To do what no one dares to do.

However, the hardest, most arduous steps are the ones that come in the middle. The ones where you feel as if you are suddenly skidding to a halt, or slowly slipping, sliding backwards. Moving back in the direction of the person you no longer wish to be. Voices start to fill your mind, telling you to give up, that it's not worth it. You'll never be good enough. There's nothing you can do to reconcile the wrongs that you have done.

But you must keep pushing onward. You cannot stop. You cannot allow yourself to halt, even for an instant. The second you stop, those voices will drag you down and suffocate you. They will fool you into thinking there is no hope. If there is no hope, why move on? There is nothing left.

No, you cannot rest, because to get where you want to be, you must give everything you have. Every fiber of your being must be dedicated to the journey, otherwise you will not make it. You will fail.

Along the way, you are allowed to cry, to mess up, to fall, to move backwards even, but failure- failure is not an option. Not when the stakes are this high, when the most precious thing a person can give, their heart, is on the line.

|•|

As I watched his plane disappear into the starry sky, his last words to me echoed over and over again in my head.

"Hardest 180 of my life," he had said, right before he walked up the steps of the plane, gave a small wave, and disappeared.

As tears flowed freely down my cheeks, I vowed that I would come back to him a changed woman, a woman who had made a complete 180.

I turned around and walked away, leaving the old Ziva behind and ready to begin the journey to find the new one.

A/N: Hey guys!

I hope you liked this! This is in my #wordporn series. Although I said that most of the stories in my #wordporn series would be one-shots, I decided to try a multi-chapter fic!

Updates will probably be slow, because my muse is almost impossible to work with...

Thanks for reading! Please review! I would love to hear your thoughts! :)