AN: I HAVE FAILED AS A WRITER. But I feel so good. . . I've submitted a story after like what, two years? =w= So yeah. This story was spawned from I'm With With Gameboy's constant nagging. Whoop!

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There are some people out there who have a disease. I just happened to have it, and it just happened to ruin my life. It is something I would have found out sooner or later, but I would have been many times happier if I had found out later. How did I get this disease, you ask? I'm not really sure, but I know for a fact that when you stab yourself in the heart, you're supposed to die. Well, I didn't. That's where it all began.

After stabbing myself and still being alive, I've tried killing myself. That was a no go. I overdosed, slit my wrist (Remember, kids! Down the street not across the highway!), stabbed my chest, and shot myself. And of course I had to do something that proved to myself that I was beyond dead; I jumped off a fourteen story building. Nothing worked.

The bad part of it all was that I felt the pain. Every single fucking cut, burn, gash. . . everything. I could feel myself almost dying, and when my eyes became droopy and I started to lose consciousness, I thought: "Yes! I'm gonna die this time!" But every single time I lived.

I am thoroughly confused. Why the hell am I, a perfectly nice person, cursed with a disease worse than a day without smokes and a round of Pacman? Sure, I'm a raging homo. Sure, I've done some drugs (my personal favorites are vicodin and ecstasy), and I've probably slept with more guys than I can count on both hands. Is there a god out there against gays and druggies? 'Cause I'll hunt him down and rape him; I swear I will.

The most curious thing though is that ever since I got the disease, I've had a craving for a certain drink. Let me give you a hint: It's red and warm. Yep, you guessed it. Cranberry juice. No, not really. Are you stupid? Who the hell drinks warm cranberry juice? Certainly not me, or anyone with taste buds.

I drink blood and I'm a vampire. Anticlimactic much? Yeah, I love to ruin surprises. Say goodbye to Mail Jeevas the game whore, and hello to Matt the blood sucking game whore. I'm thinking this is just the beginning of a long and winding road full of surprises and mishaps. Because hey, you can do anything when you're a vampire.

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AN: Yeees. Give me some critique. --- (what all writers love/hate.)