This is supposed to be a happy day. It's the last day of school and I am finally a senior; all of those painful, awkward, stressful, confusing, and any other nail scraping adjectives you can think of, days were finally over. Sitting in my Spanish class at school, people were stuffing their faces with donuts and whipped cream, signing yearbooks while incessantly squealing, and seniors were hugging each other, realizing this is the very last high school class they will every be in. Evie was on top of the desk next to me, yapping about the new bikini she bought last weekend and how good Steve thinks she looks in it. I don't even know if that's what she's talking about now, that's what she was saying ten minutes ago I wonder if she knew I wasn't paying attention at all. My mind was somewhere else.
I sat staring at the table of food surrounded by teenage boys in front of me, completely zoned out. I was hungry and wanted to grab some of the food up there, but after throwing up this morning for the third time this week I didn't think I could handle it. I know what you're thinking and believe me I know this isn't the flu. I'm about seven weeks pregnant and I know it isn't Soda's; we've never even gone all the way. He's too much of a gentleman to even bring something like that up. This kid belongs to some Soc who I can't even remember sleeping with. If that doesn't make a good dramatic T.V. show plot I don't know what does.
I watched seniors at the food table spraying whipped cream down each other's throats. I'm going to miss them all of course, even the Socs. They're all going on to greater things though and my class is finally taking over. Like I said, I should be happy.
"Hey you," Sodapop jumped to sit on the desk in front of me. He gave me a toothless smile because his mouth was full of donuts or something. I could have damn near cried after seeing that smile, but I pushed the tears back. There were girls in my school who kill to even talk to Soda and he's all mine but here I am getting drunk and sneaking behind his back. He could always read people pretty well and how he isn't seeing right through all my bullshit is a miracle. I recomposed myself, forced a smile and giggled at Soda's food filled cheeks.
"Swallow before you talk, babe," I grinned while resting my head on my hand. Soda playfully rolled his eyes before taking a swig of his juice or whatever was in that cup.
"So what did you think of that swimsuit, Soda?" Evie smiled and heaved her chest out. I wouldn't get jealous when she did provocative things like that towards him because for one, I knew she did it to every guy and two, Soda told me I'd always be his. Well, always as in until he finds out, I guess.
"Oh yeah, um, it was a pretty cool color," Soda said, not meeting her gaze. Her face fell and she sighed.
"It was black, such a great color," Evie said sarcastically.
"Aw come on, black is a nice color. Take a compliment, will ya?" he said poking her sides. Evie pushed his hand away and took his drink from him.
"Hey Soda, help me cut this damn watermelon!" Ryan Stine called from across the classroom. I turned around and watched three boys trying to pry a watermelon open with their fingernails. Soda started busting up as he made his way over there. I couldn't help but laugh, I really am going to miss these seniors.
"You alright, Sandy?" Evie suddenly asked with a genuinely concerned look on her face.
"Yeah, why wouldn't be?" I asked.
"Not trying to be a bitch or anything but you look pretty pale and sickly," Evie replied taking another sip from Soda's drink. I don't know what it was but right after she did that I felt my stomach twist lurch up into my throat and I ran out of the room as fast as my sandals and skirt would allow me. I made it just in time and I puked my guts out into the toilet and thanked god no one else was in this bathroom. When I was finally finished I started to cry. And when I say cry, I mean ball.
This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I wasn't supposed to be pregnant, I wasn't supposed to not know who my baby's daddy is, I wasn't supposed to cheat on Soda in the first place, and I wasn't supposed to watch him fail high school and most likely be a gas boy forever, where girls can ogle over him all day long. My motives for cheating were so irrational now that I think of it. I wanted guys to go wide eyed over me like girls did for him, and if going to bars and getting completely wasted will do the trick then so be it. I've got to be the only girl who thinks like that. I don't want these seniors to leave either, that means I've got one year to be a kid until I have to live in the real world. God, can I even be a kid if I have a kid?
I just want to go back to a few months ago and freeze time. Back when I wasn't cheating on Soda, I wasn't pregnant, back when life was really going my way. I want to relive the days where me, Soda, Evie and Steve could all go to the drive-in movies and end up leaving early to the Dingo because Soda couldn't keep still. Those times were so easy, where we'd laugh and joke and the biggest concern of my life was getting back home before my parents got angry. Back to when I wasn't such a jealous mess who had to sleep with five guys to make up for every one girl who batted her eyelashes at my boy.
I'm such an idiot for cheating on him, goddamn I don't even want to think about the looks I'll get when I start showing. I'm not going to tell anyone before I start showing, I just can't. Not even Soda. I've got all summer and about a month into next school year where it won't be obvious. Yeah, I have enough sweatshirts to cover up a five-month pregnant stomach. The thought of even having a big belly and having everyone knowing I was the whore who had sex with random Socs almost made me puke again. This wasn't supposed to be my life. I knew I was no angel, but god do I really deserve all of this? I rubbed my face to see black tears on my fingers and knowing my makeup would be all smudgy and ruined made me cry harder.
"Sandy? Are you in here?" I heard a soft voice reverberate through the bathroom. I knew it was Soda.
"Yeah, I'm here," I said, trying to sound as put together as possible but my voice cracked at the end. He swung the bathroom door open and his eyes widened. I probably look like shit right now.
"Oh god, are you alright?" He said sitting besides me and rubbing my back and pulling me against him. That only made the tears form again. I don't deserve to be treated like this. I don't deserve this comfort.
"Soda…" I whimpered into his chest.
"Shh, honey it's okay. Do you want me to take you home or something?" He asked.
"No, my stomach's a lot better now."
"Then why are you crying?" Now wasn't that a loaded question.
"Do you love me, Soda?"
"You know I do, more than anything," he whispered into my hair.
"Even if I screw up at almost everything and do everything wrong?" He gave a soft chuckle.
"You don't screw anything up. I'm always going to love you and if anything's wrong, you know you can always come to me." I gave him a sad smile as he brushed the tears off my face.
"I love you so much Soda, I really don't deserve you."
"You deserve everything and more darling, as cheesy as that is it's true." We sat there silently for a few minutes as he stoked my hair with one hand and played with my fingers in the other. And for a few minutes I forgot anything was ever wrong. Just having his arms around me was enough to make safe and secure. For a second I was happy again. Even though we were sitting on the dirty bathroom floor next to a vomit filled toilet. I don't know if it's my wacky hormones or not, but the room had an ethereal and relaxed feeling to it. I heard the door to the bathroom swing open and I heard the click of heels walk in.
" So then I was like, are you not going to pick me up? And then he was all like, oh no I can't. I mean, like, really?" I heard one peppy girl squeal and the other kept talking in her 'like' language.
"And then I was all like oh my god, like, like?" Soda loudly mocked. The two girls outside were silent immediately the moment they heard his voice and I started cracking up. I heard them rush out of the bathroom and Soda began cracking up with me. That was so something Soda would do. We both sat there laughing our heads off for a few minutes. It got to the point where tears were leaking down my face, this time for a better emotion. I leaned against his chest and smiled.
"We're going to be alright, babe," I mumbled into his shirt. In that moment I really believed it too. I'm not sure if he heard me or not but he responded by kissing the top of my head.
"We're going to be more than alright, we're going to be happy together, get married, have kids and maybe a dog, watch them grow and then get really old and wrinkly together. Sound like a good forever deal to you?" He asked with a slight laugh at the end. I nodded against his warm body.
"Sounds like an incredible forever," I replied. He kissed my head again and despite dating him for months now, it made my stomach flutter with butterflies. After a few seconds I began to sink back into reality. That kind of forever doesn't include a teen pregnancy, late night bar hopping, lying and cheating. That kind of forever is something Soda deserves, not me. My head was swirling with so many thoughts to the point where it gave me a headache. I looked up at him and he looked back at me, and all I could see in his eyes was pure love and adoration. I gazed back at him, hoping my eyes would give off a similar feeling. We held that gaze for a couple seconds and I would give anything to keep this moment forever. Maybe I should listen to him. Maybe we would be all right. Maybe we won't. Right now, all I know is that I love him and he loves me. We'll figure out forever when it comes.