leave out all the rest

. . .

"Glarg, your BARF sucks," Rinn complained, removing the glasses, tossing them on the nearest horizontal surface, and glaring at them with an obvious wince. "Your neuro calibration is completely off." She rubbed her forehead, eyes closing for a long moment as if the lights had upped their lumens by a factor of ten.

I sighed, sympathizing with the headache I knew she now sported. "No shit. Why do you think I asked you to collaborate on it." There must be some key point I had missed and no matter how smart I could be I still needed help on occasion and Rinn… Rinn had cornered the market on neural mapping. "You really think this will help fix your boy toy?"

She poked the glasses with a single finger, a look of discomfort on her face. "If you mean James, then yes. I'm certain of it." She met my eyes. "With some modifications."

Yeah, because the current design simply allowed one to access and project existing memories, not change them. Not really. You could manipulate the scene projected, but the original memory would remain the same. She had bigger goals in mind. She intended to remove deeply embedded programming that had taken months if not years to literally beat into one Sergeant James Barnes. The memories would remain, but, in theory - one I agreed with - they would no longer be the chaotic mess she had described. He would remember everything, from his life before the war to every single moment he'd been The Winter Soldier with the perfect clarity and horror that he deserved.

So, yeah, I might still want to inflict some serious pain on the man who had killed my parents, no matter how innocent he might actually be.

What a fucked up mess.

She waved at the projector, causing the room to revert to blank walls instead of the surfing memory she had been indulging in. She missed surfing, even I could see that, but she remained stubborn and refused to back down on her stance, no matter what I tried to persuade her with. About the only thing I hadn't tried was buying her company outright, but since she owned it all by her lonesome I had no way of getting to it on the sly.

"It's a good idea, but you went at it with a sledge. This needs a ball-peen at most."

She knew how to play me, using mechanical references and all. "Are you accusing me of not being delicate enough? Because I am telling you I can be quite delicate in the right situation." I threw in a leer just to annoy her then picked up the glasses and tucked them into the pocket of my jeans. Rinn visits didn't require suits and I'd been working in the garage most of the morning, tinkering on a car I'd picked up recently for rebuilding purposes.

She snorted. "Iron Man pretty much says it all right there."

"You know, this project would go faster if you were here more often." An argument I had used before so I doubted it would work this time either, but I kind of wanted to see what excuse she'd come up with this time.

"I'm here every ten days at the most, that should be more than enough. It's not like we don't have other things to do, including businesses to run."

Damn it. She put up a blockade every time I even tried to suggest our collaboration become something other than two ships passing in the night. "How do you manage to come up with a different answer every single time?" I waved towards the door, following her out into the hallway.

"By having an IQ above thirty?"

I could hear the smirk in her voice alone. "You can't give me a straight answer, can you?"

She stopped and spun about, head tipped slightly. "When you really want one I do. I know you don't care for why I'm doing this-"

"More for whom, but go on."

"But the end result will benefit a lot of people. That's what's important." So earnest and so damnably correct.

I'd been dragging my feet because of Barnes even though I knew the long term benefits far outweighed my personal feelings on the soon to be test subject. "Can't help it, I guess, with all of you choosing him over me."

"Excuse me?"

Oops. That comment had actually pissed her off, I could see it in the narrowing of her eyes. "Barnes. All of this is because of him."

"Wow, the winners really are fans of rewriting history." She sounded thoroughly disgusted.

"And in exactly what way did I win?" The Avengers broken, my friends gone, choosing to live in the shadows instead of trying to find a middle ground in this mess we had all created.

"So, there's an arrest warrant out in your name?"

Well, no, but Ross wasn't exactly happy with me either. I'd taken care to not piss him or the UN Panel off recently, but I also wasn't exactly playing nice either. I had other things to worry about these days. "Would you prefer there was?"

She sighed, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. "No, of course not. Shit, Tony, stop trying to push me away."

"I'm not," I argued weakly. She could just have a point. Since Siberia I'd pretty much turned back into a recluse, keeping in contact with Rhodey; no chance in hell I'd walk away from him, but interacting no more than necessary with SI and those who worked at the Avengers compound. I spent most of my time alone at the mansion, avoiding any place that reminded me of what had been lost thanks to the Accords.

"You are," she snapped right back. "But you won't succeed no matter how hard you try. FRIDAY likes me more than you and will let me in wherever you hide."

I huffed out a breath half in laughter and half exasperation because I knew Rinn was right. FRIDAY would rat me out to her every single time. "I could just go off the grid," I muttered and she burst out in laughter.

"Tony, you wouldn't last a day without your tech and we both know it." She set a hand on my shoulder and looked me right in the eyes. "It's okay though, we like you this way."

I shook my head. "Not everyone." I'd ruined everything I'd tried to create, destroyed everything I touched these days. Little wonder I'd gone delving into ways to examine my past, maybe, just maybe, if I could change things and then I might be able to put my life back together.

"What do you want me to say, Tony? Want me to mediate a truce between you and Steve?"

I shook my head. "No, that bridge has been nuked."

"Then what?"

"Come work for me. I can protect you here." Her problems wouldn't go away completely, but it would help.

"Yes, because what Stark Industries needs is a game division." She hung her head down. "I worked damn hard to get where I am, I need a friend not a babysitter for fuck's sake."

And now she was angry again. I really should learn to take more care with my wording. "You still having issues?"

"Oh hell yes," she told me without hesitation. "Even your recommended company mysteriously lost some of my gear." She shook her head. "I need some serious painkillers for this discussion."

Shit. I had assured her that company was above board and couldn't be bought, but apparently I had been wrong. They were about to lose a really well paying client for that error in judgement. "Come on."

I led her to a nearby lounge area and dug out some pain meds that might actually put a dent in the headache I knew to be pounding away behind her eyes. She all but collapsed onto one of the couches, sinking in deep. I handed her the water and the pills, which she swallowed down quickly. I perched on the edge next to her, not certain if she wanted me anywhere near.

"What's left to move?" No, I didn't want her leaving the US, but I understood her decision and I hadn't realized how bad it had gotten, that companies I'd vetted and trusted had turned against her. Someone wanted her tech and would do pretty much anything to get it.

"The real servers."

"How can I help?"

"I don't know that you can. I might have a crew that'll get them moved safely, but I need to up my security on site till I can."

"Who's watching them now?" She had an impressive security system installed, but even that could be hacked or just bludgeoned to death.

"A couple of my guys. I've done my best to make it seem like I've already moved them, but…"

"Someone has probably figured it out. They'd be safe here," I offered and she gave me a weak smile.

"I know, and I do appreciate it, I just… there's a reason I never moved into the Tower, that hasn't changed."

"Right, 'cause you haven't placed yourself in harms way by siding with them." I got to my feet and paced stiffly away. I opened and closed cabinets until I found a bottle of decent bourbon I'd stashed away at some point in time. I poured a generous amount into two glasses and stalked back to stand before her, holding one out for her to take. "Where'd you end up going, anyway? Wakanda?"

She'd run there less than a week after the Steve had been branded a fugitive, King T'Challa taking advantage of her sudden freedom to create sims for anyone. It hadn't been till several weeks later that I figured out the former Avengers had run there as well. Yeah, I could have gone to Ross, either of them, and gotten the lot of them arrested, but I didn't really want to. Didn't want to let my ego get in the way of the chance to maybe make amends in the future.

And maybe didn't want to miss out on a chance to kill the son of a bitch that had strangled my mom.

I heaved a huge sigh and sat down again.

"Austria." She swirled the bourbon around the glass then downed a large swallow without even a hint of hesitation.

We hadn't gone drinking in quite some time and I'd forgotten how she drank like a fish, not able to get more than a hint of a buzz thanks to those damn nanobots in her. Christ she was more like them in so many ways, little wonder she wanted no part of me.

"Rinn-"

She cut off my words by wrapping her hand about mine and tipped to lean her forehead against my shoulder. "I am not running away from you. I am not abandoning you. I will be here for you as much as I can, but I have to live my life." She sighed, twisting her head to look blindly out into the room. "You are all so damn broken, do you have any idea how hard it is to deal with? How badly I want to fix this whole mess?" She downed the rest of the alcohol and set the glass down on the coffee table in front of us. "I won't choose sides, but I have to do what is best for me first."

"And chasing after them is best for you?"

"Chasing? What are you talking about? Yes, I made sure to talk to Steve when I went to Wakanda, he's my friend, had just lost Peggy, and had the shittiest week on the planet. I thought he might appreciate seeing someone who had no ulterior motives. I went and saw Clint and Nat too, you gonna get bitchy about that?"

I rubbed my hand over my face wishing she could not be quite so blunt for once in her life. "You went and saw everyone, didn't you?" She had probably gone to see Rhodey and he simply hadn't mentioned it. The two of them hadn't interacted nearly as much, but I could see her checking up on him simply because he was my oldest friend, and for that I could forgive her.

"Tried to. You kept refusing my calls." She settled back into the cushions, but didn't release my hand.

A good thing as I needed the contact. Needed to know someone still gave a flying fuck about me. I hadn't exactly been in a good place afterwards and had been focused on getting Rhodey's house in order and had pretty much ignored the rest of reality as unimportant. So, yeah, I guess I had kind of ignored her calls along with everyone else.

I'd designed two new suits before she'd barged her way in, FRIDAY not even giving me a heads up that she'd arrived, much less that she stood behind me in the room. Her first act had been to give me a hug, which I had hated… until I hadn't.

She muttered something under her breath, heel of her free hand going to her forehead.

"Still hurting?"

"Worse if anything," slurring her words badly.

I shifted sideways, fingers on her chin. "Let me see."

She groaned, but didn't argue. Her eyes had turned a lovely shade of bloodshot, reminiscent of one of my more impressive benders, and I doubted she could focus on anything at the moment. "The BARF should not have interfered with your little buddies, I checked five ways to Sunday before even suggesting you try the damn thing on."

"I know. I read over the specs you sent me. Doesn't mean they aren't unhappy about the EM field being generated. They probably think they're protecting me." She swore in three different languages, all of which I knew, but still… impressive. "I'm useless as a test subject, so we'll either need a willing victim… uh, volunteer or to abuse you."

I snorted at her phrasing, picked up my glass and handed it to her to finish. Maybe it would distract the 'bots enough for the headache to subside. "While I would prefer a willing victim, it would mean letting them in on the plan and doing a neural mapping and-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't need any more knowing than necessary." She downed the drink and handed the empty glass back to me.

"Stay here tonight."

She raised a single blonde eyebrow at me.

"You have anyplace else you need to be?" She probably did, but I was hoping that it would give me some time to show off the lab I'd set up for the project and that it might just entice her to stay for more than a few hours at a time.

"L.A. My people would like to sleep in their own beds now and then." She shot me a wry grin at which I rolled my eyes.

"Like you sleep in Steve's?" I shot to my feet and stalked away to refill the glasses before she could do more than gape at me.

"Wow. Jealous much?"

"Envious," I corrected making her snort, followed by a moan of pain. I winced slightly, last thing I wanted to do was hurt anyone else, but my mouth refused to pause and give my brain a chance to weigh in on the commentary before it slipped out.

"Laurin-"

"That's my business, Tony, and none of yours."

"It is if it'll get you hurt," I argued, carrying the bottle over to where she sat glowering up at me. The effect only slightly diminished by the bloodshot eyes and blown pupils.

"The two of you, pains in my ass."

"What do you mean?" I sat beside her, putting enough distance between us to discourage hitting. I poured the bourbon, set the bottle down and urged her to take the glass I'd filled for her.

"I mean you spend all of your time trying to protect everyone, while Steve tries to save everyone and neither of you can take that step back and realize you simply can't. That sometimes you lose."

"I don't like to lose." Obvious, especially to her, but it felt like it needed to be said.

"Have you met Steve? He was a competitive little fuck when five foot nothing and ninety-eight pounds wet."

I ground my teeth. Like I hadn't grown up hearing all the stories about the always perfect Steve Rogers. Captain America, the savior of the war and the best man my father had ever known… and the one person I would never be able to emulate. I threw back my drink and poured more. "You gonna regale me with stories of his ability to do no wrong too? 'Cause if so I really have better things to do."

For a long moment she looked at me as if I had turned a lovely shade of insane, then burst out into pained laughter that continued until tears ran down her cheeks and I had to the rescue the glass from her hand before it spilled all over the leather.

"Oh dear god, Tony, is that what you think? That I worship at the feet of the glory that is Steve Rogers? Do I come across as some fainting virgin whose thighs can't help but quiver at the sight of his biceps?" Her look hardened. "He's a stubborn little shit who won't back down from a fight and will be the first to sacrifice himself if there's even the slightest possibility it'll save the day." Rinn surged to her feet, swaying a bit, but the anger that had bubbled up kept her going. "He's so goddamned disconnected with life that he doesn't really care if he dies so long at the rest of the world can keep turning." She spun about and stabbed a hand at me for emphasis, then said at a near whisper, "You have no idea how many times he's wished he'd never been found."

I had no idea what to say. In retrospect her words told me nothing I didn't already know about the man, but to hear it said, and by someone who had chosen to stay on the outside of our little clique... it hit me, and hard. Since waking up he'd had his reality dumped sideways any number of times, been thrown into battles, had his home ripped away, lost the few connections to his past, to what he remembered as real and important fade to dust. Little wonder when his best friend had reappeared in his life, he'd done everything in his power to get him back.

And then I'd gone and fucked up royally.

I tried to fix it, of course, but that backfired even more badly than the original screw up. And, admittedly, I didn't screw up very often, but apparently when I did the mess turned out to be spectacular.

"I was just trying to protect them," I mumbled, more to myself than her, but I made certain she could hear it.

"Sledge."

I snickered. She had a point there, but I had grown up in a go big or go home kind of environment. "How do I protect the world without one?"

She stared at me as if I should know the answer. "By not doing it alone."

"You offering to help?"

She nodded. "But you have to promise to not shut me out."

That might be the harder thing to accomplish. It had always been easier to hide in my work and avoid the life that swirled all about it. Look how well that had turned out. Pepper gone, the Avengers broken, my friends in hiding from me as much as the rest of the world. Only showing their faces during emergencies, though they often kept those faces covered so the world could turn a blind eye and justify not arresting them. I had either pushed away or avoided all the rest. I suppose if I had to let one person in, Rinn wouldn't be the worst choice.

"You will stay here tonight and once the headache is manageable we'll get to work on integrating the BARF with your neural mapping."

"Tony, I need-"

I held up a hand to cut her off. "I'm going to send FRIDAY to Cyko. I need to beta test one of the new suits anyway. This'll be perfect for that. I think she already has access to your security system, yes?"

Rinn nodded slowly.

"Perfect. You can keep her until the servers are safe in their new home and you won't have to worry about babysitting them. That is unless you don't trust me."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

Hard to argue with that.