Author's Note: I like writing Abby/Townsend in this form, like someone commented on the other story: a relationship in pairs. These could, I guess, fit in with the others. I also noticed while scanning my other Abby/Townsend story to make sure I didn't have any repeated scenes that Abby refers to a "slut" named Brittany and that Townsend's girlfriend is also named Brittany. That was totally accidental, by the way, but if you wish that Brittany to be the same person, go ahead.

This is for zammiex18, who asked me to write an Abby/Townsend last week. I hope you like it!

Summary: "I flipped a coin," she breathes. "Heads, I walk back to you. Tails, I run."

Damaged

introduction

"Townsend, haven't you ever felt the urge to throw caution to the wind?" She breathes to him in a drunken way, "To stand on the edge of a cliff and just jump into the water below?"

He looks at her for a long moment. She is staring at him with wide eyes that are anything but innocent. Finally, he sighs, looks down at the scotch in his hand, and drains it in a single gulp. He meets her eyes. "Yes, yes, I believe I have."

one

In their first case, he manages to insult her in every way that he possibly can. She gives just as good as she gets; she had always been a natural at being a snarky, hurtful bitch when provoked. Once they accomplish the assignment with time to spare, they go their separate ways with not a single goodbye or well wish.

She thinks on the plane ride back that she will never see him again, and she grins and laughs and prays for Abe to have a speedy recovery.

Which he does: two months later, Abe is healthy, back, and ready to go.

So, when she gets a call about an assignment with Townsend, to say she is shocked would be an understatement. And when she hears later that he had requested her, her, she is absolutely floored.

two

"We're partners, aren't we?" She asks him after a meeting with both of their bosses after a narrow escape during their fourth joint assignment. She leans against the wall of the hallway, frowning.

"Yes," he breathes finally, looking just as displeased.

There is a long moment of silence before she asks, "Why me? If you hate me so much, why did you request me?"

His leg is in a cast, and her arm is in a sling. They both are covered with numerous bruises. She gently rubs her arm while he stares at the floor and avoids her gaze. He never gives her an answer. She thinks that maybe he doesn't have one.

three

The first time they kiss is an accident.

There's an explosion, and the blast sends them both flying. He lands first with a groan, and she falls on top of him with a huff. Their heads knock together and lips brush accidentally in the process.

They both freeze, staring at each other. Behind them, a fire is roaring, tearing down an old factory with the bad guys (and their evidence) inside. In the distance, they can hear the sirens of quickly approaching fire trucks and other emergency vehicles. They need to get out of there and get far away from the scene, but neither can seem to move.

"That never happened," she whispers finally and lifts herself off of him.

He shakes his head rapidly, "No."

Neither ever mentions it again, but sometimes, she'll have dreams of that day and wake up just as she leans down to kiss him purposefully.

four

During one assignment, she stays awake a little too late one night and watches him sleep. She wonders at how peaceful he looks. With his hair strewn everywhere and dressed in a wrinkled t-shirt, she has to suppress a laugh at how messy the normally spick-and-span agent is.

She smiles.

Then, realizing what she is doing, she gasps and wonders what the hell has happened to her. She lies down even though she isn't at all sleepy, screws her eyes shut, and hopes that tomorrow she'll hate him again.

five

She's having bimonthly lunch with Grace in London in this new restaurant that Grace insists on her trying. She's wearing a new dress and chatting with one of her closest friends, so she thinks that the day is going pretty well.

Until she sees him.

There's a falter in her step when her eyes land on him at this restaurant with a gorgeous blonde sitting at the table across from him. And he's laughing, actually laughing. Grace eyes her for a moment and asks, "Everything all right?"

She nods and goes back to their conversation, but she moves behind a support beam, covered with ivy so that he cannot see her.

When they are being seated, the maître d' leads them past his table and no amount of cowering behind Grace can hide her from him. When he notices her, he chokes on his wine. "Cameron," he manages to get out in between coughs before she can escape.

"Townsend," she replies with a smile, deciding that if he could pretend to be polite then so could she.

There's a long moment of awkward silence before Grace clears her throat. "Edward Townsend," she says his name carefully, staring at Abby's face the entire time. She turns to him, "I've heard a lot about you." She eyes the woman across the table with curiosity and a little discontent.

"This is Grace Baxter." Abby says finally in a barely controlled tone of voice. She doesn't look at Grace in anger and Townsend won't stop looking at her, so she turns to the girl at his side. She holds out her hand, "Hi, I'm Abby. Edward," she forces out his first name through gritted teeth, "and I work together."

"Aw, Eddie," the woman gushes, and Abby resists the urge to roll her eyes. "You didn't tell me that you worked with such a gorgeous woman." There's a moment of silence as she takes a breath before continuing, "Aren't you going to introduce me, Eddie?" Abby can't help but cringe at the nickname the second time. She wrinkles her nose but smiles pleasantly when the woman turns around to face her.

Reluctantly, Townsend gestures towards the woman, "This is Brittany, my girlfriend." The woman smiles brilliantly.

Abby hides her frown.

six

She's screaming at him, and she doesn't really understand why. She's just so angry, and there he is with his trademark smirk, acting as if he wasn't almost killed. "Never do that again!"

He raises a brow, "Save your life, you mean?"

"They almost killed you! I was perfectly fine. I could have taken care of myself!" She's pacing around their temporary apartment.

"Those are some famous last words!" he exclaims, standing.

"You wouldn't have even gotten any last words, Townsend. If I wasn't there…" She huffs. "They almost blew you to pieces!" She stops pacing and turns towards him.

"I'm standing right in front of you now." He spits out at her. "I'm sorry. I know that it's such a disappointment to you." He remarks almost bitterly.

His comments almost cause her to pause, but she knows that it's just him trying to throw her off-balance. So she continues on her rant, ignoring his words. "You do not do that! I did not use the code word, so you do not come!" She moves towards him. "It's like you've never had any training!" She pokes his chest with every word. After she finishes, she shoves him away, pushing his shoulder.

The anger immediately leaves her when he cries out in pain. "What's wrong?" She asks, already tugging his jacket off. His white shirt is stained with blood.

"Townsend!" She cries out.

"It's just a little nick," he shakes it off, but she already has a first-aid kit in hand, sending 'thank you's to whatever higher power that allowed him just to get a nick.

seven

She admits to herself that she likes him a little too much when they're undercover at a ballroom. She's in his arms, and they're waltzing. He's holding her so close, and it's almost like she can't breathe.

For a moment, she loses herself there, in his arms, and they're not Mr. and Mrs. Nix but their true selves. However, all too soon the song ends, and he's pulling her to a back office. Then, they're cracking a safe and insulting each other simultaneously.

And she smiles and thinks for a second that this might just be her happily ever after.

But as she thinks that, an alarm goes off just as he's opening the safe. She rushes to the window and throws it open. He grabs the flash drive from the inside the tiny metal box and joins her. Grasping his arm, she grins, "Ready?"

He groans, she laughs, and then they're falling through the sky.

eight

"What the hell is this?" She holds up a ring box. She knows that there's a diamond inside, and she can't open it. "You brought this on an assignment?"

He doesn't reply, and, thinking over the day, she gasps, "You bought this today, didn't you, instead of tailing the subject? This is when your radio went dead."

He doesn't deny it. He knows he cannot, "Yes."

She's angry and yells and screams, but it's all just to cover up the sound of her heart breaking.

nine

She meets a man in Greece that she thinks might just be it for her. He's perfect, with his faultless smile and syrupy words. She thinks about Townsend and imagines calling him, perhaps just to say, "I'm happy. Fuck you." However, she never picks up the phone, never makes that call.

He proposes to her during a moonlight walk and gets down on one knee, and it's so perfect. Things would never be this perfect with Townsend. She is happy but not happy enough. Her head screams yes, but her heart screams no. However, her mouth breathes, "Yes."

And she's engaged.

ten

Once again, she's in London to meet Grace for lunch. She gets on an earlier plane than she planned and shows up three hours early. She decides to take a walk.

Somehow, she ends up a block away from his townhouse, wondering if he's home. Even though her aching heart is telling her not to or she might fall apart, her feet lead her to his door. She knocks once, twice, and prays that he is on assignment or gone somewhere else, anywhere else.

After a few minutes of him not answering, she turns and strolls back down the steps she came on, only to see him jogging up the sidewalk. She freezes in her steps and for once is unsure of what to say.

He examines her curiously and lingers on her left hand. She toys with the diamond on her finger before taking a breath, "I'm engaged." She holds her hand up for him to see and fakes a smile.

He doesn't seem to notice. There's a brief pause, in which he looks like he had just been punched in the gut before he controls his appearance and smiles, "Congratulations."

She doesn't notice the falter.

eleven

He's not the romantic sort-of-guy or at least she had never seen him in such a way. But before she boards her plane that afternoon, he shows up, nervous and out of breath.

He's still in the clothes from earlier, and she wonders what he could possibly be doing. Briefly, she hopes that he would just turn and go back home before he ruins everything.

"Don't get married," he whispers finally, staring at the floor, and just like that, her world is in pieces.

She closes her eyes, "Why?" For a moment, she wishes that he would say 'Because I love you' and that they would live happily ever after, but things are never just that easy. Definitely not when she's supposed to be married in two weeks, and she isn't sure that they could really ever love each other.

"Because I ended this with her. Because I need you," he responds instead, and she wonders if it's because he's unable to say anything else. They were both too damaged for 'I love you's.

She shakes her head, a little sadly. "Not good enough," she murmurs before she boards the plane.

twelve

She doesn't get married.

As soon as her plane lands, she gets a call about a long-term assignment in the States from a person who she owes a favor. She gives her fiancé his ring back that night and tells him she's sorry. She goes back to Gallagher finally, back to her past, back to her family, even though she once said that she never would. She's a little lonely and a little sad, but she's not heartbroken.

She thinks she should be.

She saves a few lives, gets shot, and repairs her relationships with her family a little bit.

Oh, and she kisses Joe, just because she can, and then leaves. But this time she decides she might come back.

thirteen

"Joe can't be a double agent, Townsend." She murmurs to him sadly, still defending her friend. "He can't."

Townsend's silence seems eternal, but finally he sighs and says bitterly, "Just because you're in love with him doesn't mean that he's not one of them."

Her jaw drops, and she asks incredibly shocked, "You think I'm in love with Joe?"

Townsend stares at the ground. "Of course," he looks at her and narrows his eyes. "Don't entirely insult my intelligence."

She shakes her head but doesn't correct him. Maybe she wants him to think that. Maybe she wants to know how he'll react. But he doesn't breathe another word about it, and she speaks up again after a few minutes. "Keep her safe."

He smiles at her, a little sadly, and imagines a girl that looks exactly Abby. "Of course," their eyes meet. "She's not like you, is she?"

Abby just grins, and Townsend groans.

fourteen

She can't hear anyone, can't breathe. All she can think is "Dig." It's all her fault. Matthew's dead; he's really dead. And he's here, underneath this dirt. He's dead because of her.

Matt. Matt. Matt. Matt.

She's gasping, but she can never get any air. The snow is turning red around her fingers, and she realizes it's blood. Her blood.

She's bleeding. It doesn't seem like it's enough punishment. The pain. The blood. It's not enough. Fingers grasp her own, pulling her forcibly away. She blinks, clearing her vision, and sees Townsend.

"It's over," he whispers, gathering her into his arms. He strokes her hair and presses his cheek against her own. It's strange, she thinks for a moment, how he seems to genuinely care. She realizes she must be terribly pathetic for him to comfort her. He pulls her tightly into his chest, and she can hear his every breath. It's calming, she thinks. Peaceful. She concentrates on it and barely hears his words, "He's gone."

She doesn't deserve this, she thinks.

She doesn't know how long they stay that way, but finally he leans his forehead against hers. "Once we leave here, this God-awful place, we will never speak of this."

Her eyes flutter close, and she breathes in the soothing smell of his cologne. "Deal."

Sitting there, she thinks about how easily it would be to fall in love with him.

fifteen

She shows up at his townhouse one day out of the blue and says, "I'm hungry. Lunch?"

He scolds on her manners and laments about how he could have had company, but he grabs his jacket and tells her he's choosing the restaurant.

"Please, Townsend, my idea. I get to choose." She scoffs as she hails a taxi.

"You invited me, Abigail," he wraps his scarf around his neck. "As the guest, I should-"

She raises a brow, "The last place you chose, I got food poisoning."

He wrinkles his nose. He remembers those three hellish days all too clearly. "The last place you chose, I ended up in the hospital."

She rolls her eyes. "Not my fault. Who's severely allergic to garlic?" She giggles, "Actually that's not all that surprising. Do you sleep in a coffin?"

He laughs humorlessly before deadpanning, "Can you get a new line?"

"Well, I haven't mentioned Buenos Aires this trip…" She trails off with a smile.

Townsend groans and slaps his palm to his face.

"What would you do without me?" She asks, laughingly.

He quips immediately, "Drink less."

She laughs and tells the cabbie the restaurant. He decides not to argue. He leans back against the seat and watches her speak animatedly about the pros of the place they're going.

sixteen

This is the way the world ends.

She cries out in pain.

This is the way the world ends.

She falls to the ground.

This is the way his world ends. Not with a whimper, but a bang.

"Cameron!"

He watches her crumble to the ground, and he rushes over to her and carries her from the crumbling-down home. He puts her in the car, grabs her hands, and pleads with her to stay with him as he speeds away.

Far enough away from the home, he cries for backup into his comms unit and pulls over on the side of the road. Her blood covers the car seat, and her eyes roll back into her head. He jumps out and moves around to the other side of the car. He pulls her out and lays her on the grass.

"Abigail!" He whispers furiously and puts pressure on her wound. He waits as her eyes focus on him. "Yes, yes, focus on me. Stay with me. Stay with me."

She opens her mouth to speak but coughs instead. He's horrified to see blood splatter everywhere when she does. "Now you want me around," she chokes out eventually.

He smiles at her attempt at their old banter. "Yes, yes. I've always wanted you around. Remember? I'm the one who requested you."

She tries to laugh but coughs again. He can hear the sirens now and prays that they make it in time. "Sure," she remarks. "Not to torture me."

He moves her hair back from out of her face. "You're the one who's always hated me."

She smiles, blood at her lips. He wipes it away with his thumb. Suddenly serious, she asks, "I'm dying, aren't I?"

He shakes his head furiously left and right. "No, you're not."

She gasps for breath. He can hear the sirens, almost to them. She coughs and says, a little disappointed, "Such an average way to die." Her eyes begin to close again.

"You're not dying, Cameron. Do you hear me?" He almost shakes her.

Her eyes open. She struggles but finally lifts a hand to cover his cheek. She feels wetness there, but Townsend can't cry, not for anyone. Certainly not for her.

"Give me a reason to stay." She challenges him, even on her deathbed.

"I've always wanted you around, Abigail."

The paramedics arrive and put her on a stretcher. He doesn't let go of her hand.

She gasps and coughs. "I would have settled just for you calling me Abby," she says with a sigh before closing her eyes.

seventeen

"You can't remember being shot?" He asks, sitting beside her hospital bed.

She huffs and shakes her head, "No. I don't know why it's so important to you. I can't remember anything after it, either."

"You can't?" He leans forward. She narrows her eyes at him, wondering about his reasons for being so happy.

Her nose wrinkles suddenly in disgust. "I didn't stop breathing, did I? I know that my heart stopped once in the ambulance, but when I was with you, you didn't have to do mouth-to-mouth, right?"

He shakes his head rapidly, "No, no, no."

Abby sighs in relief, but soon she speaks again, "Wait, you thought I was going to die." She pauses, thinking that maybe she might not want to ask the following question. She might not want to hear the answer that could change everything. However, she can't stop the words from flowing through her lips, "You didn't say anything, did you?"

He laughs, humorlessly. "What would I say?"

She smiles and nods. She'll later blame it on the morphine, but for a single moment, she's disappointed.

eighteen

"Anders called me today," she tells him on a plane ride back to Washington, D.C. from a city whose name is unimportant. "My former fiancé."

He nods in recognition.

"We've been talking a lot recently. He's moving to the US." She continues to talk without hope of a response. "We're back together."

She pauses. It's a challenge. Speak up.

"That's lovely," he smiles at her. She narrows her eyes at him, knowing that he would have never given her the blessing to continue a relationship with Anders without making a number of sarcastic comments. But he did. She examines him carefully and finds no sign of a lie. His smile is genuine. She searches for his normal tell, that only she knows, but she can't find it.

She smiles back, finally. It's the fakest smile she's ever given, but he doesn't seem to notice.

nineteen

Once the plane lands, they're waiting on their baggage when he finally speaks up, "What would I have to say to stop you from making this huge mistake once again?"

She looks up at him with knitted eyebrows. "How about 'Don't do this,' for starters?"

He turns to face her. "Don't do this."

She raises a brow and waits. When he doesn't reply for a time, she whispers, "Why don't you tell me why you requested me?"

But he can never choke the words out. Sighing, she grabs her bag and leaves.

She thinks there that maybe they both are a little too damaged.

twenty

He sees through the crowd, moving towards him.

"I flipped a coin," she breathes in a way of explanation.

He tilts his head and looks at her quizzically. Townsend takes a deep breath and asks with a sense of weariness, "What were the choices?"

She huffs and takes a step closer to him. "Heads, I walk back to you," she tells him. A long moment passes before she steps forward, leaving barely any space between them. "Tails, I run."

A smile spreads across his face, "Which side did it land on?"

She grins widely and runs her hands up and down his chest, "Does it really matter?"

He shakes his head slowly with wide eyes, and while laughing, she leans up and presses her lips to his.

She thinks that it doesn't matter if they're too damaged because it's them.

And she knows now that they love each other but only in the way that they can love no one else.