A/N: Here's issue 1 of the Davy Jones Times, I really hope you enjoy it! I will add new issues periodically, but I promise I'm not abandoning my other fics.

The Davy Jones Times, Issue 1

"All the news you need to hear"

YAKS ARE DYING BECAUSE OF AN OVERABUNDANCE OF SCHOOLWORK

By James Norrington

Captain Jack Sparrow and Will Turner spoke to a spokesperson from The Davy Jones Times about the yak problem in the pirate town of Tortuga. Apparently, "The yaks are dying… Word of teachers assigning mountainloads of homework and projects in the city of Jacksonville, Florida, in the New World, has reached Tortuga, and the Tortugan yaks are dying because of it," Captain Sparrow told our reporter yesterday. Mr. Turner told us, "It's unconstitutional, according to the Pirate Code, that teachers assign this much homework to poor children." Also interviewed were pirates Elizabeth Swann, Will's fiancee and Governor Weatherby Swann, the governor of Port Royal in Jamaica. The governor said, "My Elizabeth never had this much homework and projects in school. Normally, I would never agree with a pirate or the Code, but this is going too far. This madness must be stopped immediately." The governor's daughter, Elizabeth Swann, told us that "Tortuga is one of the two major producers of yak milk and meat in the New World. If all the yaks die, then a lot of New World residents will starve because their diet is very yak-heavy. They need the yak milk and meat to survive." She went even further, saying that "the practice of giving so much homework that kids have no free time" was "brutal, unfeeling, and" something that cannot be printed in this publication. Mr. Turner agreed, adding, "this practice must be stopped immediately." Captain Sparrow told us that "if this is not stopped within the next year, I will be very disappointed because this homework thing is nonsense and it never should have been invented."

Captain Hector Barbossa and His Crew to Form a Traveling Circus

By Jack the Monkey

On Saturday, Captain Hector Barbossa announced his intention to form a traveling circus aboard his ship, The Cobra. He says he has been "entertaining this idea for a while… All coastal towns deserve a circus, and what better way to deliver one than have it aboard the Cobra?" We spoke to Governor Weatherby Swann, the British authority in Port Royal, who said he thought the idea was "fantastic… The captain has a brilliant idea which will be sure to be well-received in many coastal towns." The captain has said that the circus will start touring in late November. Tickets are on sale in Port Royal and Tortuga, with more locations coming soon.

Do you want to join a pirate crew?

Captain Davy Jones is hiring members to crew his ship, The Flying Dutchman. Apply in Tortuga for a position. Limited spots - don't wait!

Stowaway Reveals "Urgent Message"

By Tia Dalma

Captain Jack Sparrow, William Turner, and Elizabeth Swann came to our offices late Friday night with a young stowaway claiming that they had an "urgent message" for the towns of Port Royal and Tortuga. The stowaway, upwiththebirds33, told us that they were a representative from Rights for Enchiladas and that they had a petition that required "as many signatures as possible to give enchiladas rights." Captain Sparrow said that they had told him "I need signatures for this petition. I know you think I'm crazy, and I think I'm crazy too, but will you please sign this?" Mr. Turner told us that he "sympathized with this person immediately… I've always believed that enchiladas have rights. They are very tasty, but I believe that they should be eaten at the end of a long, full life. I signed this petition, and you should too." upwiththebirds33 is in Tortuga until Wednesday with the crew of the Black Pearl collecting signatures to take back to their hometown of Somewhere, USA, to argue their case in court. Captain Sparrow, Mr. Turner, and Miss Swann have said that they will argue with them. "It's the right thing to do," Miss Swann told us. "We wholeheartedly support upwiththebirds33's mission."

Want to work for The Davy Jones Times? Visit our office in Port Royal to apply.

Another A/N: Please review and tell me what you think!