"She said only girls were allowed to like boys."
Aline was standing in front of him commandingly, chin up, eyes condescending. "I am a girl so I can like boys. But you can't because you're a boy too and that would be weird. My mother said so," she said as if it has been carved into the commandments themselves.
Alec's eyebrows wrinkled together. "Why not? Your dad married your mama even though he wasn't supposed to. Why can't boys like boys?"
Aline hesitated for a moment, then in the voice of an all-knowing eight year-old, she proclaimed, "That's different. My mother's a girl. And boys aren't supposed to paint their nails either." She sneered and pointed at Alec's bright red fingernails. He blushed and quickly hid them behind them behind his back. "AND boys aren't supposed to like glitter or wear pink or like boys. You're a FREAK Alexander Lightwood."
. . .You're a freak Alexander Lightwood. . .
Those words echoed in his head for years. They ate away at him until he'd sit down, curl up wherever he was and clutch at his hair. Bright red scratch marks eventually ran down his arms and he took to wearing long-sleeved sweaters to hide them.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
"Papa? Aline says boys can't like each other. Is that true?"
Alec sat in the chair in front of Robert's desk as Robert worked on some annual reports for the Clave. Robert's pen paused, but continued moving across the page a second later.
"Dad?" Alec asked when Robert's silence stretched to minutes. He kicked his legs back and forth on the hard-backed chair, wishing his legs were long enough to touch the floor.
"How did you happen on this topic Alexander?"
"I dunno. We were just talking." Alec purposefully avoided mentioning that he had been the one to start the conversation by talking about how nice he thought Sangeet Choudhary, a little boy about Alec's age from the Mumbai Institute, was. They played a lot together these past two weeks and Alec kept thinking about how pretty his smooth brown skin was and how dark his eyes were, just teetering on the edge of black. They were framed by soft, whispery coal black lashes; just looking at them gave Alec a funny feeling in his stomach. "So, do you think Aline is right papa?"
Robert exhaled through his nose and Alec counted his exhale to be four seconds long. "Yes, I do Alexander."
Alec bit his bottom lip. "Why?"
"Alexander," Robert began. He put his pen down and folded his hands together on the table. Alec felt a sense of foreboding. Robert affected that pose only when there was some kind of bad news or he or Isabelle were in trouble. Alec gripped the edge of his chair and rocked slightly back and forth, waiting for Robert's words.
"There are some things that aren't tolerated by other Shadowhunters. Did you know that your mama had a brother? He married a mundane woman and was stripped of his marks. He was made to live with mundanes and your mama never saw him again. That's what would happen if a boy liked another boy. They wouldn't be a shadowhunter anymore."
He wouldn't be a shadowhunter anymore if he liked a boy? He'd get his marks taken away? But he hadn't even gotten them yet (Alec was getting his very first in two years which was a whole year before Isabelle. She was so jealous!) And worst of all, he wouldn't see his mama, papa, or Isabelle anymore.
"But what if they were really happy together? Do you think everyone would be okay with that?"
"Alexander! Shadowhunters can lose their marks and be exiled from the Clave! Don't you care about being a shadowhunter?"
"But papa—"
"This conversation is over Alexander." Robert pinned Alec down with his severe gaze and Alec's but we weren't talking about me died on his tongue. "Go play. And tell Aline that you are not to talk about those kinds of things anymore."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
That night Alec tossed and turned. His father's and Aline's words kept coming back to him. Just as he managed to brush them away with a so what? It doesn't matter. I don't like guys the words freak and mundane came back to poke at his heart. You think Sanjeet is pretty his mind reminded him. Alec felt his lower lip tremble. So that's wrong? I'm wrong? I'm a. . .freak? Alec hid his head under his pillow. He didn't want to get kicked out of the Clave. He didn't want to live with the mundanes. He didn't want to never see his mama again!
He wanted to be a shadowhunter and a shadowhunter he was going to be.