I need to thank wholeheartedly Diane Kachmar for proof-reading, editing and correcting my English. All and any mistakes are my own. This vignette was written March 4th, 2012. Johanne Brière, LaSalle, Qc.
Vignette: Journey with Fear
Season 4, Episode 4
Chip Morton stood on his balcony, his large hands gripping the rail; he didn't stand straight, he just leaned slightly, as if he hadn't gotten his land legs back yet. The high sun was bright as he squinted into the horizon; his blue eyes suffering in the glare. Yet, he didn't budge. Chip breathed the salt air; he exulted in the warm rays.
After nearly four days of being buried in his office in paperwork, reports he wrote, reports he read and approved, budgets he had drawn up for repairs, he, at last, had a whole week to himself. The first thing Morton did was to turn down an offer from Lee from supper at their favorite restaurant. He had simply told his friend and colleague, he would see him, bright and early on the following Wednesday.
Seaview had come back unscathed from their last mission.
He drove all the way to his apartment, showered and changed, quickly. Left immediately with a small week-end bag. A friend of his knew of this glorious place, on the beach by the Pacific, two hours north of Santa Barbara and he had managed to rent it for six days at the last minute.
Seaview had come home unscathed; no emergency repair had been required.
At first, he walked about this small house, mesmerized by its location. The ocean had a call, only those like him, heard. He was of the water, droplets glistening on his skin as he learned to swim as a young child, learning to trust in its depth as a young adult, learning to live beneath it as a career submarine officer.
Seaview had made port without a scratch on her paint, no burned communication cables, no radiators leaked, and no mechanical problems.
But Chip Morton had lost his way, when he had lost his sight.
Admiral Nelson had approached him with the idea of him co-piloting the vessel. Communication, co-pilot and space. It had sounded like a wonderful idea. The sea was his world, but the Seaview had picked up many space shuttles coming down from their explorations. They had extensive knowledge of and a working relationship with the astronauts and the space exploration team. Since the new updated shuttle was going to blast off directly from Seaview, with input from the Admiral in the engineering of the launch, having an officer from Seaview, on its first step into space, was a vital element of the whole planning. Lee would have volunteered, but Chip had heard of it first - a small rumor at the Institute. He had mentioned his interest in passing to the Admiral.
Two days later, the Admiral had summoned him in his office and offered him the opportunity. Chip had been overjoyed to get the chance. Morton had overseen every detail, with the Admiral and Major Wilson and three other engineers from the Space Exploration Program. Once the vessel had been installed on Seaview, under Chief Sharkey and his own watchful eyes, he had started to realize the magnitude of the action he would undertake. A submariner in space.
Lee had congratulated him, even teased him some, at the dinner they shared the night before Seaview took to the sea. There might have been a hint of envy, but no jealousy. They were always pushing their own limits, and their friendship had endured all their trials , under fire, under command, with trust and confidence.
The excitement Chip felt had far exceeded some of the most dangerous missions that the Seaview had encountered in latter years. It was pure adrenaline, pure instinct, and total determination to have the best technical resources available for this flight. Living in an enclosed submarine or one flying in earth's orbit was very similar; the outside world being the potential enemy. Morton would take the dare and defy the danger for new discoveries. He had gone over all the instrumentation with a fine tooth comb, validating, checking, testing, proposing changes. Chip had also undergone physical training, enabling him to handle the g force and the hard quick propulsion of the shuttle launch.
He was ready; he had felt confident and competent.
So when things went badly, when the universe and the expectation of this mission spun all he knew upside down, Chip had wondered if death wasn't better. Being blind had changed everything. Everything so deeply black. Alone, forced to talk against his volition. Helpless. Blind and helpless.
Chip Morton could have handled everything including that or so he thought.
The sea below the balcony was calling; the seabirds were gawking. Chip left the safety of the balcony, moving toward the sand. The phone rang behind him. It had been ringing endlessly for the last hour. He wouldn't pick it up. He had known that Lee would find him here, if he was so inclined, and he knew Lee would be inclined. Right now, he just needed the sea, the light and the breeze.
While he had anticipated with trepidation and exhilaration the trek into space, that expectation hadn't been delivered. As soon as they had been beamed back into Seaview, for lack of a better expression, Lt. Commander Chip Morton had taken a quick shower, changed into a clean uniform, and reported to sick bay for a full work-up. Then he had written a quick summarized report before taking a full night rest. He had placed himself back on the duty rooster, the following day, until the ship docked in Santa Barbara.
He had done what had to be done. But had he? Chip quickly ran toward the calling ocean, dove effortlessly and swam until his body asked for a reprieve. Sitting on the sand afterward, feeling the hot sun rays, he reflected at last. It was hot on the beach, but not as hot as what he had felt on Venus.
Venus.
He just couldn't believe he had been on Venus. He had been blinded. He had told aliens all he knew about Seaview and the Admiral. Oh, of course, the excuse was, he couldn't help himself against the brainwaves that had seared directly into his head.
Morton had returned feeling defeated, incompetent, and weak. What should have been a momentous event in his career, turned out to be an event in which he needed to be rescued!
Blindness had thrown a vise-grip of fear into his soul. He hadn't known that about himself. He now had doubts he had never had before.
The days on the beach above Santa Barbara went by, he almost expected Lee to show up at some point. Once he realized, Crane wasn't coming, it allowed Chip to take all the time he needed to face those doubts, without constraint and decide what he was going to do about them.
By the time, Morton had to leave the little beach house, he still had doubts. But he was ready to face the Seaview, its crew, its captain and try once again to give them everything he had. Hopefully that would be enough to do his job and be the XO they had come to expect him to be.
Doubts are what makes you who you are. Your weakness can also be your strength.
Morton drove efficiently toward the call of another place of water where a grey lady had his heart, as well as his doubts, his fears, his weakness and his strength. She was his soul.
Fini.