A/N: You should be very scared now. This is a parody of Muppets Treasure Island featuring anime characters that me and Keyblade are writing together. Yes, I know we are insane. Anyway, have fun reading!
Disclaimer: We do not own Muppets, Treasure Island, Naruto, Yu-Gi-Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abriged Series, Fullmetal Alchemist, Kingdom Hearts, Tales of the Abyss, or Death Note. We also do not own the rights to any of these.
Many years ago, a pirate known as Kisame roamed the seas. He attacked many ships, killing their crews and stealing their cargos. Eventually, he had acquired so much treasure that he began to worry about its safety during his voyages. He decided to hide it until he needed it. And so, he sailed his ship to an obscure desert island. He selected some of the most useless members of his crew to go ashore with him.
"Yugi! Tristan! Joey! Tea! Get in!" Captain Kisame called from his seat in the bow of a treasure-filled rowboat.
"But I haven't finished my card game!" Yugi whined.
"I don't care! Get over here!" the captain yelled.
They reluctantly put away their cards and climbed into the rowboat. Tea glanced around the crowded boat. "Where's Tristan?"
"My voice gives me super strength!" Tristan screamed as he jumped from the ship's deck into the small, crowded rowboat.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" everyone screamed and clung to the sides of the boat, praying it would not overturn.
"Don't let the treasure fall!" Kisame screamed as his crew rushed to secure it.
After a while, the boat was safely heading for the island. When they finally reached the shore, Kisame ordered them to carry the treasure. They walked all day before he finally found a satisfactory place to hide the treasure. They dug a deep hole and buried Kisame's chests of treasure. As they finished their work, Kisame revealed his shark-like teeth in an evil grin.
"Are we done yet?" Joey asked, eager to return to his card game.
"Yes, you're done," Kisame grinned evilly as he raised his chakra-eating sword.
Unlike Joey, Tea noticed the evil grin. "You're not going to kill us or anything like that, are you? Cause I don't wanna die unless Yami's here to save me!" She smiled at the thought of Yugi's alter-ego.
"I don't care if you've got a powerful weapon and we're all defenseless! I can still beat you in a children's card game!" Yugi said.
"My voice will shield me from death!" Tristan yelled confidently.
Kisame laughed. Ignoring all the nonsense his victims were yelling, he swung his spiky sword of death and ended their lives.
"And then Captain Kisame made a map to lead him back to the treasure. But he died before he could find it again. And now no one knows where the map is," Hohenheim paused to see his audience's reaction to the story. When no one responded, he asked, "Well? Wasn't that a great story?"
"Umm… Yeah… Sure…" The inn's customers nodded unconvincingly.
"I think we might have enjoyed it a little more if we hadn't heard it so many times," Luke pointed out.
Hohenheim did not appear to hear this. "Luke! Always remember! Beware of the man with the deadly notebook! Even Captain Kisame was afraid of him!"
"Yes, I'll beware," Luke rolled his eyes.
"A deadly notebook? You've gotta be kidding!" Luke's friend Ed laughed. "Come on, let's go back to the kitchen. I wanna get something to eat before Izumi comes back."
"It's not a joke! The man with the notebook will kill you!" Hohenheim insisted.
"He can kill with a notebook? Cool! Does he hit you really hard with it or something?" Sora asked curiously.
"Don't encourage him, Sora. Come on, let's get some food," Ed pulled Sora toward the kitchen.
"Food! Yay!" Sora instantly forgot about the notebook and ran past Ed.
"I'll be right there," Luke said. He continued his chores, ignoring Hohenheim, who was still babbling about pirates, treasure, and notebooks.
The door banged open. Izumi walked in and shoved some stuff into the storage room. She glared at all the customers. "Closing time! Everyone either go to your room or get out!"
Hohenheim reluctantly trudged upstairs to his room as she hustled everyone else out. When the room was finally empty except for Luke and Izumi, she looked around. "Where are Ed and Sora?" Before Luke could reply, she stomped to the kitchen. He heard screams of "It was his idea!", "Sorry!", and "What the heck are you doing in here?!". When Sora and Ed finally emerged from the kitchen, he was surprised to discover that they were still alive, just slightly bruised.
"But I was hungry! And how do you expect Ed to get taller with just the food you give us?" Sora asked.
"What did you say!?!" Ed looked ready to murder Sora for the comment about his height.
"Umm… Never mind…" Sora backed away nervously.
Izumi interrupted before a fight could break out. "Don't you three have chores to do?"
"Yes, Izumi," Luke, Sora, and Ed said in unison.
They began their chores under Izumi's supervision. When she was finally satisfied that all the dishes were washed correctly, she gave them dinner.
"What is this drink?" Ed asked suspiciously after devouring his food. He glared at the cup of white liquid as if it had just tried to kill him.
"I think that's milk," Luke said, taking a sip from his own cup. "Yeah, it's milk."
"I hate milk!" Ed yelled, moving his chair as far away from the cup as possible.
"Well, we don't have anything else available. You know the inn hasn't been doing so well lately. Hohenheim's been the only one using the rooms. Maybe if you sweep the floor, we'll get more customers and you can have something besides milk," Izumi climbed the stairs to her room. After his recent punishment, Ed did not even question her order and immediately ran to get a broom.
"Don't worry Ed! We'll help!" Sora smiled and grabbed brooms for himself and Luke.
"I hate it here," Luke muttered. "It's so boring."
"Me too! I mean, why does it have to be milk? Milk?!" Ed shuddered at the thought.
"It would be really cool if we could explore other worlds," Sora said. "Like if we could travel on a pirate ship like the ones in Hohenheim's stories!"
"Yeah, that would be cool," Luke agreed. "Don't worry. I don't want to stay here forever either. We'll go exploring someday."
"The floor looks clean now," Ed glanced around at the floor, which was still as dirty as always. "I think we're done. And I wanna go work on my alchemy now."
"Yeah, I guess it won't get much cleaner," Luke nodded. "And I need to write in my diary before I go to sleep, in case I lose my memories again."
"Lose your memories?!" Sora gasped. "Did Namine erase your memory?"
Before Luke could respond, they heard a noise. Someone was approaching the inn.
"Izumi's not gonna be happy about this," Ed muttered.
"Sssssssshhhh!" Everyone looked around in surprise to see Hohenheim standing at the bottom of the stairs. No one had even heard him leave his room. And even more shocking, he was pointing an alchemified gun at the door. Luke, Ed, and Sora froze in horror. Hohenheim with a gun is a very scary thing.
The door burst open. A man wearing a black and red robe stood in the doorway. His eyes were very strange, swirling black and red. "Hohenheim? Where are you? I know you're here!" He stumbled into the inn, bumping into many tables.
"Do you think he's blind?" Ed whispered.
"I think he'd prefer to be called visually challenged," Sora whispered back, ignoring Hohenheim's frantic gestures to shut up.
"Yes! Someone's here!" The man tripped on a chair and fell against Luke. He showed unexpected strength as he gripped Luke's arm, preventing him from running. "So, little girl, where is Hohenheim?"
"What?! I'm not a girl! I even have my hair cut short!" Luke was very offended, so he decided to lie to this mysterious person out of spite. "And there's no one named Hohenheim here."
"You're lying! I know he's here!" The man tightened his grip on Luke's arm. His purple fingernails dug painfully into Luke's skin. Hohenheim slowly aimed his gun and began to pull the trigger. The barely audible noise of his finger touching the trigger was enough to alert the stranger to his presence. Instantly, the man hurled a kunai knife in Hohenheim's direction, knocking the gun out of his hand. He let go of Luke and grabbed Hohenheim instead.
"So, you thought you could kill Itachi Uchiha. Fool! Did you really think my skills had decreased as much as my vision in the past few years?" Itachi laughed. "You betrayed your own crew, stole the map, and abandoned us. We are not happy. But don't worry. We won't kill you… yet!" Itachi shoved a piece of paper into Hohenheim's hand and then stumbled back out the door. Everyone listened to the crashes as he tripped over a poor innocent kitty as soon as he got outside.
"Oh no! No! It can't be!" Hohenheim screamed.
"What? What happened?" Sora's head shot back and forth as he tried to see what Hohenheim was yelling about.
"Is it that paper the visually challenged guy gave you?" Ed asked.
With trembling hands, Hohenheim held up a piece of paper with a black spot drawn on it.
"So what does the black spot mean?" Sora asked, still confused as always.
"It's a pirate's death sentence. It means Itachi and the rest of the crew are going to kill me!" Hohenheim explained, starting to panic.
"Wait a minute! You're a pirate?!" Ed's eyes widened.
"Yes, I was Captain Kisame's First Mate. And when he died, I became Captain with Itachi as First Mate," Hohenheim started to walk back upstairs to his room. Still curious, Sora, Ed, and Luke followed.
"So, do you really have Kisame's treasure map?" Luke asked as he watched Hohenheim stuff a bunch of junk into his suitcase. Hohenheim pretended not to hear.
"And they're going to kill you if you don't hand it over?" Sora asked.
"Yes, they're planning to murder me tonight!" Hohenheim was now completely panicking. Itachi's threat and the resulting panic were too much for Hohenheim's heart. He collapsed.
"He's dead! But that's not kid-friendly!" Ed gasped.
"I guess this isn't a censored fanfic," Sora said.
"Shut up! I think he's still alive!" Luke leaned closer to hear Hohenheim.
"Luke…" Hohenheim stared at Sora.
"Wow! Is he a zombie? …Umm… I mean, he's Luke, not me," Sora pointed at Luke.
Hohenheim stared at Luke now. "Luke, the map's in my suitcase. Find the treasure."
Ed and Sora were already tearing through all Hohenheim's stuff. His possessions flew all over the place. Luke reached down and picked up the map.
"Hey! How'd you get that?" Sora asked.
"Luke… Beware… Beware of the man with the notebook…" Hohenheim's warning was barely audible. He took one last breath and then his heart stopped beating.
"Yay!" Ed cheered. "And I'm not coming to your funeral!"
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! He's dead! Run!" Sora and Luke screamed and ran downstairs, dragging Ed with them.
At that exact moment, the door burst open! Itachi stumbled in, followed by hordes of heartless!
"I'll get Izumi! You guys hold them off!" Luke yelled as he ran back upstairs.
"Okay!" They both agreed instantly. An army of killer pirates was definitely preferable to waking Izumi up. Ed alchemified a spear and Sora grabbed his keyblade.
Luke ran up the stairs and knocked on Izumi's door. She opened it looking ready to kill everyone. It took all of Luke's courage not to run away screaming. "Pirates are attacking the inn!"
Before Izumi could respond, there was a huge explosion and the inn caught fire! Luke dashed downstairs. Ed and Sora were arguing.
"Why the hell did you cast Firaga?! There was gunpowder all over the place!" Ed yelled.
"You're the one who knocked over the gunpowder! It was your fault!" Sora glared at Ed.
"Umm… Guys? The inn's on fire and pirates are attacking! Let's get out of here!" Luke yelled. They finally stopped arguing and ran outside.
"The inn's gonna be destroyed," Ed said, looking sadly at his burning home. Everyone stood in silence for a while.
Sora was the first to brighten up. "Well… We've got the map. Maybe we really could go on an adventure and search for treasure!"
"But what about Izumi?" Luke asked.
"Don't worry about me! Get somewhere safe!" Izumi yelled as she pummeled Itachi and the rest of the unfortunate pirates.
Luke, Ed, and Sora ran away to begin their adventure!