"Gwaine," Merlin groaned, holding up the box Gwaine had just handed him, looking at him like he's a fucking crazy person. And for the sake of this gift, he might as well think it.

Gwaine chuckled. "Merlin, if you are not going to let me screw you – or, well, let's back track a minute, because let's not go to that talk again. Well, if you aren't going to let me take you out to get screwed proper and fine like you need, because you are piss-ants and whining about the fact that you are so frustrated that your body is going to spontaneously combust. Okay, my point is, if you are going to wallow in pity and your crush on Arthur – well, you might as well screw yourself."

"This is the most ridiculous thing you have ever done," Merlin said, staring pointedly at the box in his hand.

Gwaine shrugged. "It's really not. And, since I am such a good roommate and even better friend, I will get out of your hair for a few hours so you can try it. The only risk, you know, is if Arthur comes home early from work. Which, never happens – but in the case it does and it gets interesting, by all means, I want every dirty detail."

Merlin sighs. "You are really not going to leave this alone, are you?"

"I am not going to listen to another full day of you whining about your frustration when you have perfect means to relieve yourself, if that's what you mean. And, if it's not enough, I will just be a text away," Gwaine says with a wink as he runs out the door.

"If I don't like it?" Merlin asks quietly.

"I will buy you a round at the bar downstairs. If you do, I will be expecting a round," Gwaine says before he shuts the door behind him.

Merlin brings the ridiculous thing into his room, thinking he wasn't going to dare try it. It's weird – it just is to him. But he's so frustrated that it's killing him not to at least consider it. A fucking plastic penis – who in God's name thought up such a device, he wondered. Something was stopping him from caring as he was starting to unwrap the stupid box.

Merlin pulled out the thing, holding it in his arms. It was a decent girth, it was surely long enough – and, fuck, there was a vibrating option? He started reading the label, and as it got more fascinating his non-plastic length gained girth of its own.

He sighed. Merlin stripped out of his clothes, accepting his fate as a young man who has went through a year too long of a dry spell and needed a bit of extra for relief. The second his briefs were off, his hand was on his member, stroking lightly at first. Even the slightest touch felt good, he was just a ticking time bomb these days, so desperate for something.

Then he started fumbling around in the box for lube and found a packet, ripping it open quickly and coating his fingers before starting to prepare himself. He didn't do it often for himself, and it wasn't quite the same as someone doing it for him – but it still scratched an itch that most definitely needed scratching. Merlin tapped his prostate and couldn't contain the moans. He was home alone, and that was the time he liked to do this. He much enjoyed having the ability to let Arthur's name pass his lips as he did this.

It wasn't fair to Merlin. He had the inkling of thinking that Arthur was straight, for one. He had totally never seen him with anyone but girls. Secondly, he believed Arthur would never be interested in him. Merlin was Arthur's best friend, but favorite person wasn't the same thing. They called each other names and they fought like cat and dog, but in the end they were still the closest two people anyone around them had met.

But unfortunately for Merlin, he felt, he had fallen in love with his clotpole. At first it was just lust, which he passed off well-enough because Arthur is sexy and he's attracted to sexy men and it was normal. But then it got more intense and he kept talking non-stop to Gwaine about all the little things he liked about Arthur, which rapidly turned into things he loved about Arthur. Gwaine was luckily Merlin's barricade to stupid-land, and had not convinced Merlin against loving Arthur – but also was fair and realistic and told him to wait to ask Arthur out.

As Merlin kept preparing himself to the third finger, he thought about Arthur as he prepared the dildo. He imagined the gasp that would come from Arthur's lips, a good kind of gasp, as he tugged on Arthur's member until it was slick. And he could almost picture the hungry lust look on the prince's face as he tugged himself down to insert himself into Merlin. He moaned as he turned the vibrations on as he inserted the dildo into his entrance, all the while picturing it was really Arthur.

He tried pulling it in and out a couple of times, but he couldn't hit the right angle. Then he heard a knock at his door. Frustrated, he thought to finally ask Gwaine for help. "Hey, uh, you want to come in here? I could use a little help here."

"Well, I was a bit worried, I heard my name being yelled and all," Arthur started before he caught a glimpse of Merlin's position – with one hand gripping the dildo cocked inside his hole, and the other caught on his own member, pulling frantically and looking for release.

Until he heard Arthur's voice and stopped cold, eyes widened. Merlin cleared his throat. "I thought you were supposed to be at work for another couple hours."

"Gwaine didn't let you know I was coming home from work early today?" Arthur said with a gulp, trying to keep his attention to Merlin's face as much as he could.

Merlin swore under his breath. Arthur asked him to speak up. Merlin shook his head. "I'm sorry I've scarred you for life, you can, uh, go…"

"What did you need help with?" Arthur asked, face flushing red as he scanned Merlin with his eyes again. This time, not so subtly.

Merlin sighed, figuring it was too late to lie now. "I can't get the right stupid angle with this thing while also focusing on my cock."

Arthur squinted. "I probably shouldn't have asked that, right?"

"Probably not," Merlin asked. "Okay, but I have to ask now so don't take this awkwardly – but I in or out, because fuck this is starting to get painful." Arthur looked again at Merlin's arousal and saw how it was throbbing with need. He unthinkingly licked his lips. "Fuck, Arthur, stop doing that if you are not coming over here."

Arthur looked up with wide eyes. "What? Am I doing anything worse than moaning out your name while trying to cum? Because I think you've won."

"Point taken," Merlin said softly, stroking his member more quickly again. "But I am not currently staring at your dick like it's a fucking meal you want to devour, because gods Arthur, it's fucking not fair. Leave."

"No," Arthur said firmly, walking over to the bed and reaching over to bat Merlin's hand away. "Please, fuck please, Merlin – can I?"

"Holy fucking shit and – yes, yeah, you can do that," Merlin whimpered as Arthur leaned down between Merlin's legs and took down Merlin's member past his lips in one try, sucking and humming and licking around it in all the right places, much better than the assumed-straight man should be able to do that.

Merlin whined something about his ass, and Arthur reached his hand back and started pumping the dildo in and out of Merlin fast and hard, in the way he wanted but couldn't do himself, and finally hit the right angle. Merlin's hips were thrusting off the bed from the friction, and his member was thrusting past Arthur's lips, and he couldn't fucking take it anymore and blew his load into Arthur's throat – which Arthur said no word about, didn't even try to move away but took it all down.

"Fucking hell, Arthur, okay, can you even breathe," Merlin asked breathlessly.

Arthur came up from Merlin's prick, panting a bit. "Somewhat, yeah – so what's the verdict? First blow-job and all, a bloke's got to ask."

"First fucking – holyshityoumeanyou'veneverdonethatbeforeIhateyouforbeingsoperfect," Merlin said in one huff.

Arthur chuckled. He kissed Merlin once chastely on the lips. "I got a little lost in there for a moment. It was like a lust storm caused by my favorite idiot, and before I knew what I was doing I knew what I felt I had to do because fuck the sounds and the movements and you are talking about how good I am – I never realized how good you looked, Merlin."

"Yes, that's all well and good, but I want more than that next time," Merlin said pointedly to Arthur's hand, which was currently pulling out the dildo.

"Could the next time be soon, I mean, now?" Arthur asked softly.

Merlin practically jumped on Arthur, stripping the blonde of his clothes and kissing him hard and fast and ripping some of the clothing as it was being stripped away before he sunk down on his member. "Is that now enough? Or was that too fast?"

"Merlin fucking hell, where've you been hiding all my life?" Arthur asked rhetorically before turning them over and pounding hard into Merlin's entrance, making Merlin go crazy on every drawl with moaning Arthur's name. It had about the same effect on Arthur. They went for awhile like that, before Arthur was tugging Merlin off and they were completing together.

"I owe Gwaine some drinks," Merlin said, panting as Arthur exited him.

Arthur scoffed. "I owe him more. I said once when I was drunk that if I ever slept with you, the next thing on the blue-moon agenda would be having a three-way with both of you."

Merlin laughed. "You really want to pay up?"

Arthur shrugged. "Let's go downstairs."

oOo

"Just so you know, Gwaine, I still don't love it," Merlin said, sitting beside Gwaine on a stool. "It's crap for use alone."

Gwaine shrugged. "To each their own, but it got an interested party, right Arthur? How was it – dirty details?"

Arthur poured a drink on Gwaine's head. "Actually, Gwaine, I don't know if you remember – but unfortunately, drinks are not all we owe you."

"Oh," Gwaine said, chuckling. "You don't have to do that for me, it was an old joke. But if you are really not shitting me, I will be going upstairs in five minutes. Okay, well, you are my best friends and all so think about it."

Gwaine went upstairs like he said he would…

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This didn't end the way I planned it to. But here's the sitch. I will let readers determine the 'what-happens-next'/ Most popular vote will win and I will write you a next chapter. I love you all and have a good night.