Hellsing (Kouta Hirano)
Twilight (Stephenie Meyer)
Retribution
Chapter 1 (The Only One)
BRRR BRRR… BRRR BRRR… the telephone on Maxwell's nightstand rang. He lazily opened his eyes and looked at the time on his digital clock also sitting on the nightstand, 2:20 AM. 'Who can be calling me at this hour?' Maxwell turned on the lamp that sat behind his digital clock and answered the phone. "Enrico Maxwell speaking."
"Maxwell, it's Integra."
"Protestant sow." Maxwell acknowledged.
"Maxwell, I have some information that may be of some use to you."
"What could a filthy heathen such as yourself possibly tell me at such an hour? Do you know what time it is in Italy right now you Protestant sow."
"In Volterra, Italy there is a group of vampires called the Volturi. As I'm sure you're aware my organization has no power in your country."
"Sir Integra." Maxwell heard someone else's voice in the background. Integra moved the phone away from face.
"Yes?"
"As suspected we have no information whatsoever on the Volturi." The Hellsing member informed her.
"I thought as much." Integra sighed. "Information on supernatural activity in Italy is all kept at the Vatican. Therefore I will leave this in your hands Section Thirteen Head, Enrico Maxwell." Integra informed him.
"Thank you for giving me this information you sow." Maxwell placed the telephone back on the receiver and got out of bed.
"Fuck you, asshole!" Integra slammed her fist down on her desk. She angrily opened her cigar box and removed a cigar, placing it in her mouth. "Who the hell does he think he is talking to me like that?" She said threw clenched teeth. She took out her lighter and lit the cigar.
"Your holiness." Maxwell bowed placing one hand over his heart. The Pope had been sleeping only moments ago.
"Maxwell, what brings you here?" The Pope wondered. He yawned.
"Your holiness, it seems as though I have been careless. A large group of vampires has been living in Volterra yet we failed to noticed. I am so ashamed of myself."
"So why did you come to visit me?"
"Your Holiness," Maxwell straightened up. "I want your blessing to deal with these heathens. Please let Section Thirteen atone for its oversight."
"You have my blessing Maxwell. Now go and deliver the profound judgment of The Lord upon them." The Pope stuck out his hand to bless Maxwell.
"Thank you, Your Holiness." Maxwell left the Pope to return to his office.
"You have an assignment of the upmost importance." Maxwell addressed Anderson over the telephone. "Right under our noses vampires have been living in secret unbeknownst to even the Vatican. These bastards have been hiding from us for long enough. As Iscariot we must exact the will of his Holiness, the Pope, upon these heathens. The town is Volterra and your mission is to eradicate every single vampire." Maxwell ordered.
Anderson just giggled to himself. "Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment. For rulers are not a terror to good conduct, but to bad. Would you have no fear of the one who is in authority? Then do what is good, and you will receive his approval, for he is God's servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer. Therefore one must be in subjection, not only to avoid God's wrath but also for the sake of conscience." (Romans 13:1-14)
Anderson decided to walk to Volterra from his current location in Italy. Anderson was in the country but away from Vatican City. Anderson liked taking long walks to admire the work of Jesus Christ and of The Lord. He set out at 5:00 AM sharp to begin the trek. Along the way he bid good tidings to the local farmers and their herds. He passed by small villages along the way greeting the children. Anderson loved children (ha ha make your pedophile jokes). He asked if they always said their prayers afore bed and they said they did every single night. It warmed Anderson's heart to see all the little Catholic children scurrying about playing football and hopscotch, some were jumping rope. He stopped for dinner at a local tavern.
"Bless you father." The Tavern owner thanked him for his patronage. Anderson smiled and waved back to the man as he continued on his journey. Finally Anderson arrived in Volterra, it was a little after 7 in the evening.
"Now where are ye, ye foul scum that desecrate the earth?" Anderson looked around for a possible hiding place for vampires. A large mansion that clearly did not blend in with the rather modest houses in the town caught his eye. "There ye be. Joshua said to them, "Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous. This is what the LORD will do to all the enemies you are going to fight." (Joshua 10:25)
"God this is so boring." A female guard said to her male counterpart. "Nobody bothers us at all. All we do is open the gate for the food to be transported inside. It's such a drag."
"Quit your whining." He took an annoyed tone with her. "You say the same damn thing every single day. Oh this is so boring. Oh I hate this job. Oh blah blah blah blah. He imitated his partner.
"Shut up! I don't sound like that!" She argued.
"Do so."
"Do not."
"Do so."
"Do not."
"Do not."
"Do so."
"Ha!" He snickered. "So you admit you sound like a whiny little bitch."
"You tricked me, you ass!" She began to chase him until she noticed a large man walking towards them. He seemed to be a priest. He also seemed to be talking to himself.
"Who the hell do you think that is?" She asked.
"Don't know. He doesn't remind me of any of the clergy currently at the church." The male guard told his compatriot. "Hey!" He called out to Anderson. "This is private property what business do you have here?" Anderson didn't respond he was too busy reciting a prayer.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)
"Hey I asked you what you're doing here?" The guard called to Anderson again.
"Listen asshole, if you don't turn around right now we'll use force." The female guard warned. Anderson withdrew two bayonets clasping one in each hand.
"May the Devil judge ye in hell and sentence ye to eternal suffering." He suddenly leapt at the female guard slicing her head clean off. The other bayonet decapitated the male guard at the same time. "Amen." Anderson grinned slicing the metal gate as if it was butter. "Prepare thyselves to feel the wrath of Iscariot ye foul demons." Anderson marched towards the door of the mansion.
"so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." (Ephesians 3:17-21) Anderson finished killing the last guard. Blood was everywhere and so were the bodies of the mutilated guards.
The primary members of the Volturi had noticed the smell of blood wafting in the air. Reneta and Marcus opened the doors leading to the foyer. Anderson heard the doors opening and turned to face his new prey.
"What the hell?" Aro looked around at the numerous bodies of his strongest guards.
'How is this possible?" Alec stared horrified at the amount of blood spilt.
"You there, priest." Caius called to Anderson.
"Aye, what have you to say, vampire?"
"Our guards, how did you kill them so easily?" He wondered.
"They put up a good fight but against my bayonets nigh even a vampire can stand against me."
"Perhaps you haven't been challenged enough?" Jane offered.
"Aye, that's it wee lass. These guards were nothing but babes afore me. I want to keel more of ye damn monsters before I return to the Vatican."
"You're an assassin sent from the Vatican?" Marcus was shocked by this news. "Then you must be part of Section Thirteen, the Iscariot Organization."
"Aye, I am but a tool of justice to serve the Lord's bidding." Anderson grinned.
"Alec, Jane! Dispose of him now!" Marcus ordered.
"Yes sir." The siblings got right to work.
"Ah, it feels as though my skin and muscles are being turned to cinders." Anderson commented. "Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you." (Corinthians 9:13-14) Anderson, without even flinching, began reciting the prayer while walking towards Jane with his bayonets at his side.
"Alec, help!" Jane appealed to her brother. Alec promptly used his power to remove Anderson's five senses.
"Excellent, this keeps getting more and more entertainin' however," Anderson unleashed his chain of explosive bayonets. "Even if I can nigh see ye, the Lord can." The bayonets detonated injuring both Jane and Alec causing Anderson to be released from their powers. "I had a lot of fun with ye, but with your powers yer a thousand years too early to think of beating me." Six bayonets fell from Anderson's sleeves. He threw three into Alec and three into Jane. They both fell backwards onto the ground. This caused Aro, Caius, and Marcus to panic. The two strongest members of the Volturi were defeated in an instant. Reneta jumped in front of the three of them and erected a shield.
"Tsk tsk." Anderson waved his finger. "What do ye think a weak thing like that will stop?" He marched over to Reneta and punched straight through the shield smashing her in the face. Reneta soared into the wall damaging the plaster. Anderson threw Aro and Marcus aside on his way over to Reneta he gripped her head with one hand picking her up. Reneta's nose was bleeding heavily and her eyes had rolled into the back of her head. Anderson shoved her into the ground face first breaking the marble floor. "Ye Babylon corrupt the hearts of mortal men and drive them to ruin. Accept the judgment of Christ upon thee." He let go of her and raised his left boot over his head. Like an executioner and their axe, Anderson brought down upon Reneta a potent kick that shattered her flattened her neck. "Ask of me, and I shall give thee the heathen for thine inheritance, and for thy possession, the ends of the earth. Thou shalt break them with a rod of iron. Thou shalt dash them in pieces, like a potters vessel. Be wise now therefore, ye kings. Be admonished, ye judges of the earth. Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the son lest he be angry, and ye perish in the way, though his wrath be kindled but a little." (Psalm 2:9)
"No no please." Begged Caius throwing himself at Anderson's knees. "Please priest, bestow upon us mercy." Anderson stuck a bayonet through Caius's forehead.
"There's no fun in ye surrendering, come attack me!" Anderson removed the bayonet from Caius. Aro and Marcus leapt at Anderson only to be cut down midair. Blood sprayed onto Anderson's clothes but he didn't seem to mind. After surveying the scene Anderson took out his cellphone. He dialed Maxwell's number.
"Aye Maxwell, it's me Anderson. I have completed my mission. I'm coming back to the Vatican."
"Good work Anderson. I await your return." Anderson glided across the bloodstained floor and left the mansion. A few hours later Maxwell informed Integra that the job was done calling her a Protestant sow no less than five times. After slamming the phone onto the receiver and snapping the cigar she was holding in half, Sir Integra went down to the basement of Hellsing Headquarters. She opened a door halfway down a corridor. The figure sitting in the lone chair in the room raised its head.
"It seems the information you gave us was useful after all. The Vatican has dealt with these so-called "vampires"." Integra put the term in air quotes. "Do you have any other useful information?"
"They beat the Volturi already?" Edward was stunned by this news.
"According to the person I spoke with they were rather pathetic. It's not surprising when you consider Section Thirteen sent their best agent to deal with them." Edward had ended up being an informant for Integra after she had sent Alucard and the Police Girl to confirm a rumor of a group of vampires living in the Pacific Northwest of the Untied States. The Cullens grossly underestimated the extent of Alucard's power. Seras stayed on the sidelines as Alucard used his abnormally large gun and limitless physical strength to destroy the coven one person at a time. Edward, the only survivor of the slaughter, pleaded he be spared in exchange for information. Alucard agreed. Edward was brought back to England and immediately interrogated upon arrival. Ever since his surrender he had been providing information regarding the whereabouts of "vampires" and other hellish abominations around the world. Edward was ashamed to have turned traitor but even fairies have the human instinct to survive no matter what the cost. As long as he continued to provide them with the locations of vampires, Hellsing wouldn't kill him.
"Well? My servant spared your life because you said you could give us information. If you don't have any more then there's no use in keeping you around."
"No there's uh…"
"Alucard, I'm throwing a ninteen-seventies themed birthday party for Sir Penwood tonight. Have him set the atmosphere."
"Yes, my master." Alucard appeared from out of the wall and grabbed Edward.
"What, what are you going to do to me?" Asked Edward.
"You'll see." Cackled Alucard.
"Uh uh boogie fever, got to boogie down." Sir Integra rolled her arms left and right.
"Sir Integra, I never knew you liked disco music." Sir Penwood remarked.
"This is really fun, Master." Seras was dancing as well.
"I 'ate disco music." Declared Captain Bernadotte. "Stupid American import." He muttered. "Iz total shit if you ask me."
"Oh come on cheer up Mr. Bernadotte." Seras was doing the monkey. "It's a party don't be in a foul mood. What's the matter?" Captian Bernadotte had a weird expression on his face.
"When you dance like that your boobs jiggle. Iz magnificent." He reached out to fondle her breasts.
"PERVERT!" Screamed Seras. She belted him across the face with her fist. Captain Bernadotte went crashing through a wall. The impact left an imprint of his figure in the wall. The rest of the party guests were either dancing or talking amongst themselves. As you might have guessed, Edward was floating attached by wires held to the ceiling as a disco ball.
AN: After the party they let Edward go because they felt sorry for him. A month later he was hit by a dump truck while crossing the street and went to fairy heaven.
END