A List Of Reasons Why A&H Will Never Get Together

by Epitome of Randomness

The title pretty much explains it all. I am so grossed out by AH stories, I mean, come on people! Size does matter, in more than one sense. NOTE: Redundant since the Time Paradox-I've converted to AxH...Shut up! You just...SHUT UP!

1. Chapter 1

I am so sick of Holly Arty stories, it's not going to happen, ok? It's just wrong. To me, anyways, so I created:

A RANDOM LIST OF REASONS WHY HOLLY AND ARTY CAN NEVER GET TOGETHER.

She's a fairy and he's a human.

It'd be hard to introduce the parents, eg:

Arty: "Mother, Father, this is Holly."

Artemis: "OH, hi Holly."

"Angeline: "Lovely to meet you."

Twins. "Goo goo."

Angeline: "So what do you do, Holly?"

Holly: "I'm a Captain for the LEP, and a section eight agent."

Artemis: "LEP? Who?"

Holly: "Oh, well since I'm a fairy, we have the fairy police to look after Haven you know, where all the fairies that supposedly don't exist live."

Angeline: "Did you eat a bad ham sandwich?"

Holly: "No, it's against fairy law to eat meat."

Artemis, laughing. "You can't be a fairy!"

(Holly shows them ears, DNA samples, pictures of Mulch, Foaly and Doodah.)

Angeline: ( Faints.)

Arty: "Oh, and we're getting married, and our children will have freakish mutations and supernatural powers."

Artemis: (Faints.)

Twins: "Goo goo."

Sex would be difficult, because:

Holly is three feet tall, and I'm going to say Artemis is nearly six feet tall, and that would be hard.

If Arty was on top, Holly would be a pancake.

Insertion: Picture a sausage going into a straw.

Children. Mutants. Outcasts. Crazy, murderous maniacs. (See history of Freddy Krueger, Ed Gein.)

Holly lives underground, Artemis lives on the surface.

I'd be so pissed if Trouble didn't hook up with Holly.

Trouble would be so pissed if Holly picked a Mud Man over him.

Ditto Chix.

Who'd marry a Human and a non-human creature?

Ask the kids what do their parents do, eg:

Domovoi (Five years old.)

Julia ( Three years old.)

Mrs. Teacher.

Mrs. T: "And what do your parents do, Dom?"

"Well, my Dad used to be a kidnapper and criminal, and that's how he met my mum, who is an elf."

Mrs. T: "OK…Julia, how about you?"

Julia: "Well, my Mums a captain for the fairy police, and my daddy-"

Mrs. T: "I'm just calling the Psych ward, children."

The Fowls, Holly and anything associated with AF belong to EC, yadda yadda. Basically I wrote this while watching The Simpsons. Flames expected.