Clouded Judgment

A/N: My completely out of character fluff which wouldn't leave me alone... Probably my fault for being sick and not doing anything but watch House... who's idea was it to get me the dvd's again... Anyway, enjoy...

All I could do was think while I lay in my uncomfortable hospital bed, and something occurred to me, I prefer to be the one on the other side of the glass walls. This was just so boring, there was nothing interesting at all and what was worse, was Cuddy wasn't letting me do any work. The only thing I had to look forward to Wilson's frequent visits.

He came once every three or four hours, and usually spent twenty or so minutes sat by my side, telling me over and over about how stupid I am, or how much of an idiot I am. It always gets me thinking. He never used to be so mad whenever I hurt myself before, so why was he so pissed off this time?

I rolled over onto my left side, groaning softly as the pain in my stomach hit me. A knock at my door made me roll back over, cursing whoever was interrupting me. It was Wilson. Damn him.

"Hey," He said to me, plopping himself tiredly down on the chair beside my bed. He dug the heals of his hands into his eyes and sighed as he leaned forward. Obviously he was exhausted, and I wondered why. It was unlike him to miss out on sleep, even when he had no home, he still managed to be up and rested by the time he was supposed to be at work. But today, he looked like he was ready to fall asleep at any second.

Glancing out the window, I saw why, "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, realising that it had to be past midnight.

A small smile graced Wilson's lips as he looked at me, still leaning on his hands. "To keep you company." He answered sleepily. I always loved this, Wilson was always completely honest anytime he was exhausted, I could ask him anything, and he would answer before thinking. He'd then get all flushed as he realised what he'd said, and try and tell me he was lying.

"At midnight? What's the real reason?" I asked, a small smirk on my face. I would smile, but it was completely out of character for me, and I had a reputation to uphold, even with my best friend.

Wilson sighed then nodded. Leaning back in the chair, he stared at the ceiling in silence for a moment before he answered. "I don't know."

I knew it was an honest answer, and I couldn't bring myself to say the jibe that was on the tip of my tongue. I looked at him, cocking my head to one side, I studied his tired look. This wasn't just because of the late hour... Wilson looked exhausted, as if he hadn't slept in a few days.

Another sigh came from my friend and he looked at me, his dark eyes shining in the artificial lighting. "I guess it's just because I like you." Suddenly a glare formed on his usually placid features and his voice rose in both volume and pitch. "And you go and get yourself shot! You pissed off someone bad enough so that someone tries to fucking kill you!"

Okay, that surprised me... not only the fact that Wilson was yelling but also that he was swearing too. I blinked at him, surprise written on my face as I tried to think of something to say. It's not like it was the first time I'd been shot...

And then the tears came, followed closely by a sob or two. The volume of his voice had gone right down, so I had to strain to hear what he was saying. "I just couldn't bear to think that I might loose you." He must have been exhausted, because he wouldn't say that if he wasn't. "Last time... I thought you'd learn your lesson... but you didn't..." he sounded defeated and I listened intently, not quite believing what I was hearing. Wilson turned his tear soaked face to me. "It scares me," he admitted. He took a shaky breath and shook his head before standing and walking from the room. I stared after him, not sure what just happened.

Two weeks later

If Wilson had been female, I would've put his recent odd behaviour down to pregnancy, but as he was in fact male, that couldn't be the reason. I found myself looking through my immense database (all in my head of course), to find anything that could be medically wrong with my buddy.

Deciding that working by myself was too boring, I hobbled into my office and started to write on the white board.

'Mood swings

Exhaustion

Temperature fluctuations

Loss of apatite'

All symptoms were those that I had observed from Wilson over the last couple of days. It wasn't long before my ducklings peered curiously at the writing, then at me, probably waiting for their files.

"Ok, here's the deal. Metaphorical differential diagnostics. No real patient, no way to screw up," I didn't want to explain to them that I was trying to treat Wilson for whatever he had.

"No real patient, no way to run tests." Chase pointed out annoyingly. I rolled my eyes and ignored him.

"Anything useful?" I asked the other two.

Cameron and Forman looked at the board again. "Pregnancy?" Cameron asked, seemingly insulted at how easy this seemed to be.

"The patient is male."

"I thought you said this was hypothetical." That smug little Aussie was about to get my cane up his ass. Who gave him the right to be so... annoying anyway?

"Hypothetical and male." I pointed to the board in the hopes that they would think.

"Depression?"

"On medication for it. That would counter the effects."

"Not taking it all?" Forman suggested, "or maybe a change in the medication itself."

That made me frown. I knew he changed the medication a few months ago, but the only side-effect was yawning. I shook my head, "no, no change." I was slightly distracted by the sight of Wilson walking into his door. He recovered almost instantly and walked through his door. Walking up to the white board, I added another symptom.

'Clumsiness'

"You're just making this up as you go along," Forman accused, to which I shook my head.

Unfortunately, Cameron had seen me watching Wilson. "It's Wilson!" She said loudly.

I raised my eyebrows at her, a silent affirmative before I vocally discredited her theory. "It's a hypothetical patient."

A roll of her eyes showed that she didn't believe me, nor did either of the other ducklings. I sighed, I knew that they wouldn't work for this unless they had a reason, and as I couldn't fire them for this, I had to come up with another reason. If I seemed a little human to them, they would probably help a lot more.

"Fine, daddy's a little worried about mommy, and wants to make sure she's okay." I made sure to make it seem more sarcastic than it actually was.

"Maybe he's fine and you're just imagining things." Again, could that Australian be any more annoying?

"Maybe you should just do your job and diagnose the problem." I managed to snap back. "Just forget who it is and think of it as an anonymous person."

"It could be hormonal." Good, Cameron was still on topic... kind of.

"Hormonal?"

"Yeah, feelings for another person who feels differently often results in these symptoms."

I considered her words. She had just diagnosed Wilson as being in love. It did make sense, at least a little. His wife, his third wife had just left him. Maybe he still loved her and she didn't, that's what had been bothering him.

Without a seconds hesitation, I turned on my heels and limped out of the room as fast as I could. The ducklings knew better than to follow me.

Wilson was in his office, so I opened the door and waltzed in. Throwing myself on the couch, I waited for him to speak. Because he didn't have any patients in his office, he was unlikely to kick me out, so I made myself at home and took some of my Vicodin.

With a sigh, Wilson looked down at me. Putting the folders he had been working on away, he gave me his full attention. "What now?" He snapped irritably. "I'm busy."

Mental note, add irritation, hostility and complete out of character...ness onto the board. I raised an eyebrow at him before standing. "Come," I ordered, managing to keep an air of mysteriousness around me only because I had no idea where I was going...not that I'd tell Wilson that. I was just making this up on the spot, so I was completely surprised that Wilson followed me all the way into the parking lot.

"Is this just another attempt at avoiding Cuddy?" Wilson asked me, still irritated, but now more curious. "Or are you just trying to screw with my mind?"

I tried to ignore the strange look I saw in his face at that point. He looked like he was the one who wanted to screw me...wait... ew.

The look disappeared before I could analyse it any more and I frowned at him quizzically. His words came back to me and I realised what he was implying. "No, I'm not avoiding Cuddy, you're upset, I wanna know why."

"In a car park?"

"Why not? Least likely place Cuddy'll look for us."

"I thought you weren't avoiding her,"

"I'm not, but I don't want interruptions, and you're the one who's avoiding the question. Has something crawled up your ass and died?"

"YES! YOU!"

I paused for a second while Wilson blushed. I blinked a few times as his words sunk in. I looked around, "funny, doesn't look like your ass,"

"House," That was Wilson's warning tone, telling me either I've gone too far or I'm supposed to be serious.

"So I'm the one that's been upsetting you?" I asked, trying not to show the hurt I felt.

"Yes! No! It's complicated,"

"So it seems," then Cameron's diagnosis came to mind. Maybe...nah.

"You wouldn't understand," Wilson's tone was one of someone defeated after many years of battle, tired and dejected, as if finally accepting the inevitability.

"Try me," I dared, knowing he wouldn't turn down a bet.

Wilson sighed then started to walk away. Waving at me behind him, he gestured for me to follow. Slowly, I did so, wondering if he was making it up as he went along like I had been not ten minutes earlier, or if he had a particular destination in mind.

Together in a compatible silence, we walked in the evening sun. I didn't know quite what the time was when we entered the jogging park, but I knew it wasn't early as we left the office at about five, but the sun was rather low in the autumn sky, spreading reds and oranges over the usually bleak world.

Wilson sat on one of the tables and I sat down beside him, gently rubbing my sore leg. This walk was always nice, but it hurt my leg if I went too often. I'd been here twice already today.

There was silence filled only by the sound of birds and the tred of the evening joggers on the gravel path. Wilson said nothing, I said nothing. The sun was almost at the horizon before he spoke and when he did so I could barely hear him.

"I fell for someone, a long time ago,"

Ok, we were gonna be here a while if Wilson was making his big speeches. My leg hurt too much for me to be nice and let him continue, "Get to the point," I ordered, more snidish than necessary.

Wilson sighed, "Far be it for you to be human and just listen for once," he finally turned to look at me. "It was you, the one I fell for a long time ago but decided not to pursue."

It wasn't entirely a shock for me to know the idea, but for Wilson to say it outright, that stunned me a little.

Taking my stunned silence as a bid to continue, Wilson kept talking. "You mean so much to me as a friend," Oh god, the mushy stuff, "and I didn't want to loose you like that, so I kept it quiet... I stayed silent through three marriages, never saying anything. My wives, all three of them figured it out and left me, saying they didn't want to be second best." He shook his head but carried on going, "but still I didn't say anything and I guess it's been eating up at me,"

"So that's why you've been such an asshole," I retorted, not sure of exactly what I was feeling, only that I couldn't seem to let him know.

Wilson glared at me. Maybe calling him an asshole wasn't a good idea...

"Maybe I wouldn't be an asshole if you didn't rub off on me." He was blaming me... ok, so it was kinda my fault, but it's not like I did anything. I always hated people blaming things on me, so I learned to fight back from an early age.

"But that's your problem, that I didn't!" I resorted. Wilson's glare became harder, and I saw tears build up in his eyes.

"No! My problem is you won't even be civilised and take me seriously! I never had any intention on actually telling you this, but you made it seem like you really cared, woe is me for believing that maybe there's a shred of humanity in you after all!" Wilson was angry, probably thinking that I was playing with his feelings like I would anyone else.

"Maybe I really do care! Maybe you're just so blind behind your own self pity to notice when I show you!"

We were both angry and out of breath, but we weren't yelling anymore, we were kissing, and I didn't know how or when or even who started it, all I did know was that I liked it and that I was returning it.

When we pulled back for air, we openly stared at each other, both wondering the same thing. 'WTF'.

End chapter 1

The next day was completely awkward between Wilson and I. Neither of us could look the other in the eye as we were unsure of what had happened between us. The whole day was spent avoiding one and another, and I made sure to be in the one place that Wilson would never look for me. Unfortunately, that was the first place he'd look for me.

"You're avoiding me so you're sitting in my office?" Wilson asked, looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Well if I'm avoiding you, this is the last place you'd look for me." I pointed out, sitting forward, leaning against his desk.

"That would only work if I was actually looking for you..." He had a point. But I glanced at the clock. I'd been sitting in his office for three and a half hours.

"If you weren't looking for me, you would've been here a long time ago." I said, smirking lightly, now knowing that he was actually looking for me.

"I had a board meeting."

"Never last more than an hour,"

"Cuddy wanted to see me,"

"She doesn't keep you for more than ten minutes."

"I-"

"Save it, I know you were looking for me."

Wilson sighed, "Was I not meant to? Damn it Greg, what the hell is going on between us?" he tiredly threw himself on his chair and lay his head in his hands.

I couldn't answer him. I didn't know myself. So once again, I was making things up as I went along. "I think we've moved our relationship on one step..." Wilson looked up at me, one half of his face still in his hands. I continued. "I mean, you enjoyed it too right?" Though I tried not to, I know hope shone through my last sentence.

Wilson sighed, then smiled softly, as if recounting a memory. Perhaps he was. "Yeah... But..."

"And you called me 'Greg'." I pointed out, noting that this was the first time he'd ever done that.

"I-I guess I did..."

"And you love me."

"Yeah I –What?" Wilson was now a bright shade of pink, spreading across his cheeks and up to his ears. His eyes were wide, and I had his full attention.

"You. Love. Me." I smirked softly, "You're the only one who does, and that's why you've stuck by me, even thought I'm a bastard to you and everyone else."

Wilson sighed then smiled at me. Lifting his chin high, he licked his lips before replying. "Yes. I love you."

This left me speechless. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just stared at him with my mouth hanging open for a short while. I finally closed my mouth to swallow. I'd only been teasing him, not actually believing that I was right, but when he confirmed it, it was a shock.

Vaguely, I realized Wilson was frowning. "If you knew that already, why are you so shocked?" he asked, and I could see his train of thought, even before he said it. "You-you were toying with me..."

I shook my head, "no." My word was whispered, and he obviously didn't hear me, as his eyes filled with tears.

"You really are a bastard!" His breath was hitching in his throat, his tears fell and he was shaking. Differential diagnosis, heartbreak.

"No," I tired to say again, but it was too late, he'd already left the room. I tried following him, but he'd obviously run into Cameron on his way out. Given that he hadn't had the time to say anything to her, he must've looked bad enough for her to figure something was wrong. She came into Wilson's office, just as I was trying to leave.

"What's wrong with Wilson?" She asked, accusing me. Damn my 'wasn't me' attitude. I shrugged, keeping my mouth shut. I don't lie. "He's crying," she continued, "did you have anything to do with it? Is it his wife again," Damn it, why did she care so much?

"Look, I'm gonna go after him, so you get out of my way," there were a few less swear words than what I wanted.

Limping past her, I rushed towards the car park. I knew Wilson well enough to know he'd say he was sick and leave. By the time I got to the parking lot, Wilson's car was already gone. Cursing myself, I made my way to my bike and set off towards Wilson's home. Half way there I remembered that his wife had kicked him out less than a week ago and he was living with me again.

Last night he had stayed at a hotel. I tried vainly to remember which one, but I couldn't. Cursing, I parked at the jogging park and pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. Speed dial 1 was Wilson's phone. I held the receiver to my ear and winced as Wilson picked up his phone only to hang up.

He didn't want to talk to me. Great. Replacing the phone in my pocket, I set off again, looking for the nearest payphone. I hoped that Wilson knew me enough to know that if I was trying to get a hold of him through a payphone, I must be desperate.

Finding one outside a corner shop, I parked my bike and hobbled up to the phone. Placing my change in the machine, I called Wilson's number, dialling it from memory. This time he picked up.

"Wilson,"

"Don'thangup." I managed to get out in one breath.

I heard Wilson sigh. "Why not?"

"You got the wrong idea." The cold was getting to me and I was shivering. I was pretty sure that he could hear the chattering of my teeth. Voices were sounding behind me, and I wanted nothing more than to talk to Wilson in person. "Let me explain to you," I asked, "where are you?"

"I'll meet you at your place in ten minutes..."

I shook my head, even though I new he couldn't see it. "I have no idea where I am, I might be a while to find my way home." I explained as the voices got closer. I could now hear words, and knew that the people that the voices belonged to weren't good. "You have a key, just let your self in." And that was when my pay run out.

Sadly, I put the phone down and headed back to my bike. Unfortunately I wasn't able to get there before the people who the voices belonged to did. Three, all of them bigger than me, turned to me. One of them sneered and I knew this wouldn't be fun.

Later

It took me nearly seven hours to get home, and when I did, I managed to collapse at my door, knocking just as I hit the ground. "Wilson," my voice was broken, just like the rest of me. "let me in, please," I begged quietly. The door opened, and an angry looking Wilson answered. The anger faded as he noticed my bruised and broken form. Brown eyes widened in shock and concern.

"What the hell?"

"Help me inside," I ordered, barly able to stop the sob from coming out. Wilson helped me put an arm around his shoulders and pulled me inside.

Sitting me on the couch, he became a doctor and checked my vitals. When he went to check my pulse, I pulled back a little, not wanting him to touch me. I'd been told about this response, it was common for someone who'd been through what I just had. Wilson noticed and pulled back, still looking at me in concern.

"What the hell happened?" he asked.

My throat froze up and I couldn't say anything. I just looked away from him, not sure what to do or say. Eventually, I was able to say something. "I was attacked..." I whispered, "near the payphone." I lay back against the sofa and painfully pulled my knees to my chest.

"Where's your cane?"

"They- they used it..." I didn't know what else to say. I rested my head on my knee and to my horror sobbed. "They- they raped me." There, I said it.

Wilson said nothing, and I looked up at him. He was staring at me, the anger back on his face, but no longer directed to me. Wilson placed a gentle hand on my head, ignoring my flinch. "Who did it?"

I shook my head. "It was dark..." I didn't see them. I know, I know, I'm usually the most observant person anyone knows, but I was kind of distracted.

"Come on, let's get you to the hospital. You need to get checked out." Wilson said, offering his arm for me to lean on. Uncurling myself, I hobbled painfully to the door, not taking the arm. I agreed with what he said, but I didn't want to tell more people.

"You do it," I asked, "I don't want to-" Wilson nodded, understanding.

"It's okay," he said soothingly.

The ride to the hospital was quiet. I couldn't sit properly due to the pain, and I had to sort of slouch in Wilson's car. He was still fuming when we got to the hospital and walked into the clinic. He pulled me into an empty room and began the examination.

"I need to take some blood to-"

"I know, I know." I cut him off, pointing out that I'm a doctor too.

Wilson smiled. "Yeah,"

After the exam was done, we sat in uncomfortable silence, neither of us looking at each other for more than an hour. Then, I finally spoke. "I love you too you know, I was just... surprised."

Wilson finally looked at me, a frown on his face. "To be honest, right now, that's the least of my worries..." he sighed and moved closer to me, I tried not to pull back. "You should go to the police."

"Why? They'll be miles away by now." I lay down on the examination table, the pain in my ass getting worse. "It's not the first time something like this has happened to me." I explained.

"Your father, I know," Wilson said and I nodded.

We lapsed back into silence for a while before he spoke again. "What the hell do we do now?"

I shrugged, "Go back to work in the morning, argue in our flirtations manner, stare at Cuddy's cleavage, annoy the ducklings... same old same old." I tired to convince myself that nothing had really changed.

Wilson snorted. "Things aren't like normal House," he sighed and looked at me with those big brown eyes. "even if you hadn't been attacked... God I'm so sorry,"

So that's why he's been so quiet. He'd blamed himself for my being raped? "What the hell for?"

"If I hadn't over-reacted, you wouldn't've gone-" I stopped him there with a look, one that would kill even the most innocent of puppies. Wilson hung his head, obviously mistaking the look for resentment towards him.

"It's not your fault." I told him, non too kindly. "So don't blame yourself. It just makes it harder for both of us."

Logic always helped.

"So we just go back to how things were?" Wilson asked, sounding pissed. I nodded, "what if I don't want things to be like they were?" He asked, his voice lowering in volume.

I frowned at him. "Just how do you want things to be then Jimmy?" I asked, using the nickname I knew he liked. I don't know why, but I just thought it'd be right. The small smile that graced Wilson's face told me I was right. I smiled back, waiting for an answer.

"I... I want there to be an us." He admitted, his eyes shining in hope.

I sighed sadly, "No you don't." I smiled a bitter smile before continuing, "trust me, you don't want me."

"Trust me, I do."

How many times had he said those words to someone? How long would it take him to realize that he didn't want me. "There can be an us, but I still say you won't want it."

Jimmy chuckled. "Let's date a little before coming to any conclusions." I smiled and nodded.

That was when the nurse entered and gave the test results to Wilson who looked over them and sighed a sigh of relief. "You're clean." He said happily with a grin and handed me the file.

Reading your own file is an odd thing when you're a doctor. It said I was clean, and gave the results, which I quickly looked over. I was clean, but my white blood cells were abnormally high.

Frowning, I looked even closer at the results. No STD's or anything else abnormal. Ah, there, I was getting a cold. Nothing to worry about. I put the file down. "Hmph, I got a cold." I said to Wilson, cautioning him against coming too close.

Wilson chuckled before turning serious. "Are you gonna be ok?" he asked, his eyebrows becoming one as a frown placed itself on his face.

I shrugged, "Is anyone?"

But I knew that Wilson would be there for me. It was kind of sad that I knew he would be there for me even if I screwed up real bad. I smiled at him softly.

So that was how it began, the two of us. I would say we lived happily ever after since then but we didn't, and I never lie. But that's another story for another time. And who knows, maybe one day I'll even tell it to you, if I'm in a really good mood that is...