We entered the casino, platinum casino ticket in hand. The lewd air of the place invaded my nostrils, and the air got even lewder as we were approached by a cat lady. Not one of those furry's who just dress and pretend that they are animals, no, this woman was an actual cat. Noel was drooling over her, the damn furry. She told us her name was Catlin in the most wretched accent I had ever heard. After what felt like a year, we entered the casino.
I had decided to come to the casino after defeating Caius and navigating that weird ass floating block maze in Academia. It took quite a toll on my body and I was looking for a place to relax, maybe play some slots or race some chocobos. Noel had a surplus of platinum casino tickets, so I thought: "Why not?". Why not? Well, that's what I'm about to tell you, you big dangus!
Noel held my hand and we entered the casino (I think he may be coming on to me. Fifty plus hours of tedious battling will do that to a person). It was pretty small actually, only about four huts and a crap ton more cat women, with some chocobo women to round things out. Why is every woman in this casino a fucking animal? I remember the days on Cocoon when casinos were run by people. Those really were the days.
"Let's go to the slots!" Noel eagerly exclaimed. "No, let's go chocobo racing!" I rebutted. In the end we decided to go to the slots, because Noel was the party leader at the time. We entered the hut at the very end of the floating...casino...platform...thing only to discover that it was about fifty times bigger on the inside. It was pretty impressive I must say. Lots of nice architecture and...FUCK! Another goddamn cat girl! With the same damn accent! I'm starting to think Serendipity may have been an animal cloning lab that somehow got turned into a casino. Either that or the movie set of a shameless ripoff of The Fly mixed with a cloning lab. You know what, I'll just shut up.
"Where the hell are the slots!" Noel angrily questioned, shaking the horrible mutant cat woman with great vigor. "O-Over there sir..." she replied, great fear in her voice. "Those aren't slots, those are motorcycles!" Noel shouted, attracting the attention of everyone in the casino. "I think the slots are inside the motorcycle Noel" I responded quietly. "Oh" Noel shyly exclaimed, looking really quite embarrassed.
Noel went into the motorcycle, quite possibly the strangest design for slots I have ever seen. Lord knows what Noel was doing in there, but he was screaming a lot and cursing Etro for his bad luck. I spoke with the furry manning the stands..err, motorcycle. "What's wrong with him, is this game rigged or something?" I asked. "Oh dear. Someone's not a happy camper" she responded with her awful accent. "Yeah, I can clearly see that, I just wanted to know if the game was rigged or not" I responed, quite aggrivated by her Captain Obvious stance. "Oh dear. Someone's not a happy camper" she repeated. "Never mind".
"FUCKING SON OF A SUPERBITCH! I'M OUT OF COINS!" Noel screamed. "Noel you spent 100,000 gil on coins, we're not buying any more" I responded. "WE'RE BUYING MORE COINS! I'M WINNING THAT MACHINE IF IT'S THE LAST GODDAMN THING I DO!". Sigh, poor Noel. 10,000 coins and he only won five times. The slots are rigged, they have to be!
By the end of the day, Noel had spent one million gil on coins and only won thirty times. Deciding the odds were probably against us, we decided to blow this popsicle stand. Noel had been reduced to a barely conscious wreck of a man from those slots. "Have a wonderful day!" the cat furry mutant bitch cheerily said, waving at us with that horrible fake smile. Needless to say, we never returned to Serendipity again.
(Except for the chocobo races)