As Steve and Darcy cuddled together on the common room couch during yet another Avenger's movie night, Bucky could barely suppress his groan of frustration. The two idiots had feelings for each other so obvious a blind man could spot it from a mile away.
And yet they both avoided the subject of their emotions like the plague.
I mean, he had been an emotionally scarred and brainwashed ex-Russian assassin, and he was more open about his feelings than them for crying out loud. They made his sarcastic and sometimes-prickly nature look down right fuzzy at times compared to their utter denial.
And as Steve absently ran a hand through his companion's brunette locks, who subconsciously leaned into the touch, Bucky felt something inside him snap.
Steve Rogers and Darcy Lewis had been dancing around each other for far too long.
And Bucky had finally had enough.
I took my troubles
down to Madame Ruth.
You know that gypsy
With the gold-capped tooth.
After the film had ended, Bucky immediately bid the other Avengers a good night and retired to the apartment that he shared with Steve. He missed the look that Natasha and Steve exchanged behind his exiting back, both of them assuming he was just having one of his rough nights, his mind shutting down until he just needed space to himself.
Little did they know, his brain was doing the exact opposite of shutting down.
Oh no, James Buchanan Barnes was downright scheming.
It was time to pull his friend's head out of the dirt concerning his feelings for a certain genius dame once and for all.
One sleepless night and seven cups of coffee later, Bucky had a plan.
She's got a pad down
On Thirty-Fourth and Vine,
Selling little bottles of
Love Potion Number Nine.
Now, Bucky knew that in order to pull of such a complex task, he would need help. Luckily, he knew just who to ask.
He had a more than good feeling that a certain vent-dwelling archer felt the same frustration about his own best friend's end of the avoiding emotions scale.
I told her that I was a flop with chicks,
I been this way since 1956.
Once Bucky had finally managed to corner Clint alone, the archer looked more than suspicious.
"What's up, Anakin?" he questioned warily, "You need something?"
Bucky was confused for a moment on the reference, but let it slide. He had more important issues to deal with.
As he explained his plan to Clint, the agent's face grew more and more curious and disbelieving with each world spoken.
She looked at my palm
And she made a magic sign,
She said, "What you need need is
Love Potion Number Nine."
"So your plan is to basically bribe Bruce into creating a substance that will help Steve realize his attraction to Darcy and vice versa, somehow get them bth to drink it without knowing, and then get them both alone together so they can confess their feelings all without Tony finding out about it all even though he has an AI that can see every square inch of this tower?" Clint summarized incredulously.
"Pretty much." Bucky shrugged.
Clint simply stared at him for a moment, brows furrowed.
"Sounds crazy." Clint stated blankly, before a devious grin suddenly overtook his features, "I'm in."
Bucky rolled his eyes at the other man's antics, and gave a nod of affirmation.
It was time to get to work.
She said, "What you need need is
Love Potion Number Nine."
As soon as they set foot in Bruce's lab, the dark-haired doctor spoke up, talking to them without even glancing away from his microscope.
"Clint, Bucky, what do you need?" he questioned, his back to them.
"How did you-" Clint began, but the Bruce cut him off.
"I have JARVIS inform me when someone is in the hallway leading to my lab." he responded, finally straightening up and away from his microscope to face them, "After all, surprises probably aren't the best thing for my overall health."
Clint nodded, but Bucky quickly grew impatient with the brief bout of small talk.
"We need your help to create a love potion so that Steve and Darcy will finally admit their feelings for each other." Bucky announced bluntly, "We've already lured Tony away from the tower so he can't interfere, and we have a plan to get the two idiots to drink the concoction. All we need is the mix itself."
Bruce stared.
"Way to ease him into it." Clint sighed.
"I don't like small talk, and we don't have time for it anyway." Bucky stated with a brutal honesty before turning back to the doctor, "So, will you help us or not?"
Clint looked like he was about to say more, but before he could, Bruce spoke up.
"I'll do it." he agreed.
She bent down and turned around,
And gave me a wink.
She said I'm gonna make it up,
Right here in the sink.
The archer's eyes widened at the other man's uncharacteristically speedy agreement to participate in their plot. Even Bucky looked a bit startled.
"You two aren't the only ones who find their lack of emotional communication frustrating." Bruce admitted as he noticed the other two's expressions, a smirk threatening to take over his face if the way the side of his mouth quirked slightly was any indication, "I'll have it done within the hour."
It smelled like turpentine,
It looked like Indian ink,
About forty-seven minutes later, Bruce called both men back into his lab via JARVIS. When Clint and Bucky arrived, he stepped aside to show them his latest creation.
The two looked at the pink liquid within the vial, wispy smoke falling over the round opening of the cylinder.
"I call it Amoradine." Bruce announced, "Half of the vial is for Darcy, the other half is for Steve. Even with his supersoldier nature, it should still work the same as it would on anyone else."
"Wait, so that's an actual love potion?" Clint asked in awe.
"Technically, it's a blend of different chemicals that will stimulate the limbic system of whoever drinks it," Bruce explained, "It'll cause the user to be more emotional and therefore more open about their feelings."
"...and in English that means?" the archer added.
"Yes, Clint," Bruce sighed, "It's a love potion."
I held my nose,
I closed my eyes,
I took a drink.
Bucky and Clint exchanged mischievous looks.
Time to finally begin the final phase of their plan.
I didn't know if it was day or night,
I started kissing everything in sight.
After an especially intense sparring session, Bucky and Steve were both sweating bullets and panting heavily.
"Here." Bucky stated, tossing Steve a water bottle and taking a different one for himself.
"Thanks." Steve stated, opening the water as he disappeared into the locker room for a shower.
As soon as the other supersoldier was out of sight, Bucky allowed a smug grin to fall into place.
Now all he had to do was get Steve back to their apartment before the chemical took effect and hope that Clint could do the same.
Meanwhile, Clint had just handed a strawberry smoothie to Darcy, who was distractedly working on putting together a statement speech for the next Avenger's conference on Steve's couch.
The brunette accepted the drink, and Clint made his way out of the room as quickly as he could manage without it being suspicious.
They had done it.
But when I kissed a cop,
Down at Thirty-Fourth and Vine,
He broke my little bottle of
Love Potion Number Nine.
Eventually, both Clint and Bucky found themselves sitting in the Avenger's common room, gleeful expressions on their faces.
Bruce had told them that the chemical wouldn't wear off until the next day, and the two men were waiting for the inevitable walk of shame.
She bent down and turned around,
And gave me a wink.
She said I'm gonna make it up,
Right here in the sink.
Suddenly, Clint and Bucky's silent gloating session was disrupted the ding of the elevator.
The two shared confused looks, but before they could voice any questions, two familiar figures stepped out of the elevator.
It smelled like turpentine,
It looked like Indian ink,
"Wait, what!?" Clint spluttered, looking shocked at the smug looks on both Steve and Darcy's faces, while Bucky was completely flabbergasted by the turn of events, "How are you-"
I held my nose,
I closed my eyes,
I took a drink.
"-standing here right now and not uncontrollably making out because of the aphrodisiac drink you guys gave us?" Darcy filled in, a teasing smirk on her face, "Dude, did you seriously think we would drink any liquid that you two spontaneously hand us out of no where? We're not stupid, after all."
"Besides," Steve added in, throwing his arm over Darcy's shoulders and pressing a slightly kiss to her temple, "We can take care of our own relationship problems without a magic love chemical, thank you very much."
I didn't know if it was day or night,
I started kissing everything in sight.
"Fine, you two really got us." Clint grudgingly conceded, pouting slightly at the admittance of his defeat.
Darcy opened her mouth to speak, most likely to comment on her best friend's dramatic pout, but before she could, a lightbulb suddenly went off in Bucky's mind.
"Wait a minute," Bucky's eyes were narrowed with a suddenly realized suspicion, "If you two didn't actually drink the Amoradine, then where did it go?"
Darcy's sly grin and the devious sparkle in Steve's eyes answered the question for him.
"You didn't!" Clint's mouth fell open, both his and Bucky's eyes wide at the implications.
"Oh," Darcy's expression was positively devilish, "We did."
But when I kissed a cop,
Down on Thirty-Fourth and Vine,
He broke my little bottle of
Love Potion Number Nine.
Maria Hill and Natasha Romanoff looked down at the two red velvet cupcakes iced with oddly pink frosting that had been appeared in Maria's office when they had come back from the meeting. Natasha picked up the note in Darcy's handwriting, reading it quickly before showing it to Maria. Apparently, the girl had left them both some baked treats, as the youngest Stark tended to do for those she considered friends.
Neither Natasha or Maria thought anything strange of it and picked up the pastries, carefully peeling off the wrappers.
Love Potion Number Nine
Love Potion Number Nine
They each took a bite of their cupcakes.
Love Potion Number Nine