"Slouch, fake breathe, blink," Bella recited as she reclined in the plush armchair in Cullen's house. Charlie would be here any minute, as Jacob had so idiotically arranged. Bella allowed her eyes roam around the room. Even with her new sight, she could not see any imperfections. There were no frays in the fabric of the curtains or minute scuffs on the walls. Esme would have seen to any offending imperfection with absolute efficiency and precision.
Bella glanced down and admired the way her new skin slightly gleamed even in the dim room. It would not be noticeable to human eyes, she thought. She lifted her forearm in the air to catch a stray stream of sunlight that beamed through the canopy of evergreen trees into the Cullen living room and smiled as her skin sparkled.
Suddenly, Bella shrieked inwardly with the horror. She had been a vampire for an entire morning and she had only caught sight of the atrocity now. Over her legs, hundreds of sharp, dark spikes protruded somewhat menacingly from her pale skin. When was the last time she shaved? She couldn't remember; it was likely for weeks. Her unhealthy pregnancy, fractured ribs and broken spine were enough distraction to the family as it was.
How long had the Cullens let her roam wild in her blue dress? The seam was ripped up mid thigh; her legs exposed for all to see. They, they, with their vampire eyes could have been judging her all morning whilst she sat oblivious, basking in her newborn strength and beauty, thought Bella. She twisted her chocolate brown hair and bit her lip in worry.
Then Bella's face contorted as a new idea dawned. Has Jacob seen? She didn't know if his human eyes were magic like the rest of him. And… most importantly, what about Edward? He probably not only saw, but felt.
"Shit."
Vampire bodies were essentially frozen in time, Bella reasoned. The offending hair likely would never grow back once she removed it.
But then again, Edward impregnated her. Spermatogenesis must have occurred at some point. Perfectly preserved sperm inside Edward's testes since his pre-Vampire days? No. Bella shook her head to clear her thoughts. The minutes before Charlie arrived should not be wasted contemplating vampire biology. Deal with the offending problem at hand, first. From her reasoning, she probably only had to do this once and for all. Which means she had to do this right.
Bella fluidly shifted position so her knees were drawn up to her chest. "To pluck? To wax? Or to shave?" She mused. Shaving would be the quickest option. She only had minutes before Charlie arrived. She dashed to the bathroom, grabbing her razor and quickly performed the learned human routine she had grown accustomed to, but at an inhuman speed.
"Not good enough," Bella moaned as she inspected her calves. Nothing wrong with the shaving job, in fact, it was fantastic. Vampire-tough skin meant no razor burns. But the hair removed was incomplete. She gathered her hair into a messy bun, allowing long wisps to frame her face. My beautiful, vampire face, she thought to herself giddily. It was tweezing time.
Charlie entered to Cullen living room to see his daughter in a royal blue dress, transfixed at her skinny ankles. She was holding a little metal instrument and was picking at her skin with it. She hadn't even noticed him enter the room.
Fin.