Disclaimer: Kripke's characters. I just play with them.
Author's note: This one was originally a story for my creative writing class, but it sort of became what it is now. I hope you enjoy it - review, please! They make me smile all day long.
Most days, he's all right. He feels like he's in the ocean during a storm, but he keeps himself afloat, because without him, their sons would drown. But days like today, the world is holding his head under, pulling him deeper. It's been six years since he saw her smile, held her hand. Sometimes he wonders how the hell he's been going so long.
He'd seen terrible things before, like back in Vietnam. But when he'd gotten home, she'd been there to keep him standing. Now, he's facing down the darkness, and he's all alone. He's the only one standing between those nightmares and his boys, their sons. He kills the things that shouldn't exist, the things that destroyed his family, and he keeps them from hurting other people like that. But tonight, he can't. He can't take it. He couldn't save her, the evil things still got her. He couldn't save anyone.
The hotel room is so quiet when he comes home. The boys are under the covers of their beds. He's not drunk; she didn't like it when he drank too much. He'd just had enough to make the edges of the world look a little softer. There's a picture of her on the mirror, but it's not enough, not today. He sits down at the table, facing the window, and rests his head in his hands. His heart isn't big enough to contain all that grief, all that loneliness, and it spills over, sending a sob to his throat and tears down his cheeks.
A small hand touches his shoulder, and he looks up to see his son, the eldest. Dean. He has his mom's eyes and smile. "It's okay, Dad," he says, looking him in the eye. In the kid's serious voice, he can hear an echo of hers. It's okay, John.
He pulls his boy into a hug. "Yeah, it is," he tells him. And it is.
A/N P.S. - This is my imagined version of the instances mentioned in John's parting speech to Dean. I didn't tell you up top in case I ruined the story in any way. Thanks for reading, have a lovely day!