I will never understand this female. As I lay here still wondering how this all happened. Of course I know how it happened I just don't want to believe it. I use to curse the night it all started. I somewhat still wish that maybe if things had gone differently, life right now might be a bit easier. The decisions I have to make lately are too complicated for a 17-year-old to make. I know what we have is going to be hard to keep, I also know I can't live without it. She is unaware to most of what is going on. I know what I should do, I should tell her that it is all lies, that when I told her I loved her I didn't mean it. That if I never saw her again, I would be fine with that. I should break her heart so that she never wants to come near me again. I should do this to keep her safe. Because being with me is not safe, if anyone knew or if my father found out, he would surely kill her. He would think of her as nothing but a filthy Mudblood. But I can't do that to her, I can't watch her beautiful eyes swell up with tears, and I partially won't do it for my own selfish reasons. I need her, she's the only one whoever said those three words to me and meant it. My father would tell me they were words of weakness, that those words were used to hurt and that they would be my down fall. He's wrong if anything they made me stronger. I feel so selfish, I am putting her in danger, but maybe if you understood, maybe I could explain to you what I was going through, what I still am going through. I will tell you about that night it all started and what followed up until now, then we will see what happens from here.
It was October 31, Halloween night. We were assigned late night patrol because kids were known to sneak out and cause trouble. So there I was wondering around the school, with the Head Girl who just wouldn't shut up . . .
" I cannot believe how many kids think they can sneak out and actually think they would not get caught. I am appalled, at least try to be discrete about it, don't go running about yelling and making loads of noise." Hermione huffed. She had proudly busted four kids already, sending them back to their dorms but not before deducting the 'appropriate' amount of points, funny how the appropriate amount was normally less for Gryffindor then it was for Slytherin. Of course I was there to fix that little problem. When we rounded the last corner, I was looking forward to getting back to the Head Dorms. " You know Malfoy you could have helped out a bit more with the punishing instead of just standing there like an idiot."
I rolled my eyes, " It's not like you gave me a chance to speak, you wouldn't shut your mouth for a second." I said with a calm voice. " As a matter of fact you still haven't shut your mouth, so I am going to ask you ' Mudblood please shut up'."
" Don't call me that, god you still haven't grown up. It is really starting to get old." She picked up her walking pace and turned down another corner.
" Oh no, what are you doing we have done enough tonight, I'm tired and I want to go back to the dorms." I grabbed her arm to stop her from walking. She quickly pulled her arm out of my grip and kept going down the hall. I picked up the pace to catch up with her and grabbed her arm again. " I said that's enough. I want to go back to the dorm."
" So what's stopping you, go I don't need your help." She said staring at me, but didn't attempt to pull her arm out of my hand this time.
I shook my head, " No, Head Master says we have to stay in pairs, if you're seen alone it will be me who gets in trouble." I started pulling her in the opposite direction, and of course she started to fight. " Stop fighting Granger because it's a losing battle." I pulled harder.
" Let me go." She yelled. She just couldn't make this easy for me. I stopped and pushed her into an empty classroom, to muffle out her yelling. " I said let me go." I let go of her arm pushing her roughly toward a desk.
" I just want to go back to the dorms, why do you have to make this so hard." I said walking closer to her.
She glared at me, " I don't care what you want to do, we are supposed to be patrolling." She walked toward the door and opened it, but I reached over her head and slammed it shut, pushing her hard against the door.
She turned around to face me, " Let me out. Now!" I smirked at her. She was so demanding. As much as I hated to admit, the Head Girl was quite attractive. It must have been my hormones or something, but at that moment her angry face was sexy. I leaned down and kissed her, nothing harsh, just a little kiss. I nearly shit myself when I felt her respond to it. She opened her mouth slightly allowing me to massage her tongue with mine. I heard her moan slightly. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her up so she was at my height and she wrapped her legs around my waist. It got intense fast. Next thing I knew we were on the ground. I was slowly unbuttoning her blouse, I pushed it open and ran my hand over her breast covered by a lacy material. I could feel her arching her back pushing herself into my hand. I pulled her up so she was sitting, allowing me to remove her blouse completely. I pulled my on shirt over my head I pushed her back so she could lay down again. My other hands roamed to the clasp of her skit, and unhitched it. I slid the skirt down her long lean legs. I felt like I was in a fog, I wanted to stop but couldn't, my body wouldn't allow that. I felt her hands on my belt buckle, I watched her as she undid them and pulled it out of the loops in my pants. She unbuttoned my pants and slid them down, I kicked them off the rest of the way along with my boxers. I leaned down and kissed her again, she tasted so good. I slowly slid her panties down her legs. I kissed my way back up to her face. She was flush. I felt her legs wrap around my waist again. Her hand guided me to her opening. I started to enter but stopped immediately when I felt how tight she was. I gave her a confused look, I didn't understand why she was letting me of all people take her.
" Why?" I asked her, but never received the answer. She pulled my hips toward her so I entered her more. I could feel her stretching around me. I must say there's nothing like having sex with a virgin. It's undescribable. I watched her face, it was like watching a movie I could read every expression. At first she moaned in pain as I gently trusted in and out of her, she was a natural she met my every move. I started moving faster. I wanted to make her come for me. She gave me something and I felt I had to give her something in return. I finally felt her walls contract and she let out a loud throaty moan, her finger nails ran up my back causing me to shiver and spill inside her. I lay on top of her for a moment, before pulling out of her and standing up. I watched as she immediately tries and cover her body. She was a true lady, even after she let me see and touch places no one else has ever seen, she still covers herself. I thought that was very proper of her. Most girls would lay there out in the open, but not her. I put my boxers on and collected her cloths and handed them to her. I finished getting dressed. She was already done when I looked back at her. It would be an understatement to say there was awkward silence. Then out of no where she held out her hand, and I shook it. It was like we sealed a business deal. We nodded are heads and headed back toward the common room. When we got there, nothing was said I watched her as she went to her own room and closed the door and I went shortly after, knowing things would never go back to the way they were.