Dear book I've been hiding from my mom since 7th grade,
Have you ever wished you could go back in time and change something that happened in your life? Like it never happened and you can pick up from the moment right before it happened. Well over a week ago I told my best friend I had feelings for her. Well, I didn't actually say it, she said it for me, but still.
Now she knows.
& she's not the kind of best friend where you've known each other for a year. I mean since kindergarden best friend. Its out there, and I can't take it back. The reason I would is because now I don't have her around. Also I don't have any dignity left because I slept with Liam Booker. Who Karma also slept with. Who I slept with in spite of Karma. What does she see in him? He was so selfish in bed. Not that I have anything to compare it to. But I know when I do it won't be much of a horse race. What does Karma see? I wonder if he was the same with her..
I guess not because as of yesterday it was on the morning announcements that they were officially dating. & I thought he was mad at her too. Obviously he holds a grudge for about the same amount of time he holds a boner. Briefly.
Oh did I mention, she doesn't know Liam and I hooked up. No surprise he didn't have the decency to mention it to her. If he had, I can hear it now; "Morning Hester High, we were just kidding about yesterday about Karma being straight. Have a great day! Stay weird!"
God I just want to talk to her. Believe it or not, I haven't even seen her since my mom's wedding. Which was on a Friday, so I had two days to make sense of all this before Monday morning. Do you know what Monday morning's consist of journal?
They consist of having first period with Karma in Chemistry, where of course, were lab partners. So naturally I had my mom call the school Monday morning and tell them I have the cold. Which was easy to fake. But Tuesday morning came, and then Wednesday, and now its like I'm addicted to my fake cold. I can't bring myself to go, to see her. Now its Sunday again and I'm running out of days to miss before I have to restart the grade over completely. So I guess I'm going to school tomorrow journal. Sit next to her like I had every other Monday. Have to smell her perfume and look at her perfect, porcelain face. Ask her for all notes I had missed over the pass week. Then for an hour and fifteen minutes; pretend. Pretend like were fine. She's called at least three times a day ever since that Friday. & I haven't listened to a single one of those voicemails. I don't want to hear her voice, I don't want to see her face, because I can't be just her friend. It hurts too much to be with her and not 'be with her'.
I'm going to school tomorrow. I'm not going to look at her. I'm only speaking to her if it relates to the periodic table. & I'm going to be so focused on Chemistry, that I could teach the class.
Next Day—
Ok, you got this. Ten more steps and you're going to be in the classroom.
Five..
Two..
Fuck.
I almost forgot how pretty she was. I'm not going to make it.
She looks up.
Well, there goes my grade point average.
I don't own Faking it. Only in my dreams at night do I write the scripts.